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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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My apologies for the reupload, but googledocs had an uploading error and deleted parts of the story and I didn't want the comments/votes to reflect that error. This also means that those who read this already will have missed parts of the story.
Well, since I've nothing better to do, I've taken it upon myself to review your story with a critical eye.
The first thing that struck me, almost as soon as I started reading, was
...
Nevermind, actually. Didn't realize this was a clopfic. You're good to go! Although, you might want to consider slapping a sex tag on your story, unless you did and I missed it in my hastiness to review.
O.O
1690985
Double-checked, it is labeled as such. Could be an error on the page though.
Pz sequel plz. I want to see her get humiliated in front of the school. I DEMAND A SEQUEL¡
What the hell am I doing with my life?
Okay that was actually rather good written. Most times when the scene puts a female in the hands of a young male is there something in the mind of him that goes clik and the end result are a awful collection of fantasies, that in most cases are way to harsh for where we began. So bravoh for keeping it in a more "light" tone, hell it is rare to even find so light rape as you had here.
I don't think I have ever said this before, so please, don't take this lightly. This is a perfect clopfic. The best I have read.
Aww, I wanted to see the classes horror.
Continuation maybeh??
I prefer a sequel where she won't be humiliated, maybe a saviour get her out of this. I don't like bad endings (Only if the humiliated pony is evil )
not my thing but well writen all the same good job
I enjoyed this very much, good job.
That was good. I would enjoy a sequel, even if it's just a short conclusion.
Any how, good job. keep it up
1696982
*Well written
1702017
Oh I am so sorry for have made a mistake with my spelling here on the interweb. I am so glad that you corrected, especially since without your intervention would none be able to understand what I meant...
1702029
Sorry. I just couldn't not correct it
Well, this was... different, as far as rape fics by you go. At least, of the ones I've read. Even though wasn't necessarily much rape and more humiliation/sexual torture. Can't say I missed whatever wasn't there first time as never opened first one, but meh.
First glance at the title, thought this might be something involving Twilight's mom, considering one of her suggested names (as far as I still know) is Twilight Velvet. Well, had thought there'd be more ponies partaking, as the linked pic in the description seemed to indicate, I thought. Wish we could've gotten a description or name for the colt that violated/tormented Velvet, unless it's a mystery as in keeping with the pics, I assume. Feel kinda bad that some arrogant prick took to beyond bullying and just decided to humiliate her, just cause she was unaware stole his thunder after showing up. But eh, that's your way, I suppose. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/lolface_Celestia.png
Felt like some more could've been done here, unless again, fitting in with the particular linked pic in the description. As took a pretty long time just building up the sexual torture that was intended for poor Velvet. Not that I hated that, but just saying. And I'd be curious to see what sort of aftermath would happen or described that had happened, even if the kids would laugh at her probably as her captor wanted, but teachers would probably be more sympathetic, I imagine. Though dunno if she'd report who it was, probably wouldn't, knowing how you've some of your past fics with one rape and then return rape, I think (not counting ones haven't totally read, with Trixie and Twilight's revenge on each other, for different things). dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Twilight_Sparkle.png
Some errors here and there, but unless you want 'em sent (though most are easily recognizable, if you search through it), will leave 'em out. Anyway, looking forward to next one by you I guess, whether or not it's direct follow-up to this one! And hope to see new one sooner next time! Definitely worthy of a like and even if scene with her arousal and climax was rather hot, aspects I didn't like prevent me from faving this one, sorry. But still a good one!
There's a reason why I enjoy so many of these stories that you produce, but I can't figure it out. This is probably one of the most disturbing clopfics I've ever read.... yet it's also very good (albeit with a couple of minor grammatical errors).
How on earth are you so good at writing these clopfics that not only stay with me, they haunt me after a few days? I can remember reading 'Twilight's Revenge' and feeling this way too. I'm struggling to wrap my head around this mystery, so maybe you can help me out with that?
1737691
Of course I want to know the errors!
1738256
Your penis has grown a brain and the newly-spawned secondary nervous system has finally started interfacing with your primary brain. Congratulations, you're the first of my successful test subjects!
1739912 My penis has a brain grown purely through your writing? o.0
1743895
Just a joke good sir. ^^ I couldn't honestly tell you why my stories impact you so. Good writing skills, I guess? Either way, I'm glad you liked it so much!
I desperately want to see "Velvet's Revenge" so to speak, as I have also developed a vendetta with this nameless colt
Hot!
As someone who does like BDSM but has a heart of gold, I find myself intensely aroused (fantasizing myself in Velvet's situation) and very disturbed (wanting to both rush in and untie her and kill that nameless classmate).
1690935
I love this story i would love if there would be a whole bigger story but hey i can still dream or ^^
is this story anthro/humanized or no? because ya seem pretty unsure yourself.
but as far as I can tell, you gonna need an 'Anthro' tag on this.