Amatuer-tier fanfic writer trying to take his shots at writing...
A United States Army Military Police soldier finds himself in Equestria after surviving an ambush in Afghanistan. Old enemies return to threaten the kingdom and it's up to Twilight, her friends, and the strange newcomer to stop them.
Edited by FrontSevens.
*This happens to be my first tackle on writing fan fiction. Regardless how this goes, let's drive on.
**May add tags and characters in the future...
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Nope.
I don't know you. I have little interest in you beside knowing if you are a soldier. I could give less of a shit knowing how you became interested in MLP. But even for those things. What I see here is a work of genius. All I can hope is it ain't a piece if shit COD style book.These kinda story's are under appreciated. You keep thus up no matter who gives you the blue balls over it.
Pvt. McShit out.
1686011
Displacement is awesome, and it kicked off with the human in question blowing himself up.
No. Really.
I'll think I'll see where this goes.
good start
1686011
Anyway you look at it, it's still my first story. Other than that, more to come real soon.
1686069
Thanks man. What I've learned from my time at Fort Leonard Wood and my current duty station, I'm just trying to avoid CoD style stuff as much as I possibly can.
1686201
(I just started working the roads for the first time today and turned in reports on two cases in one shift.)... But because I just don't want to rush in like a reckless driver.
Thank you. I just got back last, last Sunday after three weeks in the field. I was mostly taking my time on this story, not exactly because of the case load my partner and I are dealing with.... Yet...
Anyway, I'm glad you're enjoying it.
This is a good start, I'll give you that much, however I do have one little piece of advice to give. Try to avoid listing things or putting blocks of information in heated situations such as the one above. Not to be patronising or anything but I highly doubt that anyone would stop and admire the attatchments on their weapon in the middle of a firefight, and in writing it detracts from the air of a situation. Instead refer to them(the items in question, in this case the attatchments) in a indirect manner, such as in this example "Steadying the weapon with the assistance of the foregrip, I stared intently into the low-magnification scope perched atop my M4 Carbine, beading the optic with the head of an insurgent."
Other than that I think that this is going to be one of those Fic's that I read a couple times over and keep on my profile's frontpage.
Hope I helped,
VeeEight
rawr, gunna watch this'n. Hopefully it won't get dead in the water.
i cant decide which part of my brain is happier the part with manly stuff like guns (5%) or the my little pony side (25%)
good story.
A glasses wearing MP? That's new.
Editor gets 2nd comment FTW! Screw the rules, i have ponie!
If anyone can tell me what that is a reference to ill give them a cookie
1842227 Yu-gi-oh abridged, I think? It's been a while. xP
Anyway, I like the story so far. Keep it up! Also, enjoy your holiday break!
P.S. I think you might've misspelled one of your editor's names. ;)
1845421
Fixed!!!!
Good eye there.
nice story i like it and hope you get to update it more
1842181
As a matter of fact, the ballistic glasses I was issued have attachment of sort for my prescription eye inserts. I have to remove my eyeglasses to wear the other one.
Yeah... Because I made him!!
This... Is relevant to my interests. I'm planning on Army when I graduate in May, so the Military in Equestria stuff holds a bit of interest for me. Marked Read Later, because I should have been asleep five hours ago *grannysmith*
I pictured R Lee Ermy from Full Metal Jacket when I read the author's note. "Are you a F****t?!? Bullshit, I bet you could suck a golf ball through a garden hose!"
Looking forward to it!
Good work!!
For the love of god, don't let Rarity near your stuff. I know she means well but she's worse than a teenager with a Bedazzler.
Yes it does seem in every Military HiE fic she does, it also annoys me to no end.
where you at to have 10th mountain MPs there up here in NY as far as I know
1987483
1st, 2nd, and 3rd Brigades of 10th Mountain Division are stationed at Fort Drum, NY. 4th Brigade is stationed here at Fort Polk, LA.
1987511
the more you know I guess anyways good job on the novel so far really enjoy it my only concern is that the chapters are quite small but other than that great work cheers mate
1987522
Thanks. I'm trying to work around the short chapter issue though.
I hope it's not timber wolves that tree'd the fillies. Bullets aren't going to do much to a loose collection of tree parts, although a shotgun at close range might take one apart nicely... until it reassembles itself, if left alone. A manticore won't fare too well against gunfire however. And the only other critter that's shown in the Everfree is a hydra-- and you just run away from those. (Unless he happens to have an RPG in the pack?)
The more you know! and knowing is half the battle
2050289
Go, Joe!!!
another great chapter, as always...
and thank you for your service!
2101010
You're welcome. I actually intended to cut this chapter into two, but it turned that I made it longer than I usually intended.
what branch are you in
2107643
I'm in the Army, man.
ahh well thanks for your service im actually going to go into the marines next year
also whats your mos if you dont mind me asking
2108474
31B (Military Police)
nice i have no clue what im going to do probably infintry
2108643
That truly depends on what you like to do in the military. I recommend doing research before you choose your military branch of choice.
well when i say no clue i mean iv got two options im considering and i still have a whole nother year so i am not rushing into anything
CALLING IT NOW! SELF INSEEEERT lol j/k
2248317
Oh you!
A wild chapter appeared!
2496495
eyeballs use fast-read
TOO MUCH U.S MILITARY IN EQUESTRIA.
2496613 It was super effective!
2496926
My story fainted.... Ah!!!! How could this happen?!
2497517 I don' gotta explain nothin'!
he answered. "And next time, don't that again."
I'm guessing it's supposed to be "Don't do that again."?
2500998
Good eye there, bro. Thanks, it's fixed now.
Y NO UPDATE?
I hope this story didn't die. It is a good one and I hope it updates soon
1924583
"What is that? WHAT THE **** IS THAT!?"
"Sir my Rainbow Dash Cutie Mark tattoo Sir! "