I am pleased I joined here and hope to rp on YM with someone.
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After Diamond Tiara's parents are murdered in front of her in Manehatten, as her parents made no will, their money is forfeited to the state. Angry that the Equestrian police cannot or will not arrest the killers, she becomes a Changeling and goes after them herself.
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Interesting premise, can't say I've seen this before
While it is understandable you want to get fast to the point where Diamond Tiara already becomes a changeling, this chapter could be a tad bit longer. Adding some insecurity and Tiara's thoughts could make a more believable portrayal of the rather stuck up and demanding pony. Especially when seeking vengeance, I'd imagine her being demanding rather than obedient, insolent even. She lost all she had to a lowly peasant and was stripped of her dignity. Fury is her drive, and as a child (psychologically) she can't have many brakes that let her think straight. Well, you can already tell she doesn't think straight, going to be a changeling at all
This story has great promise of showing a changeling life -- an angry changeling that has a purpose, that could perhaps be beaten or abused, but would sruvive to achieve her goals. Cloak and dagger could be her allies, perhaps forcing her to think that only by becoming a Queen could she trully shower down revenge on the murderer.
I'm willing to overlook a few minor grammar issues here and there just to see where this goes,
Zethariel, The New Stories Comments Group
I wanna see diamond tiara as a changeling
maybe you can read my story called a day in ponyville and tell me what you think
As soon as I read the synopsis, the only thing I could think of was "Batman."
Well, Batman if Bruce Wayne had all his money taken away. And then became a vampire-thingy
So not Batman at all, really.
Nananananananananananana BATMAN.
i1300.photobucket.com/albums/ag83/TrollestiaSubject/Trolly/tdp.gif
Oooh a revenge fic!
Nothing real is written yet, but setup has potential. I'll track for a while.
Ooooh shes transformed now :D
Abruptly finished chapter finishes abruptly
It would be nice to have more descriptions of the hive and its rituals perhaps
Bwahahahahahha good job DT
Seems like there will be a new statue in Celestias sculpture garden
And the plot goes zoooooooooooooooooom
Too fast paced for my tastes, sorry.
1786966 Fast, but good. Not every story that's fun has to be a 50-chapter, 5000-word-per-chapter behemoth. Do the words "one-shot" ring a bell?
Upvote and fav.
1837241
I'm not referring to the lenght, but to the pacing. It is off and breaks the flow.
Also, this is not a one-shot story. Thsoe are by definition short one chapter stories, that this is not.
*Nelson voice* Haha take that evil doer.
Clever.
Tyrant Celestia? Ouch. Trapped in stone forever? A fate I would wish on no one even if they did kill my parents. Malicious little Changeling isn’t she?
1969659 She was allways malicious. More so when she has a reason for it.I have another fic chapter planned soon.
1972946 Fair ponit.
Meh. This story moves way too fast for me. Zero character development. Premise is great, you could have done so much more with it.
Hehehe oh hes getting paranoid now.
1991888 Maybe one day when it's finished I'll redevelop it but first it needs to be finished.
2010047 Well that's all fine and well. But once it's finished, no one's going to be reading it anymore...
i see you failed
When is this updating?
2648933 Within days I hope.
You got me hooked. Have a fav.
When is this updating? I want moar...
Everyone's a sadistic nut today... Celestia knows that changelings exist as of the time of this story, and wouldn't use the trial-skipping cliche like that (thanks for presenting it in the most disturbing way possible, btw). Diamond Tiara, on top of deciding to kill all three of the suspects who aren't even convicted yet, wouldn't experience this much bliss in the sickening crimes (I want to emphasize the HOMICIDE part again) she's committed.
Bugmare: Rise of the Cricket Knight
1837241 250 000 isn't that much. Over 400 000 is.
It's practicly a skeleton of a story....but effective no less....
So we will get a nice story under 10 000 words (under the
seatitle). Nice.Are there any plans to complete this story? I ask because I am going to favorite this because the plot behind it sounds interesting. HOWEVER, until it is completed, I am going to give it a thumbs down. Because while I may approve of the plot behind the story, I DO NOT approve of the fact that it has been 1 years, 11 months, 2 weeks, and 6 days since the last update. I mean, I understand that greatness can't be rushed, but needing 699 days in order to update the next chapter means one of three things. A: You've given up on the book (this is the most likely scenario). B: You’re too busy to write any more (this is understandable, even if highly annoying). Or C: You're dead (this is a scenario with a 50% probability chance, seeing as how people die every day.) If option C makes you feel uncomfortable than that means two things. You are obviously not dead, and I am sorry for having that as one of the three possibilities. Also, don’t give up! Your fans deserve better! I, of course, meant that in the best and most encouraging possible way.
5483720 Yes there are as long as real life lets me.
Very well thought out, and darkly funny, though you are making it a bit too easy for Diamond Tiara. The last crook should be a challenge.
I have a hard time believing that she would just be thrown out into the street. She is just a child after all.