Dead Ponies Don't Wear Plaid

by JohnnyNorthrain

Sydney

By sundown I still had not found Lyra Heartstrings and I had absolutely no idea where I was wandering. I couldn’t get Octavia out of my mind and how sexy I thought she looked with that Luger and the coat. I was a human who liked humans. There’s no way I would have ever looked at a pony like that back in Ponyville. I guess there just hadn’t been any pony that primed me the way Octavia did. Lyra had come close a couple times. There were evenings when we just fell asleep together. I never felt anything but comfort with her and I’d wake up early and start stroking her mane and she’d push herself back against my chest and sigh. Those nights had been some of the best I could remember. I never once wanted to do anything other than just lay there with my arms around her. There was even the one time in Canterlot when I was recovering that I’d done the same with Lyra and Bon Bon. All three of us had shared a bed and there was nothing sexual about it.

I couldn’t claim the same with Octavia. I’d always had a thing for strong women that usually got me in trouble and I couldn’t see this working out in the end. I’d probably end up with a bullet inside me and a heart full of pain but damn it I still thought about grabbing her and kissing her. In my dream she had been human but it was a pale representation of her pony self. In my dream she had wanted me and was playful but in reality she just warned me to stay away. God damned ponies; stick around them long enough and you started having these itches that couldn’t be scratched. It’d been years since anyone except me had done the scratching and I was feeling conflicted and aroused at the same time. I pushed the thoughts to the back of my head where they only screamed louder. If I was going to bed anyone it had better damn well be that Sydney since she was human. Every time I thought about her though my mind kept going back to Octavia and her invitation.

Sometimes there’s nothing else to do but step up to the occasion. Sometimes you just happen to find what you are looking for in the absolute wrong place. After hours of wandering and my mind dancing around that grey pony with the purple eyes I finally found Lyra. I wasn’t the first one unfortunately. She was bounded and gagged and I had my Walther trained on the pony that held her. She was unconscious by the time I showed up and they had been trying to load her into the back seat of the Equestrian version of a Ford. I’d come across them before they could finish their work and I demanded my partner be returned. When they laughed I’d drawn the gun and shot one of the four ponies in the leg. He screamed and hopped around with blood running down his hoof. The other three had frozen in the middle of loading Lyra. They hadn’t taken me seriously before but now they knew I was not playing a game.
“I still have six rounds left. At this range I won’t miss. Drop Heartstrings, get in the car and drive away.” I told them calmly while my brain was screaming for me to kill them.
“Celestia save me! Shoot him!” The wounded stallion was yelling at his friends
“Shut up. We aren’t going to shoot him. The bosses wanted to have a word with them both.” Another Stallion said from his position near the car.
“So you decided to knock out my friend for a chat? I don’t buy it.” I took a step towards them.
“We came upon her and asked her to come with us. She put up a fight and we knocked her out so we wouldn’t have to deal with her fighting back.” The Stallion that held her pleaded with me.
“Drop the pony or I drop you. If your boss wants to talk they can come to me in person. For every friend of mine you hurt I’ll shoot one of you.”
“Look it’s not like we intended…”

I never let the pony finish that sentence. I pulled the trigger and the bullet tore into his knee. He went down and starting crying out while dragging himself into the back seat of the car. The other two dropped Lyra and grabbed the first pony I’d shot. The four of them sped off in the vehicle and left me with my knocked out partner. There was so much rage building in my heart that I had for a brief second been aiming at the head of that second pony. I switched the pistol to safe and pocketed it before picking up my best friend. I stripped the gag from her mouth and felt the lump on her forehead. She’d been hit hard and blacked out. I started walking with her in my arms and then cursed my idiocy. I should have made them leave the car.

It never fails to amaze me than people and ponies alike can turn a blind eye to someone in need. I was walking down a couple streets with her in my arms and not one pony stopped to ask if I needed help. A small bit of concern would have been nice. The slightest show of anything other than self-absorption. I continued on and my feet eventually carried me to the outside of a familiar building. The Velvet Revolver loomed in front of me and the same pony was at the door. I stepped over to the rope passing the other ponies waiting to get in. There were murmurs of protest but I gave the door pony my best smile. I told him my name and he checked the list. There’s no way he did not remember a nearly six foot tall human in a trench coat and fedora. He checked that damned list anyway and I was surprised that my name was already on it. He ushered me and my plus one inside. As soon as I stepped past those velvet curtains I paid little attention to the furnishings and headed off into the staff area with Lyra. I slipped past a couple ponies and went into a dressing room. There was a sofa and I laid her down on it. Checking her breathing I was finally satisfied that she would be alright if a bit worse for wear. I laid my coat over her and went to the wash basin to splash water on my face.

The water was deliciously cold and I wiped my face clean with my scarf. I stared at the piece of silk cloth in my hands. I did not own a scarf and yet I had one. It had been the gag around Lyra’s mouth and I must have pocketed it instead of throwing it away. The cream colored silk scarf had a monogram on it in blue letters. I was just about to read them when the door opened and I turned around quickly from the wash basin and saw Sydney standing in the doorway. She was just as surprised as I was. There were a couple seconds of silence as we looked at each other from across the dressing room.
“Get out before I call security.” She said trying to act tough.
“My friend is hurt and she needs to rest.” I motioned to Lyra on the sofa.
“I don’t care. This is my dressing room. You need to leave now.”

It was not worth the trouble and I picked up Lyra again. Before I could take a step Sydney stopped me. I don’t know if she thought Lyra had been faking before but when she saw her go limp in my arms she had me put her back on the sofa and cover her up again. I sat down on the cushions and laid Lyra’s head in my lap. My fingers stroked through her mane like I usually did and I watched Sydney move around the dressing room.
“Thanks.” I said quietly.
“As soon as she wakes up you need to go. You can’t be back here like this.” She sat down at the vanity and started fixing her hair.
“Are you performing tonight?” It was the only thing I could think to ask.
“I perform every night. “ She turned in the chair and looked at me. “Are you going to ask?”
“Ask…?” I shrugged my shoulders not knowing what question she meant.
“Every human that ends up here always asks the same questions. How did you come to Equestria? Don’t you want to get back? Want to have sex?”
“Oh… well I don’t know, not particularly and you aren’t my type.” I said shrugging slightly.
“Not you, they always ask me those questions. You aren’t too bright are you city boy?” She sighed and went back to fixing her hair.
“How many humans are there in Manehattan?”
“They come and go. Some end up dying and some disappear. Right now there’s about twenty of us scattered around the city.”
“Twenty?” I couldn’t believe there were that many humans around.
“It’s not like back home. Out here we’re second fiddle. Forced to feed off the scraps that the upper ponies give us.”
“Is that what you’re doing, eating scraps?” I rested my hand against the base of Lyra’s neck.
“Girl does what she has to.” She started applying her makeup for the evening.
“I bet.” I said and let it lay.
“What did you do before all this city boy? Outstanding man such as yourself seems to be quite familiar with that pony. You two shacking up?” She was using mascara on her eyelashes.
“It isn’t like that and she’s a friend.” I moved my hand away from Lyra’s neck.
“I bet.” She winked.
“I was a cop then a PI.” I rested my hand back on Lyra’s neck.
“How the world turns. One day cock of the walk and now you’re a personal massager to a pony. Do you know what I was?”
“Short order cook?” She was starting to annoy me and I let it show in my voice.
“I was a nobody. Except on the day after I arrived here. I was still alive and this nobody had the chance to be somebody.” She put down the mascara and started powdering her face.
“So you became a… what… courtesan?”
“I’m a singer. Too much competition back in our world. I moved to Australia to pursue my love of music. Ended up here through some twist of fate.”
“So that’s why you call yourself Sydney.” I said rhetorically.
“Quaint isn’t it? Back there I was not even good enough to get a gig. Out here I’m the talk of the club. Found myself a rich pony to shack up with and the rest is history.”
“Is he paying you in bits or bullets?”

She dropped the power ball and it threw out a small poof of white dust when it hit the floor. Her painted up face went nearly as white as the talcum powder. I’d struck a deep nerve and I could see her hand slightly shake. So she’d gone interspecies and hooked up with a Stallion. One that had connections running guns. I was willing to bet that he was the owner of the Velvet Revolver and had chosen that name personally. Sydney struck me as the type of woman that would do what she needed to survive no matter who she used or who used her. She also literally struck me. While I had been in thought she stood from the vanity, crossed the room and landed a large open palm slap directly on my cheek.

I let Lyra’s head gently rest on the sofa then I stood and grabbed Sydney’s wrist. I wasn’t going to stand for her slapping me. She struggled against my iron grip. I wasn’t hurting her, just holding on tight intent on not letting that hand strike me again. Her eyes narrowed and she stared directly into mine. There was a knock at the door to her dressing room and without thinking I told the pony on the other side to come in.
“Sydney about tonight’s set I was thinking that I’d… oh sweet Celestia you work fast.” Octavia said from the doorway.
“You know him?” Sydney shot her gaze towards Octavia.
“Yes although I am beginning to question our association.” She looked at me and raised a brow.
“I think I’ve seen enough.” Letting go of her wrist I turned back to the sofa and picked up Lyra. “Thank you miss Australia for the wonderful time.”
“Sydney.” She hissed with venom on the tip of her tongue.
“Is she… alright?” Octavia asked turning her attention to the pony in my arms.
“She will be. I better leave before she sinks her fangs into me.” I motioned with my head towards Sydney. “Sorry I’ll have to miss the show tonight. I’ll come back some other time and see you personally.” I smiled to Octavia and stepped out of the dressing room with Lyra.

Something sailed behind my head and collided with the wall in the hallway. I had no doubt that Sydney had thrown it intending to strike me. I wasn’t going to stay around here with that harpy for another minute. Octavia’s sudden appearance had caught me completely by surprise and I’d melted for that moment that she stepped through the doorway. Sydney had gone pony, why couldn’t I? Still dealing with that internal conflict I missed the moment that Lyra had woken up. She said my name and I’d completely ignored it with my thoughts focusing on Octavia. She said it again and I half heard her still not paying attention. When she said it a third time I looked down and she pursed her lips then nodded with her head.
“You can put me down now.” She said
“Sorry…” I knelt and let her stand on her own legs. I took back my coat and slipped it around my shoulders.
“Where are we?” She asked looking around.
“I haven’t a damned clue.” I chuckled softly and she smiled.
“Let’s find a telephone. I have Bon Bon’s number and she can come get us.”
“You ready to go back to her?” I looked down at my best friend and she looked at the ground.
“I shouldn’t have ever left. That was stupid of me.”
“We all do stupid things Kiddo. Let’s go call her.”

Comments

[MrZJunior]

How tall are the ponies?