• Published 20th Jan 2013
  • 820 Views, 29 Comments

Soarin's Gluttony - asmcint

Soarin attempts to resist the charms of a pie. He fails. This is the result.

  • ...


"Alright, everypony, let's go around the circle here. Just give us your names and addictions, or just your addictions. Whichever works." Such were the words of Twelve Step, owner and chief counsellor of Twelve Step's Twelve Step Programs: Your Cure to Addiction. The dusty brown stallion sat at a table along with six other ponies, his cutie mark of an anti-drug sign plainly visible. Around him sat six other ponies, each with their own various addictions.

"Alright, let's start with... How about you there, the one with the navy mane."

"M-me, sir?", stammered Soarin, his nervousness evident in the sweat building upon his brow.

"Yes, you. Go on, now."

"M-my name's S-s-soarin, and I-I'm ad-d-ddicted to pie.".

"What was that last bit, now? Speak up man!"

"M-my name's Soarin, a-and... I'm addicted... to pie."

Seeing the confusion and offense beginning to build on Twelve Step's face, Soarin quickly hoofed the counsellor a set of photographs. Upon viewing these, the dusty stallion turned pale. Never had he seen such appalling scenes of gluttony in his lifetime.

"Well then... That's... interesting. Anywho, next up would be you there, with the pink coat and mane."

"Well, my name's Pinkie Pie aaaannnnd... I'm addicted to sweets in general! Cupcakes, chocolate, candy, ca- OOF!" Pinkie was quickly cut off by a mass of blue tackling her, which was quickly revealed to be Soarin.

"I heard you say pie!!! Where's the MOTHERBUCKING PIE!?!?

"Right here, silly. PINKIE PIE!!!!", exclaimed the bubbly pink mare, her hooves managing to slip free of Soarin's grasp in order to point at her torso. Or rather, where it would be were it not covered by about a hundred pounds of pie-crazed athlete.

"Must... have... PIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!", exclaimed Soarin, his head rising high, mouth white open and frothing with foamy saliva.


Spitfire, having accompanied Soarin to his meeting, had been sitting in a waiting room down the hall when she began to hear Soarin's explosive exclamations. Wearily resigning herself to her fate, the fiery-maned pegasus stood up, stretched, and proceeded to check on Soarin. Upon entering the meeting room, she was met with the sight of five ponies cowering in a corner, whilst Soarin did unspeakable things to a bright pink mare.

"Welp, I'm just going to sign out of reality, now." Promptly after saying this, Spitfire proceeded to faint.

Author's Note:

This tiny chapter's because I needed more words and didn't think this fit well into the previous chapter. Oh, well.

Comments ( 25 )


Can't say I have.
Glad you think so!:twilightsmile:
Yesss... Pie....

EDIT: 'Twould seem that I've forgotten to change the tag from incomplete to complete. Gonna do that now. :derpytongue2:

Insane? Me? Perish the thought! :pinkiecrazy:

Did he eat Pinkie? At least :pinkiecrazy: had the descency to bake her prey into cupcakes first. Raw canibilism is in some ways even worse.

Or did 'unspeakable things' refer to less violent acts of public indescency?

Yeah, he ate her, but outside of the context you originally thought, if you catch my drift. :raritywink:

I am grateful that Pinkie did not die. That would have been :fluttercry:

Oh, no, I'm just gonna rate this teen, then have Pinkie get cannibalized. That would make complete sense! Seriously though, I wouldn't do that. I'm nowhere near that insane yet. :pinkiecrazy:

Keep the insanity at current levels. It makes for ammusing 'tales'. But don't think that insanity should be squelched. Alice in Wonderland is completely insane. It is still a classic.

Right. I shall maintain a perfect level of insanity. I shall go to Regidar level at most, never approaching Nunchuks level.

I was addicted to pie once ( though a kind of pie that burned after you ate it, not during :raritywink:).
Seriously though, I like it, but it needs to be a lot longer. A lot longer. I honestly want this to turn into a bucking 150,000 word long novel about Soarin' and his comedic addiction. Make it happen... Please? :applecry:

Yeah... I've got nowhere NEAR the level of dedication to do THAT yet. :twilightblush:

Such a sweet romance story...

Thank you for your sarcastic comment, adorable profile pic, and your favorite. All of them are dearly appreciated. :derpytongue2:

Sarcasm? Me? How could you say such an awful thing!

Oh, MY! I'm ever SO sorry for insinuating something so obviously false. My deepest apologies.

Complete insanity. What's up with your horrendous spelling, intentional or otherwise?

2369860 intentional geez atitude much

So I've noticed. :moustache:

Would you expect someone who's username actually means insanity would be even remotely sane?:pinkiecrazy:


Oh my gosh that's so cray-cray!:pinkiecrazy: :heart:

Indeed it is. :moustache:

My god soarin's munching on pinkie's sweet cheeks :rainbowlaugh:

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