• Published 24th Nov 2012
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Dr. McNinja goes on an Equestrian Adventure - Mysterious Stranger



Dr. McNinja journeys through time and space to get a motorcycle but instead gets an equestrian adventure.

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Chapter 18: Element of Magic vs. Element of Magic

Dr. McNinja’s black leather shoes clacked against the steel grating of the service platform as he ran. Boots, hooves and reptilian feet echoed with the same sound behind him. Like the headlights of a car, Rarity and R.J. lead from the front, illuminating the steel tunnels ahead of them with light from their horns. At the frantic pace they all traveled it wasn’t long before the group reached the underground boarding station.

Dr. McNinja didn’t have much time to admire it before everything started to get crazy. True to R.J.’s description of the place, the floors had a slight tilt down towards holes in the corners of the room, presumably the garbage chutes. In the center was the boarding platform itself, along with a streamlined and white rocket-powered maglev. A layer of dust had gathered on top of it, giving the impression that it had not moved in a while.

Abruptly a pink-ish and purple-ish light flashed out from the garbage chutes and the world around Dr. McNinja flickered. One moment, it was the Hub in Radical Land. Next was George Washington’s secret tunnel network in Cumberland. Then it was Equestria, back atop the mountain under the moon that was far too close. Finally the phenomenon ended back where it began, the Hub.

“There it is again,” Gordito recalled. “That same thing happened when we were in Canterlot. Doc, what’s going on?”

“I don’t know, it must have something to do with the time space portals,” Dr. McNinja deduced. “We must be close to our trip back to Equestria.”

“Well that’s a relief,” Rarity decided. “If what we saw on the mountain was really our future selves that must mean Twilight will be here soon with the Element of Magic.”

“That’s fantastic for all of you, but what about my dad? We still have to find him before Discord does,” R.J. pointed out.

“What’s that funny smell?” Pinkie Pie wondered, her head tilted quizzically.

Dr. McNinja sniffed the air and identified the scent immediately. It was the scent of decaying flesh, coming from the direction of the rocket powered maglev. Dr. McNinja held up a hand to signal everyone else to wait as he approached the locomotive. It took less than a minute to find the source. Behind the maglev was a half-eaten unicorn. Mercifully, it was not Twilight Sparkle. Rather, it was a pink unicorn with an steel blue mane. A few tools were gathered around the corpse, as if she had been attacked while repairing the maglev. A dark red set of saddlebags was nearby as well, with some more tools still inside.

Dr. McNinja’s eyes widened at the sight of the saddlebags. Back near the city of Canterlot halfway up the mountain. He had seen those saddlebags. He had seen them on a white motorcycle being ridden by himself. His future self. Could it really be that he had decided to take them because he had seen his future self with them? Why would he need a saddlebag full of tools?

Dr. McNinja picked up the saddlebags and glanced inside. All the bags had was an electric drill, some screwdriver heads for the drill, some brackets, and screws. In a brilliant flash of inspiration, the answer hit him.

“Oh,” he smiled underneath his ninja mask. “Duh.”

“Um, did you find anything, Doc?” Gordito wondered.

Dr. McNinja snatched up the saddlebags and confidently strode back to the others.

“As a matter of fact I did,” he beamed. “R.J., turn into a motorcycle please.”

R.J. stared at Dr. McNinja as if he had just asked him to turn into a vehicle. The expression was entirely appropriate for the situation because Dr. McNinja had indeed requested such a transformation.

“You want me to what?” R.J. inquired with a raised brow.

“Turn into a motorcycle,” Dr. McNinja said patiently. “See, I saw my future self riding a motorcycle that looked just like Sparklelord when he was my motorcycle. You look a lot like your dad, who I’m pretty sure is Sparklelord, so obviously you will inevitably turn into the one I saw. I’m asking you to do it right now.”

“So what happens if, hypothetically, I don’t think I can do that?” R.J. wondered.

“I imagine you think that because you’ve never done it before,” Dr. McNinja deduced. “But I bet that under these present conditions that you can do it.”

Seven faces joined R.J.’s in the common cause of portraying befuddlement.

“Maybe we should come back to this after we find Twilight,” Fluttershy suggested tentatively.

“It’ll be easier if I have a motorcycle first,” Dr. McNinja urged. “It’s like this. Different realities have different limits on how much awesomeness they can contain. When Sparklelord came to my reality, it couldn’t contain the awesomeness of a unicorn and transformed him into the closest thing, a sweet motorcycle.”

“Is anyone going to explain to me what a motorcycle is at some point?” asked Rarity.

“You’ll see one soon enough,” Dr. McNinja promised. “Here’s my theory. We keep seeing reality flicker because the boundaries between the universes are weakening for some reason. Therefore, if R.J. concentrates on the energies from my universe he’ll tap into it and become a motorcycle.”

“Wow,” remarked Rainbow Dash. “You’re… actually completely serious about this.”

“How am I supposed to concentrate on a universe I don’t anything about?” asked R.J.

“Close your eyes and I’ll describe it to you,” Dr. McNinja suggested.

R.J. glanced at the others to check if they also thought the idea was crazy but closed his eyes nonetheless.

“Imagine a world,” Dr. McNinja said soothingly as he walked backwards towards the maglev. “Where castles aren’t also skateboard parks.”

“Sounds boring,” R.J. muttered.

Dr. McNinja quietly reached the back of the Maglev again and began to use a wrench to detach the rocket engine on the back.

“Imagine a world,” Dr. McNinja continued. “Where pizza doesn’t grow on trees.”

R.J. shuddered as reality flickered back to Cumberland momentarily. Dr. McNinja finished detaching the white rocket engine and noiselessly began to lug it back to R.J.

“Imagine a world,” Dr. McNinja pressed on. “Where trees can never talk and they never have helicopter heads.”

The pink-ish purple-ish lights flashed with a greater intensity than before as R.J.’s body began to glow with the same colors.

“I… I can see it,” R.J. whispered in awe, his eyes stills closed. “People sometimes have jobs that they hate. Racism and littering still exists. The governments have abandoned the gold standard in favor of money they alone can create. No one but humans are capable of speech. The food, the music, the culture, it’s… so… so lame.”

“Imagine a world!” Dr. MCNinja abruptly yelled. “Where instead of Mountain Dew is a tasteless liquid called water!”

“It’s horrible!” R.J. screamed. “I can’t take it anymore! Make it stop!”

With a great burst of magical and quantum mechanical energy the light from R.J.’s body exploded outward. When it finally faded away, R.J. the unicorn was gone. In his place was a sleek white motorcycle, the most radical form of transportation that the people of Earth could create.

“Whoa,” Spike uttered in amazement. “So that’s what a motorcycle looks like.”

“He’s not done yet,” Dr. McNinja everyone as he set the drill against the R.J’s shiny new rear end. “Can you feel that?”

“Feel what?” questioned R.J.

“Just making sure,” Dr. McNinja said dismissively as he proceed to drill holes into R.J. the motorcycle.

“What’s that sound?! What are you doing back there?” R.J. demanded to know.

“Shhhh, let me concentrate,” Dr. Mcninja replied as he continued with the drilling.

Once he had finished, Dr. McNinja set the rocket engine on top behind the seat and began to fasten it in place with the screws and brackets.

“Oh, I see, this is where you got the rocket engine we saw near Canterlot. But don’t you still need a fuel source for it?” Gordito asked.

“Nah, it looked like it was powered by magic on the mountain,” Dr. McNinja explained. “Here’s our game plan. I’ll ride around the Hub and find Twilight. Gordito, you get those bags of off Yoshi and get ready for combat right here. All the Bearers of Harmony need to wait here in case Twilight shows up. You’ll need to activate the Elements of Harmony as soon as you can. Spike, you stay with them and set any monsters that get too close on fire. With your breath, in case that wasn’t clear.”

“Roger that!” Spike said with a salute.

Dr. McNinja set the saddlebags on R.J. and mounted his new mechanical steed. R.J. may not have been as tall as his father as a unicorn, but in motorcycle form he looked and felt exactly the same.

“Alright, go team!” Dr. McNinja whooped as he gunned R.J.’s engine and zoomed off toward one of the ramps that let towards the surface.

*************************************************

Twilight felt the heat from the flaming chainsaw as she teleported out of the way of Sparklelord's attack. With a loud buzz, the deathly machine dug itself into the concrete, causing flaming chunks of it to spray up and out. Twilight was fairly certain that chainsaws could not cut through concrete or set it on fire, but her current circumstances cared nothing about the normal procedures for reality. Sparklelord let loose a maniacal laugh as he magically heaved the weapon sideways, straight for where Twilight had reappeared.

Reacting on instinct, Twilight threw up a force field, only to have it shatter as the chainsaw exploded against it. Sensing an opening, Twilight gave Sparklelord a powerful telekinetic shove. Sparklelord grinned as he caught himself by levitating in the air, his hooves about half a foot off the ground. Lightning flew from his horn and hit Twilight dead on, causing her to spasm and scream from the pain. Twilight's horn flashed and a lightning rod appeared between her and Sparklelord, earning her a relief from the electric onslaught as the lightning struck it instead.

"Not bad, little mare!" Sparklelord chuckled as he turned the lightning rod into a battle axe that also burst into flames.

With the same lack of creativity, Twilight threw up another force field. Once again the result was a draw as both the attack and the defense destroyed each other. Twilight's breath came in haggard gasps as she braced herself for the next attack. It came right away in the form of a volley of fireballs. Summoning the first thing that sprang to her mind, Twilight created a super-sized tennis racket that swatted the projectiles away one by one.

Like the fire from the chainsaw, the deflected fireballs ignited the pavement around Twilight, casting up flames that towered above her in height. Deciding that she had had quite enough of all the fire, Twilight summoned a large raincloud to dump torrents of water down unto the battle. Much to her dismay, the fire turned out to be immune to water.

"What liquid is this? I’ve never seen anything like it before," Sparklelord observed as he was drenched.

The deranged unicorn opened his mouth and allowed the rain to pour in for a moment before spitting it back out in disgust.

"Blech! Horrible! What sort of sick twisted mind could create such an awful liquid?" he demanded.

With a grimace, Twilight willed the downpour directly above Sparklelord in increase in power, battering the taller unicorn from above. With a rainbow colored flash, Sparklelord teleported out from the assault only to appear right beside Twilight. Before she even had the chance to react, Sparklelord magically gripped her and heaved her up into the air, completely immobilizing her.

“Good effort,” he said with mock-flattery. “But ultimately fruitless in the end. Now die.”

The sound of something exploding surged through the air even as Sparklelord started to apply a crushing pressure to Twilight’s body. Out of the corner of her vision Twilight spotted the source as it appeared.

Boosting across the pavement was Dr. McNinja, riding atop of what appeared to be an armored bicycle. The vehicle was pure white in color, and had a rainbow streak decal on the side. Rainbow colored flames flickered out the back of a tube-shaped attachment, the origin of the ongoing explosion. With even slowing down in the slightest, Dr. McNinja ramped a large slab of broken concrete and sailed over the flames towards Twilight and Sparklelord.

“Yoink!” Dr. McNinja proclaimed as his arm snapped out and ripped Twilight out of Sparklelord’s hold.

Twilight barely had time to register the look of surprise on Sparklelord’s face before the vehicle landed and its riders rocketed away. For a moment Twilight started to feel relieved until she noticed Sparklelord whirl around to give chase and actually keep up with the machine. Dr. McNinja glanced over his shoulder at the pursuing stallion.

“It’s already happened,” he said grimly. “I’m sorry R.J.”

Much to Twilight’s surprise, the bike spoke with R.J’s voice.

“Maybe it’s not too late. Maybe the Elements of Harmony can undo what Discord has done to him,” he said hopefully.

With effort, Twilight managed to recover enough from her near death experience and the reality of R.J. being a machine to speak up.

“Sparklelord still has the crown. I can’t turn him back to normal unless I have it,” she pointed out.

“Survival first, crown later,” Dr. McNinja decided. “We’re almost there.”

Merely seconds after the words had left Dr. McNinja’s mouth, they arrived at a slope that led underground. Twilight spotted all the others waiting at the bottom at a boarding station. Joy appeared on their faces when they saw her. The emotion was instantly replaced by fear when they spotted Sparklelord right behind her. A giant laser shot out from his horn, unleashing a beam of destruction into the underground chamber. In the nick of time Dr. McNinja swerved out of the way. The laser struck a futuristic looking locomotive instead, causing it to explode.

The resulting fireball ruptured the floor as well, erupting into a shower of concrete and steel. Yells and screams filled the area as everyone frantically tried to dodge the flying debris. Still standing on the ramp, Sparklelord proceeded with a barrage of laser beams into the smoke filled chamber. Giant cracks and holes appeared in the floor in protest of the assault.

Finally the floor reached its limit and collapsed entirely. Still tucked under Dr. McNinja’s arm, Twilight glanced down and observed that a giant sphere of pink and purple energy had been revealed, crackling and fluctuating with power. The moment foreseen had arrived. The journey back to Equestria was nigh. But Twilight still did not have the crown.

As Twilight began to plummet down to the time space portal along with all the other quest-goers, she reached out with her magic and snatched the Element of Magic off of Sparklelord’s head. For a moment Sparklelord reached out with his own magic to take it back, but he was forced to release his grip to make a forcefield instead when Gordito shot a bullet at him. Now completely under Twilight’s control, the crown shot through the smoke and haze and came to rest in her mane. The act had been performed just in time. Next thing that Twilight knew, the world disappeared into a tunnel of pink and purple.

Author's Note:

This chapter is dedicated to totallynotabrony for three reasons.

1. He's been an awesome proof-reader and editor thus far.

2. He helped make this chapter more radical.

3. He has a fetish for turning ponies into vehicles in his own stories.