Chapter 17: Have it your way
It was the flying wolf-raptor head that made Discord aware that the unicorn he had been waiting for had not arrived in a good mood. As Discord watched idly, the decapitated head sailed through the air trailing blood before landing and rolling to a stop at the foot of his graham cracker throne.
"You got me a present?" Discord chuckled. "Oh, Rainbow, you shouldn't have. Really."
"It's Lord Sparkle to you, you overgrown worm," Lord Rainbow Sparkle snarled as he stepped out from the ground level clouds of Mountain Dew and into view.
Truly, the unicorn did indeed look like a lord. Golden armor adorned his upper torso and a bright red cape flowed majestically behind him despite the lack of wind. Levitating nearby him was a diamond sword still coated with wolf-raptor blood. Further proof of the unicorn’s lordship was sitting atop his head in the form of a golden crown. It was embedded with a purple gem, the Element of Magic.
"I see you finally managed to find your Element," Discord observed. "But where are your friends? Oh, and your wife?"
In all honesty, it wasn't a question that Discord had any need to ask. He himself had manipulated the Bearers into betraying their Elements while they ran around looking for their magical artifacts. Discord had seen them declare their friendship over and part ways, only to be killed off one by one.
"I don't know where they are, and I don't care," Lord Rainbow Sparkle snarled. "It is of no concern to you. What you should be concerned about is that I, the Element of Magic, am here to kill you!"
"Oh really?" Discord replied absently. "And how do you intend to do that?"
Instead of replying, Lord Rainbow Sparkle let out a cry of rage and magically stabbed Discord through his heart with the diamond sword.
"Oh," said Discord as he watched the blood flow from the sword and down his chest. "Like that. Huh."
Lord Rainbow Sparkle watched expectantly, apparently not satisfied with Discord merely noticed the attack. So Discord decided to provide more.
"Oh, the agony!" Discord cried in mock-despair as he clutched at his chest. "Such pain I have never known! Oh, how I pray for the sweet release of death! The misery, the drama, oh me, oh my! It's more than my heart can take, literally! Everything is going dark! Wait, I see a light! Mother, is that you? I'm coming mother, save me a slice of cake!"
Discord tried in vain to think of a way to keep the act going, but instead his composure slipped and he burst out laughing. Lord Rainbow Sparkle, in turn, stared at Discord with newfound horror. Grinning, Discord rose from his throne and turned slightly to show the powerless unicorn that the sword was sticking all the way through his torso and out his back. Satisfied that his audience had a full view, Discord snapped his fingers.
Instantaneously the diamond sword turned into a candy cane, still sticking through Discord's body. At the same time, the exit and entry wounds from the sword turned into exact replicas of Discord's head, with the candy cane sticking out of their open mouths on both ends. The two extra heads rapidly devoured the candy cane with meat grinder sound effects until it was completely gone.
"Delicious," Discord pronounced from the mouths of all three of his heads at the same time. "Sorry I didn't save you any, I had a lot of mouths to feed. You know how it is."
"You... just ate my diamond sword," Lord Rainbow Sparkle said in terrified awe.
"No, I ate a candy cane," Discord chortled. "Isn't that hysterical?"
"I... fail to see the humor," Lord Rainbow Sparkle admitted quietly.
"Of course you do. Everyone does," Discord scowled. "I go through all this trouble to keep things fresh, and no one but me seems to appreciate it. Why am I the only one?"
"Because you're insane," Lord Rainbow Sparkle answered, a little bit of his courage returning to him.
"Exactly! You get me!" Discord agreed with enthusiasm. "That's the thing with insanity, its nothing but a different way of looking at things isn't it?"
"No, its the wrong way of looking at things," Lord Rainbow Sparkle corrected. "There's a difference."
"Bor-ing!" Discord sang. "Not to mention completely intolerant. Ooh, I have an idea! Why don't I help you see things my way?"
Lord Rainbow Sparkle's courage vanished completely as he looked up at Discord with an even greater horror than before.
"I... think I'll pass," he said shakily.
"Nonsense! Trust me, you'll love it," Discord promised as he knelt down in front of Lord Rainbow Sparkle and grabbed his jaw, preventing the unicorn from looking away. Lord Rainbow Sparkle tried fiercely to pull free, but could not. Discord's eyes become a spiraling whirlwind of color as they locked with Lord Rainbow Sparkle's eyes.
"Up is down and left is right," Discord whispered softly. "Night is day and day is night. North is blue and lies are true, chocolate milk is Mountain Dew."
"Up is down and left is right," Lord Rainbow Sparkle repeated mechanically as his eyes became a mirror of Discord's eyes. "Night is day and day is night. North is blue and lies are true, chocolate milk is Mountain Dew."
Discord rose back up to a standing position and watched Lord Rainbow Sparkle come to grips with the reality he had accepted. First the unicorn screamed, bellowing meaningless sounds at the sky. Then he curled into a ball and started sobbing. Eventually, his sobbing quieted down, and he was silent. Sensing that the time was right, Discord snapped his fingers, causing Lord Rainbow Sparkle's body to suddenly give off a flash of light. Sensing that something was different, the unicorn shakily rose up to a standing position as well.
"What did you do to me?" he asked in amazement.
"Made you better in just about every way possible," Discord said truthfully. "No point in having a new best friend if I'm guaranteed to outlive him right?"
Lord Rainbow Sparkle didn't seem to hear Discord. Instead he looked around and then started laughing for no apparent reason. Discord laughed along with him. He didn't need a reason to laugh either. Abruptly, Lord Rainbow Sparkle stopped laughing and stared at Discord.
"You've opened my eyes," he informed Discord, his eyes wet with tears of gratitude. "You're... you're my God."
"I don't really like that title," Discord told him. "How about, Discord old pal, or maybe best friend?"
Lord Rainbow Sparkle didn't seem to hear Discord's suggestion.
"Discord, my Master," he said instead. "My Lord, my God, my Maker."
Discord felt a sharp pang of disappointment. Making others see things his way had yielded similar results before, but that hadn't changed the fact that he had hoped Lord Rainbow Sparklelord would be different. Suddenly, Discord wasn't in the mood for chaos or anything fun.
"I'm going to leave for awhile," he told the insane unicorn. "Maybe when I get back we can make some chaos together?"
"Yes! Of course, God! Whatever you say!" Lord Rainbow Sparkle agreed wholeheartedly.
With a sigh, Discord teleported away. So lost was he in his failure to create a real friend, he never noticed the presence of a unicorn with a very similar feel to Lord Rainbow Sparkle approaching.
***********************************************************************************
Twilight flinched as she felt something cold and slimy brush past her hoof. She had spent some walking through the opaque Mountain Dew clouds, and she still wasn't sure if not being able to see anything was a blessing or a curse.
The complete lack of visibility turned out to be a curse as Twilight walked face first into glass. It was only her fear of making noise that prevented her from shouting out in pain. Holding a hoof over her aching face, she blindly felt around with her other forehoof and was surprised to find a door. Twilight pushed it opened and stumbled through. She was inside of what appeared to a tourist shop, with shelves full of postcards and various souvenirs that looked like futuristic trains, presumably Rocket powered Maglevs. The entire shop looked odd to Twilight, but the oddest sight was in the form of a map taped to a wall. It wasn't just a map of the Hub, but all of Radical Land. Twilight studied the map with curiosity. The shape of the continent looked oddly familiar to her, but she couldn't figure out why.
Then it hit her. The shape of Radical Land was a mirror image of Equestria. How such a thing was possible, Twilight didn't know. Deep down inside, she had suspected some sort of connection between Radical Land and Equestria before. The fact that both places had a Discord and Elements of Harmony couldn't have been a coincidence. Was Radical Land some sort of alternate reality to Equestria? Was it Equestria's future or maybe even it's past?" Did the universe that Dr. McNinja and Gordito came from tie into the other two at all? Twilight had nothing but questions, and no clue how to find answers.
Greatly befuddled, Twilight departed from the store and silently continued on. Despite herself, Twilight let out a tiny yelp when she stepped on something warm and furry. Twilight waited for some sort response from she had touched, but none came. Not caring to see whether it was dead or just sleeping, Twilight walked around it and felt her hoof land in a puddle of something warm.
"Ew, gross," Twilight muttered as she quickened her pace.
Twilight hadn't gone very far when the clouds suddenly gave way to a clear area. In the area was a throne made of graham cracker, some trees growing out of the side of buildings with clocks hanging over their limbs like pancakes, and countless other chaotic creations. Far more alarming to Twilight than any of those things was the presence of a unicorn about the same height as Princess Celestia. He was a white unicorn, with golden armor and a red cape that flapped under the power of a non-existence breeze, a phenomenon that reminded Twilight of Princess Celestia's mane. Twilight's breath caught in her throat when she spotted the crown on top of the unicorns head. It looked slightly different from her own tiara and the gem wasn't the same color, but there was no mistaking the Element of Magic.
"Why hello there, little mare," the unicorn said with a kind smile. "Who are you?"
"Twilight Sparkle, Element of Magic," Twilight replied evenly, her heart hammering in her chest. "And I'm guessing you must Sparklelord."
"Sparklelord? No, I'm Lord Sparkle, Element of Magic," the unicorn replied. "Then again, I suppose my name could be Sparklelord could it not? Left is right, after all. You know what? I like your version better. I think from now on, I'll be Sparklelord. Hello Twilight Sparkle, I'm Sparklelord. Nice to meet you, Twilight Sparkle, my name is Sparklelord. Isn't it odd that we have the same last name, Miss Sparkle? Well, it was odd, but now my last name is Rainbow so it doesn't matter. Your name could be Sparkle Twilight, because left is right."
Twilight mentally kicked herself for not figuring it out sooner as she realized what Sparklelord's true identity was. It was obvious to her now that the unicorn before was R.J.'s father. It was the only explanation for his strong resemblance to R.J. and his status as a Bearer of Harmony. Twilight hoped that wherever Dr. McNinja was, he realized that R.J. wasn't Sparklelord before he did something drastic. Twilight figured that the best thing to do now was to get her Element back and find her friends. Once the Elements of Harmony were united, everything could be solved.
"Um, yes, that's true, left is right. my name could be Sparkle Twilight," she assured Sparklelord. "Oh, random question. Can I have that crown you're wearing?"
"I can't just give this crown away, only the Element of Magic can wear it," Sparklelord explained.
"I'm the Element of Magic too," Twilight pointed out.
"You are? Ah, that explains the power I sense within you," said Sparklelord. "How odd, I couldn't sense magic like that before. Well that's a problem isn't it? Two Elements of Magic and only one crown."
"Maybe I just borrow it? I only need it for a little while," Twilight offered.
"No, that won't do. I have no way of knowing if you'll really bring it back," Sparklelord said thoughtfully. "How about a contest instead? Perhaps a magic duel?"
Twilight pondered the suggestion. A magic duel would certainly be less lethal than an actual fight. If she lost, she wouldn't lose anything but time. If she won, she would have the crown. It was worth a shot.
"I'll do it," she decided. "Do you want to go first or do you want me to?"
"First?" Sparklelord repeated as he tilted his head quizzically. "What do you mean by that?"
"Er, I guess I'll just go first," Twilight shrugged. "Have a mustache!"
Twilight pointed her horn at Sparklelord's face and fired off a beam of pink light. The magic energy struck the unicorn dead on, causing a large fine and black mustache to appear on his face.
"Heh. Looks just like Gordito's," Twilight said proudly.
"What are you doing?" wondered Sparklelord. "Was that supposed to hurt?"
"Uh, no, we're doing a magic duel remember?" Twilight reminded him. "Winner gets the crown?"
"Little mare, I think you and I have very different ideas of what a magic duel is," deduced Sparklelord. "Tell me, what do you think a magic duel is?"
"Oh, well, a magic duel is when two unicorns take turns trying to outdo each other with magical feats. Whoever fails to top the other loses," Twilight clarified.
"Ah, that's different from what I'm thinking of," said Sparklelord. "To me, a magical duel is when two unicorns attempt to kill each other with magic at the same time. Whoever dies loses."
A cold horror washed over Twilight as she realized what she had just agreed to do.
"I think I like my version better," she said feebly.
"Pity," Sparklelord grinned as his horn flashed, causing a chainsaw to pop into existence. The chainsaw roared to life and lit itself on fire at the same time.
"It was my idea," Sparklelord continued. "So I think we'll do it my way. Ready set go!"
Stats
Page generated in 0.024 seconds
Total duration
842 users online
1,053,901 hits today, 2,004,447 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Have it your way... I was thinking Burger King... but this works, too.
DR. MCNINJA
I LOVE YOU
A napalm chain saw is, not for nothing, pretty radical.
*Alondro wins the magic duel by sending Sparklelord 5 minutes into the past, where the Langoliers chomp him to teensy bits with their swirling maws of teeth*
Nopony god-modes like the Deux Ex Insert!
2687633 I've seen better.
Two words, Chainsaw-Chucks.
2692851
Yeah, but those have the same problem as sword-chuks, really.
And even if you could solve the issue of holding them, you still have to watch out for gorillas with rocket launchers. There are some universal rules that just can't be broken, no matter how ninja you are.
2694343 Like the you cant catch some one if they are on fire thing right?
(I hope that comes up some time)
I hope that, upon activation, the elements from Radical Land gives everyone radical armor, or a fusion into a single entity.
2689241
No good! Because the Radical Land is for everything that embodies radicalness (also coolness and awesomeness). Now just look at the CGI work in the Langoliers and tell me it isn't abysmally lame.
2700644 Ah-ha! But the Discord in this universe is NOT awesome or radical! He's a crazed psychopathic killer who makes ugly wolf things that rip ponies apart!
With that shattering of the concept, I can wedge the Langoliers into the cracks created and thus destroy him!
CHAAAAAAAAAAINSAWWWWWWWWWWWW!
Buck yeah, this fic just got even more freaking epic
Okay, so I'm definitely disappointed in the Discord meeting. After all the blatant evil resulting from his actions – and his cold indifference to the deaths of this world's Element Bearers – I was expecting so much more. Instead of being villainous he just comes off as aloof. Furthermore, his transformation of Rainbow Sparkle Sr. into Sparklelord didn't have a tenth the impact I was hoping for; I was looking for something a bit more... heart-wrenching.
And then Discord just leaves? What? Please tell me you're going to follow this up.
...then again, randomly leaving because he's disappointed and/or bored perfectly suits him.
Y'know what? I'm okay with all this. I'm gonna go with it, because in the end this is not something I should be taking seriously. I need to learn to take off my 'Plot Critique' hat and put on my 'Just Enjoy Yourself' hat.