Chapter 13: The floor might be lava
Dr. McNinja was pleased as punch to see that the floor was not lava when he passed through the golden door. Rather, it seemed that R.J. had been telling the truth about the pizza party. Inside was a large dining hall filled with tables, strange creatures, and plate-loads of pizza. Music was playing in one corner of the room, complete with a spherical multicolored light projector. Pinkie Pie let out a long gasp and instantly dashed over to join the small crowd of dancers.
As Dr. McNinja and the rest sat down at a table, a dryad wearing a maid's uniform served them some pizza slices. For a brief moment Dr. McNinja wondered if the pizza was safe to eat, but his hungry stomach reminded him that all he had for lunch was some cookies. Dr. McNinja took a bite, and was quite surprised when his taste buds practically sang for joy. It was, without a doubt, the best pizza he had ever eaten. Apparently Gordito and the Equestrians felt the same, for they too devoured the pizza. Yoshi, for some reason, had started to help himself to one of the serving dishes.
"You uh, can't feel us eating this pizza right?" Gordito asked Flora.
"They're sort of like nail clippings," Flora answered. "I can tell when the pizza is picked off of me, but after that I can't feel them."
Dr. McNinja tried really hard not to imagine pizza covered with nail clippings but failed. It didn’t really matter how many corpses or unnatural growths he had seen over the years, life always found some new way to gross him out.
"Wow, this is really good pizza," said Twilight as she wiped a bit of tomato sauce off her face with a napkin. "So R.J., can you tell us about your parents and the Elements of Harmony now?"
"Right. I should probably start at the beginning," R.J. said. "In order to do that, I'll have to explain a little about Radical Land. First off, you should know it's ruled by King Radical."
"Is Radical Land named after King Radical or is it the other way around?" Spike asked.
"No idea." R.J. shrugged. "Anyway, Radical Land is pretty big, far bigger than what any one king can rule directly. So King Radical has a bunch of vassals that rule in his stead. My parents, who are both Bearers of Harmony, rule over the Radical Forest and all the forest creatures."
"So where are your parents and the Elements of Harmony?" Twilight asked.
"I'm getting there. It started about a week ago when the Rocket Maglev didn't show up when it was supposed to," R.J. said.
"What's a Maglev?" asked Applejack.
"It's like a train," Dr. McNinja said. "Instead of wheels, it uses magnetic repulsion to levitate and glide around without having to worry about friction. Apparently, they're powered by rockets here."
"It what?" Applejack said in befuddlement.
"It's basically a low-flying train that goes really fast," Gordito said.
"Ah. Gotcha," Applejack said with satisfaction.
"Yes, moving on," said R.J. "Radical Land's Rocket Maglev network is really important. Without it, we can't get any mail. So when it doesn't show up at the station, it means we're basically cut off from the rest of Radical Land."
R.J. paused, as if daring anyone to interrupt again. When no one did so, he went on.
"I don't have a map with me at the moment, but if I did I could use it to show that the Radical Forest is the northernmost part of Radical Land. The Capital, where King Radical lives, is in the center. On the border between the Radical Forest and the Capital is a small town called the Hub, which is the main hub for the Rocket Maglev network."
Wouldn't it make more sense to have the main hub in the capital, the center of Radical Land?" Twilight asked.
"Ordinarily, yes," R.J. said. "But the reason it was set on the border was because they found a time space portal underground. A long time ago, folks were so uncool that they would intentionally throw garbage where it didn't belong. It was called littering. The Hub was designed in such a way that any garbage lying around would be washed up by the rain and dumped into the time space portal."
You use a rift in the fabric of reality as a garbage disposal?" Twilight said in disbelief.
"Used to," R.J. said. "During the uncool age. But that's basically the reason it's on the border. Anyway, my parents figured something must be screwed up at the Hub, so they sent spies to investigate. What they found wasn't radical. The Hub had been turned into a something completely chaotic. Not only that, but out of it came creatures unlike any we had ever seen, horrible abominations that caused pointless destruction and magical mayhem."
"Oh my gosh!" Rainbow Dash suddenly interrupted. "Discord!"
"You know about him?" R.J. said in surprise.
"I heard you and Flora talking about Discord's abominations while I was waking up," Rainbow Dash said. "But here's the weird part. Our reality has a Discord too."
"Really? Wow. Are our universes parallel or something?" R.J. said.
"And who is Discord exactly?" Dr. McNinja asked.
"He's crazier than a rabid squirrel," Applejack said bluntly.
"Uncouth," Rarity said.
"Evil," Twilight said.
"Scary," murmured Fluttershy.
"A moron," Spike said flatly.
Several heads glanced at Spike in surprise.
"What? He is," Spike said defensively. "He got defeated by the Elements of Harmony twice, and allowed it to happen the second time. If he can't recognize a pattern as simple as that, he's a moron."
"Well, I hope our Discord is a moron too," R.J. said gravely. "Because my parents and the rest of the Bearers of Harmony left on a quest to defeat him yesterday morning. They took the Elements of Harmony with them, obviously."
"I call for a group huddle for everyone that is not from Radical Land," Dr. McNinja said as he got up from his seat.
Everyone from Equestria exchanged glances but got up to join Dr. McNinja and Gordito all the same. Once the huddle was formed, Dr. McNinja realized someone was missing.
"Where's Pinkie Pie?" he asked.
"Over there, leading a musical number," Twilight said as she glanced over her shoulder. "Should I go get her?"
"Nah, she's fine. I'm just keeping track," replied Dr. McNinja. "We need to discuss our game plan. We have two goals. Borrow the Elements of Harmony and get back to Equestria right?"
"Makes sense," Twilight said. "We saw our future selves emerge from the portal wearing the Elements of Harmony. Logically, that means we acquire them here."
"We can't use the same portal we used to get here to go back," Gordito said. "That disappeared after we came through."
"So we use a different one," Twilight said. "The one R.J. told us about. At the Hub."
"So it's settled then," Dr. McNinja said. "We head for the Hub. Any objections?"
Silence.
"Excellent." Dr. McNinja grinned underneath his ninja mask. "Hands and hooves in the middle. Break on three."
Dr. McNinja stuck out his hand. Six hooves, a purple set of claws, and another human hand stacked on top of his own.
"One, two, three! Go team!" Dr. McNinja said as they broke.
"So what did you all decide just now?" R.J. asked as he took a bite of pizza.
"We're going to the Hub," Dr. McNinja said.
"Really? Like, right now? You could just wait until my parents get back." R.J. said.
"We need to use the portal there to get home anyway," Dr. McNinja said. "We'll probably be on our way now. Thanks for the pizza."
"Whoa whoa whoa, you're going a bit too fast there Doc. It's gonna be dark in a few hours. Not to mention you don't even know how to get there," said R.J.
"Do you have a map we can borrow?" Twilight said.
"Better." R.J. grinned as he placed a hoof on his chest. "I can give you a guide."
"You can't do that. Your parents wanted you to rule in their absence," said Flora.
"Oh, that reminds me. Congratulations on your promotion," R.J. told her.
"Promotion? What promotion?" questioned Flora.
R.J. got up from the table and left the room without a word. Moments later he returned with a crown super-glued to a red bicycle helmet.
"To temporary Princess of the Radical Forest of course," he answered as he magically broke the glue between the two head accessories. "Emphasis on temporary. When I get back I'm re-gluing the crown to my helmet."
"You can't do that!" Flora protested.
"Yeah I can. I got loads of glue," R.J. said.
"No, I mean, you can't just leave and put someone else in charge. Your parents specifically told you to stay here," Flora said.
"That was before we had visitors from another reality who needed to borrow the Elements of Harmony," R.J., said.
"We can probably manage with just a map," said Dr. McNinja, not entirely eager for R.J. to tag along.
"Oh no, you'll definitely need more than just a map," R.J. said. "Without the Rocket Maglev, the only way you'll get to the Hub is on hoof. Or foot, in your case. You'll need food, Mountain Dew, tents, and weapons if you hope to make it."
"Why tents?" Rarity said uneasily. "Is it a very long trip?"
"About two days at a good pace," R.J. said. "Of course, that estimate was made before we had monsters roaming the Radical Forest. Also, I have a little bit of experience fighting Discord's monsters, so that's another good reason for me to come along."
Dr. McNinja felt Gordito's and Twilight's eyes on him, waiting for his decision. Although he had his apprehensions about bringing along someone with such a strong resemblance to Sparklelord, he had to admit that R.J. made a strong case. Dr. McNinja hadn't really had the chance to evaluate the fighting capabilities of everyone from Equestria. Rainbow Dash's speed might have been a good asset in combat, but now one of her wings was in a cast. Twilight Sparkle could probably hold her own because of her talent with magic, but Dr. McNinja simply had no idea about the rest.
"I suppose in light of that, we'll be glad for you to guide us there," said Dr. McNinja.
"Awesome." R.J. grinned. "That just leaves one more thing."
R.J. strode over to where Flora sat and set the crown on her head.
"All hail Flora, temporary Princess of the Radical Forest!" he declared.
Whoops and cheers erupted from the other tables even as Flora sank a little bit into her chair.
"I will murder you for this," she whispered harshly to R.J.
"No you won't," R.J. said dismissively. "That would be a violation of your Hippocratic oath. Isn't that right, Doc?"
"Actually, the whole 'first do no harm thing' isn't in the Hippocratic oath. Common misconception," Dr. McNinja said. "That's how it is in my reality anyway, which is lucky for me."
"So when are we leaving?" asked Gordito.
"I'm thinking first thing tomorrow morning," R.J. said. "Plenty of rooms here in the castle for you all to spend the night."
********************************************************************************
Discord watched contentedly as a school of fish with little human legs walked by his throne made of graham cracker. It had been at least ten minutes since he had directly altered something with his magic, but the Hub was already so full of chaos that he had no problem just watching. Trees grew out of the side of buildings with analog clocks hanging limply over their branches like pancakes. Winged mailboxes flew around overhead while chocolate milk rained upwards from the ground. It was, in Discord's opinion, a sight far more pleasing to the eye than the Hub had been before his arrival. It was the chaos capital of the world, although so far Discord hadn't ventured outside of it except once, to play around a little with the Bearers of Harmony. It wasn't that he wasn't interesting in turning all of Radical Land upside down, but merely that he had not yet bothered to do so. There was enough fun in the Hub to keep him entertained for weeks.
A howling screech rang through the evening air, its alien sound music to Discord's ears. It was the call of the Wolf-Raptors, who were by far his favorite creations. Not only did they possess claws and talons made of literal steel, but they had the ability to sense magic. It was was an ability that Discord himself shared with them, although his was far more powerful. Discord reached out across Radical Land with his senses and almost immediately detected three beings with a great amount of magic power. One was to the south and the other two were to the north. Odd, there had only been one to the north before. Stranger still, the two from the north had a similar feel, although Discord couldn't imagine why. Even now, one of them was approaching the Hub, doubtlessly with the intention of removing Discord from his high-fructose throne.
But Discord wasn't concerned. He was chaos incarnate after all, and more than capable with dealing with whatever was thrown at him. The eagle’s claw on Discord’s left arm pressed against the lion’s paw on his right as he chuckled. Yes, let them come. Let them all come. Discord was ready for their arrival, and he was looking forward to the fun that would follow.
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The Hub. What you did there has been observed.
Why quote this? Because the same could be said for Dr. Mcninja and all the others mentioned from his end. Don't get lazy author. Give us a description of this hero. Tell us why we should care about a man that wears a mask and a stethoscope.
Sure you gave us a link- but what if we don't like comics? What if we hate it when people get lazy with their stories?
Go the distance! I love Dr. Mcninja! Tell us why he's awesome in your words! Make us care!
2554637
I must admit, I don't think it would be wise to describe Dr. McNinja and company in the description. If this were an OC centered story, I think it would be in poor taste to physically describe the character or his/her personality in the description. That is where the story synopsis or "hook" goes. In my opinion, introductions and descriptions for any character belong in the first chapter, with trying to make you care taking place throughout the rest of the story.
2554843 uh... I was talking in the story chapter itself. When did you do it?
2554637
I really think you answered that for yourself, seeing as you just described Batman if he was also a doctor, and Irish.
Which is nothing like describing Batman at all. Hang on, I can do this....
It should be noted that the traditional Hippocratic oath does not prevent someone from doing any harm to others. It only stipulates that you perform medicine honestly and that you sell no one any deadly drugs.
So, in all honesty, Dr. McNinja has abided by it just fine.
2555893
Someone got the reference?!
I had almost given up hope.
Thanks for that.
2554860
Ah, my mistake, I thought you were talking about the story description. Well, arguably Dr.McNinja's personality would be shown every time he says or does something, assuming he never acts out of character. If you're talking about physical appearances, that's done in chunks throughout the first chapter. This biggest chunk is as follows.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to say that your feedback is invalid. I'm merely showing why I don't understand why you say Dr. McNinja hasn't been shown to be awesome in "my own words". What still do I lack?
2562058
How to describe it- The format of a comic is visible impact. They say a picture is a thousand words. A story, has imaginative impact.
Now, we know what he looks like, and dialogue tells us what he thinks, feels etc. And we don;t want so many words either. Trust us, that is way too much. I mean, Dr. Mcninja giving his gorilla a five five...
That cannot be put in words.
But let's use your example, hopefully I can explain it better.
That one sentence had 50 words, I think. Just to describe him speed dialing. I'm not saying less or more, or even add more. What am I saying, is that each aspect placed can be it's own sentence- And such, given each item addressed it's own impact instead of trying to place it all in one thing.
I hope I make sense.
2562336
I think I do get what you're saying actually. Thanks for the clarification.
And yet there was another being of even greater power in Radical Land whom Discord could not sense at all. A being so powerful, so beyond Discord in every way that the chaos god could not even comprehend his powers enough to even detect them (You know, like Ichigo when he was in the Murasaki form and Aizen couldn't sense his power cuz he was so OP by that point he just blew Aizen's mind? Like that.)
This ludicrously powerful being was none other than.... LORD ALONDRO, THE TROLL KING, THE DEUX EX INSERT!!! And he destroyed Discord in 3 femtoseconds with his ultimate attack, the Wormhole Wedgie of Death.
2578529
And then the shock-wave and the radiation from the ultimate attack killed everyone else. The end.
In unrelated news, the next chapter will the be start of a "what if" spin off story where Lord Alondro never existed.
2557894
Fixed, thanks. Can't have Dr. McNinja being ignorant about something related to his field.
2578704 Aww, you spoiled the ending for everypony.
I was gonna find a pic of the Wormhole Weapon from "Farscape: The Peacekeeper Wars" and photoshop it on top of me giving Discord a wedgie and everything...
2578704
BEST RESPONSE EVER
Yeah, I definitely want to visit Radical Land sometime. Sounds delicious.
A couple of instances where you had either unnecessary or missing "s, but looks great otherwise.
Considering I know nothing about McNinja, this read is going surprisingly smooth. I don't feel lost at all, just awed at the twisty plot and the delicious sounding word.
So Discord's already 'played' with the Element bearers of this world/time? I find myself wondering what he did to them. I'd like to think it's something appropriately horrible, but given the nature of this story so far (and Dr McNinja stories in general) I highly doubt it. Oh well, if Discord doesn't go horrible (as he has a curious tendency to do in many fanfics) then the only other obvious route is ridiculous and fun, and that's something to look forward to.