My name is Black Sheep. I've never fit in. I was alone in school, I never had any co-workers for friends, and I've never kissed a Mare. You never realise how hard life used to be, though, until you reminisce. I've always had the memory of that first Hearts and Hooves day stuck in my head, and I never wanted to think about it. But since you must be in the mood for a story, listen up. I'm about to tell you about my first Hearts and Hooves day.
Very nice start to this story and I'd love to see next chapter. But, this story was made last month... I hope you haven't forgotten about this. If you have please message me but for now *Liked and Faved*
You have my attention.
You could use an editor, but you are off to a good start here. I will be watching this story.
*I bet you're thinking: Wow, this guy must've had it made! Gotten anything he wanted!
--Introduce with a colon; it looks better and is correct that way. Alternatively, you could use a comma, but I like the colon here better. And drop the period. Unnecessary and wrong.
*I'm twenty-five right now
--Generally you spell out numbers of two or less words.
--Don't capitalize these words; they are not proper nouns.
*Almost my whole life, I've been alone.
--Set off weak, introductory clauses with a comma if they are three or more words in length.
*I think would ever match me
--Awkward phrasing.
*and onto the story you want\
--Incorrect word usage.
*We didn't move into a new house, buy new things, or anything cool like that.
--Unneeded "or".
*She had her family and a newborn foal with her.
--Awkward phrasing.