• Member Since 2nd Aug, 2012
  • offline last seen Jan 14th, 2018

Prisoner 24601


sorry, but i don't do backstory. I'm just experienced, and this is my first time submitting it to the public.

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My name is Black Sheep. I've never fit in. I was alone in school, I never had any co-workers for friends, and I've never kissed a Mare. You never realise how hard life used to be, though, until you reminisce. I've always had the memory of that first Hearts and Hooves day stuck in my head, and I never wanted to think about it. But since you must be in the mood for a story, listen up. I'm about to tell you about my first Hearts and Hooves day.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 2 )

Very nice start to this story and I'd love to see next chapter. But, this story was made last month... I hope you haven't forgotten about this. If you have please message me but for now *Liked and Faved:ajsmug:*

You have my attention. :duck:
You could use an editor, but you are off to a good start here. I will be watching this story.

I bet you're thinking Wow, this guy must've had it made! Gotten anything he wanted!.

*I bet you're thinking: Wow, this guy must've had it made! Gotten anything he wanted!
--Introduce with a colon; it looks better and is correct that way. Alternatively, you could use a comma, but I like the colon here better. And drop the period. Unnecessary and wrong.

I'm 25 right now

*I'm twenty-five right now
--Generally you spell out numbers of two or less words.

Marefriend

Mare

Colt

--Don't capitalize these words; they are not proper nouns.

Almost my whole life I've been alone.

*Almost my whole life, I've been alone.
--Set off weak, introductory clauses with a comma if they are three or more words in length.

I think ever would match me

*I think would ever match me
--Awkward phrasing.

and unto the story you want

*and onto the story you want\
--Incorrect word usage.

We didn't move into a new house, or buy new things, or anything cool like that.

*We didn't move into a new house, buy new things, or anything cool like that.
--Unneeded "or".

She had her family with her, and a newborn foal.

*She had her family and a newborn foal with her.
--Awkward phrasing.

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