A small burst of milk shoots from her left breast, splattering on your shirt, and catching you off guard.
Knowing she's on her back, is it her actual left or 'my' perspective of left?
You aren’t sure what to think of those more aggressive Milky Way,
Umm, "those" what?
You don’t even move, still filling her up with your hot seed, allowing her milk to dampen your shirt, your hair, and you pants.
Might want to have it be "your pants" at the end there.
Milky breathes heavily, putting a foreleg over her eyes, basking in the glory and exhaustion that was the sex your two just had.
And this should be "you two".
making what once was frazzled from the lovemaking,
You're sure you want to say "lovemaking" instead of, say, "rutting"? Just that there was no real passion, it was pretty much mindless sex.
The machine ceases with the washing, and commences with goes drying cycle.
After the comma makes no sense to me.
The restaurant is a popular Mexican food joint,
Nothing to be corrected, but it made me wonder what the equine equivalent of Mexico could be. 'Cause you know, there's Manehattan, Fillydelphia, Las Pegasus, Baltimare and Saddle Arabia that I remember.
“I guess then you like our bodies, then.”
This, however, has one 'then' too many and needs fixing.
All that aside, this is getting to be very exciting!!
2062691 You're certainly welcome, but you still have one question to answer: when she's on the table and it mentions 'left', is it her left or my perspective of left?
"Marexico" sounds like it's viable but I can understand that you'd keep it as its rl counterpart.
What's the worst that could happen? Really? His parents disavow and cut him out of the will? He'll still hook up with Milky Way and live happily ever after with the pretty mare. Sure, it'll make the sit-down Thanksgiving dinner a little awkward but I don't see it driving a wedge between this human and pony.
“Milk related accident.” you say with a smile. Milky gives the pony an awkward grin, as he nods his head, seemingly understanding of the situation, before gathering his clothes, and walking away.
… “as a good a friend” – The first ‘a’ shouldn’t be there. … “and going to the main event” – ‘going’ should be ‘gone’. … “that’s out of grogginess than anything” – The ‘than anything’ doesn’t seem properly placed… Not sure how to alter this one to make it make sense, though… I guess “that’s likely out of grogginess more than anything” (end quote) might work, here… … “put in the necessary bits in the” – The first ‘in’ doesn’t need to be there. … “My parent’s old house” – ‘parent’s’ should be ‘parents’ ‘, with the apostrophe put after “parents” as opposed to in the word, itself: It’s used to signify something possessive, but plural. Since it was “the house of both parents”, that’s when you’d put the apostrophe after the word, rather than inside. … “with wide eyes surprise” – The actual term is “wide-eyed surprise”, so a dash is needed, as well as ‘eyes’ needing to be ‘eyed’.
I had to put this thought somewhere:
as she sees you, the walls, and the floor covered in her milk.
Me: “What about the ceiling?” Ceiling: “I’m a good dodger, even though I don't look it.” Me: "Oh... Okay, then."
Nnnnnnnnngh... reviewing this chapter is difficult, given mixed reactions to certain events. Better play it safe: Section by section.
- At the very start, I was kinda like "What's going on with Milky? Why isn't there actual 'lovemaking' and just sex?" The lack of wanting commitment was what threw me, given how it had been a week, already, in the story. Of course, the issue with her being in 'heat' kind've threw me, even though the sex was rather impressive, compared to the 'quickie' back in chapter two. I was hoping for a bit more emotion during these scenes, but... didn't quite get what I 'wanted', but the readers got clop, so... I guess that's okay...?
- The scenes of clean-up were quite amusing with regards to how quickly they seemed to fly by. Laundry? Quick and humorous. Kitchen cleaning? Even quicker. Bath?
... Bath scene was really moving, though I was hoping a bit more could have happened. Of course, the emotion during it was beautifully written and expressed as a result, considering it was essentially the "post-sex cuddling", slightly delayed.
- The reason why the previous scene was summarized as it was, was because of the impact of it being lost to the 'Mexicolt Scene'. A brought back plot point in the form of an old marefriend from your past, coupled with emotional memories being brought back to Milky by means of the reader having caused it by asking a question of innocent intentions. This scene was very, VERY well-written, even if 'Daisy Charm' made me think a bit of a slightly less hyper Pinkie Pie, considering how some of her last lines all ended in exclamation marks.
THESE are the types of chapters I prefer not to review: Ones that don't seem to 'flow' steadily, but more like a crashing waterfall. Great scenes with a lot of emotional development between the characters (even if I'm not a fan of "It's been a week since coming here..." exposition), and I'm certainly glad there's more to be seen!
Really, what the hell is wrong with those parents? I'm a Christian, and I see absolutely nothing wrong with being in a physical relationship with another sentient being. "Mare" is just the name of a female pony, just as "women" is the name for a female human. Going to the point where you CAUSE EXTREME PHYSICAL HARM TO YOUR CHILD for liking a pony is EXACTLY the same as racism. Black people weren't even considered to be PEOPLE back in the slave days, just property, and they KILLED and EXILED people who participated in interracial relationships. So what are the parents doing? Sin.
"Love the sinner, hate the sin" Even if you don't like something someone is doing, love them anyway.
There is nothing wrong with loving a sentient pony, God made all creatures, and in this case...
Why would he create two (or more) sentient races and not let them love? Jesus died for everyone, and in this case, he would have died for everypony too.
. You have eyes on Milky now, but something in the pit of your gut tells you that there’s something wrong here.
Could they be spying on him for his parents? Naw, that would go against their rules. Could they happen to be...looking for him? But for what reason? Gotta admit, it was rather convenient timing, and this Ryan dude seems a little suspect, if not purely just in body yone...and silence.
Well this chapter confirms my theory was false, drat i was really hoping it was true oh you can't guess right all the time lol. Still great story i'm still invested in seeing Milky Way and "I" to becoming a true romantic couple
Of all the fics I expected to see this.. A clopfic was not one. This is the first fic I have seen on this sight to have correctly used sapient of sentient. How lovely.
Well your fucked
Hrnnng! Another amazing chapter my friend!
Welp this is a very interesting story development running into daisy like that hmmm.... what will happen next I wonder
NO! i want this to be a happy ending so don't you dare bring his parents into this!
On a completely different note very good story, continue.
Spy in our midst, men
Knowing she's on her back, is it her actual left or 'my' perspective of left?
Umm, "those" what?
Might want to have it be "your pants" at the end there.
And this should be "you two".
You're sure you want to say "lovemaking" instead of, say, "rutting"? Just that there was no real passion, it was pretty much mindless sex.
After the comma makes no sense to me.
Nothing to be corrected, but it made me wonder what the equine equivalent of Mexico could be. 'Cause you know, there's Manehattan, Fillydelphia, Las Pegasus, Baltimare and Saddle Arabia that I remember.
This, however, has one 'then' too many and needs fixing.
All that aside, this is getting to be very exciting!!
2061662 I think that has to happen at some point.
This is getting really good! Moar!
I'm going to say they perform a duet and it goes over really well.
2061461 your fucked what?
GRAMMAR NAZI!
I'm getting the feeling "my" parents are going to show up, and then...
cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/27982821.jpg
2061739 Thank you very much for the corrections. Though I always think I got everything, I still manage not to.
As for the Mexico thing, I decided Mexico should just remain Mexico, as Marexico didn't quite have the same ring to it.
That was something of a surprise, although I would immediately ask Daisy if she and Ryan are also dating, especially since this is a double date.
Dis gon b gud.
2062691 You're certainly welcome, but you still have one question to answer: when she's on the table and it mentions 'left', is it her left or my perspective of left?
"Marexico" sounds like it's viable but I can understand that you'd keep it as its rl counterpart.
2062691 What about Mexicolt? it's have a nice ring to it, no?
2064146 Ah...you have a point there. Nice work.
Excellent. Keep up the good stuff.
2063329 Her left.
2064199 'kay thanks.
Ryan Higa LOL
I was actually expecting "my" parents to be at this here Mexican joint, but this is good.
Also, that milk-gasm. I simply have no words with which to describe how I feel about it. Not really in a negative way, though.
How long until His parents arrive unexpected and Excrement hits the fan? :P
And the drama just went up with about 222%!!
So... Is Ryan's father going to show up at all?
What's the worst that could happen? Really? His parents disavow and cut him out of the will? He'll still hook up with Milky Way and live happily ever after with the pretty mare. Sure, it'll make the sit-down Thanksgiving dinner a little awkward but I don't see it driving a wedge between this human and pony.
Keep up the milky madness you crazy man! :-)
2062286
2nd that feeling haha
Well this was.... Well Fucking Gusta as hell
this is how i imagined the pony to look like...
semiaccurate.com/assets/uploads/2012/03/I-See-What-You-Did-There..png
After all that, I was laying down on the floor, looking like a corpse while covered in cum.
This was playing during the bath scene.
And it just felt perfect.
2115213 That is some beautiful music. Now I can't help but imagine the scene in super slow motion.
Well kinda saw the heat thing...
lol ed my ass off with the milk show
Kickin' things up a notch in Chapter 4!
… “as a good a friend” – The first ‘a’ shouldn’t be there.
… “and going to the main event” – ‘going’ should be ‘gone’.
… “that’s out of grogginess than anything” – The ‘than anything’ doesn’t seem properly placed… Not sure how to alter this one to make it make sense, though… I guess “that’s likely out of grogginess more than anything” (end quote) might work, here…
… “put in the necessary bits in the” – The first ‘in’ doesn’t need to be there.
… “My parent’s old house” – ‘parent’s’ should be ‘parents’ ‘, with the apostrophe put after “parents” as opposed to in the word, itself: It’s used to signify something possessive, but plural. Since it was “the house of both parents”, that’s when you’d put the apostrophe after the word, rather than inside.
… “with wide eyes surprise” – The actual term is “wide-eyed surprise”, so a dash is needed, as well as ‘eyes’ needing to be ‘eyed’.
I had to put this thought somewhere:
Me: “What about the ceiling?”
Ceiling: “I’m a good dodger, even though I don't look it.”
Me: "Oh... Okay, then."
Nnnnnnnnngh... reviewing this chapter is difficult, given mixed reactions to certain events. Better play it safe: Section by section.
- At the very start, I was kinda like "What's going on with Milky? Why isn't there actual 'lovemaking' and just sex?" The lack of wanting commitment was what threw me, given how it had been a week, already, in the story. Of course, the issue with her being in 'heat' kind've threw me, even though the sex was rather impressive, compared to the 'quickie' back in chapter two. I was hoping for a bit more emotion during these scenes, but... didn't quite get what I 'wanted', but the readers got clop, so... I guess that's okay...?
- The scenes of clean-up were quite amusing with regards to how quickly they seemed to fly by. Laundry? Quick and humorous. Kitchen cleaning? Even quicker. Bath?
... Bath scene was really moving, though I was hoping a bit more could have happened. Of course, the emotion during it was beautifully written and expressed as a result, considering it was essentially the "post-sex cuddling", slightly delayed.
- The reason why the previous scene was summarized as it was, was because of the impact of it being lost to the 'Mexicolt Scene'. A brought back plot point in the form of an old marefriend from your past, coupled with emotional memories being brought back to Milky by means of the reader having caused it by asking a question of innocent intentions. This scene was very, VERY well-written, even if 'Daisy Charm' made me think a bit of a slightly less hyper Pinkie Pie, considering how some of her last lines all ended in exclamation marks.
THESE are the types of chapters I prefer not to review: Ones that don't seem to 'flow' steadily, but more like a crashing waterfall. Great scenes with a lot of emotional development between the characters (even if I'm not a fan of "It's been a week since coming here..." exposition), and I'm certainly glad there's more to be seen!
Really, what the hell is wrong with those parents? I'm a Christian, and I see absolutely nothing wrong with being in a physical relationship with another sentient being. "Mare" is just the name of a female pony, just as "women" is the name for a female human. Going to the point where you CAUSE EXTREME PHYSICAL HARM TO YOUR CHILD for liking a pony is EXACTLY the same as racism. Black people weren't even considered to be PEOPLE back in the slave days, just property, and they KILLED and EXILED people who participated in interracial relationships. So what are the parents doing? Sin.
"Love the sinner, hate the sin" Even if you don't like something someone is doing, love them anyway.
There is nothing wrong with loving a sentient pony, God made all creatures, and in this case...
Why would he create two (or more) sentient races and not let them love? Jesus died for everyone, and in this case, he would have died for everypony too.
Looks like you're a... Milk Stud
2582565 Well, In the parent's defense, They didn't know they had SERIOUSLY hurt him till he started bleeding. Other than that they had no excuse.
FRIENDWITHBENEFITSZONED!!!!!
Hmm, I wonder what this foreshadowing is all about. Can't be good, I don't like not good things! There... Not good!
[youtube=http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=qa_YI1hHf54]
That last line, man. Whoo.
*Sees chapter title (scrolls down to botton wothout reading)*
Oh boy, i have a bad feeling/i know where thin is going
Well then. I certainly did not see that coming. But i shall save my fears for anotger chapter.
What i did get right was tht she was in heat.
3968222 replace the 'm.youtube' with 'www.youtube'
Could they be spying on him for his parents?
Naw, that would go against their rules.
Could they happen to be...looking for him?
But for what reason?
Gotta admit, it was rather convenient timing, and this Ryan dude seems a little suspect, if not purely just in body yone...and silence.
Well this chapter confirms my theory was false, drat i was really hoping it was true oh you can't guess right all the time lol. Still great story i'm still invested in seeing Milky Way and "I" to becoming a true romantic couple
To bad they cant have children... Adoption is still a option
Of all the fics I expected to see this..
A clopfic was not one. This is the first fic I have seen on this sight to have correctly used sapient of sentient. How lovely.