Chapter 4: Shenanigans
A few days later, DarkFury reluctantly approached Luna. Even though he knew her pretty well, his natural shyness was taking over. She was in the Royal Archives pulling books off the shelves, as if she was searching for a particular one. He quietly sat down at a nearby table and patiently waited for Luna to notice him, as he did not want to distract or disrupt her.
Luna was sitting in front of one shelf in the history section. Several books were levitating in spirals around her as she scanned the covers quickly. Pulling more books from the shelf, the snaking spiral around her grew until it looked as if she was trapped in a whirling vortex of literature. Her face had a frown upon it, and it seemed to grow with the vortex.
A few books stopped in front of her as she scanned the covers. Her frown lessened somewhat upon reading them, and she tossed them at DarkFury. Or rather, the table he was sitting at. The three books landed in quick succession on the table directly in front of him. Curiously, he peered at the titles of the books. The Secret Army of the Princesses, Legend or Lore: The Sol Ponies, and Cults and Conspiracies of Equestria were the titles that greeted his eye. To him, they were vague and the subjects they spoke of were unfamiliar. Although he wondered why such unknown and bizarre topics would appeal to Luna.
A fourth book came flying in and narrowly missed DarkFury’s head. This time though, the book was set down on the table gently. Gazing at it DarkFury could see why. It was aged and in a horrible looking state. The cover and the pages had an unnerving, bleached bone white color with light blue runes acting as a title. He had never seen runes that looked like this before, and could only wonder what language it was written in.
He looked back up just in time to duck his head. Another book sailed through the air and landed on the table, then another, and another. These books had brown covers and bindings and looked rather plain and uninteresting. He looked over them trying to find their titles.
Meanwhile, Luna had finished looking through the shelf and was putting all of the books back. She had one last book she was interested in, and it happened to be a rather hefty tome. She tossed it towards the desk as she placed the last books on the shelf.
As it landed it made a loud ‘Whump!’ and DarkFury yelled, “Buck!” as it hit him in the head.
The archive keeper promptly hissed a loud “SSSHHHHH!” to him as he sat up rubbing his head with his hoof.
Turning after hearing his exclamation, Luna gasped as she saw what happened. She quickly walked over to DarkFury and said, “By the Moon! I had no idea you were there DarkFury, are you okay?”
He groaned, still rubbing his head. “Yeah... ow that hurt. Where were you when I was in the Griffon Highlands?”
“Beg pardon?” Luna replied confused.
“We could’ve used a good tome thrower. I’m sure you would have been able to defeat countless griffons with the power of books.”
Luna smiled as she shook her head. “DarkFury, what will I do with you?”
“Well...” He started. “You almost gave me a concussion, so finishing the job sounds like a logical place to start.”
She chortled lightly then said, “While it may be a logical starting point, I would prefer to not give my troops injuries. Is there something you need? As I’m sure you weren’t at that table when I started searching through those books.”
“Yes actually...” He trailed off as he eyed the books on the table once again. “But first though, what are those books for? If you don’t mind my asking.” He quickly added on.
Luna gave a shrug and said, “I wanted to read and just threw whatever caught my fancy on the table.”
DarkFury suspected something was slightly amiss. He saw her deliberately searching for a particular book, and all of the books seemed to share a common topic or theme. Was it really coincidence that the chosen books just happened to be about similar subjects? It’s too convenient, he thought. He wanted to ask her what the real purpose behind the books were, but he knew better than to try to pry Luna for information.
He nodded and responded, “Fair enough. It’s nice just to kick back and read once in awhile.”
“Indeed it is.”
“Princess...” He began hesitantly.
“Yes?”
“About my officer training session tonight...”
“What about it? Is there something troubling you?”
“No... I was just wondering if...” He fidgeted nervously. “If we could put it off until tomorrow night?”
“We could, but why? Are you not feeling well?” Luna asked.
“No I’m fine. It’s just that... I was wondering if I could have the night off.” He said as he looked downward.
“Of course. I see no reason not to give you the night off. By all means, enjoy your evening.”
“Really?” He asked as he perked up.
“Yes, really.”
“Thank you Princess.” He said as he bowed to her. DarkFury then happily trotted out of the room.
Princess Luna sat at the desk thinking to herself.
I wonder what that was all about. He almost seemed afraid that I would say no. He’s been doing so well in his officer training with me, that I’m sure he will become a great officer in my division. He’s such a dedicated hard worker and rarely asks for anything, why wouldn’t I say yes? Besides, It’s nice to have an eager student willing to learn tactics and strategy. It’s such a great change of pace from my usually boring routine. In fact, it reminds me of the other officer I took under my wing all those years ago...
She stopped mid-thought.
I shouldn’t dwell on what happened during those... turbulent times. My focus should be on the present, not the past.
With that, Luna opened the books she had piled on the table and engrossed herself in studying their contents.
That night was like any other night, the same boring routine for Luna. After dismissing her guards early from the midnight court as usual, she opted to walk around the castle for a while. Walking through the west wing, she looked at all of the stained glass windows that depicted major events in Equestrian history. Many of the first ones depicted her and her sister. Luna smiled as she remembered the adventures that she and Celestia went on when they were younger.
Defeating King Sombra and Discord with the elements of Harmony, sprang readily into her mind. Then she came upon the windows that depicted her transformation into Nightmare Moon, and her banishment. She stopped walking and stared at the images tensely.
“Never again.” She finally said aloud to herself before moving to the next images.
After Nightmare Moon’s banishment, not much had happened apparently. One window depicted a war with the griffons about five or six hundred years ago, while the others depicted smaller events Luna did not know about. Farther down the hall, several more windows were filled in. With them clearly having been installed rather recently. All of them depicted six ponies that had become the elements of Harmony, by defeating Nightmare Moon.
She recognized them, as they were the first ponies she saw after being awoken from Nightmare Moon’s state. Luna even remembered meeting three of them during Nightmare Night a short while ago. Looking beyond, the rest of the windows were empty. Finished with this detour, she wandered aimlessly around the castle. She encountered the occasional staff member, who often bowed then quickly backed away in fear. Sighing, she found herself at the main entrance of the castle.
She wondered how she had gotten here, but then decided that she really didn’t care. Luna stood in front of the two heavy wooden doors trying to decide what to do with her evening. The only thing she had planned tonight was DarkFury’s officer training, but he had asked for the night off. Luna thought about spending her free time making more constellations or getting back to her books. The clip-clop of pony hooves interrupted her thoughts as she saw five ponies walking towards her.
All five were stallions and they were talking and joking with each other boisterously. They were about seventy-five feet down the hall from the door, and Luna could easily tell what kind of ponies they were. One was a unicorn, while the other four were pegasi. Seeing one flit his wings, she realized that the pegasi’s wings were webbed, making them some of her Lunar soldiers. Curious as to why her troops would be here, she patiently waited for them to get near the doors.
As they came closer, Luna was able to identify them. The unicorn was Coaldust, as his coal black color was unmistakable. Two of the pegasi were FireMane and FireTail, she could tell by seeing their manes and tails. The one who was snow white and had a gray blotch around his left eye was Frostburn. He was easy to pick out due to his color and the fact he was barely talking and spent most of his time listening.
The last pegasus was light blue-purple in color, and had a black field filled with angry red stars in the shape of the constellation known as ‘Wrath’ or ‘Fury’ for a cutie mark. While his mane and tail were short and black with a large dark blue streak running through them. It was DarkFury. Now Luna’s curiosity was truly aroused. Why would DarkFury ask for the night off, then spend it with four of his comrades? She huffed, then planted herself next to the entrance.
The group of her soldiers got closer and closer, but were oblivious to her presence. It wasn’t until they were within a few feet of the door that FireTail suddenly stood rigid and exclaimed, “Princess!” that the rest noticed her. Coaldust avoided looking at Luna, as the memory of a few nights ago were still fresh in his mind. Instead, he looked down at the floor. FireMane joined his brother by freezing in place, while Frostburn looked straight ahead showing no emotion. DarkFury began fidgeting nervously and his eyes darted all over. First to Luna, then to the walls, then back to Luna again.
“Well, well. What do we have here?” Luna asked in a somewhat annoyed tone. “A group of soldiers going AWOL for the night, with one in particular skipping his obligations to do so. Explain yourselves.”
“We... we were... uh.. um...” FireTail stuttered, trying to think of something quickly.
“We were going to go out into the city.” FireMane stated.
“Yeah!” FireTail exclaimed, backing up his twin.
“Soldiers are to remain in their base or barracks area unless given permission that says otherwise.” Luna sternly commented.
“Yes but...” FireMane fumbled.
“But what?” Luna replied.
“Colonel Thunderbuck said we could.” Coaldust chimed, without looking up from the ground.
“He did?” Luna asked, genuinely perplexed. “Is this true DarkFury?” She asked him as she stared at him intently.
He shifted on his hooves uncomfortably before saying, “Yes. Thunderbuck said we could do whatever we wanted during our time off between our duties. Just so long as we are present the next morning or night, rather.”
“And this is the reason you asked for tonight off?”
Still looking like a misbehaving foal caught in the act, he guiltily forced himself to say, “It was.”
“I see. I’m sorry for holding you all up. Enjoy your evening.” She said as she began to walk away.
All five of them turned to watch her leave. They couldn’t help but notice that Luna seemed saddened for some reason. Surprising everypony in the immediate area, Frostburn not only spoke, but he addressed Luna directly.
“Princess Luna.” He said.
Luna turned and asked, “Yes, Frostburn?”
“Would you like to join us?” He asked, holding her gaze.
Again, everypony could not help but be shocked. Frostburn rarely spoke, even around his friends. To them this seemed a bit out of character for him. Especially for boldly asking the Night Princess to join them for a night out in the town. Luna was also surprised, although she was probably more surprised from the question then anything.
“Wh... What did you say?” Luna asked in disbelief.
“Would you like to join us?” Frostburn said again, not even flinching from Luna’s gaze. “That is, if you’re not busy or have previous engagements.” He added on.
“No... I’m not busy this evening...” She said slowly. “Are you sure you would want me to accompany you all?” Luna asked a little shyly.
“Of course Princess.” Frostburn turned to his friends and said while grinning, “Right guys?”
They were all so stunned that all they could do was nod their heads up and down for yes.
“Alright then, I uh... um... To be honest, nopony has ever invited me to an informal gathering such as this before. I’m not quite sure what we would do or what should be expected of me. I don’t even know how I should dress.” Luna nervously responded.
“You don’t need to wear anything.” FireTail blurted out. “We’re not wearing anything. It’s just a casual night out with friends. Besides, your regalia might attract unwanted attention from the press, just saying.” He finished quickly.
“I suppose that makes sense.” Luna reasoned. “I could go without the signs of my noble status.”
Luna’s horn glowed with magic as did her tiara and necklace. With a small ‘poof’ both were gone. The sight of her without either one seemed strange to the stallions. Without them she seemed more... relatable. She looked more like an ordinary mare and it seemed as if she was more approachable and down-to-earth. All of them marveled at her new look, as she cleared her throat.
“Is something there something wrong?” Luna asked the staring stallions.
“Nope.” “No.” “Of course not.” “No, Princess.” They all responded.
“Then why are you all gazing at me like that?” She asked, becoming slightly apprehensive.
“It’s just that...”
“Just what?” She scowled.
“It’s just that you look... different.” DarkFury replied. “It’s like you’ve become more …” He struggled with the word. “More reachable I guess... not to mention beautiful.” The last part he said under his breath, so quietly that not even his friends heard him say the last part.
Luna’s hearing was keener than most ponies, and she was barely able to catch that last part. Her expression softened, and she blushed faintly for the briefest of moments. Nopony seemed to notice, so she smiled and said, “Oh, I see. Shall we be off?”
“Before we do, I have a question Princess.” FireMane chirped up.
“Ask.”
“Do you like dealing with the press or reporters?” He fired off.
“No, not particularly. They mob you and ask you questions about rumors and falsehoods. I swear, I don’t understand why ponies of this era want to know what every celebrity is doing at any given moment. It makes no sense to me, and all they really want is smut and gossip.”
“Then we should probably get you a disguise.” FireMane replied.
“I don’t understand. You said that no kind of wear was required, and now I’m required to wear a disguise? I don’t quite follow.”
“He means that you’ll be recognized outside of the castle.” DarkFury said. “If the press got wind that Princess Luna was out for a night on the town with five stallions, that would start a lot of gossip and rumors.”
“Ah, say no more.” Luna replied as her whole body began to glow. She seemed to shrink as they watched what was transpiring. Actually, Luna was shrinking. She shrunk herself down to the size and shape of an ordinary pony. When her spell was finished, a sapphire blue unicorn mare with a matching mane and green streaks running through it met their eyes. They beheld Luna’s new form with wonder and awe.
“Shall we be off then?”
The first place they went to was a fast food restaurant called Dairy Princess. Luna had never been to a fast food place, and showed no objection to going to one. She was actually rather curious as to what kind of food ponies these days usually ate. The thought that entire meals could be prepared and cooked under five minutes was still a new and fascinating concept for her.
Upon entering the restaurant, the group was bombarded with a roaring waterfall of sounds. Dinner rush was in full swing and the voices of customers and employees filled the air. Luna looked around the store, being overcome by the strange new sights, sounds, and smells that had become commonplace for most ponies nowadays. The beeps and alarms in the back whistled and whined as the group waited in line to place their order.
While waiting in line, Coaldust asked what everypony wanted so they could order quickly. The members of the group responded, except for Luna, and Coaldust memorized the order. The group then asked Luna what she wanted to eat. Flustered and slightly embarrassed, she replied that she did not know what the restaurant served. They cheerfully pointed her towards the large menu board above the front counter. She gawked at the large selection of items and had no idea what any of them were. After a terse minute, Luna just casually told them to get her something simple that they think she might like. The stallions just shrugged, and all but Coaldust left the line to find a table to sit at.
The lobby was noisy and almost filled to capacity. Luckily, a booth in the very back corner was empty, although it could only seat four. This problem was remedied by FireMane and FireTail grabbing a small two-pony table and placing it at the end of the booth. The group then filed into their seats, DarkFury, Luna, and FireMane on one side, while Frostburn and FireTail filled the other. Shortly thereafter, Coaldust trotted over and slid into the chair across from FireMane.
The group was silent, not knowing what to talk about. Having a Princess of Equestria in your midst seemed to do that. For they thought that the normal things they would talk about would seem vulgar and too informal to converse in front of or with a Princess. Luna could see their discomfort as they nervously fidgeted about in their seats, while FireMane occupied himself by building a tower with the condiments on the table.
“Is there something wrong?” The dark sapphire unicorn asked.
Automatically, all of their heads snapped straight up and faced her while they said, “No your highness.”, “Of course not, Princess.”, “Absolutely nothing, your majesty.” They fired off in quick succession.
“If thou all insist, Corporals; Frostburn, FireMane, and FireTail, and Sergeants; Coaldust and DarkFury.” Luna cooly replied.
The stallions were caught off guard by this formality from Luna. “Why did you address us with our ranks?” FireTail asked.
“You addressed me formally, it is only proper to do the same in return. Is that not true?”
“I suppose so,” he scratched his head with his hoof, “but we’re off duty.”
“You could say the same for me.” The Lunar Princess responded. “I’m off duty as well, so to speak. You have no need to address me by my title in this form or setting. After all, didn’t you call this “A casual night out.”? Please, just call me Luna or Moonbeam, the name of this alias, if you so wish. Formality has little place in a “casual” setting.”
“Of course, Luna.” FireTail said as he nodded his head up and down.
After that, the group seemed to relax a bit and they all started making conversation. They all talked about recent events in the news, weather, and daily life. Luna was asked a few questions about being royalty and living in the castle, and she asked them questions about military life. Hearing their accounts of military life, Luna could not help but wonder why they joined the army.
“If you don’t mind me asking, why did each of you join the military?” She asked.
Coaldust responded first, “I joined because I wanted to travel. After helping my pop transplant our family, I couldn’t stay rooted. By that point I was too used to traveling, it felt like it was part of my being.” He finished.
“I couldn’t find any employment that had to do with my special talent.” DarkFury said next. “Nor could I find a job that I liked or wanted to make a career out of. I drifted around jumping from place to place, doing odd-jobs for about a year. I joined because I was drawn towards military service, for a lack of better terms to explain it. According to my “uncle”, military blood flows strongly in my family.”
“Well...” FireMane started nervously.
“We had a situation similar to DarkFury.” FireTail finished. “We’re twins alright? So we’ve spent our whole lives together basically, and we wanted to stick together. We could’ve found jobs with our life callings, but there was no way we would be able to find employment together. Plus, we didn’t feel like working for the Cloudsdale Weather Corporation or being weather ponies. So we joined the army together after discussing all our options.”
“Yep.” FireMane agreed.
The group looked at Frostburn now, who was staring at the table. His whole body tensed, and he gave a slight twitch.
“Its... It’s personal.” He said as he turned to look out the window.
The group inquired no further of Frostburn. It was obvious his reason was very personal, and most secretly thought it was linked with his sad past.
A lull in the conversation followed, and the ponies became absorbed in their own thoughts. Luna looked around and took in what she was witnessing. She saw many couples and families enjoying their meals and time together.
A deep and primal longing surfaced from Luna’s being after seeing these happy ponies. She felt envy and jealousy upon seeing these mares. Content with their lives and their lovers and children, Luna could only secretly long for a child and/or a lover of her own. But alas, she was a princess, an alicorn, a goddess of the night, stars, and moon. Cursed with a solitary and immortal life, her status, conditions, and role in the kingdom all but prohibited her from such things. So she could only secretly pine away for such impossible and impractical desires. Occasionally, she fantasized about giving up her powers and title. Trading it all just for one last lifetime on the earth to build and raise a family of her own.
She shook her head and cleared it of such thoughts. This was supposed to be a happy night out, not a time for her to mope about her life and secret desires. She resolved to be happy and enjoy her time. For every down in life, there is an up, she reminded herself.
Luna looked out of the window and marveled at the image of the night she was able to see. Ponies were briskly trotting up and down the squares and streets of Canterlot. Neon lights and signs glowed brightly, being reflected off of several windows. Never before had Luna seen so many being active this late in the night. It surprised her, and made her feel strangely happy inside. She knew now that her night was celebrated, perhaps not in the way she envisioned, but celebrated nonetheless.
Her thoughts were disturbed by the clip clop of hooves approaching. Luna looked up and saw a young employee approach them, levitating a tray filled with food in front of her. The mint green unicorn mare smiled as she placed the tray on their table.
“Enjoy your meal!” She said, with a large smile.
A murmur of thanks emanated from the table as her gaze swept across the group. FireMane was the last to say thanks and she met his gaze. He blushed, and broke eye contact immediately, looking down at the table. She giggled and trotted back to her work station.
“Well, well, he did it again.” FireTail huffed angrily. “Charmed another mare, and won’t share the secret.”
“I don’t even do anything!” FireMane exclaimed.
“Sure you don’t.” FireTail remarked sarcastically.
“Well that certainly was fast.” Luna said surprised.
“It’s not called fast food for nothing.” Said DarkFury.
The group distributed the correct orders to each other and began to eat. Luna stared at the food that was in front of her with a bemused expression. A circle wrapped in wax paper lay in front of her on the table, along with a small paper bucket of golden objects.
“What, pray tell, are these foodstuffs?” Luna asked, levitating the wrapped circle in front of her, trying to examine it closer.
“A burger.”
“Burger?”
“A cooked patty of grain with cheese on it. It’s called a grainburger with cheese. Although, ponies just call it a cheeseburger for short.” Coaldust elaborated.
“I see. And these?” She pointed to the small paper basket.
“Those are french fries. They’re deep-fried potato slices that are salted.” FireTail explained this time.
Cautiously, Luna unwrapped the burger and slowly took her first bite. She was surprised at the taste and quality of the food. The flavors of the patty, cheese, and other condiments melded together perfectly. It was delicious, and she marvelled at the speed such a tasty food item was prepared. Taking small bites, she finished the burger shortly, and moved onto the fries. The golden potato wedges were also found to be very tasty by Luna. She could see why ponies these days loved this kind of food. It was fast and it was tasty.
Finishing their meals, the group of ponies again struck up a conversation. Mostly, it was about small, trivial things. Like the everyday life of a Princess in the castle, recent events in the news, and funny jokes and stories. Luna was enjoying herself immensely, as she had never been able to have such a fun and casual conversation with anypony other than her sister before. By the time the group left the restaurant behind, their laughter had made many wonder what was so enjoyable about a simple conversation.
They spent the better part of the next hour walking around the city, taking in the magnificent sights. The city park, Museum of Pony History, and the Gryphon War Memorial were a few of the places they visited. They also happened upon an old and destitute orphanage. Luna insisted they at least stop by for a moment, she even stated that they did not have to go in the building when most of the stallions showed reluctance.
Luna entered the orphanage by herself, and walked up to the front counter. The night time secretary or greeter was absent, probably gone on some short errand. That suited Luna just fine. She found a box labeled “Donations”, and went to work.
With her horn glowing, she made a small stack of paper appear. These weren’t ordinary pieces of paper, they were banknotes. Ten-thousand bit Lunar notes to be exact. She shoved the whole stack of paper money into the donation box along with a note. It read:
For the children,
- P.L.
She smiled, knowing that these children will have much better lives in the near future. She left the building and rejoined her stallion companions. They could only wonder why she was smiling so much, and what she did in that orphanage.
That is not to say, the group did not have their problems while walking through the streets of Canterlot. While walking through the streets, many ponies avoided them deliberately, avoiding direct eye contact or confrontation. Royal guards who policed the streets gave their group a stern and wary glance as they passed, surprised and afraid to see ponies with bat-like wings and fangs. Others stared from a distance and whispers of “monster”, “freak”, “evil”, and “What did Luna do to them?”, could be heard from the masses. The group ignored the whispers and pretended they weren’t spoken.
Even Luna was under fire, disguised as she was. She tended to gravitate towards the middle of the group, but she was keenly aware of disapproving and dirty glances directed at her. She could’ve sworn she heard whispers of “slut” and “whorse” as the group moved on. It took much of her self control to keep herself from entering a fit of anger and punishing those who insulted her and her soldiers. Still, they moved along and stumbled into the older section of the city.
The old part of Canterlot looked more like how things did before Luna was banished. The buildings weren’t all that modern, and much more humble in appearance. Nostalgia washed over the mare, as she giddily led them from place to place in the old part of the city.
Soon after, one of the stallions could not help but comment about finding a drink somewhere. They soon suppressed the idea, remembering that a princess was in their midst. To their surprise however, Luna agreed, saying that she could appreciate a drink. She even said she knew a good bar to go to, if it was still there.
Leading them through the twisting cobblestone streets, Luna eventually brought them in front of a large wooden building. A sign swung from a pole extending off of the side of the building. It said: The New Moon. Luna was excited, as the bar was still here after a thousand years. She eagerly led them to the door and shoved them inside.
The interior’s warm glow greeted them as they entered the bar. The size impressed the group, as the room was big enough to accommodate a hundred patrons, if not more. A large but humble stone fireplace was in the farthest wall. A small fire was crackling softly inside, with the modest flames throwing a warm glow about the room.
A sort of rec area was in one corner of the room. It was filled with a few pool tables and a jukebox. The rest of the room was filled with wooden tables and chairs. Some were round and some were square.
Tonight looked like a slow night for business. Only a few individuals occupied some tables, and all were far away from each other. One or two groups of two or three were present, but that was all. In total there must have been about eight ponies in the bar, not counting Luna and her escort of friends. Now their attention turned to the bar itself.
A bar was at the center of the room, forming a large square. Many stools were scattered around it, all were empty. Several different taps, bottles, kinds, and brands of various alcohol laid on the shelves behind the counters and on the counters themselves. Behind the counter cleaning some mugs, was the barkeep himself. He was an old unicorn, a bit past middle age, as indicated by his dulled brown coat.
As the group entered, all eyes in the building locked onto them. The loners, groups, and barkeep himself seemed to be sizing them up. Trying to figure out how much trouble they could cause, and whether or not they were the type to behave themselves and pay their dues. They approached the bar slowly, eyeing the patrons as they did to them. Some were wide-eyed and one or two gasped as they noticed gold eyes, fangs, and webbed wings from the new arrivals.
The barkeep remained unflinching as they reached the counter. Seeming to give them all one final look over, he spoke.
“Welcome to the New Moon. What can I get for you tonight?” He spoke in a calm and professional manner. His voice sounded hoarse and firm, but understanding and wise at the same time.
The group of stallions got hard cider, while Coaldust had some Appleloosan whiskey. Luna also had some hard cider, seeing if it tasted any different from that of a thousand years ago. After giving them all their drinks, the barkeep spoke once again.
“I don’t mean to sound rude, but how will you ponies pay for this?”
The stallions looked at each other with a shared expression of worry as they huddled and tried to count the meager amount of bits they had left.
“How much is it?” FireMane asked.
“It’s fourteen bits.”
A barely audible swear emanated from DarkFury after hearing the total. They didn’t have enough.
“Would it be possible to start a tab?” Coaldust suggested.
“Sorry, tabs are for long time customers only.”
The group was about to hang their heads in defeat when Luna spoke up.
“I’ll pay for it.”
The group and the barkeep looked at her, surprised.
“Really now?” The barkeep said, “And how are you paying for this?”
“With my tab.” Luna replied cooly.
“You must be mistaken ma’am,” The barkeep replied harshly, “I haven’t seen you before, and you certainly don’t have a tab.”
A wicked grin flashed across Luna’s face as she stared at him with an intense glare. “Oh really? Maybe this phrase will hold some meaning to you then. When dark becomes light and new becomes full, the moon shall glimmer in night’s starry embrace.” Luna finished with a challenging and authoritative tone.
The barkeep’s eyes widened and his mouth hung agape from shock. The glass he was cleaning clattered to the ground with a loud thump. “It... it can’t be. Are you Princess Luna?”
Luna smiled as her unicorn form rippled, then faded, leaving the Lunar Princess in her usual appearance and full stature, minus her regalia. “Indeed I am, my subject.”
Several shouts and exclamations sounded from the bar’s other patrons upon seeing Luna materialize in front of them. A couple fell out of their chairs and others choked on their drinks. They could only stare dumbfounded at the princess, wrapped in a sense of awe.
“Fear not citizens, I am only here for my own personal objectives. Please, do not be alarmed and return to your evening activities.” Luna spoke calmly, trying to reassure the crowd.
The patrons did so, although the voice level was no longer a dull murmur. They could only talk about what this meant and why Luna was here. The occasional look was directed at her before returning to their conversations.
“I am so sorry your highness.” The barkeep hurriedly apologized, “I had no idea that you were present.”
“As was the intention of my disguise.” Luna commented dryly. “I believe that this issue is resolved, unless there is something that I have forgotten.”
“As a matter of fact,” - The barkeep pulled out a large book from under the counter - “The issue of your outstanding balance on your tab needs to be addressed.” He finished as he slammed the heavy volume on the counter.
Luna and her companions looked at the black-bound book with curiosity. The barkeep flipped open the book and paged through it halfway. He turned the book and pushed it towards Luna so she could read it.
“That should explain your balance and the one thousand and one years of interest on the principal amount.”
“I see. I’m assuming you kept my interest rate at the fixed two percent all these years?”
“Of course, to do otherwise would have been unethical.”
Luna read aloud the short summary, much to the disbelief of her companions. “The principal amount of three thousand seven hundred and fifty-nine bits in addition to the simple interest at a fixed rate of two percent a year over one thousand and one years comes to a total of, seventy-nine thousand and fifteen bits.”
The group was stunned, speechless at the staggering amount. Luna saw their shocked expressions and gave a sly smile. “That’s nothing,” Luna said, “You should see how big my bank account has gotten, and that accumulates compound interest at quarterly intervals.”
The stallions could barely comprehend this large debt, let alone what vast wealth Luna must have accrued over a millenia. FireTail cradled his head in his fore-hooves and said, “My head hurts from the math. Make it go away!”
Surrounded by her blue aura, Luna’s horn glowed and summoned eight more Lunar notes. She handed them to the barkeep, who accepted them graciously. “Don’t worry about giving me the difference. Consider it an advance payment for my forthcoming purchases.”
“As you wish, Princess.” The barkeep responded.
Luna turned towards the other patrons and cleared her throat. “Who wants a drink?” She proclaimed. “Drinks are on me tonight!”
The New Moon was the busiest it had been in years that night. Word travels fast in Canterlot, especially that concerning free alcohol. The old bar was filled to capacity with ponies and activity. Card and pool games were won and lost, laughter and conversation filled the room, and the latest music from DJ PON-3 was blaring at max volume from the jukebox.
At the heart of it all though, was a drinking contest. From his corner, DarkFury could see a round table with four ponies sitting at it, surrounded by a large cheering crowd. This contest was started a few minutes ago and the winner would be the last one standing, or drinking in this case.
Coaldust, Luna, a brown pegasus mare, and a green earth pony stallion sat at the table. They were going shot-for-shot with moonshine, the hardest liquor available in Equestria. What DarkFury had seen tonight surprised him. He knew that Coaldust could drink, but he didn’t know that he could pack away moonshine. Or Luna for that matter, but then again, Luna was always one surprise after another.
They were on round five and a loud wave of disappointment was heard. The earth pony had his fill, and could continue no more. Three remained as they moved on to the next shot of liquor. A couple rounds later the pegasus mare passed out, thus eliminating her. It was now between Luna and Coaldust. A couple more rounds passed and the cheers got louder with every round completed.
Both remaining contestants were long drunk, but neither would yield. Coaldust had trouble remaining in his chair, while Luna seemed to compose herself rather well. In fact, Luna had been the one leading the contest from the beginning. Always finishing her shot quickly before the others could work themselves up to stomach another shot of the potent brew.
A frown was forming on Luna’s face, as she noticed how long it took Coaldust to work himself up to drink his latest shot. Luna decided it was time to up the ante. In a move that surprised everypony, she grabbed her half-empty bottle of moonshine in her hoof. She pressed the bottle to her lips and upended it. The room was silent, save for the music, as Luna drained the rest of her bottle in under fifteen seconds. A loud roar of cheering sounded as Luna slammed the empty bottle on the table.
“There. *hic* Top dat.” Luna slurred.
Coaldust began to shake, and his complexion paled slightly. Slowly, he gripped his half-empty bottle. He brought it up to his mouth and tipped it. He was able to drink two mouthfuls before his eyes rolled back into his head and he passed out. Falling out of his chair and dropping the bottle in the process. Luna smiled smugly to herself as thunderous cheering assailed her for her victory.
With the event done, the large crowd dispersed. Being careful not to fall, Luna pulled herself up out of her chair. She swayed slightly as she walked up to the bar and obtained some ice water. Beverage in hoof, she made a teetering and swaying beeline towards the back corner where DarkFury sat. Placing the glass on the table, she sat in the chair next to him. She leaned back into the chair and let out a long sigh before drinking some of the water.
“Nice performance back there.” DarkFury commented.
Luna turned to him and replied, “Thanks. I’ve not good had drink in a while. I guessh I still got it.” She slurred.
“Did you much drink back the in past?” DarkFury asked, mixing up his words. He had been drinking as well, although he wasn’t as drunk as to not remain somewhat in control of himself.
“Lesh see...” Luna said as she pondered in thought. “Drunk some I did. Not eberyday, bud once in a while. Until Nightmare Moon along came anyvay.” She stopped, and drained her glass of water before continuing. “Ven she came, I drunk so much more. Almost drank dis bar here out of business by my lonesome.”
DarkFury was stunned. “You drunk the whole bar dry?” He exclaimed.
“Yesh. Den I got shome forced vacashion, as eberypony nows.” She finished sadly. “But vat does dat madder? Dat was den, dis is now. Now, I be peace at fact that Celestia forgabe me and dat Nightmare is gone.”
“Is everypony ready to rock!?” Screamed a familiar voice from the mass near the jukebox. DarkFury could only look at the familiar pony with surprise, while Luna began giggling and laid her head on the table.
Standing out in the open was none other than Frostburn. From the dumb grin on his face it was obvious he was drunk. What was surprising about this was that he was singing and dancing without a care in the world. His personality had done a complete one-eighty as he was now extremely outgoing and extroverted like his old self before witnessing his mother’s murder.
Darting from group to group he was whooping and shouting, while taking impromptu dance partners for a few seconds each. The scene was rather comical, seeing him running and doing the chicken dance at the same time didn’t hurt either. By now, Luna began to guffaw as she banged her hoof repeatedly on the table top. All DarkFury could do was laugh as he tried to drink more cider, spilling it all over himself in the process.
After a few more minutes, Frostburn’s actions slowed and his voice decreased in volume. Eventually, he tripped over himself and fell to the ground. “Party on!” He cried out weakly as he stuck a hoof into the air. He then closed his eyes and began to snore, sleep having grasped him tightly.
Luna and DarkFury managed to calm down somewhat and sit back up. Luna opened her eyes and raised her head from the table. She saw DarkFury furiously nursing a bottle of liquor, trying to drink it as fast as he could.
“Whaddya doin?” She asked as she gripped the bottle with her magic. Tearing it out of his grip and hovering it above his head. He lashed out wildly, his hooves flailing at the floating container, trying to grasp it within his hooves
“Trying to drunk.” He grunted.
“Why?”
“Need to forget what saw I did. If I don’t, no funny how matter it twas, I’d neber be able to see look at Frostburn wit a straight face.” He said, still giggling from the comical spectacle that Frostburn had performed.
Relenting, Luna dropped her magical hold on the bottle. It fell into DarkFury’s waiting hooves as he returned to downing it’s contents. After he finished, he rolled the empty bottle on the table. In his imagination it was some fierce vehicle that was rolling over countless ponies and crushing them underneath it’s massive bulk. He entertained himself in this manner for a few minutes before Luna spoke.
“Do you really want to forget eberyfing dat happened tonight?” She asked, her voice turning into a more serious tone.
“I dunno. Even if I wanted to member dis night, I’d probly not be very good at it.”
“Oh? Well, I prolly won’t remember much neider.” Luna responded. “I’ve not drunk dis much since over milenia. Which is vy I wanna say dis before me forget.”
Luna scooted her chair closer to DarkFury. “Come closer.” She said. He leaned closer to her, their faces only a few inches apart.
“Vat is it?”
“I jus wanna tell you-” She paused as if unsure of something “-tell you dat I fink you are a good stallion and an adept learner. Da Lunar corps will be lucky to hab you.”
“Tanks.”
“Do you remember whatchu said before we lefd da castle?”
“Dat you were approachable?”
“You said I wab beautiful.”
DarkFury’s pulse quickened and his mind began to race. She had heard that? How that possible? His mind asked. “Uhm, uh, I... I was... sorry.” He blurted, as he was beginning to blush now.
“Don’t be sorry. You were da first pony in over a thouband years to say dat about me. To be honest, I happy you said it. Plus, you’re kinda cute yourself.” Luna slurred out softly.
DarkFury began to stutter and stumble with his words again. “Uh, eh, I... you, why are you-” He was cut off by Luna as she pressed her mouth against his. His eyes jarring wide open with surprise. After overcoming his initial shock, he began to return the kiss with his own.
After a few seconds of what he could describe as pure bliss, the kiss ended as Luna pulled her lips away from his. DarkFury’s cheeks had turned crimson as he stared down at the table.
“Wh- why?” He asked her.
“Becuz you earned it.” She said matter of factly. “You are good soldier and a great student. Come, da night is still young. Let all us make merry!” She jumped out of her chair and onto her feet. “Bartender!” She cried. “More moonshine! And anoder round for anypony who vants it!”
DarkFury remained motionless however, pondering the rationale behind the kiss. Was it because she was drunk? Was it merely just a reward like Luna said? Or most frighteningly he thought, did she actually have feelings for him?
Two hours before dawn, a group of six ponies stumbled out of the doorway of the New Moon. All were drunk to an extreme degree as they yelled and sang while navigating the streets of Canterlot. Luna lead the motley bunch, plain for all to see. It had not occurred to anypony there that Luna should disguise herself on their drunken pilgrimage back to the castle.
The empty streets and chill morning air carried their loud ruckus up and down the quiet city. Some ponies, who were so abruptly and rudely awoken, shouted curses and unpleasantries their way from their homes. This only spurred them on further, the angry protests only making them laugh. Regardless, the group trotted forward down the cobblestone streets toward their goal.
The castle gates before the main entrance greeted them after awhile. The golden gates shimmered faintly in the pre-dawn dark. Two guards stood on the outside of the gate, guarding the royal palace. Their gold armor polished to such a degree that the glow reflected from the nearby torchlight was almost blinding compared to their darkened surroundings.
As the band approached the gates the guards remained devoted, unflinching and unmoving. They wordlessly opened the gates for Luna and her entourage and saluted her. As they passed through, Luna looked over her shoulder towards both of the guards. Giving them a sultry look, she briefly lifted her tail and displayed herself to them for only a moment.
Embarrassed, one of the guards blushed as his face turned scarlet and his head dropped, as he stared at the ground. The other remained composed, but his eyes found new attention in the sky, reciting a religious passage to keep himself calm. The group snickered and laughed at the two guards’ discomfort as they opened the large main doors to the castle and entered.
Once inside the halls, the group went buck wild. Becoming hyperactive, they raced up and down the halls, trying to win a never-ending race with each other while dodging startled castle staff along the way. After a while they slowed, deciding that harassing and annoying castle staff and guards would be more entertaining than racing.
Several maids and servants became the targets of the drunken troupe. FireTail kept asking every mare he saw if they wanted to go out sometime. He usually received either a confused but firm “No.” or a hoof slapped across his cheek. Unfortunately for him, but to the laughter of his comrades, he received more slaps than anything.
Seeing a guard standing in the hall, they contemplated how to mess with him. Frostburn stood in front of the guard making funny faces at him. Coaldust began telling crude but funny jokes, hoping to make the guard lose it. The guard was a veteran however, used to this kind of abuse and the gang soon lost interest.
By chance, they happened upon another guard. She was not occupying a post and she was walking around, as if she was trying to get somewhere. Upon seeing her youth and the rank insignia on her armor, they soon made the connection. She was fresh out the Canterlot Officer’s School, clearly unfamiliar with the layout of the castle.
A mischievous gleam settled upon Luna’s eye as an idea formulated in her mind. Breaking off from the group, she sauntered up to the guardsmare. Pushing her drunken-ness aside for the moment, Luna composed herself as a princess ought to. She introduced herself and struck up a conversation with the now startled mare. The mare seemed to be doing well, besides slightly shaking from meeting a princess. She also seemed a bit put off by the absence of Luna’s royal regalia.
The group could not hear the conversation but they watched with interest. Suddenly, the guardsmare blushed furiously, and an extremely shocked expression covered her face. Now the mare was trembling and her eyes were darting from side to side frantically, as if she were a caged animal. Hurriedly stuttering out some excuse, she bolted from Luna’s presence. Luna watched her for a moment or two, then fell to the ground. She convulsed with loud and mirthful laughter as she rolled on her sides and back. Approaching her, her companions asked what had amused her so much. Upon her revelation, they too burst into laughter as they all continued on down the hallway.
By now they began to feel the pangs of hunger, and unanimously decided to “liberate” some food from the Royal Kitchen. The hall to said kitchen was a small and narrow stretch carved perpendicular to the main hallway. Peering around the corner, they saw two guards in front of the entrance. This fact created mixed feelings from Luna. On one hoof, it meant that her sister had it recently stocked with some precious (and delicious) foodstuffs. On the other hoof, they had to contend with the guards.
They needed a way to get past guards. A distraction would be best she decided. With the power of her magic (and the casual carelessness of being drunk) Luna started a small magical fire on the main hallway floor.
“Fire!” She yelled as the blue flames leapt to life.
The two guards ran out from their recess and spotted the fire. Quickly and carefully, they attempted to put it out. So engrossed they were in this, they failed to notice the six ponies who had sprinted past them and into the kitchen. Safely inside, the group congratulated Luna and they fanned out. Searching for the food that each one of them desired.
Digging through pantries and cupboards, Luna was searching for something to satisfy her sweet tooth. She had already assembled a decent pile of sweets that she wished to try. After all, a thousand years is a long time to be gone. Which means that countless new foods have been introduced over the ages, giving Luna a very wide selection to choose from.
While searching, she stopped after seeing a strange label. Intrigued, she levitated the round, four inch, wrapped sweet in front of her. It showed a large picture of the full moon in the background, with a cute cartoon representation of herself as a filly superimposed on the moon. The label read: Woona’s Moon Pies. Her first thought was of anger, as her image was being used to advertise something she did not personally endorse. But curiosity overcame her as she thought that she would give the treat a chance.
Ripping off the wrapper, she stared at the chocolate covered circle levitating before her. Shrugging, she brought it to her mouth and took a bite. The explosion of sugar and taste rocked her mouth as her eyes widened. The chocolate and marshmallow combined with the cookie crust perfectly. Luna swore she never had tasted a sweet as delicious as this before. Hungrily, she wolfed down the rest of the moon pie and searched for more of them.
She found several cases in the back storage room to her delight. Using her magic, she teleported a few cases to her room, for future consumption. Smiling, she made a mental note to get in touch with the manufacturer of these tasty treats. So as to inform him or her that using images of the Royal Family without permission was a capital offense. However she thought that they could work out a reasonable deal, provided that she was compensated in exchange for her endorsement.
A loud cry of excitement came from FireMane, who was exploring the refrigerated section. Opening one of the large fridges, the group gasped with wonder. Filled to the brim, the gigantic fridge contained almost every kind of alcohol imaginable. The group fell upon the fridge like a pack of wolves on a carcass and grabbed whatever beverage they desired. Luna grabbed a bottle of Captain Sparrow brand rum before dashing away. Her attention drawn to something very foreign and strange to find in a pony’s kitchen, regardless if they were royalty or not.
Cooking inside a large oven at very low heat was a large platter of fish. The sight disgusted Luna to no end, not to mention the offensive aroma it produced. She covered her muzzle with her free hoof to block the horrible stench. She knew of no guest that currently or was going to visit the castle that could or would eat meat. Using her magic, she incinerated the fish inside the oven, leaving nothing but ash. She then turned off the oven and disposed of the ashes, skipping away joyfully without a second thought.
Two Royal Guards sat in front of the door to the Royal Kitchen. They were perplexed and exhausted from putting out a small, but strange fire. It started in the middle of the hall, was entirely dark blue, and some mysterious pony yelled out there was a fire, alerting them to it. When they looked around, that said pony was nowhere to be found. It was as if somepony were tormenting them for their amusement. Sighing, they hoped that the rest of their evening would be nothing more but boring guard duty.
Suddenly, the sound of hooves hitting the floor rapidly came from behind the door. The guards looked at each other surprised, then looked towards the kitchen door with suspicion as they reached for their weapons. The door was slammed open with much shouting and whooping as six ponies sprinted out and trampled the two guards, knocking them down and to the side. Dazed and seeing double, one looked up and swore he saw the Lunar Princess running down the hall away from them.
Refueled and reinvigorated with more alcohol, the group noisily made their way towards Celestia’s throne room. But first, they had to pass through the living quarters of the castle. Even though heavily intoxicated, Luna managed to shush the group as they stealthily crept past Celestia’s room, giggling all the while. The Solar Guards in front of her door gave the group a strange stare, but remained silent.
Passing without waking up the Sun Princess, the group made their way to Celestia’s throne room without difficulty. Upon arriving at their destination, they slipped inside and closed the doors. What occurred next could only be described as the Grand Galloping Gala performed by only six party goers.
A little less than an hour before dawn, Princess Celestia laid sleeping in her bed. Breathing softly and peacefully, the pure white mare was finally having a pleasant dream for once. She dreamt that everything was alright, the world was at continuous peace, and she and her sister spent much needed bonding time together.
Like all dreams though, eventually you have to wake up and face the music. A loud crash echoed throughout the castle as Celestia’s dream shattered along with the large amount of glass. She threw her eyes open, bolting upright in bed. Her mind racing frantically for the cause of the sound.
Are we under attack? Did somepony drop something? Has there been an accident?
Her heart racing, she listened quietly for a short while. Faintly, she was able to pick up the sound of rock and roll music blaring loudly in a distant part of the castle. She sighed, then layed back down in her bed. She rolled over onto her stomach and pulled her pillow over her head.
It’s not even dawn yet. I’m sure the guards can handle this. Just let me sleep. Please, that is all I ask for.
Frantic pounding on her bed chamber door soon ruined that hopeful wish.
“Princess! Princess Celestia! Are you awake?” Somepony from behind the door cried.
Groaning, Celestia pulled herself out from her comfy bed. Clearing her throat, she replied to the voice with her usual calm and eloquent voice her subjects have come to expect from her.
“Yes my little pony. I’ll be out shortly.” Celestia replied.
Celestia yawned and stretched her limbs. Standing, she stepped into her metal shoes and walked over to her mirror. There she fixed and groomed her wings and unruly mane with magic. Levitating her crown and necklace, she carefully placed them on herself and straightened them. Satisfied that she looked suitable, she approached her bedroom door and opened it.
Greeting her was one of her servants. The mare had a teal coat and an aqua blue mane with red-orange streaks. The glasses on her face contained a worried expression in the brown eyes behind them.
Smiling, Celestia said, “What seems to be the problem, dear Aqua Stripe?”
“It’s terrible your highness!” The young mare squeaked. “Your throne room is being destroyed!”
“What?” Celestia responded. A bit surprised about what she was hearing.
“A group of about five stallions have barricaded themselves in your throne room and are tearing it up!”
“Why haven’t the guards handled this situation? It shouldn’t be that much of a problem.”
“They can’t my lady.” Aqua Stripe began to explain. “They locked the doors your majesty, both physically and with an intricate lock spell. As you know, not even a battering ram can dent the doors to your throne room, as well as the fact that the unicorn guards are having no luck against the lock spell. According to an eyewitness, one of your guards, these stallions were described as having golden eyes and fangs.”
Celestia’s eyes narrowed. “I see.” She replied sternly. “Thank you for informing me Aqua Stripe. I shall go and take care of this matter myself.”
Celestia stood before her throne room doors alone and rather unhappy. Loud rock and roll music could be heard through the doors, although the lyrics were unrecognizable due to the doors providing a barrier against the sound. She had been awakened abruptly and rudely, there were some Lunar Soldiers doing who knows what in her throne room, and she had to meet with some important dignitaries later today. Today was not a good day for the Sun Princess.
Reaching out with her magic, she tried to activate the locking mechanism for the doors and pull back the bolts. Instead, she encountered stiff resistance upon trying to do so. Searching, she found the source of the resistance. A very intricate locking spell was over the mechanism and it was clearly cast by somepony who knew what they were doing.
Deducing from the shape of the spell, the pony who cast it was very familiar with gems and precious stones, as the spell was carefully crafted and layered like a diamond. She had to admire the spell and it’s caster, as it was rather clever. By structuring the spell in this way, the pony who cast it was able to make it exponentially stronger than the amount of energy poured into casting it. The complex key to the spell made her smile, as it was so simple yet so hard. It had also been the source of her unicorn guards’ agitation.
Rather than solve the finely crafted spell, Celestia poured more and more of her seemingly endless amount of magic against it. Quickly, the spell was forced to give way under the huge amount of power against it as it shattered, then faded.
Foal’s play.
She could now access the lock without interference. She slid the bolts back and unlocked the large double doors. Now she would be able to punish those who dared to disturb her rest and trash her throne.
“WE’RE GOING TILL THE WORLD STOPS TURNING WHILE WE BURN IT TO THE GROUND TONIGHT!”
Princess Celestia was blown back and deafened by the huge wave of sound that escaped through the door she opened. Fighting against the huge soundwave, she forced her way into the room. Closing the door behind her, she gasped as she took in the sight before her.
A large, golden, and ornate glass chandelier lay on the ground, shattered and destroyed. Obviously, this had been the sound of the loud crash that awoke her. She could only stare in disbelief at the remains of such a priceless and antique artifact. Her anger continued to mount upon looking around the room.
There were scratches and small chunks missing from the polished marble floor. Tracing the path in her mind, they led to a coal black unicorn who was holding a pickaxe and a bottle in his magical grip. He was swinging the tool around at the floor wildly, cursing loudly about giant moles and diamond dogs all the while.
Celestia moved forward to stop the agitated drunk, but stopped when several glass crystals fell from the ceiling and landed in front of her. Looking up she saw two pegasi, one who was snow white in color and the other with a two-toned fire colored tail, who were hopping from chandelier to chandelier singing along with the song at the top of their lungs. Every time they landed, another shower of glass fell from the remaining ceiling fixtures and clattered to the floor.
A deep scowl lining her face, Celestia prepared a spell to immobilize both pegasi and bring them back down to the floor. Before she could cast it, something appeared in her peripheral vision, and it was heading straight for her. She ducked as an empty rum bottle sailed through the space her head had occupied only a second before. Continuing its course, it hit the large door behind her and shattered.
Celestia turned livid, with small fires burning in her eyes. It was one thing to do property damage, but to attempt to harm the Princess!? These mortals will burn! Her nostrils flared as she saw those responsible for the bottle. They were two more pegasi having a food fight of sorts. Throwing food, wrappers, and bottles at each other. As a result; glass, wrappers, and ruined food littered a large part of the floor.
Her eyes glowing with wrath, Celestia extended her wings and reared up on her hind legs, preparing to slam them down with a large force and cast a powerful spell. Suddenly, the extremely loud music stopped. Celestia teetered, being surprised at the sudden lack of noise and returned to all fours. Confused, she looked around puzzled, as did the five stallions in the room.
“Your attention, please if you.” A dominant and familiar feminine voice staggered out.
Turning all six of their heads as one, they rested their gaze upon a dark sapphire mare with a starry mane the shade of the night sky. This winged unicorn leaned against a huge set of speakers, obviously the source of the music. This mare held a bottle in her hoof and upended it, drinking the last of its contents.
“Luna!?” Celestia gasped, her anger being replaced with shock.
Princess Luna finished her drink and looked at the empty bottle disdainfully.
“Captain Sparrow, why ish all the rum gone?” She asked sadly before tossing the bottle over her shoulder. It crashed to the floor a short ways behind her.
Pushing away from her support, Luna swayed as she found her balance and stood upright. By now, the two flying pegasi had come down from their perch, and were sitting next to their three comrades. She then began to speak, apparently oblivious to Celestia standing back towards the entrance.
“First off,” She said swaying. “I wanna tank you guys for inviting me out. Twas the most fun I’b had in awhile. *hic* Shecond, you’re all great. I’m sho happy to hab you as my soldiers, *hic* and as my friends.”
The stallions cheered lightly in response. One of them whistled approvingly.
Luna allowed herself to do a small curtsy and grin at her soldiers. After a few seconds, silence retook the room and Luna continued.
“It *hic* won’t be long before my royal pain of a shister *hic* will appear and rain on our parade. Till then, *hic* I’ll provide shome entertwainment.”
Luna turned towards Celestia’s throne and began to ascend to the top of it. Celestia was stunned. She could not believe her sister had said such a thing.
“She’s drunk.” Celestia told herself. “She’s drunk and that’s the only reason she said such a thing.”
Luna had reached the top of the throne now, and was busy using her hooves and magic to restyle her mane. She was altering the colors of it, copying a certain tri-colored color scheme and styling it to look exactly like Celestia’s.
“No, she wouldn’t...” Celestia said pleadingly. “I’m her sister, she can’t do this.”
Done fidgeting with her mane, Luna sat up regally, copying Celestia’s pose exactly. Celestia had to admit though, Luna did look a bit ridiculous with her tri-colored mane. The Lunar Stallions thought so too, evident by their snickering.
Clearing her throat, Luna began to speak in a crude, but similar sounding voice to Celestia’s. “Hello there my little ponies. How are you all on this fine evening?”
The stallions burst into laughter while Celestia began to pale, a pained expression showing on her face.
“I can’t believe it, my own sister is mocking me.” Celestia said sadly.
Luna continued. “What’s this? Laughter? That thing I never do because I’m too old, stiff, and formal?”
The stallions began laughing harder, as a couple had fallen to floor. Celestia could only watch and listen in horrified disbelief.
“I shan’t have any of it. *hic* To the dungeon with all of you, to serve your timeouts until you’ve learnt your lesson.” Luna also gave the group a stern look, imitating Celestia’s expression perfectly.
By now the stallions were losing it, all of them were on the ground and either pounding it with their hooves or rolling about with laughter. Celestia was aghast, she could appreciate good humor but this was crossing the line in her mind.
Luna moved onto another little impromptu skit, still imitating Celestia’s voice.
“Luna, dear sister, where are you?”
“Right here sister. What is it that you need?” Luna replied to herself, switching back to her normal voice to do so.
“There is something I need you to do.”
“Oh? And what is that Celestia?”
“I need you to tell me where you are at any given second of the day.”
“I beg pardon?”
“You heard me. I’ll have two of my guards follow you everywhere you go.”
“No! This is absurd!”
“Luna, calm down. It’s only temporary.”
“Then how long will this last?”
“Forever.”
“What!?”
“You heard me, now be a good little sister and listen to me. Elder siblings know best.”
“That is the biggest load of—”
“Don’t argue with me. If you don’t stop acting so unruly I’ll send you back to the moon!”
“You wouldn’t dare!”
“I can and I will.”
“Why!?”
“Because I’m an insatiable tyrant and I said so!”
Again, the soldiers laughed. While not as funny as the previous skit, it was much more serious in nature. Even though drunk, they doubted that the story was fact. Although most stories have at least a shred of truth in them.
“ENOUGH!” Bellowed Celestia, with angry tears forming in her eyes.
The laughter stopped and all the ponies just now noticed Celestia’s presence. All of them, save one, were wracked with intense fear. Luna calmly pushed her mane out of her face and addressed her sister.
“Oh. *hic* I didn’t notice you there Celestia. You are well?” She asked with an innocent and drunken smile.
After the scene in the throne room, Celestia had broken up their merry little gathering. The Lunar troops were escorted back to their barracks by Celestia’s own and dozens of castle staff were trying frantically to clean up the throne room before Celestia would accept audiences for the oncoming day.
Meanwhile, The Solar Princess was guiding her stumbling and slurring sister to her room. Judging from the potency of her breath and her shaky, uncertain steps, Celestia deduced heavy intoxication. The likes of which she had only seen once before, just before Luna was banished to the moon.
Currently, Luna was giving her a brief account of her night. Celestia listened with interest, but felt conflicted. She was angry with Luna for going out into public and performing such vulgar displays, but she was also happy for her. She was finally socializing and it sounded like she had a good time. Nevertheless, Celestia had to rebuke Luna somewhat. Just to make sure that this didn’t become a habit.
“Luna, I am disappointed in you. I have no idea what on Earth possessed you to do such radical and foolish things. Let’s just be grateful that nopony saw you drunk and wandering the streets. What would ponies think if they saw you running rampant on a drunken spree?”
“They’d say dat mare can dreenk. Give her anoder.” Luna replied sluggishly.
“Honestly, I can’t fathom what you were thinking.” Celestia said as she shook her head.
“Something caalled fun. Dat ting you never let me nor you do.”
“What!?” Celestia interjected. “I let you have your fun tonight didn’t I?”
“Only cuz youse were sleeping and I snuck out.”
“That’s not true!”
“It is sister. Name one thing that you did eider wit me or by youself since I returned that is fun.”
Celestia pondered in thought for a moment before answering. “We had tea after we got back from your liberation from Nightmare Moon. Wasn’t that fun?”
Luna snickered. “No, twas not. You acted as you are now. Formal, stiff, and serious all da vhile. I tought you were still mad at me and I vas scared rigid.”
“Uhm, how about the time we had a picnic in the Royal Garden?”
“Shame as the first.”
“I attended an opera.”
Luna raised her eyebrow as if to ask: really?
“I... I signed legal documents and met with dignitaries.”
Luna face-hoofed and groaned.
“I... I... I went on a diet?”
Luna began laughing hysterically.
“Am I really boring and no fun? Please, give me your honest opinion.” Celestia pleaded with her sister.
Luna calmed herself just enough to compose a response. “Sorry to shay, but yesh.”
For the first time in a long while, Celestia looked crestfallen. Her happy demeanor had vanished, along with her default smile. She stared at the ground sadly as the two sisters walked.
“I’m just boring and plain.” Celestia said after a short while. “And I wonder why I take no pleasure in waking up everyday.”
Luna placed her hoof around her sister and said, “Here’s shome advice for ya. Change up your routine, take a vacation every now and then, make freends wit ponies, and just do vat you wanna do. We’re royalty, whose gonna shtop us?”
“I would prefer not to neglect our role as rulers, or descend into a dictatorship, but I see your point. I guess I could live a little, as it were.”
“Dere ya go. Glad to shee I could help. But dat still doesn’t explain why you’re so uptight all the time. Ya didn’t take a vacation once while I vas away did you? “
“No.”
“You’b been devoted to your duties too mooch. All work and stress and no play means bery serious pony and serious problam.” Luna looked from side-to-side to make sure they were alone in the hallway. “When was da last time?”
“What?” Celestia asked, confused.
“Ya know, da last you... well...”
“The last time I did what?”
“The last time you had a companion to... relieve you ob your stress.”
“Excuse me!?” Celestia shouted, her wings snapping up to make her look larger and more intimidating, while an angry scowl lined her face.
“Ansver da question!” Luna shouted in response. Giving an icy glare to match her sister’s scowl.
Celestia lowered her wings slightly as she replied slowly. “Not since before your banishment...”
Luna’s jaw dropped as she stared at her sister dumbfounded. “How... did you surbibe dat many cycles witout goin crazy?”
Celestia just stared at the ground, shuffling her hooves uneasily.
“You poor mare.” Luna said to her in a comforting tone. “Maybe you should find shomepony. I’m shure you’d find many a willing partner in your Solar Guard.”
“Luna!” Celestia roared.
“Hay, hay, hay. Calm down. You do vat you want. It’s not my plaesh to tell you how to wiv your life. No if you’ll excuse me, my bed is calling to me.” Luna finished as they finally reached her bedroom.
“Do you want me to lower the moon for you?” Celestia asked.
“Naw, I got it.” Luna replied as she pushed open her door and stumbled inside. “Have a good morning.” She called out before she closed the door.
Outside, the moon was just at the horizon, waiting to be pushed beneath it. Suddenly, it was jerked by an unseen force and was zig-zagging through the sky turning every which way. Up, down, right, left, left, up, left, right, down, until it finally was guided beneath the horizon and disappeared from view.
With the moon gone from the sky, Celestia used her magic and raised the sun. The golden orb’s blinding light slowly stretched over the sleeping land, waking it from its slumber. For a while, Celestia sat and stared at the gold orb. All the while she contemplated what her sister had said to her and reflected briefly upon her and Luna’s past. Wondering, about what has been, what could have been, and what will be.
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I smiled through the whole chapter. I liked it.
drunk luna is fun luna
What, no Quicksilver? And I am really hating this DarkFury guy. Thinking he can steal my mare. Als, am I the only one who thought of old Robotnik going "Snooping as usual?" when Luna saw the guards walking?
2965115 I'm glad you did.
2965503 What is this "fun" thou speakest of?
2965527
I'm a tyrant and I do what I want! (cookie if you get the reference)
Ahh yes drunkenness, completely turns off your filter. It let Luna say things that she knows aren't really true but still effect her, and say things that are true but decorum would never allow. Sometimes it takes a shock, like a drunken Lunar princess and her guards on the rampage, to effect positive changes. I am curious will Luna have to deal with "The Royal Hangover"?
“Captain Sparrow, why ish all the rum gone?” I almost fell out of my chair with this one.
Mayhap a little of this would help? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4HFMEM-cPG8
This was the best chapter ever
Here's to booze. The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.
2965573you said you had fun, so you tell me
Heh, I'm surprised that the legend of the Daytime Moon didn't start here :D
For a reference: http://docwario.deviantart.com/art/The-Story-of-the-Daytime-Moon-339065911
2965573 Terminator X?
Laughing. So. HARD!!! XD
I love the bit with the moon going crazy!!
2965744 Maybe, I kinda thought about skipping over that. Although, I might be able to implement that into the next chapter. We'll just have to wait and see.
2966106 I agree.
2966327 2968647 Thanks! I had so much fun writing this chapter. You know it has to be good when the author has trouble focusing due to self-induced laughter, right?
2966329 I'll drink to that!
2966348 I kid, I kid. We all know what sort of "fun" Luna had. The best kind, the drunken kind!
2966567 Yeah, I tend to have that problem. My editor being MIA and not able to go over the rest of this chapter with me probably didn't help either.
2966645 XD That was so funny, and it's believable to boot! Thanks for sharing that!
2967836 They made ten of those vids now? 0.o
I was referring to the part where Luna was impersonating Celestia.
2968895 What will happen to him indeed. That remains to be seen...
Thanks for the compliment. I tried to go for something that was somewhat casual, while poking some fun between them as well.
2969356 Meh. Anyway, I'm so excited for BronyCon!! I'm leaving tomorrow
2969433 Sounds fun. Enjoy your trip.
2969311
Yep! Those are the best chapters i've seen usually! When they're supposed to be funny at least. Still pretty dang funny!
2969867 I will. And I'll post i all here on FiMFiction for you to enjoy
2961276
So how's progress?
3623063 Eh, good I guess. Been busy as of late. I'm just trying to find time to make myself sit down and write. I have a good feeling about this weekend, possibly the next as well.
Mother of M1 Abrams, Noc, you double spaced.
also,
lol
Holy shit Noc, you didn't lie about this story. Absolutely hilarious.
luna thinking at the top the "think of the present not the past" then opening a book something written IN THE PAST. talk about irony
drunken higinks r best higinks
as if she were [subjunctive mood]
in, clearly
were
Is there something wrong?
screamed
its
this proves it. even royals have to un whine after awhile. all work and no play equals bad day.