An aspiring writer that loves the fandom and it's works
Who is this new pegasus in Ponyville? With nothing but a worn old jacket, a blue crystal necklace and an unknown past. Can Twilight and her friends help him or will his past destroy everything he's worked so hard to achieve.
This is my second fan-fic, feel free to point out any problems you encounter in the comments bellow.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Everypony knows that the seventh element is
it's yellowstar, element of helpfulness.
totally calling it
1670085 I would suggest not basing the entirety of the story around the "Seventh Element", though, and instead basing it around your protagonist. That way, when people read the description and the title they're not going, "Aww great, ANOTHER one of these fics!" Work in the plot element of there being a seventh element as you tell the protagonist's story. You get to tell the same story, but this way you're not shoving an unpopular opinion in people's faces right off the bat. You have time to explain WHY there's a seventh element, and for it to make more sense. Understand what I'm saying?
Also, you probably shouldn't spam your own story by replying to people with a separate post each time. Just reply to everyone in a single post ^.^ Everyone will still get a notification, and your comments section won't get loaded with unnecessary junk
1670296 I don't plan on basing it around the seventh element. There's no real mention of it starting out. The first couple chapters is the main character getting to know Twilight and her friends. And I intend to explain how a seventh element can exist.
Thanks for the help.
1669857good idea.
Derpy = Element of Muffins.
1669900 Nope sorry.
1669708 Very funny Regidar. Very funny.
Sure, I completely believe the bits were conveniently 'lost' in the forest
-shadow Flare
Overall very interesting.
However:
Maybe take things a bit slower? Seems to have a choppy feel to it at times.
Just needs a bit of smoothing over I think.
"an unknown past, what is his role in this? And how is he connected to Twilight and her friends?"
Let's hope he's not?
A really nice story keep it up!
1675611
Thank you
1669900 I'm saying courage
I personally don't like it, but I think I know why.
Your character is a cup, everything about him gets dumped out onto the other characters.
It leaves nothing to explain later and, in my experience, it bores readers to death.
I think that you should regulate the things that he tells the other ponies, making him slightly less predictable and slightly more mysterious.
Everything else seems to be okay other than your character/character development.
1715335 Yeah I know, I need to work on that aspect of my stories.
Very good character development for this chapter! :D
A Token of Awesomeness for you! :3
1732307 Thak you.
And the plot thickens
1757811 Oh just wait and see for what I have in store fr them.
Cool.
iambrony.steeph.tp-radio.de/mlp/gif/154562%20-%20animated%20artist-pageturner1988%20gif%20rainbow_dash%20stereoscopic%20wigglegram.gif?1344079420
1758151 How do poeple post thos things?
1758165 Copy the image URL, click insert image, paste it there, and then you click add comment. Does that answer your question?
1758202 Thank you.
1758218 iambrony.steeph.tp-radio.de/mlp/gif/L5Vjn.gif?1318631253
Well, bloke, not bad. Ye still have a few spelling mistakes here and there, but overall great chapter.
Celestia dun goofed
1815075 Eeyup Not the best move.
What could possible go wrong?
-Shadow Flare
I'm just going to forget this chapter ever happened. I fear for my sanity if I didn't (Not to mention my computers well-being). Anything like that or even close to that makes me more then a little irked. I'm pretty disappointed in you right now as well. Y u so mean to Fluttershy????
1819986 I had to have some conflict with the O.C. my original plan was for it to happen to pinkie but then I remembered her cannon,
I don't hate fluttershy she's one of my favorite ponies.
The situation just seemed to call for it.
sorry Fluttershy.
Oh Pinkie
, good chapter.
The Mary sue transformation is coming
1845878 The what transformation?
Is it bigger on the inside, or smaller on the outside?
Unexpected Pony!!! I never saw that coming!
the ELEMENT OF TIME!!!!
Good chapter
Awesome
Good luck my friend
indeed it does
THE DOCTOR HAS A HOOF IN THIS
Luna: There needs to be acton taken
Celestia: Dont worry i got it. I WILL write a letter
BUN BUN BUHHHHHH!!!!
Pegasi can do magic? I can belevie it with the way it was explained
Cant describe how good chapter was....
Now the 7th element gets explained. Should be interesting
AWESOME DOCTOR WHO REFERENCES. Anywho good chapter and nice flow for the entire story
1815075
Couldn't put it better my self
1845889
Mary sue is a term that means a perfect character in situations such as battle or just can't be beaten. I almost agree but it is still a big if. Anyway great chapter
1894709 Oh, thanks for the clarification.
1894725
Anytime my friend
1911485 Awesome referance!