• Member Since 25th Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen Sep 5th, 2020

Gallifrey


E

Doctor Whooves is a mysterious stallion, nopony knew where he came from, or understands half of what he says.
Whilst trying to repair the TARDIS to take him back home, he might just discover a reason to stay.

It's time to stop running.

Story inspired by Deadpony

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 215 )

derpy.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/134160614554.gif
>Be a hard working student brony
>Read this story
>Notice lack of ske[le]tons
>mfw

I should also mention that i was first

1693906
hehehehe it's fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine.
But anyway, gripes with this story include The Doctor avoiding his responsibilites and personally would have had a less pleasant ending, but hey that's just me.
It's well written overall and heartwarming to the max. It helps that i happen to like fly me to the moon.

awesome story. it was really good! :twilightsmile:

But...but.... what about Derpy? It's FANON FOR CELESTIA'S SAKE!

1694052 Yeah, because HEAVEN FORBID that ANYPONY go OUTSIDE of the NORM! We wouldn't want any ORIGINALITY to get into our FANFICS! HELL NO! We want the same story to be told a bajillion times!
scranton.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw4485-1335172445545.jpg





Felt too short, honestly. There were a couple of places I felt could have been expanded a little, but good nevertheless.

1694139
But...but... Derpy x Dr. Whooves...... I AM AFRAID OF CHANGE :twilightangry2:

This should be labelled Crossover.

I'm a Doctor X Derpy fan myself, I can't find any good fanfiction about it, but A good story

1694166 >B-but I never even installed a muffin button!
>Then how did I get this muffin...? :rainbowderp:

Tense agreement. Learn it.

1694385 DBZ Abridged references! Also I enjoyed this story.

1694139
I like you.

1694304
Very good point. Fix'd.

1694553
cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/26147280.jpg

(No homo)

~Everyone love Magical Trevor! And the tricks that he does are ever so clever!~

This was cute. The writing could have done with some better devices and pacing, though. Taking time to explore the surroundings, for example. When Twi brings the Doctor to her Laughing Place (that hill under the stars), I didn't get much of an idea of what the place was like.

What could have been done there is...

Ponyville was before them, the size of a child's playset. The moon above shone down on the town, like a mother peeking in on her children as they slept. The stars twinkled and danced in the sky as the cool night air breezed by.

The Doctor was taken by this view of Ponyville. He could see why Twilight had lived here for two years: it's such a beautiful, magical little place. He looked up and saw something even more amazing.

Twilight's eyes. The stars above, in their merrymaking, reflected in her eyes, giving them an otherworldly resonance. He was hypnotized--and thankfully, not in a way that suggested she was going to eat him or something.

The reason I say this is that your writing is mostly dialogue, and while dialogue is necessary, it should only be half of the story. Stories include characters, but they also include settings. It's not just a background, it's an environment. The way you describe the TARDIS seems to imply you know this already, but no other place in the story gets as much attention to detail.

So when setting up a scene...

>What does it feel like to be inside the place?
>What smells can you smell from here? (Ex. something cooking in the kitchen, has a homely smell, smells like something died in here)
>What can you see from here? (Ex. less a library and more a book museum, organized chaos, there's a painting of an elf playing a tuba on the wall)
>What can you hear from here? (Ex. a low hum from the next room, a dog barking in the neighborhood at night, a song playing from a stereo)

These are very important things when dressing a setting for each scene.

Now, writing devices. These are also really important. You seem to have a vague knowledge on how to write in a way that paints an image in the readers' minds, but that talent is in such a state that it needs some nurturing.

Metaphors, alliteration, hyperbole, portmanteaus... all this can be used to describe something. However and whatever you use, it has to most succinctly describe an action or object or person or place.

The gramophone sputtered and died, Old Blue-Eyes' voice slowing and deepening like he was mutating into something monstrous.

The Doctor looked at Twilight awkwardly for a few seconds. "I'll, uh... Let me fix that."

The Doctor struggled to get the reluctant machine before him to work. As he continued his argument with it, Twilight couldn't help but crack a grin. He was almost like one of those cartoon characters designed specifically so that the world was against him every step of the way. Growing up, that was always her favorite kind of cartoon character, and now that she'd met the real deal, she understood why.

Determination. There's just something so respectable about determination in the face of adversity. No matter how much the Doctor had suffered, he always did his best to keep himself together. Twilight's grin became a warm smile at the thought. Just then, Frank Sinatra came back with a pop.

"There we go!" the Doctor cried merrily. "Good girl." He patted the gramophone like he was congratulating an old friend.

There's a lot of description here, and it helps the setting and the scene.

I guess my point is to not just focus on the characters. They're important, of course, but the settings of each scene are also really important, nearly equally so.

Very well written, but the Doctor feels very OOC. Perhaps slightly too emo, not eccentric enough, and he reveals who he is too fast with little to no consequences.

Thank you. Thank you so very much :rainbowkiss:

I see what you did there with the title.

i.imgur.com/CswFk.png

"For the eleventh time Rainbow, yes!"

Ha!

I agree, the Doctor was a little OOC. I don't think he would open up that quickly, or ever settle down. In the end, I really don't care. It was a good story nonetheless.

Did he really just call the Tardis sexy?

I feel this needs to be longer, if only for the sake of the story unfolding at a slower pace. It was quiet quick, but it was a good story, too.

1694608
Oh wow, really, thank you for your thorough review! I love comments like this, they help me figure out what I can improve on. I'll be sure to take your points on board in future writing. :heart:

1694669
1694906
I knew that this would come up, I don't blame you haha. It was much more difficult to fit his personality into the story than I anticipated. Such a complex and fluid character was perhaps a bit beyond my skill. :twilightsheepish:

1694931
It's canon to the show, so, yeah.

1694571

You! You're the one who disappeared my cow! Where is my cow hidden?

1694744
No worries, my friend. I hope it was vaguely along the lines you were expecting. :rainbowkiss:

Hmmm, references list
1.

"You never know," he muttered darkly, continuing his walk to the library with a Pinkie Pie in tow. "And what do you mean, unbirthday?"

"Well, is it your birthday today?" Pinkie bubbled happily.

"No..." he began.

"Then it's your unbirthday!" she said, bouncing up and down. "Merry unbirthday!"

Alice in wonderland

2.

"All my friends say I'm mad, I don't know why, it's not like I go around putting my friends into cupcakes or anything," she shuddered, "can you imagine?!"

Cupcakes




I have just been WAITING for a fic called this to show up. Just WAITING. It's finally came.
And I couldn't be HAPPIER

1694052
Oh my God, I totally agree. Heavens forbid anyone does something original...

1695186

There was probably a few more here and there but I forget. :twilightsheepish:

I'm super super happy you enjoyed it so much! :pinkiehappy:

We need more Doctor whooves stories. Good job really liked it. :twilightsmile:

1695192 I have never seen him do that.

Basically after the first few lines, the rest is dialogue :rainbowhuh:

1695384
i cant remember the episode name, but he does do it.
it has been brought up in many fics...

1695389

So it is. That's curious actually. I guess it's what comes of having a degree to do and not having much time to write it. :fluttershyouch:

1695430 Oh yes, I saw the beginning of that episode but never got to that part.

1694931 The Eleventh Doctor did in "The Eleventh Hour".

Holy crap, a doctor fic which isn´t about shipping him with Derpy = MUST READ!!!

1695050 All of that and so much more :twilightsmile:
OH MY GOD I'M (briefly) MENTIONED IN THE FEATURED BOX :pinkiehappy: :rainbowkiss:

1695186

It's finally came.

finally came.

came.

Me and my dirty mind!:rainbowlaugh:

A very nice one-shot. I liked the way you hinted at Twilight's crush in the beginning.

A few things about the Doctor, though.
The doctor is very evasive about his past, you were a bit too obvious. Also, he usually only gives his companions information when they need it, whereas you had him spilling the beans beforehand.
Finally, though this would have drastically altered the story, he does not let himself get romantically involved with companions. It becomes too painful when they die and he goes on living.

Other than the OOC stuff, it was a very sweet romance. Have a fave and a thumbs up.
And a moustache for god measure :moustache:

Nice story, I Iike seeing a good Doctor fic from time to time(lol) but yeah nice read

1694052
SCREW DERPY! :applecry:

Twilight x Doctor Whooves is best shipping. :twilightsmile:
Second best if Twilight x Firestar :twilightoops:
I LIKE CROSSOVERS, OKAY?! :facehoof:

:twilightoops:1695724
omg, why did i write that??!!!

1695040 Umm... Uhh...

TUCKER DID IT!

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