Rainbow Dash decided to take Scootaloo flying for the day. She pushed the young filly to improve her flying skills, but maybe she pushed too hard. Now Scootaloo is lying in Hospital in a critical condition, the doctors informed Rainbow Dash that she wasn't going to make it. She relives the events of that fateful day whilst sitting next to the unconscious little filly that meant the world to her.
Just want to say thanks guys for all the likes and faves!
This is my first time ever writing a sad story so lets hope it turns out ok.
Guys I want you to be brutal, criticism is needed.
It is pretty short but this is just a one-shot I have never tried anything like this before.
Comments contain spoilers, so if you can't handle 'em don't scroll down xD
.....the feels.....oh mah god the feels!
ALL OPH MAH FEELS
fc06.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2012/104/c/6/pinkie_pie_feels_naaaaughty____by_mrbarthalamul-d4w6xes.jpg
oh my god the ending...................why?
oh god the tears
do you know how hard it is for a gundam to cry
Delete this from the description.
You summarise the entire story in those five words, it leaves no hopes for the reader and as such scares off potential readers(those who dislike when somepony dies) and generally spoils the ending.
1663589 True C: sowwie
Edit: done C:
1663594
Glad you undestand ^^
1663596 It's true but I never realized until you spotted it. I am slow
xD
Nice refernce to winie paz in the title.
I liked it, but the suicide part was a bit extreme.
The feels, they are killing me.
1663772 ^-^
1663765 Well I am glad you liked it!
*sits in the corner and weeps. uncontrollably*
1663811 Aww I sorry for hurting your feels
Oh, god. I normally shy away from sad stories, but I couldn't resist this one. This one reminded me why I avoid them...
Great story anyway.
1663852
Thank you ^-^
...... The feels....
iambrony.jsmart.web.id/mlp/gif/133522641020.gif?1335782165
Ah, another "Rainbow Dash gets somepony hurt or killed and kills herself physically or mentally" sadfic.
I've got a soft spot for these (obviously, since that's the first one I wrote).
This one's not the best I've ever read, but it's not bad. So many sadfics try so hard to evoke feelings that they feel very artificial. This one, maybe the tiniest bit purple, but not even close to the same degree.
A couple of suggestions; first, get a good proofreader. I solo my own work, and I probably shouldn't. Knock off the rough edges, and this'll be great. Second, tone down the synopsis. The idea of it is to give a faint outline, a "first taste" if you will, of the story, and allow the reader to discover the rest. For a sub-2k story, a few sentences is more than enough.
1663944 Yeah I need a proof-reader haha I just wrote this today. I don't have anyone Proof-reading for me sadly. But I totally understand what you mean :)
First sad story? IMPOSSIBLE!
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Its to good to be your first sad story.. And way to emotional
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This is to good...
1664067 Awk thank you ^-^ But yes indeed 'tis my first :3
1664090 I think it should need another chapter of Applejack/Twilight/Fluttershy/Pinkie/Raritys reaction to Rainbows death, and Applebloom/Sweeties reaction to the death of Scootaloo.
But then again, your the author, I'm the reader. I get what I get.
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1664110 Sounds interesting, but this was just a one-off not really my thing to be honest but I might dabble a bit in this genre
1664119 media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lw7ybvTzXh1qks4mg.gif
1664126 s2.favim.com/orig/28/book-gif-love-quote-take-my-hand-Favim.com-233500.gif
1664134 media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lw7yb3KXhS1qks4mg.gif
No more sad fic i said. Guess what, I clicked on this and jepp, a sad fic. It was beautiful without any thing against this. Felt a bit short for my taste. But, thumbs up and hope to see more from you
I loved it, you're writing style was alright, although I think you could have used a few more I'm instead of I ams ect. in the middle of the story.
Moustache and a watch for you!
1664230 Thank you :) I really appreciate it
1664243 Also if you don't mind me asking as I noticed your name was Niall, are you also Irish?
1663893
holy crap... she looks hot
1664259 ...Yes
1664273 Oh cool, a fellow Irish brony in the wild.
1664302 xD Phew for a second there I thought you were gonna ask if I was Niall Horan xD
Look, I reviewed your fic!
Not bad... not bad.
1663537 cry like only WING ZERO CAN ! static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/flutterrage.png
favorite and liked and nothing more.this is so sad.
1664267
Great... the one person to reply to my comment, and they just comment on the physical attributes of the character whose likeness I used... Welp. I won't use that image again for a while now.
The feels!!!
static4.fjcdn.com/thumbnails/comments/Why+can+t+I+hold+all+these+feels+It+s+almost+jimmy-rustling+_3e9cf28549efc52d3a2a8ab9b5264661.gif
Rainbow did suicide?
1664452
You're mean
Meh. Too short to build up any feels, the ending is over the top, and almost every sentence has a typo or a grammatical error.
C-
Not bad for a first story. However, a few minor edits -
1) This story, even though the story moderators approved it, should be tagged as tragedy. The difference between tragedy and sad is that tragedy ends up with one or more of the main characters dying. In this case, the two characters were RD and Scoots. Sad is only used for an overall depressing tone, but nobody dies.
2) There were some cases were you were missing commas and a few minor grammatical errors.
However, bravo for a first story. If you need any other help (within reason), PM me.
HOLY SHAT! This was your first? Hats off to you, man.
On an unrelated note:ts4.mm.bing.net/th?id=I.4696650627220583&pid=15.1&W=160&H=116
ts4.mm.bing.net/th?id=I.4631667767051347&pid=15.1&W=110&H=160
YOU VILE EUCLID, YOU KILLED RAINBOW DASH, MY FEELS ARE ON FIRE, O6~7, REQUESTING IMMEDIATE TERMINATION ORDER FOR SCP 173
1665615 I wub woo too
1664452 where can I find that image...
Also
1665777 I hunted Google for it xD
1665783
Google hunting!!