im just a brony who makes average to below average fics
Trailing Ivy's life mostly consisted of waking up, eating, tending to his garden, sleeping and occasionally venturing for food. It was only when he discovered a special rose of his own that he brought variety back into his garden.
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A rewrite of my first story. Co-written by radbunny.
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Hrm... needs editing...
1816223 Well I kinda just threw it out there. Planning on editing it soon.
Eyyup.
Good idea. Good portrayal- just needs some editing. I saw some spelling/grammar errors. Maybe a tad less rushed?
Just do those before you release it....but I like it! ^_^ If you wanted to continue it, OR edit and flesh it out, I could see the awesomeness of it doubling!
1818248 Trying to find a editor. In the meantime I'm working on chapter two. Hopefully when I finish it I will have a editor I can rely on.
1818277
Finding an editor you say?
this has piqued my interests. Just looking for someone to proof-read it?
In the words of the all-mightly rainbow dash.....
I might be up for something like that
1818285 At this point a proof reader would be great. How about as soon as I'm done I send you the link to the unread chapter?
Awwww how cute.
Interesting...
It is HARD to find good stories about Roseluck.
I think the OC's name was fitting and you didn't go overboard with him. Very nice job!
I can't wait to see more of this!
1822318 Thanks. A very important thing to do when making a OC is making sure that he/she is not overpowered and he/she has somewhat of a personality. And it there isn't too many Roseluck fics at all.
This is awesome, keep up the good work!
1822791 Will do!
YEEESSS!!!!! I loved it so much. It's so sweet but not sickeningly sweet or sappy sweet. It's just the perfect type of sweet and amazing!
Spread the love.
1829123 Give my co-writer, radbunny almost all of the credit. I gave the idea on what they should do next He wrote all of the details and the chapter its self.
Still loveing it
Truth be told I read way to many dark and sad storys so it's pretty simple to get a bit depressed and then I read this a nice happy story and well it make me feel good
Thank you
I love it!
Ooohh a date.
Yay update
I'm still enjoying this wich is good
If you could get someone to make a picture of roseluck with the pink ribbon in her hair i would be very grateful.
1838271 I got the inspiration from this 25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m41ycpwRax1r5eembo2_r1_250.png
1838298 That's quite a pretty picture of roseluck. Thank you for showing me this.
1838330 You are quite welcome.
Awesome. I keep liking the new updates, outstanding work!
Yay an update. Can't wait for more!
Yussssss, so freaking amazing! Thank you for the quick update. Can't wait for the next chapter. I'm so glad Ivy was able to pull it together.
Achievement get
Fall in love
Still loveing this story keep up the good work
Such a heart warming story. 10 points.
I dont remember anypony named "Rockluck",
So maybe Roseluck?
Anyway, great as always! Keep up the good work!
1843463 Fixed it. Well at least its a small mistake.
Zero dislikes thus far? Quite interesting, though I may have just jinxed it. Though I will not be the one to dislike it, I cannot say I liked it; it's okay from what I've read. Per request for the WRITE group, I, their local nerd Missy, shall give you my thoughts and critiques. *pushes up glasses* Here we go.
I'd like to do a section of this review on a particular part: the first chapter, the introduction to a story. The introduction is significant, what makes readers want to read more or head back to the home page for other stories. And yet, I don't feel quite as interested as you want a reader to, and that's a problem.
I guess in order to make this more interesting, you could have given us a better idea of this character. You know, bring him to life. We know far less about him than Roseluck, who is a mere background pony. Granted, from what I read throughout, he seems like a good character, flawed and all. However, his personality is not so much the problem.
You could have given us more of his daily routine of the morning—basically, a bit more into his life. We kind of just see him doing what he does mundanely—gardening—and suddenly, we see him looking at Roseluck. It just places us right into the plot, which isn't that great of an idea. Normally, a writer needs to set up something to start us off before sending us right in; sometimes you don't need to, depending on the plot itself, but in this case, it is very much recommended, mostly because we do not know a thing about this character. The main problem is, again, that we do not know this chararacter, so we don't care about his crush or anything that goes on with him. You have to guide us, in a way, to get a good idea of what he is like, his life, his likes and dislikes, everything! And therefore, we can like him. And if we like him, we can enjoy his antics as he asks this mare on a date and going on it.
As for the spacing, I would either recommend double spacing or use the button in the far right corner above the document to space it out. It's not always needed, but here, I feel like everything is clumped together without it. But that could just be me.
Thoughts should be italicized, not in quotations. It makes it easier to tell if someone's speaking aloud or not.
Also, you seem to have a problem quite a few newer authors have. You seem to make a new paragraph for just about every sentence. In some chapters, this wasn't entirely the case, but keep in mind that that isn't always needed, because some sentences are fine alongside other ones, depending on what is going on. It's not necessarily a bad thing, but it would be best to fix that up a bit. Let's have a really random look at one part in chapter three:
This very easily could be put into one paragraph, because it discusses the same thoughts the character is having.
Romance wise, it's good. It's sweet but not to the point of being sappy and cliché, so I'm not too bothered by it, except that since we do not know much about this character, we don't care about his relationship with Roseluck. But bring more of his character and story to life and it could go well.
And most important, a story needs conflict. I'm aware we're only in the fifth chapter (though for all we know, this could be a short story, but anyway), but things have gone quite slowly. All they have done is gone to random places to eat and mull over their feelings. And while we have a minor problem in the end of chapter four and in chapter five, it smooths over so quickly that it hardly counts. A story needs conflict in order to add more depth to it, or at least catch a reader's attention. So far, we feel as if nothing is going on, and that's because it is. A romance story is nice, but still, it's a story, so add in something to perk one's interest, such as some sort of drama between them (more than the misunderstanding already mentioned that ended too quickly). At this point, a reader has no clue where this is going, and their attention is forever lost as they venture to the home page for other fanfictions to read.
This story has potential. It's writing is otherwise fine, and the pacing for the most part is decent aside from what I said above. You just need to make things interesting from this point on, as well as the main character, and it will become better.
~Missy, WRITE's Resident Total Nerd
1852154 You're going to continue this amazing story, right? Please do. I really enjoyed it.
-Blitz
2179915 Yes I've just been very busy or distracted by other things and I also hit a wall when it comes to the plot. Sorry if it looks like I'm not going to continue.
2180340 Don't worry, I can wait.