Braeburn's Dating Bonanza
Braeburn Apple thought that a week-long visit to Ponyville to visit his cousins would be nice and fun. And for most of the first day there, it was. His relatives – Applejack, Big Macintosh, Apple Bloom, and Granny Smith – were all excited and happy to see him. They spent much of the day catching up, laughing, joking, trading stories, and just generally enjoying each other’s company. But later that evening, things took an odd turn.
Braeburn and Applejack had been lounging in the living room, enjoying some warm apple cider in front of the fireplace. Everypony else had gone on to bed, and the topic of discussion had turned towards Applejack’s friends. And Braeburn made the mistake of cracking the joke: “Any of ‘em single?”
Applejack had not gotten angry, nor did she laugh it off, as one might have expected. Instead, the farmpony grinned widely. It was a grin that terrified Braeburn.
“Now Cuz, why didn’t ya say you was lookin’ fer a special somepony?” Applejack asked with almost frightening enthusiasm. “We need to fix this, pronto!”
“Uh,” Braeburn blinked in confusion and concern. “But, but… That was kinda just a joke.”
“Oh Ah know,” Applejack gave a dismissive wave of her hoof, but that worrisome grin remained. “Don’t mean there ain’t a nugget of truth behind it, though! Why, Ah can’t rest easy knowin’ that mah cousin is cold an’ alone with nopony ta call his own, while Ah’m doin’ nothin’ about fixin’ it!”
Braeburn smiled sheepishly. “Well now, Ah wouldn’t say-“
“An’ yer in luck! All mah friends are single!” Applejack beamed, ignoring his protests. “An’ you’ve met ‘em! Y’all all got along great, remember?”
Braeburn shrugged. “Well, Ah guess so. All of ‘em ‘cept that pink poofy-maned one. She’s a bit too… random. Ah don’t think Ah could keep up with her, or anythin’ she said. And she, uh, did kinda start a war…” he muttered uncomfortable.
Applejack’s grin faltered for a moment, and she smiled nervously. “Ooooooooh riiiiiiiight. Yeeeeeah. That. Uh. Well, still! Got four others who ought to do just fine!”
Braeburn snorted and smiled. “Cousin, ya ain’t gotta worry ‘bout it. Ah’m not lonely, Ah’m not lookin’ fer nopony. Ah’m fine. It was just a joke.”
Applejack frowned. “Braeburn. How many of the single mares in Appleloosa have ya asked out?”
Braeburn pondered for a moment. “Uh… all of ‘em Ah’d be interested in, Ah think.”
“And how many of ‘em said yes?” Applejack deadpanned.
Braeburn stared at Applejack for a long moment. He then grinned sheepishly. “So, uh, about these friends of yers….”
The next morning, Applejack went into town to talk to her friends. Braeburn took over her responsibilities and chores around the farmstead. Having worked in the Appleloosa orchards under the scorching heat of the desert sun, bucking the trees on Sweet Apple Acres was no sweat for the western-themed stallion. After several hours of beating the tar out of countless apple trees, Braeburn heard Applejack’s voice hollering his name in the distance, heralding her return home. Putting his tree-kicking on hold, he galloped back to the farm to see what she was hollering about.
It turned out that Applejack had wound up having some luck with talking to her friends about Braeburn. A lot of luck.
“What do ya mean they all wanna go on a date?!” Braeburn asked in horror, recoiling back a few steps.
“It’s exactly as it sounds, Braeburn,” Applejack replied with a cheerful nod. “They all wanna give it a shot, an’ see how things fare. Ah mean, it’s not like you have to go out with ‘em all at the same time. Ah made sure to schedule-“
Braeburn’s horror increased. “You’ve already set ‘em up?!”
“Eeyup,” Applejack grinned excitedly. “First one’s in about fifteen minutes, with little ol’ Fluttershy.”
Braeburn stared. “Did… Did you say fifteen minutes?”
Braeburn made it to Fluttershy’s house, which was on the opposite side of town, in about fourteen minutes and fifty-seven seconds.
Applejack had galloped alongside him for part of the trip, cheerfully telling him all about Fluttershy. About her cottage, about her sweet little pet bunny rabbit, about how she was very shy and timid, about how she was gentle and caring, and about her love of nature, especially animals and trees. (“She really likes trees. Ah mean, uh, really likes trees. Ahem…”)
And so, Braeburn galloped right up to the front door to Fluttershy’s little woodland cottage, trying not to look winded, out of breath, or otherwise half-dead. His composure regained, he knocked on the door, took off his hat, and put on the most charming and cheerful smile he could muster. The front door opened-
And there was nopony there.
Braeburn stared at the empty doorway for a moment, utterly confused, before he realized there actually was something there. Down on the floor, a little white bunny rabbit was staring up at Braeburn. Well, not staring.
Glaring.
Braeburn’s smile wavered slightly as he realized the little bunny was glaring at him with the hatred of a thousand angry rodents. It was not happy to see him. At all. “Oh, uh, hi little guy,” Braeburn said nervously, still trying to be cordial. “You, uh… You must be Angel.”
The bunny continued to glare. Hatefully.
A soft, gentle voice suddenly called out from somewhere beyond the rabbit-guarded portal. “Who’s at the door, Angel? Is that Mister Braeburn?” The sound of soft, light hoof-steps could soon be heard approaching the door.
The little rabbit immediately ceased it’s glaring, and tried its best to look cute and innocent. A yellow pegasus with a pink mane suddenly appeared in the doorway. Or rather, she timidly peeked her head through the doorway, cautious and wary of who or what might be standing outside. As her eyes fell upon Braeburn, she retreated slightly. “H-hello?” Fluttershy politely greeted him, a nervous tremor in her voice.
Braeburn smiled kindly, and gave a small nod. “Howdy Miss Fluttershy. Nice ta see ya again. Applejack said you wanted ta go fer a walk with me?”
A soft smile appeared on Fluttershy’s features, and she relaxed slightly. “Oh yes. I have to go run an errand in the nearby woods. I thought, um… I thought you might like to… Um…” She began to blush, and averted her gaze. “Applejack said you… Um…”
Braeburn put his hat back on, and smiled comfortingly. “Don’t worry, Miss Fluttershy. You ain’t got nothin’ ta be nervous or shy about. We’re just two friends goin’ fer a walk. Just think of it like that.”
Fluttershy stared for a moment, slinking back slightly as she thought about what he said. However, her smile soon returned with slightly more confidence. “Oh, well… Alright. When you put it that way… Let me just grab my saddlebags…”
A short while later, Braeburn and Fluttershy were off on a little trek through the woods. Thankfully, Angel the hate-filled bunny stayed behind to watch the cottage. (Though he did give the “I’m watching you” paw gesture to Braeburn as they left.) The journey itself was relatively uneventful.
In fact, it was somewhat awkward.
Fluttershy lived up to her name. As hard as he tried, Braeburn just couldn’t get her to open up. He tried to ask questions, he tried to toss out topics of discussion, he made jokes… But no matter what he did, she just didn’t seem comfortable with extended conversation. Or conversation in general. She mostly just gave short whispered or muttered answers, and the occasional “eep.”
Braeburn stayed patient and respectful, though. He was a proper gentlestallion, after all, and he wouldn’t dare pressure her into talking more than she wanted to. But he was having serious doubts about whether or not they’d be able to make a proper date out of this, let alone a relationship. She was just too shy! Perhaps if she was more outspoken, or assertive, or maybe even a tiny bit aggressive or something…
“Alright, we’re here,” Fluttershy suddenly stated with a cheerful smile and almost uncharacteristic confidence in her voice.
Braeburn did a double-take. That was the biggest smile she’d made all day. What had her so cheerful and confident all of a sudden? As he looked around the woods around them, he did another-double take. “Um… is that… is that a cave?” he stammered.
It was, in fact, a cave. A chunk of a craggy hillside nearby held host to a large, black abyss. Like the sort a bear would live in.
“There ain’t a bear in there, is there?” Braeburn asked with a nervous smile.
“Oh don’t be silly,” Fluttershy smiled softly.
Braeburn let out a sigh of relief.
“Of course there’s a bear!”
Braeburn’s blood ran cold. Not just because she had affirmed his fears, but because she did it so enthusiastically. “Wait, what?” he squeaked.
A deafening roar suddenly boomed from within the cave. Braeburn staggered back a few steps, and stared in horror as Fluttershy casually trotted towards the cave. His horror increased tenfold, though, as the bear emerged from its cave. A towering monolith of fur and muscle, the brown-hued brute fixed its hungry eyes upon the little yellow pegasus.
Braeburn’s instincts kicked in. “Miss Fluttershy!” he yelled, taking a step forward. “Look out fer-“
And then the unthinkable happened.
Fluttershy, rather than screaming or crying or running, attacked the bear. With a feral roar of her own, the timid little pegasus jumped towards the ursine and air-tackled the beast’s face. The bear let out what sounded like a small whine of utter terror, and quickly found itself sprawled out on the ground with a tiny, terrifying pony jumping up and down on its back.
Braeburn turned and galloped. He galloped like his life depended on it. Rather than being afraid of the bear, he was now afraid of Fluttershy. In fact, he was traumatized, permanently scarred by the timid pony’s transformation into such a violent, brutal, terrifying monster.
Of course, what he didn’t know was that Fluttershy was just giving the bear a much needed back massage and vertebral adjustment, which required quite a bit of force and intensity due to the creature’s size and muscle mass. But Braeburn didn’t know that. All Braeburn knew was that he was permanently terrified of Fluttershy, and would need therapy. A lot of therapy.
Needless to say, Applejack was quite confused when Braeburn randomly galloped up, hugged her, and began to sob incoherently into her mane. “Huh. Ah take it the date didn’t go too well then,” the orange mare deadpanned after a moment. She then smiled excitedly. “That’s alright, though! Ready fer the next one? Rainbow Dash is dyin’ ta see ya!”
Rainbow Dash was not dying to see him, so much as she was dying to see what he was capable of.
“A race?” Braeburn asked, raising an eyebrow and cocking his head to the side.
“Yeah!” the bright blue pegasus grinned, flying a quick circle around the confused stallion. They were standing just outside of town, under the cloud-manor that Rainbow Dash called home. “We’re gonna race! C’mon, it’ll be fun!”
“Ah dunno,” Braeburn frowned uncertainly. “Ah mean, Ah know yer gonna beat me.”
Dash hovered around in front of Braeburn. “No I’m not,” she said with a friendly smile. After a short pause, though, she grinned confidently. “Okay, yeah, I’m totally gonna beat you. But that’s not the point!” she exclaimed with a wave of her hooves. “I mean, I’m gonna go easy on you. Who knows, you may do awesomely! So c’monnnnn. It’ll be a fun challenge! Don’t you like a challenge? If you’re anything like Applejack, you should be super-competitive.”
Braeburn averted his gaze. “Well, Ah do kinda like challenges…”
“Excellent!” Dash hovered over to hang in the air right beside him. “I’ll let you do the countdown.”
Braeburn chuckled. “How kind. Alrighty then…” He hunkered down into a bracing position, preparing himself for the race. “You said three times around Ponyville?”
“Yeah,” Dash smirked, a look of confident determination forming on her features. “Three times around town, starting here under my house.”
“Got it,” the stallion nodded. “Let’s get ready then. Three… Two… One!”
For a moment, Braeburn didn’t know what he was seeing. His mind didn’t want to comprehend it. But finally, after several seconds of staring in shock, his brain finally caught up to reality.
Dash was gone. Long gone. She was already so far ahead of him, he couldn’t even see her. What he could see, though, was the trail of rainbow-colored flame she left in her wake. The ground was on fire, burning in multiple shades of color. Braeburn wasn’t the most educated or scientifically knowledgeable pony, but he was pretty darn sure that wasn’t natural.
Had he just witnessed the laws of physics being torn asunder?
A blue blur streaked overhead, and the resulting windblast ripped his hat right off his head. His mane left in a fluffed mess, Braeburn could only stare slack-jawed as Rainbow Dash completed her first lap – before he’d even taken his first step.
“Okay, if that’s how ya wanna do this,” the stallion growled, steeling his nerves against the overwhelming fear and confusion caused by Dash and her disregard of the laws of physics. He broke into a fierce gallop, plucking his hat out of the air with his teeth as he went. Determined not to lose, Braeburn gave everything he had into the race.
A few minutes later, Rainbow Dash hovered down out of the sky to survey the gasping wreck of a stallion sprawled out in the dirt below her. “Um… Braeburn? You alright?” she asked out of concern.
“Outta breath,” the stallion rasped as he slowly tried to crawl along on the ground. “How’m Ah doin’?”
Dash averted her gaze. “Um, you’re about two thirds of the way through your first lap.”
“And… where you at?”
Dash smiled awkwardly. “Oh, uh, I’m done.”
Braeburn stopped crawling. “Oh.”
“Yeah.”
The panting, worn-out stallion sat up, and frowned. “Well darn. Sorry Ah couldn’t be more fun competition for ya.”
“Oh, that’s alright,” Dash smiled, before playfully punching Braeburn in the arm. The stallion winced. “Hey, if you want, I know something else we can do?”
Braeburn raised an eyebrow. “Really? Whatcha got in mind?”
Rainbow Dash leaned in, and smirked mischievously. “Oh, something special. You… me… and the ultimate test of endurance. Also a good test of reach and flexibility. What do you say?”
Braeburn stared. He then promptly hopped up and galloped away as fast as his hooves could carry him, vastly improving upon his speed from earlier.
Dash whistled as Braeburn sped off. “Wow, he’s faster than I thought. Pity he didn’t want to play ping-pong, though. I wonder if he’ll have better luck with Rarity?”
Braeburn did not have better luck with Rarity. It was late in the afternoon, and Applejack was taking a break in the kitchen (and sneaking a slice of apple pie), when the stallion returned from his date.
“Hey Braeburn!” Applejack grinned. “How did it-“ she paused. “Oh. Not very well, Ah see?”
Braeburn, for the most part, looked a lot fancier than usual. He was wearing a nice suit, a far cry from his usual Western attire. Rarity had appreciated his normal outfit’s “rustic” qualities, but felt he needed to look more “presentable” for their lunch. His mane was combed and styled, and his coat and been brushed and made to look quite shiny and spiffy. Overall, he should have been the perfect picture of a fancy gentlestallion.
The dark bruising around his left eye, though, indicated that for all his fancy-attire, he was still dreadfully susceptible to a black eye.
“Yeah, uh…” Braeburn frowned, and looked around uncertainly. “Funny thing. It started out all nice an’ stuff, then we got our food. Ah dove right in, and my ‘ghastly table manners’ made her shriek. This big burley fella nearby thought I was causin’ her problems, so he galloped right on over and walloped me right in the face. Next thing Ah know, Ah’m sprawled out on the floor, an’ Rarity’s checkin’ to make sure Ah’m alright. Once she knew Ah was fine, she scurries off ta have a ‘chat’ with the stallion who laid me out.” He paused. “They have a date set fer next Tuesday.”
Applejack frowned. “Ah, well, that’s too bad.” After a few seconds, though, her usual over-enthusiastic grin returned. “Hey! Twilight ought to know a good spell to fix up that eye. Plus, she’s yer next date. Wanna head on over to the library?”
Braeburn smirked wistfully. “Sure. Why not? Lemme just change back into my normal clothes. This outfit is too durn hot…”
She wouldn’t stop talking.
Braeburn was a patient stallion. But he’d never met a mare who talked so much, until he actually sat down for tea with Miss Twilight Sparkle. The chipper purple unicorn had been more than happy to heal his black eye. But she’d also been more than happy to tell him all about the spell, where she learned it, how long it took to learn, how difficult it was to learn, et cetera.
If Braeburn had told her to stop talking, or to talk about something else, Twilight would have done so without much trouble. But unfortunately, Braeburn was too polite for his own good. He didn’t want to tell Twilight to hush up. And because he wasn’t saying anything, Twilight assumed he was inviting her to continue talking, while he listened with rapt attention.
So she kept talking.
And talking.
And talking.
The history of medicinal magic, the best-selling medical spellbook anthologies, famous equine doctors and nurses, her own dabbling in medical science and magic, the other fields of magic she excelled at, her affinity for learning and knowledge, her favorite spells, so on and so forth.
Braeburn felt funny. It seemed as though he was starting to fall asleep. His breathing was becoming shallower, his pulse was slowing, and darkness was beginning to ting the corners of his vision. But he didn’t say anything. He just let Twilight keep talking.
Then Braeburn realized something was wrong. Really wrong. Twilight was still talking, but her voice was becoming harder to hear. As if it was moving away, and becoming more distant. It was becoming harder to think. The darkness was beginning to encroach further on his vision.
Panic stabbed through Braeburn’s slowing mind. This wasn’t him falling to sleep. This was him dying! Of boredom!
The stallion began to fight it, struggling to stay lucid and breath. But it was a losing battle. His breath was coming in slow, shallow gasps. His vision was almost entirely blacked out, except for a dull light in the distance. He could also hear voices. Familiar voices.
“Is that you grandmaw?” Braeburn muttered weakly.
Darkness fell.
Braeburn awoke in the hospital. Or rather, he was awoken by somepony forcefully kicking him out of a hospital bed, through the air, and into a wall. “What in tarnation?!” Braeburn yelped as he collapsed to the floor in a crumpled heap of limbs, blankets, and a flimsy hospital gown.
“Wake up ya silly pony!” Applejack proclaimed with her usual over-enthusiasm and huge grin. “Ya ain’t gonna get any better just layin’ around all day!”
Actually, the doctors had suggested lots of a bed rest. But Applejack neither knew nor cared about that.
“What happened?” Braeburn muttered weakly from his spot on the floor. His back was killing him, from both Applejack bucking him, and his forceful collision with the wall. Actually, it looked like some of the plaster was cracked. Like his spine.
“Oh, ya just about died,” Applejack shrugged flippantly. “Seems Twilight bored ya ta death, or near close to it. Thankfully, she managed ta get ya here in time fer the docs to fix ya up just fine. So come on, let’s get ya on out of here.”
The yellow stallion shakily rose to his hooves. “And go where?”
“Oh, Sugarcube Corner, the local bakery,” Applejack chimed. “Ah’m gonna treat ya to some cupcakes. Figured that’d help ya feel better.”
Braeburn smiled softly. “Cupcakes sure do sound nice. Alright, lemme just grab mah hat.” He paused to look down at his hospital gown. “Uh… and the rest of mah clothes.”
Braeburn was in heaven. Applejack had led him to Sugarcube Corner, where the owners - Mr. and Mrs. Cake - had set out a large tray of cupcakes for them the moment they stepped inside. The Cakes had told them to eat up, and that the baker would be out in a moment to see what they thought. Needing no further instruction, Braeburn immediately dove in.
As he chowed down on cupcake after delicious cupcake, Braeburn realized he felt better than he’d felt in years, despite the fact he’d almost died of boredom hours before. “Oh wow!” he exclaimed as he chomped into another frosting-covered sweet. “These are amazing! Not only are they good, but they even feel like they're good for you!”
Applejack nodded enthusiastically, unable to speak as she chewed her own cupcake.
Having inhaled yet another cupcake, Braeburn sat back to rub his stomach and sigh contently. “Oh wow. Best cupcakes Ah’ve ever had!” he proclaimed with a grin. “Why, if only Ah could find a nice mare who could cook like this. Ah’d take her out fer a date in a heartbeat!”
“THANKS!!” a super-cheerful and super-squeaky voice suddenly chirped. Braeburn nearly fell out of his chair in shock and surprise, and he quickly spun around in his seat to see who or what was behind him. The answer was a vibrantly pink pony with a cotton-candy mane – Pinkie Pie. “Do you really mean that?” she asked with excitement sparkling in her eyes.
“Uh…. Yeah…” Braeburn nodded slowly, smiling sheepishly. “This cupcakes are, uh, pretty durn good. Miss Pinkie Pie, right?”
“Right!” Pinkie replied with a series of rapid-fire nods. “And you’re Applejack’s cousin Braeburn! I remember you from Appleloosa!”
“Uh huh,” Braeburn nodded awkwardly.
“So did you mean what you said about going on a date, too?” Pinkie asked cheerfully, before giving an innocently flirty flutter of her eyelashes.
Braeburn blushed, and recoiled back slightly. “Uh, well, ya see, Ah…” he stammered.
Pinkie had been the one mare out of Applejack’s friends that he hadn’t wanted to go on a date with. But now that she was actually asking him about it, he didn’t want to be rude. Plus, he had said that thing about asking out a mare who could make cupcakes like that. And now the mare was standing right in front of him, and Braeburn was certainly no liar. He was an honorable stallion of his word.
So, with a small sigh, Braeburn smiled at Pinkie and nodded. “Yes, Miss Pie, Ah suppose Ah meant that too. Looks like we’re goin’ on a date.”
“Great!” Pinkie said with an excited smile. “Whaddya wanna do?”
Applejack had been smiling through the exchange, but a sudden frown formed on her features. She leaned towards Braeburn, and tried to whisper to him. “Brae, whatever ya do, don’t ask her out to-“
“How ‘bout dinner?” Braeburn smiled charmingly. “Mah treat?”
“Dinner,” Applejack deadpanned, before shaking her head. “Well, there goes yer wallet. Gal can eat like nopony’s business…” she muttered under her breath.
“Ooooo, dinner sounds awesome!” Pinkie grinned. “Let me just grab my purse! Oh wait, I don’t have a purse. Nevermind! Hee hee! I’m ready whenever you are, Mister Braeburn!”
Braeburn was taken slightly aback, and quickly glanced around between Applejack and Pinkie. “Oh, wait, you wanna go now? Ah mean, Applejack, do you mind if-“
Applejack smirked, and nodded to Pinkie. “Go on an’ take him, Pinkie. Ah don’t mind.”
“Yay!” Pinkie yipped. She promptly grabbed Braeburn by the shoulder, and galloped towards the door, dragging the confused and slightly horrified stallion along for the ride.
As the two “lovebirds” disappeared out the door, Applejack sat back in her chair, chuckled in amusement, and began to munch on another delicious cupcake. “Good luck, Braeburn. Yer gonna need it…
The dinner date took place at one of the local Ponyville restaurants, a small café in the middle of town. Braeburn orders a small sandwich and drink, while Pinkie ordered several things off the desert menu. As they waited for their orders, the two took a seat at a small table in a quick back corner of the coffee shop.
“So,” Braeburn smiled across the table at Pinkie, “Tell me ‘bout yerself, Miss Pie.”
Braeburn immediately regretted asking that question. “Well I’m an assistant baker at Sugarcube Corner working for Mister and Misses Cake and I also babysit for them and I like to throw parties in fact my special talent is throwing parties and making ponies smile and I also like making cupcakes and cookies and cakes and pies and snickerdoodles which is a funny word snickerdoodle did you know snicker is another work for a quiet laugh like giggle or chuckle or chortle actually chortle is a funny word itself there are lots of funny words especially some of the words Twilight uses when she’s being all scientific and stuff and-”
Pinkie suddenly stopped. “Wait, what were we talking about?”
Braeburn blinked a few times. “Ah haaaaaave nooooo idea.” He blinked a few more times. “You, uh, like ta throw parties?”
“Oh yes!” Pinkie squealed excitedly. “I loooove throwing parties! Especially for new ponies moving into town! I always like to make them feel welcome and make sure they’re happy and have lots of new friends!” she cheerfully explained.
Braeburn grinned. “No kiddin’? Ah kinda like to do the same back in Appleloosa, mahself.”
Now it was Pinkie’s turn to blink a few times, as her mind processed this interesting revelation. She suddenly leaned across the table and grinned. “Reeeeeeally?”
Braeburn chuckled. “Heh, yeah, really. Why, whenever somepony shows up, Ah usually gallop up to ‘em an’ give ‘em a warm Appleloosa welcome. Usually beltin’ out ‘WELCOME TO AAAAAAAAPPLELOOSA!!’” he loudly and enthusiastically proclaimed, leaning back in his chair to throw his forelegs out in wild gesture.
Several of the other café patrons glared, or whispered amongst themselves. Braeburn smiled sheepishly back at them, before coughing and looking back at Pinkie. “Er, sorry.”
“Sorry? Why are you sorry?” Pinkie asked, tilting her head to the side in confusion. “That’s awesome that you like to help ponies feel welcome to the town! That’s exactly what I like to do! Only you do it without streamers and cake! Or do you use those too?”
“Nah,” Braeburn said with a smirk and a shake of his head. “No streamers or cake. But there is pie! Fresh baked apple pie!”
Pinkie’s eyes widened. “Pie?! Oooooo, do you bake?”
Braeburn blushed, and bashfully averted his gaze. “Oh well Ah dabble a bit. Ah ain’t much of a chef, but, uh, most folks do like mah apple pies. And apple fritters. And apple cinnamon muffins. And-”
“So are you the town baker?” Pinkie asked with an excitedly chipper smile.
Braeburn chuckled and shook his head. “Nah, Ah’m a farmer. Ah work on the orchard in Appleloosa, buckin’ apple trees. Y’know, like how mah cousin Applejack works on Sweet Apple Acres.”
Pinkie pondered thoughtfully. “Orchard, huh? Weird.”
Braeburn raised an eyebrow. “How’s it weird?”
Pinkie shrugged. “It’s just weird.”
Braeburn frowned slightly. “Why do ya think mah job’s weird?”
“No no no,” Pinkie shook her head, and smiled apologetically. “I don’t think your job itself is weird! I just think that type of farming is weird. No crop rotation, for example.”
Braeburn leaned back in his chair and grinned. “Hah! What would a mare like you know ‘bout crop rotation?”
Pinkie giggled. “I used to be a farmer too, silly!”
Braeburn’s eyes widened. “No way!”
“Yup!” Pinkie nodded. “I grew up on a rock farm!”
Braeburn found himself staring blankly, his expression neutral. “Yer pullin’ mah leg,” he deadpanned.
“Nope,” Pinkie replied with an innocent smile. “Your legs are all unpulled right now! And I really did grow up on a rock farm. Most ponies don’t realize it, but I’m actually really smart when it comes to farming and geology. I always liked harvesting quartz. It looks pretty, and it’s really important for watches and clocks and stuff, and it’s another fun little funny word!”
Breaburn leaned forward and smiled. He’d completely forgotten about the food he’d ordered. “Well now, ya don’t say. Tell me more ‘bout rock farmin’, Miss Pie.”
Pinkie giggled. “Oh, you don’t have to call me that. Call me Pinkie!”
“Okay then, Pinkie,” Braeburn grinned. “Tell me more ‘bout how rock farmin’ is less weird than apple farmin’.”
When Braeburn returned to Sweet Apple Acres that evening dead tired, covered in confetti, and holding a cactus, Applejack had decided not to ask him about the date. She just assumed it went horrible, and that Braeburn wouldn’t want to talk about it. When she’d given him a curious glance, he simple gave her a goofy grin, laughed, and staggered off to go to bed. She figured Pinkie had worn the poor stallion down, broken his mind, and crushed whatever remaining hopes he had for finding a gal in Ponyville.
So Applejack was quite surprised the next morning at the breakfast table, when Braeburn trotted in with a spring in his step and a grin on his face. “Mornin’ Applejack!” he enthusiastically proclaimed upon entering the kitchen. “Golly, Ah sure had a fun time yesterday with Pinkie!”
Applejack looked up from her coffee and newspaper in confusion. “Wait, ya did what now?”
“Had fun!” Braeburn repeated, still grinning like an idiot. “Did you know she used to be a farmer?”
Applejack blinked dumbly a few times. “Bwuh?”
“Yeah! And she likes to greet new arrivals in town, just like Ah do back in Appleloosa!” he explained enthusiastically.
Applejack chuckled. “So ya don’t care ‘bout all that stuff she did with the buffalo and whatnot?”
Braeburn waved a hoof. “Water under the bridge. She’s a really nice gal! Ah can’t hold somethin’ like that against somepony like her…”
Applejack shook her head and smiled. “Sounds like y’all really hit it off,” she mused, before going to take a sip from her coffee.
“Eeyup!” Braeburn nodded. “And we’re even gonna start datin’!”
Applejack choked on her coffee. “Gak! Hurk! Do wut now?”
“Yeah!” Braeburn exclaimed. “Ah mean, she’s so nice, and we really hit it off. And she really seems to like me. An’ Ah gotta admit, Cuz, Ah think she’s a swell gal… and… well…” his voice trailed off, a small blush creeping to his cheeks. “Ah dunno, Ah think Ah’d be pretty lucky to have her as mah Special Somepony.”
Applejack stared.
“In fact, Ah’m gonna visit more often to see her. And y’all too, of course,” he explained with a cheerful smile. “Every few weekends, Ah’ll come in and stay with y’all. That way we can all hang out, and Ah can visit Pinkie too, maybe take her out for a date, or otherwise see her a bit. Sometimes she’ll even come visit me, when she gets the chance.”
Applejack continued to stare.
“Ah even Pinkie Promised to see her whenever Ah got the chance,” Braeburn proudly proclaimed.
Applejack’s stare turned into a look of horror. “Wait, wut?”
Braeburn raised an eyebrow at his cousin’s expression. “What’s wrong? Is that bad?”
“Uh… That depends…” Applejack muttered with a nervous grin. “Do you intend to keep that promise?”
“Well of course!” Braeburn replied with an oblivious smile. “Like Ah said, Ah like the gal. So, yeah, Ah intend to keep my promise. Ah’m a stallion of my word. Why? Is that a problem?”
Applejack shook her head and smiled. “No, Braeburn. As long as ya don’t break yer promise, it won’t be a problem at all. An’ from the sound of things… Ah don’t think either of ya have anything to worry about.”
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Awhile back, somebody politely requested that I write a nice PinkiexBraeburn fic. I accepted the challenge, and this was the result.
I hope you all enjoyed reading it, and found it at least somewhat amusing or entertaining. Thanks for reading!
Inb4 Regidar.
EDIT: This was funny. I liked it. I found it especially entertaining how all of the dates ended with some sort of misunderstanding. The worst kind! Writing was superb too, I didn't see any errors. Also demon Angel is funniest Angel. Have a like and fav, wouldn't be surprised if this hits the featured box for a minute or two.
Also, did anyone else think of 'Beating the Heat' after reading this, or is it just me?
I love how commenting before Regidar is an achievement on the site, now.
Somehow, Pinkie and Braeburn just.... fit.
I COMMENTED BEFORE REGIDAR! LELELELELELELELELELE
Wow... I've never heard of such a pairing! But, oddly enough, I think that it meshes quite well. Opposites attract, after all.
1658230 I only intend to do it once or twice. Just to follow through on a joke I made earlier.
1658239
To my Knowledge, Pinkie and Braeburn has been done several times.
This has shenanigans promised. I'll read later.
1658183>>1658230>>1658233
Eat my guitar.
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1658359
static1.fjcdn.com/thumbnails/comments/4096266+_ab38ef41e1cfd90ef6d34af157d61a14.gif
1658367 Invalid pic.
1658359 To quote a reknowned, intelligent individual:
1658367>>1658400>>1658385
Less than three you all.
1658400
24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mdr1d5UF8p1rludm8o1_500.gif
YAY, BRAEFICS~!
Words fail me. I am deeply amused.
Good.
TOO GOOD.
INB4 FEATURE!
This was cute! Pinkie and Braeburn? The more I think, the more it makes sense!
that was great i love pinkie/braeburn stories
Nopony has done it yet? *looks around* huh, guess I not. YAY, I GET TO DO IT!
Applejack quickly remembered how well that went
This Fic.
I like it
ANOTHER!!
Haven't read yet But
Is this a reference to Bruce Dickinson's Road to Hell off of his Accidents at Birth album?
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1658406 You again...
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Very cute! Nice job!
(ETA: Hmm. . . Dash wants somepony she cane race with. You know who would be perfect for that?
)
1658283 I've seen it mentioned before, certainly gets my vote for unusual.
1658741
Aww, that was a nice little story.
Applejak when he told her he likes Pinkie
Huzzah! Lots of good reviews! And... Kurt Cobain. Sweetness?
Anyhoo, glad y'all are enjoying the story!
1658661 Not a reference I meant to make, no. I intended it to be a reference to the old saying "The road to Hell is paved with good intentions."
1658678 This reference, however, was purposeful.
A pairing that is . . . ORIGINAL?
and MAKES SENSE TOO?!
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Author, I'll make you chocolate chip pancakes in the morning every Friday
if you're a chick . . .
but since you're probably a dude, I'll give either a blowjob or a cheeseburger instead
Edit: I'll just go with the cheeseburger . . .
1659061 1: I'm afraid it's entirely original, so much as it's rare. A few other fics have done BraeburnPie before, but it seems to be an uncommon ship.
2: I'm a dude.
3: Cheeseburger will suffice.
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And I'm usually a PokeyPie shipper. But this? This is so damned cute I can't help but count it as my backup ship.
More proof that everyone is gay for braeburn. good show!
Knew I'd love it!
I didn't consider that Twilight could talk one to death though... That is something to consider...
1656514 PinkBurn!
I wait for someone to blow my mind with the most random, still-make-sense (somewhat) ship. I dont know what it will be, but that's what gets me goin the mornings. The day that ship comes out... I can die in peace.
100 bits says he just goes "fuck mares" and goes gay
Cute, funny, and heartwarming?
Made me go "d'aww" for a good minute and a half near the end.
Yay for some shipping that isn't the usual ol' stuff.
1658661 Love that album, especially the title track. Time to put some Dickinson on shuffle.
This is actually the most rationally and well-thought out pairing I have ever seen. Bravo.
1659527
Nope
Somehow Braeburn x Pinkie just makes sense.......
And I love it!!!!
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This story does a lot of telling when it could be showing, but it works. This could have easily dragged on for several chapters and been really boring, but it isn't. It's just pure unadulterated fun. Good job.
This. So. Much. This.
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It is so beautiful it got in my feels.
That was adorable. Never seen this pairing before, but I like this fic.
XD I thumbed it up and it was the 100th thumb.
1659788>>1659808>>1659852 Why is my comments section being spammed? Is this some badge of honor for being Featured or something?
But seriously, could you guys please stop with the completely unrelated comments, gifs, and pics? I'm asking nicely, since I know you probably don't mean any harm by it. But it's a bit impolite, and creates a bit of a hassle for me and other readers to have to wade through all the unrelated stuff to find the actual fic-related comments. And it kinda clutters up the page. So please, would you kindly stop?
1659937 okie doki Docter Jones!
I'm sure big macintosh would fit in with any mare he wanted
No but seriously, Can't Braeburn just lie like everyone else does and say he has a mare friend from the beginning?
D'aww this was cute
1659937 Alright. I didn't want to to go that way. I left a comment, and Rainbow_Dashtruction kinda, y'know, helped me turn it into what it is now. Feel free to trash the comments if you want. Except my original one.
1659947>>1660033 Thank you both. I'll delete the newer ones to help reduce the clutter, but I'll leave the first few original ones. Glad we could work this out.
Also.
NUMBER 4 IN THE FEATURE BOX WOOHOO!!!!
1660064 I did a few for you.