Marks of Harmony

by Lapis-Lazuli and Stitch

Road to Tartarus

Gdocs Version
Marks of Harmony

Part 11

Rainbow Dash considered herself to be quite an enigma among ponies. She was special, knew it better than most of her friends and enemies, and took what some would call an unhealthy amount of pride in it. At the moment however, she was indistinguishable from any other pegasus streaking for the edge of the imprisoning magic field surrounding Ponyville. The unicorns and Earth ponies were just as eager—if not outright frantic—to reach the barrier. Ponyville was not a small town, but news traveled through it faster than any of the frontier settlements.

A single pegasus filly, having barely learned to fly by her mediocre speed, had taken the role of herald; she passed through the town screaming one thing over and over again, “The Princesses! The Princesses are here!” No elaboration was needed by any pony of sense. The citizens of Ponyville, previously enamoured by Aurora’s show of magical technology, had reverted back to their rather skeptical view of her upon learning of a mysterious explosion that had wrecked the missing Thunderlane’s business. Now with news of Celestia and Luna on the approach, nopony needed any more incentive to rush for those two they knew beyond a shadow of a doubt had their best interests at heart. Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy were no exception—especially considering everything they knew that the rest of Ponyville was oblivious to.

But as it turned out, though news traveled quickly through the town, accuracy tended to suffer. Oh, the Princesses would have to be with them, but all Rainbow Dash could see as she hovered with her brothers and sisters inside the pink energy was an army. An army of ponies easily ten thousand strong. There simply was no describing the sheer volume of ponies present. Nopony alive could ever claim to have seen so many all at once: all marching in perfect lines, divided by the golden or onyx color of their armor. The thundering of their continuous marching could not just be heard, but also felt in the air and the ground. Spear shafts, periodically used to uphold flags of either the sun or moon, were so numerous that they were a forest unto themselves. And these only constituted the unicorn and Earth pony forces. Hundreds of pegasi battle formations each fifty strong maneuvered over their fellows in perfect unison. They made passes precariously close to the edge of the half-sphere, acting as guidance for the troops slowly encircling the town. The massive level of organization and force on display was beyond jaw-dropping. It was ethereal in effect, sparking awe, admiration, and security in the hearts of all those ponies that drew hope from their leaders. At the same time, Rainbow Dash could not help but feel intimidated, and she was on their side. A smirk of confidence and pride in her fellow ponies lit her lips, imagining what Aurora Streak must be thinking. “Probably panicking is more like it,” she snickered to herself.

“There are so many,” Fluttershy said, her soft voice made even more so by the power of the sight before her.

“Say again,” Rainbow replied, having heard only enough to know Fluttershy had spoken.

“There are so many,” Fluttershy repeated, still gazing out over the mass of marching ponies.

“Ha ha,” Rainbow Dash said gleefully, “I love it. Aurora’s gonna have no choice but to do anything Princess Celestia demands.”

“I haven’t seen Princess Celestia or Princess Luna though...” Fluttershy added worriedly. “You don’t think Aurora did something to them to stop them from helping, do you?”

“Nah,” Rainbow shrugged off her comment. “She wouldn’t have bothered coming here if Celestia and Luna were the ones she was after.”

“Mm,” the yellow pegasus agreed, placated for the moment. There was little excitement in watching an army surround a town, but everypony did so anyway. Something about watching the soldiers assemble in perfect order washed the onlookers with a sense of calm. Celestia had seen their plight and these soldiers were her answer: a very convincing answer. Just after the first thirty minutes had passed and the army was just a little half-way around Ponyville, Rainbow Dash heard somepony call her name. She jerked her head around, searching for the source, but the pounding noise of marching and the babble of all the citizens, such a task was more difficult than she thought it should be. It came again, this time clearer now that she was alert for its presence.

Looking down into the crowd of other ponies, Rainbow Dash spied Twilight, Applejack, and Spike with a slim, subtle pink mare with a vivid green mane and tail. Rainbow tapped Fluttershy on the shoulder and motioned to their friends before diving down behind the crowd. The moment they came to rest, a quick nod from Twilight sent Spike scurrying bravely into the clamoring mass of ponies. “We came as soon we heard,” Applejack said, sounding both thrilled and uneasy at the same time.

“I know! Isn’t it sweet! The Princesses are totally going to kick Aurora in the flank with that many ponies!” Rainbow Dash said excitedly. “Who’s the newbie?” she added critically, examining the mare.

“Later,” that very mare said, her voice tainted haughty with something akin to the amusement of a noble with peasants. “What is there to see?”

When Rainbow did not immediately answer, still unfavorably eyeing the newcomer, Twilight said, “Really Rainbow Dash, how close are Princess Celestia and Luna?”

“Haven’t got a clue, do we Fluttershy?” Rainbow turned her attention to her fellow pegasus.

“Um, no...” Fluttershy answered.

“It’s a no-brainer that the Princesses are with ‘em,” Rainbow Dash elaborated when Fluttershy did not, “but all you can see are thousands of ponies. They’ve brought a huge army with them! I’ll bet twenty bits Aurora’s shaking in her hooves.” She chuckled heartily at the mental image, but stopped awkwardly when none of the mares before her joined in. “What?” she asked. “Come on, lighten up. Princess Celestia and Princess Luna are here with an army!”

“Twi, do we really haf ta be ou’ here ‘til Spike comes back with Rarity and Pinkie Pie?” Applejack asked, glancing around for any pony who might be looking at them; and completely ignoring Rainbow.

“Okay, something’s happened,” she said suspiciously. “What gives Twilight?”

“You honestly believe any pony will suspect something,” the new mare cut in to Applejack critically before Twilight could reply to Rainbow. “If ever I should have been caught... it would have been... then.”

“Just... just hold on for a second Dash,” Twilight said, clearly stressed. “Yes, Applejack, we do need to stay and wait. I promised Spike that’s what we would do.” As if to affirm her stance as the right one, Spike squeezed himself out of the crowd, tripping as he did so. Behind him emerged Rarity, who had even greater trouble escaping due to her inherent politeness, and Pinkie Pie, who by some force unique to her alone, had no trouble at all. Rarity sympathetically set Spike on his feet again, and the three made their way to where the rest were waiting.

“Spike said it was urgent. Have you found the Changeling that is so tastelessly pursuing us?” Rarity asked, hoping beyond hope.

“This way,” the new mare said shortly, making her way stiffly into a shop whose owner had abandoned it in favor of a spot to watch the Equestrian armies surround the town. Jerking her head to her friends and receiving befuddled looks for it, Twilight followed her. Rainbow looked confusedly at Pinkie, but as was expected, she only shrugged unconcerned before lightly trotting after Twilight.

When all were gathered within the shop’s confines, Twilight cleared her throat importantly before speaking. “Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy,” she began, though edging away from the new mare that had taken a position beside her, “we found Thunderlane.”

“Oh come on!” Rainbow exploded, using anger to hide her true emotion. “How did he...”

“He’s alive, pony,” the unknown mare interrupted venomously.

“Wait... what?” Dash asked, one eyebrow arching. She was relieved that Thunderlane was alive, but the mare had just said something that did not make sense. “What did you call me?”

“Oh, slip of the tongue, how silly of me,” the mare said, falsely innocent before sneering, “I called you a pony, which is the most unbiased thing you’ll ever hear me call you.” In that instant, a flash of green magic around her whole body changed her into the very mare that had accompanied Inky to interrogate Thunderlane. Rarity screamed, Fluttershy hid behind an unresponsive Pinkie Pie, and Dash pounced. She never reached her target. An undulating violet field of magic grasped her in a telekinetic force, stopping her leap before she had even crossed half the distance between herself and the Changeling.

“What have you done to Twilight!?” Rainbow bellowed accusingly.

“She hasn’t done anything Rainbow Dash,” Twilight said calmly, gently setting Rainbow back amongst her friends, “except to save Thunderlane’s life.”

“Well duh,” Pinkie Pie said flatly. “I knew she wasn’t a pony because nopony who was a pony would call another pony a pony like they weren’t a pony.” Rainbow Dash thought Pinkie was making some measure of sense, but it drowned in Pinkie’s usual personality.

“I am the one Aurora’s scribe said would be coming for my rightful vengeance,” the Changeling said, pointedly directing her gaze to Rainbow. In another flash of Changeling magic, the one before them all was revealed to be none other than Queen Chrysalis. Much of their shock having been drained by the first revelation that she was indeed a Changeling, a collective gasp from the other three and a fierce glare from Rainbow Dash was all that greeted her appearance. “And he was not wrong. I will have my justice served, but there is a greater sin to be judged first.”

“Aurora Streak has somehow stolen control of the Changelings on board the ship away from Chrysalis,” Twilight stepped in. “If we help her get them back, Rainbow Dash, Chrysalis has agreed to not seek a life for a life.” Rainbow paled at this, but she trusted Twilight, and her friend would never have brought Chrysalis this close to her if there was even the remotest possibility that she would try to harm Rainbow.

“I’m sorry okay,” Dash said, maintaining a tone of irritation, annoyed that nopony had yet to move on from her mistake. “It was an accident. I didn’t mean to do it.” Her voice wavered slightly, memories of the Changeling’s death welling up involuntarily. She squinted her eyes shut, forcing down those flashes. Even if nopony else had, she had reconciled herself to those events and would not be dragged down so low again.

“And the sun does not mean to scorch the earth into a desert,” Chrysalis snapped back sagely, “yet we still accuse it of it’s wrong. If I were you, I would stop trying to defend your actions and simply be glad I am giving you this chance to negate your crime.”

“We’ve all forgiven you, dear,” Rarity said, “and it’s only our opinions that matter, yes?”

“Thanks Rarity,” Dash admitted grudgingly.

“Now that yall’ve finished tryin’ ta kill each other and threatenin’ ta kill each other,” Applejack said impatiently, her practicality shining through, “can we get movin’ on what needs doin’?”

“Thanks Applejack,” Twilight replied, then addressing everypony else, she said, “So now that Princess Celestia and Princess Luna have arrived with an army, Chrysalis thinks things are about to get worse instead of better.”

“Oh really,” Rainbow asked, still stand-offish. “Why’s that?”

“Twilight has noticed it even in her little time with Aurora,” Chrysalis said. “Aurora has a severe grudge against Celestia, and her bringing an army as the first move will not encourage anything less in our... guest. She has one less than one thousand Changelings now at her disposal, along with her ship and whatever untold defenses and offenses it possesses. If she makes any move that Aurora sees as even remotely aggressive, retaliation will occur. You have all seen her technology. It wouldn’t even be close to a fair fight.”

“It would be if the Princesses themselves got involved,” Pinkie piped in. “They’re super strong.”

“But only one at a time,” Chrysalis corrected. “Their powers come from the sun and moon, and while one is hidden, one of the sisters is well below the zenith of her powers. Aurora will know this, and she will have prepared for it. Two allicorns she cannot hold. One she can.”

“The point is that some of us have to keep tensions down in Ponyville so that the Princesses don’t attack for our sakes, while the rest of us need to help Chrysalis find a way to take back the Changelings,” Twilight explained.

“If I can regain my rightful place as queen of my people,” Chrysalis added, “there will be no need for the Armies of the Sun and Moon.” The message in her words was clear: if given the chance, Aurora would not be spared by the Changelings.

“So... um... how do we decide... well, how do we agree...Who does what?” Fluttershy asked, earning a glance of confusion from Chrysalis for her quiet demeanor.

“That’s part o’ tha trouble,” Applejack said. “Aurora sure don’ trust any o’ us, even Twi, but if she’s gonna call on anypony, it’s gonna be Twi. But if we wanna keep the Princesses from worryin’—”

“Princess Celestia needs to see Twilight,” Rainbow Dash finished for her. “Couldn’t Spike meet with the Princess instead?”

“I could,” Spike said, snapping out of staring at Chrysalis. “But the Princess doesn’t really trust me like Twilight.”

“I’ll go with you then,” Rainbow replied without a second thought. “She knows I wouldn’t leave Twilight hangin’.”

“Maybe, but she will need far more than the words of a friend and a servant to convince her of her student’s safety,” Chrysalis cut in dryly. “If a simple townspony were to corroborate your claims, her mind would be put at greater ease. I will go.”

“Is that really a good idea?” Fluttershy asked concernedly. Chrysalis laughed in reply, sending chills down everypony’s spine as memories of that same laugh welled up in them.

“You ponies are the only ones with the means and luck to assist me,” she through her mirth. “Our agreement is fragile enough as it is. My actions are not the ones you should be concerned about.” All eyes in the room immediately shifted to Rainbow Dash.

“Seriously?” she asked sarcastically. “Have you guys forgotten who’s in the room with us?”

“Both of you make a Pinkie Pie Promise and everything will be okie-dokie!” Pinkie said excitedly, as if she had found the ultimate solution to the problem. A few quick glances around among the others revealed it seemed she had.

“How is that any different from any other promise I could make then break?” Chrysalis asked deridingly.

“It’s different,” was all Applejack felt needed to be said.

“I promise not to wrestle you into submission,” Rainbow Dash said solemnly, stepping up the Chrysalis. “Cross my heart and hope to fly and stick a cupcake in my eye.” Chrysalis’s head slowly began shaking in disapproval of the bizarre ritual and its accompanying hoof movements.

“That has no meaning whatsoever,” she said, incredulous. “Why should do it?”

“You really wouldn’t want to make Pinkie Pie upset, let’s put it that way,” Spike whispered in her ear, glancing at a sad frown gradually finding its way onto Pinkie’s lips.

Sighing heavily, Chrysalis said to Rainbow, “I promise not to seek my retribution for your killing one of my subjects.” She paused, still trying to reason why she was required to do the odd motions. “Cross my heart... urgh... hope to fly, stick a... cupcake... in my eye.” She sighed again, whilst Pinkie Pie’s manic energy returned.

“Great! Now you two will get along just fine!” Pinkie said excitedly, hugging both Rainbow and Chrysalis in turn.

“I wouldn’t get your hopes so high Pinkie,” Rainbow replied cynically, while Chrysalis only sat stunned at having been touched so warmly by Pinkie.

“Are we settled on what we’re all doing then?” Twilight confirmed, teleporting in a scroll of paper that was no doubt a list.

“Hold a moment Twilight,” Rarity said with a mix of concern and confusion as she looked at a still seemingly immobilized Chrysalis. “Are you hurt?” she asked the queen evenly. “Is a simple sign of affection from another pony so foreign?”

Chrysalis shook her head lightly, blinking several times as well before replying to Rarity. “Indeed it is,” she answered in the exact tone in which Rarity had addressed her. “Any intimate contact between Changelings within any of our cities is strictly forbidden. The amount of natural love that comes from such... touching... is potent. So potent that other Changelings will feed on it until they reach other emotions... then they will begin to feed on those as well. The end result is a soulless husk. I do not expect ponies to understand. Touching between your kind is much less full.”

“That’s horrible!” Rarity exclaimed, disgusted and appalled. “It might as well be cannibalism!”

“We find it just as disgusting,” Chrysalis said. “Why do you think I said we only allow intimate contact outside populated areas?”

“Did ya get a boost or somethin’ when Pinkie grabbed ya?” Applejack asked.

“She is... different. It was not the same as what I have received from other Changelings, but it came close,” Chrysalis replied, scrutinizing Pinkie while the party pony stared enthusiastically back.

“Well, Pinkie is definitely different,” Twilight said, her tone steering the conversation back to her check list. The others picked up on her purpose as well, and the intention was not lost on any of them, even Spike. Chrysalis still knew nothing about them as the bearers to the Elements of Harmony, and as long it remained that way, they possessed an advantage over her. Being that she had orchestrated Canterlot’s near demise and had defeated Princess Celestia, there was unspoken consensus among the six that such an advantage might be vital in the final accounting. “So, Chrysalis, Rainbow Dash, and Spike will try to find and talk to Princess Celestia and Luna,” Twilight rattled off, a quill scratching on the paper.

“Uh, Twilight, what should we tell her?” Rainbow asked.

“Good question,” Twilight replied, running the feather end of the quill through her mane in thought. “Tell her that I’ve been trying to talk to Aurora and learn as much as I can. Tell her that I’m up with her right then.”

“What if you’re not?” Spike asked innocently.

“Right now, the Princesses don’t need to know that,” Twilight said, regret tingeing her words at the thought of hiding her intentions from her mentor. “I need to be ready whenever she calls. Okay, that means I’ll be back at the library. Rarity and Fluttershy, I need you to come back with me to help continue taking care of Thunderlane. Chrysalis saved him from being hurt too badly by the blast, but he still needs some care.”

“I was going to help him anyway,” Fluttershy replied. “Now I can do it without having to worry about...” She trailed off, eyeing Chrysalis with a sheepish smile which the queen ignored.

“I need something to keep my hooves busy,” Rarity said. “For once, the spa just didn’t help me relax properly.”

“Applejack, I need you to try to see if you can get a hold of whoever is leading the armies besides Princess Celestia and Luna,” Twilight said next. “Don’t tell him about the Changelings, otherwise the Princesses are sure to attack. Just tell him everything we know about the disabling effects of the fields around the ship. If it does come down to a fight, they need to know that magic and wings won’t work as well around it.”

“Gotcha Twi,” Applejack said. “Shouldn’ be too hard. Most o’ the ponies’ll be wantin’ ta see the Princesses anyhow.”

Pinkie—” Twilight was beginning to address her, but was cut off by that very pony.

“I can help AJ with whatever she needs!” Pinkie said. Unsure if Applejack was okay with this, Twilight turned a questioning gaze to her.

“Ya can come along Pinkie,” Applejack replied, both exasperated and amused.

“Okay everypony, get to it,” Twilight confirmed, rolling up her list. “We’ll meet back at the library.”

“Stay sharp when you are with her,” Chrysalis warned. “And by Faust, watch your words.”

“Are you worried about me Chrysalis?” Twilight asked mischievously, suppressing her curiosity from Chrysalis’ reference to an old mare’s tale.

“I am worried for my own, as you should be,” Chrysalis said pointedly before following Dash and Spike and changing into her pink-green mane and tail disguise.
______________________________________________________________________________

As Twilight walked back to the library with Fluttershy and Rarity, she could feel a contagious energy of joy beginning to infect her. Nothing about their current situation was to be held responsible. Rather, it had not taken long before the Ponyville citizens had organized impromptu parties all across town to celebrate the arrival of the Armies of the Sun and Moon. The chinking of glasses and bottles outside bars was the predominant noise as the older ponies confidently toasted to their rulers’ superior strength and the preservation of their ways; but on occasion, more boisterous noise could be heard from the homes of ponies who had not become enamoured by Aurora’s display.

It was a cheerful atmosphere, and as Aurora herself had not chosen to mitigate it, it persisted through the whole of Ponyville. However, Twilight’s own encouragement at the arrival of the Royal Pony Sisters was dampened every time her eyes rested on the massive form of Aurora’s ship, or whenever they entered a more quiet area of town and the squealing of the imprisoning field tickled her ears. They were constant reminders of the peril of Ponyville in and of themselves, but they also reminded her that she was also trying to avoid Princess Celestia. Most every part of her mind told her this was a bad idea: that the Princess had always been there for her and that this would be no different. But the tiniest fragment of thought convinced her otherwise. This was a responsibility she and she alone was burdened with. Asking the Princess for help would a blatant violation of that, and any headway she might have been able to make with Aurora would be lost.

“Twilight dear,” Rarity spoke up, snapping Twilight from her thoughts. “You’ve been staring at that dreadful ship for five minutes after we got back.”

“Sorry, Rarity,” Twilight said, opening the door to the library. “There’s just a lot on my mind.”

“We all have a lot on our minds,” Fluttershy agreed, patting Twilight comfortingly on the shoulder as the three of them walked inside.

“Where did you put the poor pegasus?” Rarity asked immediately, head swiveling from side to side in search for Thunderlane.

“He’s up in my room,” Twilight answered, taking the lead up the stairs. “I really hope he’s awake by now. I’ll start to worry if he’s not.” She took a key from a small table just outside her bedroom door, and quietly twisted it in the lock. It was well-oiled, no click sounding as it was unlocked, nor any creaking sounds echoing as she pushed the door open.

There in her room, her fears for the pegasus stallion were laid to rest. He was sitting up in the bed comfortably, gulping heartily from the large cup of water she had set on the bedside. “Thunderlane, how are you feeling?” Fluttershy asked, startling the stallion so that he almost choked on his water. “Oh, I’m so sorry!” she squeaked, rushing forward to take the glass from his hoof.

“Can always count on Fluttershy can’t we?” Twilight whispered to Rarity before the two approached the bed. “Really Thunderlane, how are you?” she asked him.

“Everything’s a little blurry to be honest,” he said, putting a hoof to his head in an attempt to remember. “I’ve gotta hand it to you and Miss Dash though. Thanks for getting me out of there alive. I take it my uncle’s shop is... ah... toast.”

“Pretty much,” Twilight grimaced. “The explosion knocked out the supports on the front of the building and the roof collapsed on it.”

“How are you physically dear?” Rarity asked, hoping to distract him from the loss.

“A little stiff,” Thunderlane replied, “but I reckon that’s only from being tied up.”

“Do you feel well enough to walk?” Fluttershy asked.

“Honestly ladies,” Thunderlane replied with a slight blush, “I appreciate the concern and you having saved me from being killed, but I’m not crippled or anything.”

“All the same dear,” Rarity pushed, “you should rest. Thank Celestia, but ponies are very rarely near anything so traumatic as an explosion. Stay for lunch, and if you’re still feeling fine by then, you can go ahead and leave.”

“Sounds like a—” Thunderlane agreed, not a fool to turn down a nice lunch with three mares, but stopped by a solid, triple rap on the library door.

A barely noticeable but inexplicably significant look passed between the three Elements before Twilight said, “Well, at least you’re awake Thunderlane. Enjoy the lunch, I think that’s an appointment I need to keep.” She trotted out of the bedroom, a steely look of determination etching onto her face as she came onto the main floor. Grasping hold on the door with her magic, she yanked it open, expecting Inky Jay with a reply from Aurora about their meeting. Her resolve to uncover Aurora’s true intentions was all that held back her gasp as she was greeted not by Inky, but the allicorn researcher herself.

Something on her face must have shown her surprise against her best effort, for Aurora said, “Forming assumptions still are we?” Her normally light voice was mixed with the stress Twilight often heard in Princess Celestia’s own tones when some major threat to Equestria had emerged.

“Worried that your Changeling army isn’t going to be big enough?” Twilight could not help but needle back.

“The size of my own forces mean nothing,” Aurora said, both surprised and yet at the same time unimpressed. “I had wondered whether you would figure it out yourself or if you would need Inky or myself to tell you. It seems both were correct.”

“That makes absolutely no sense,” Twilight said crossly, stepping onto the street with Aurora and snapping the door shut behind her. Switching the subject she said, “Why did you come personally?”

“Walk,” Aurora said flatly, leading their direction back toward the House of a Thousand Fangs. “All you need know is that Inky is performing other duties I have set before him. Now focus yourself on the matters at hoof. You requested a meeting. I intended to call you for one. I suggest you lay out that which you wish to say before we reach my vessel. I will make no room for speaking of your complaints while aboard.”

“You brought a small Changeling army with you,” Twilight immediately began. “Why would you do that if you didn’t think you would have to fight the Princesses? And that begs the question, if you were so confident in your technology winning over ponies, why did you think an army was even necessary?”

“Change in history always encounters resistance, and I was merely prepared to push back against that resistance,” Aurora replied. “And do not deceive yourself. No one thing is ever enough to change hearts.”

“Why did you want Inky to protect us?” Twilight spouted, disliking Aurora’s previous answer but able to accept it. “Why are we so important?”

“Now you try to deceive me,” Aurora answered, still calm. “I know what you and your five friends are, and it is critical that you are whole. Anypony that has ever ventured into my field would have been able to see that you six are bearers of the Elements of Harmony.”

“How did you find out?” Twilight asked, not sure if she was more angry or confounded by Aurora’s knowledge.

“There are several outward signs that are all but implications,” Aurora said, “but there is one of a very few spells I can perform that revealed all I needed to know. I will tell you more when we are within my vessel.”

“You will?” Twilight asked, now assuredly confused. Aurora was a reclusive creature, that much she could say in confidence.

“The arrival of the Armies of the Sun and Moon have forced me to accelerate my schedule,” Aurora replied plainly. “Rest assured, the ponies of your town may soon not be celebrating Celestia’s arrival.”

“Whatever propaganda you have Inky spreading won’t work,” Twilight said fiercely realizing the nature of the ‘duties’ Inky had been tasked with. “Not when the Princesses are right with us.”

“Using the word ‘propaganda’ makes it seem as if I am lying,” Aurora replied, a touch of amusement in her sweet tone. “Anything he tells them is but the truth, as you will soon learn.” She paused, but Twilight did not press anything more, for she both sensed Aurora was not finished and she herself had nothing more to say as of yet. “As for your Princesses,” Aurora continued coldly, “they are no more with you now than they were before. When they can break past the field, I will reconsider that statement.”

The two rounded a corner into Town Square, and were greeted by a small gathering of ponies. They were all on the younger side—at least from those Twilight could see—and were all clustered beneath the shadow of Aurora’s ship. Inky Jay could be seen standing before them in the Mayor’s traditional place within the pillars of Town Hall. He was not speaking. “And so the visionaries reveal themselves...” Aurora murmured to herself.

“There she is!” somepony in the crowd shouted, and the whole of the mass shifted in Aurora and Twilight’s direction, taking only a few paces toward the pair before stopping to give Aurora space before them.

“I see you all are confused and also intrigued by the words to come from my scribe’s mouth,” Aurora spoke regally to the assembled. “Suffice it to say neither he nor I are confident in our ability to translate my design into the laypony’s terms. I will bring Twilight Sparkle into my vessel and explain all to her. As envoy, she will then relate back to you what she has learned.”

“Won’t you at least try to negotiate with the Princesses?” a mare from the crowd sounded out. She was not angry, but instead nearly pleading. “You have so much to offer pony-kind,” she continued, the group parting ways so she might come to the front. She was a simple mare, subdued orange coat with a well kept blue mane. “Surely the Princesses would be willing to work with you if you have so much to give.”

“Celestia had her chance to negotiate with me, many hundreds of years ago,” Aurora replied. “Instead, she decided banishment to be the proper response. She would not burden her own conscious with the guilt of true ‘justice’, but she wanted to save face and punish somepony all the same. No, I will not hear her. And by the end of today, you may very well never wish to her again either.”

“Part for Lady Aurora!” Inky belted out, the ponies following his command and shuffling to give Aurora a path to approach the earth directly beneath her ship. With a swift stride, she and Twilight reached a waiting Inky, who had jumped down from Town Hall to meet Aurora. Now in range of the ship’s magic and flight dampening fields, Twilight began to mentally prepare herself for losing touch with her magic completely once inside. The concentration required was immense, just as it had been the first time, and thus she only barely registered Aurora whispering new orders to Inky.

Coming out of her exercise alienated from her magic, and feeling mentally empty for it, she caught Inky saying, “...if they extend the hoof first?”

“I will be surprised if that happens,” Aurora answered. “But I will only even consider it should my demands for their conveyance be met. And those I am sure will be denied.”

“As you wish My Lady,” Inky backed away before leaping into the skies. As Twilight watched him lazily soar over Ponyville, her peripheral vision caught sight of a dull red glow near Aurora’s haunches. A quick glance revealed blood-red bangles she had not noticed before. She barely had time to register they were charged with some type of magic when she felt her body becoming incorporeal in a shaft of blinding white light. Recognizing the teleportation magic, Twilight snapped her eyes shut and took a quick breath before they were both pulled inside the ship.

The sudden teleportation was odd for Twilight, as she was accustomed to initiating the magic and bursting into her desired location within the span of a single second. The Device powered magic however—be it due to its artificial nature or Aurora’s understanding of the spell—held her in an ethereal form for a complete ten seconds. In the confines of concentrating on not breathing even when she had no lungs nor blinking when she had no eyes, it was maddening. When her hooves finally touched something solid once again, her eyes flew open and she let out an involuntary gasp. “I was under the impression that you talented magical types teleported all the time,” Aurora said, not offended but disapproving.

“We do it faster than that,” Twilight gulped in the air, not because she needed it, but because her mind needed the reassurance that she could still have it.

“This is the fastest the Devices will perform,” Aurora said. “Since it seems necessary, you should prepare yourself. We must go again.”

“Why didn’t you use these on my first visit?” Twilight asked, taking the extra time Aurora was granting her to both ask a question and examine the circular room in which they had arrived. Brass pillars marked the edges of alcoves all around the room in which shining Devices rested, each pointed in toward the center. Twilight understood that the Devices were magical substitutes, and that consequently, they operated like a unicorn’s magic. Only, she had never been surrounded by so many pointing their nozzles in her direction. The effect was eerie and threatening, reminding her of illustrations of old weapons forged by the unicorns before Equestria’s founding whose sole purpose was to spew flames of retribution upon the Earth ponies.

“Firstly, the engine room where I took you is separated from the network,” Aurora explained. “Secondly, there was no reason to startle the townsponies even further after my arrival. When used in reverse, that particular connection has an unfortunate tendency to bore a small crater into the ground. Now come, you are breathing normally again.” Twilight could not deny this truth, and grudgingly stepped to Aurora’s side as the allicorn pushed a lever on a different teleporting Device. Now prepared for the duration of the warp, Twilight’s mind flashed with thoughts of magic; her mind trying to reconnect with her natural abilities in the presence of such obvious manipulation of the arcane.

She forced away these notions, mercifully once again reappearing in the physical world. Only, she was unsure now if it were better to be mentally tortured by her own mind or be in the large, oval expanse Aurora had taken her. Her mind gradually began to ease when she realized that many of the brass objects spread throughout the room were mainly spare Devices resting peacefully in storage racks. But her nerves did not entirely dispel as she took in the entirety of the single contraption covering the center of the floor. It was composed of four sections, two on either side of a platform running between them. Both sets were the height of an average pony.

The exterior of the first set was covered in a complex array of brass gears and a single dial. What it measured Twilight could not yet tell. The interior of the set held three Devices, two on one side, the remaining one on the other: all three with their nozzles pointing in. The half of the first set supporting the pair of Devices also had brass pipes running away from it through troughs in the wooden floor. These reconnected to a console identical to the one Twilight had seen in the engine room.

While the first set in the array held an aura of a proper scientific machine, the second set was so far gone from the norm that it looked like a bad play prop. While it had the same height as the first set, its exterior was entirely blank while the interior was completely covered by the nozzles of countless Devices. And they had nothing akin to careful arrangement, looking as random as if Pinkie Pie had placed them.

“Move inside completely Twilight Sparkle,” Aurora instructed. She directed Twilight until they both stood before the machine, then continued speaking. “You say you are the prized pupil to the princess of these lands,” she said. “So that must surely mean there is something about you that made you special apart from the other students.”

“Well, I used to wonder about that,” Twilight said hesitantly, unsure why they were talking about her early years. “But after realizing I was the bearer of the Element of Magic, it made more sense to me.”

“I suppose that would help, but consider this,” Aurora acknowledged, “surely there were unicorns that were more skilled than others. And even further, there would have been some skilled at one type of magic but not another.”

“Well, yes,” Twilight replied. “Some of our talents were in specific fields of magic.”

“Again, I concede this,” Aurora said, impatience biting her tone ever so slightly, “but you must have noticed some unicorns that just seemed to have a superiority to the others. Their magic in using their talent was stronger.”

“Of course that’s how it was,” Twilight answered. “But that didn’t mean the other students were any less skilled.”

“Oh, but it did. It still does,” Aurora said gravely. “You see, there is an inherent magic inside each of us, separate from our unicorn, pegasus, or Earth pony magic. Star Swirl was rather unoriginal when he called it Cutie Mark Magic, but it is the most apt description on the most basic level. I instead call it Latency, and before me, all that was known about it was that it existed and that it gave ponies their special talent. My studies revealed that Latency is a more organic form of IAM, and that being the case, I realized that it could be manipulated mechanically just like IAM.”

“Are you saying that you can give ponies Cutie Marks?!” Twilight burst out, both furious, intrigued, and scared all at once.

“You are jumping to conclusions again,” Aurora said, her tone lowering sadly. “I was guilty of your same conclusion when I first discovered some of the more finite properties of Latency. The results of those first trials... Well, shall we say I created leeches rather than ponies whose talents carried them. You see, I jumped too far too fast without understanding Latency’s exact nature.”

“Leeches...” Twilight repeated in a hollow voice. “You... you... you experimented on blank-flanks and mutated them...”

“They became the first Changelings, yes,” Aurora Streak continued the statement for her; Twilight was only able to stare in horror at the mare. There was not a drop of remorse in her voice as she continued, “You see, I discovered later that Latency has two stages. In the first, the magic is focused into a talent and gives a pony his or her Cutie Mark. The second stage, the second stage is Ascension.”

“Why would you do experiments on blank-flanks?!” Twilight shouted at Aurora, still horrified. “You weren’t even sure what would happen!”

“Do not take a lecturing tone with me Magic!” Aurora said stonily back without raising her voice. “Bear in mind that one thousand years ago, it was better to be lying dead and robbed in a ditch than to be a blank-flank. What I offered them was release no matter what happened! I was freely giving them help! Do not think that my intent was malicious!”

“But—” Twilight began to fight back, but was stopped. She herself was guilty of misuse of spells. She had meddled with the time-space continuum and had infatuated nearly every pony in Ponyville with her old toy doll. Both could have ended in disaster, and she had only ever been serving herself then. It did not take much imagination for her to see herself with a new spell that could cure some ill and rushing to use it for everypony’s benefit only to have it backfire horribly.

“Now, as I was saying,” Aurora said more calmly, correctly taking Twilight’s silence as some form of acceptance, “Latency has two stages: Mark and Ascension. While I cannot bring a pony from blank to Mark, my Devices are able to bring about Ascension. You see, because Latency is already focused in the Mark stage, there is no chance of it flooding the physical body. That is what happened to the ponies who became Changelings. Without the focus of providing talent, the Latency gave them the ability to change shape to match any situation along with the necessity of feeding off the love of others, as they had not found any love for a field themselves.

“Ascension occurs very rarely on its own, but as you have already attested to me, it affects the talent of a pony immensely,” Aurora continued, a hint of pride building in her normally controlled voice. “The trouble is that natural Ascension being tied directly to Latency, it is only able to affect the talent you already possess. By forcing Ascension, the magic can be manipulated into any area. For those not yet Ascended, I can offer a secondary skill; I can give the power of talent to something like a hobby; I can give battle skill to ponies who would otherwise not have it.”

“I take it then that I’m Ascended,” Twilight said, still trying to wrap her mind around the whole concept, never mind the Changelings’ origin. She had felt odd learning about the Devices: they had seemed to violate the natural order in some intangible way. There was nothing intangible about the wrongness of the procedure Aurora was professing. Twilight firmly believed that a pony’s Cutie Mark was something that gave that pony an insight into who they were; and if Aurora was right about Latency, Mark, and Ascension, Twilight could not help but believe they were all wrapped in the same package. To separate them and manipulate them apart from one another went against their very purpose.

“Indeed you are,” Aurora replied, her tone becoming more serious, “as are all of your friends. But your Ascension has been split. All of you have Ascended naturally, your talents becoming enhanced, but it is not as potent for half of the power of Ascension has embedded itself in your mind to give you the proper brainwaves to utilize the Elements of Harmony.”

“And you know this how?” Twilight questioned critically. She could accept Aurora’s extensive knowledge on Cutie Marks and IAM. As obscure and unorthodox as they were for areas of study, her technology was a boastful claim that it was not foal’s play. However, Twilight was leery of her knowledge of the Elements. Very few ponies even knew they existed, and if they did, they thought the tale was only a legend with no grounds in fact.

“That, Element of Magic, is the right question to ask,” Aurora Streak replied smoothly. Without any more words, she turned away from Twilight and walked to the opposite end of the room. She pushed against the wall, opening the way to a staircase. It was an invitation Twilight knew. She could accept it. She could deny it. The choice was hers to make. The only problem, Twilight could see that there was only one choice. She had to go with Aurora. If she refused, Aurora had means to accomplish her goals without Twilight’s cooperation, and if she did not, Twilight was no fool. Aurora would not hesitate to issue an ultimatum. If anything, her offer for Twilight was the ultimatum: the ultimatum without the truth of the second option shown. With a deep set scowl, Twilight trotted up the spiral staircase behind Aurora.

Their emergence was through a hatch in the ceiling (the floor of the room above). When she came up, Twilight could not have picked a place to greater contrast the vast space in which she had just been. This room was much smaller, cramped with numerous workbenches surrounding a rotating dias. The benches were cluttered with everything from fully constructed Device shells to random scraps of brass that were so convoluted, Twilight wondered how any piece of metal could survive that much twisting. Other fully functional Devices were also present, situated upon tripods at random places. In short, most of room was a complete, disastrous mess.

But what drew Twilight’s attention was not the catastrophe around her, but a large linen swath that concealed a group of objects in the back of the room. They were easily the height of two ponies, maybe a tad larger. Even stranger, a sole workbench rested just off to the side of them, a lone sea-chest sitting upon it.

“I see you have already noticed the objects that I wish to show you,” Aurora said, pleased. “Now listen carefully and do not interrupt. While I can bring equality through the creation of Devices and the proliferation of engineered Ascension, those things do nothing if there is no harmony to unite them. Do you not agree?”

“I agree that harmony is necessary for the happiness and furthering of a pony’s dreams,” Twilight answered.

“Why then, should Harmony be allowed to be subjective?” Aurora asked.

“It’s not,” Twilight scoffed. “Harmony is harmony. It’s objective all on its own.”

“As represented as an ideal, yes indeed it is,” Aurora replied. “But as represented by the Elements of Harmony, it is subjective. You cannot see this because you have been indoctrinated into believing that Celestia’s harmony is the true harmony. However, imagine if the Elements were to be borne by six ponies who supported Discord. The Elements could then be turned against Celestia, for the harmony envisioned by those ponies would be the chaos of Discord. In this way, the Elements are subjective to whatever harmony the bearers believe to be true harmony. There is nothing objective about the Elements. Nothing at all!” Her last words were spat in contempt.

“How then to remedy this problem?” Aurora continued, controlling her passion. “Well, if the Elements were tied to six individuals rather than born by only one or two, it would become far simpler to analyze the brainwaves that Latency brings out in them. By so doing, I could create true, objective harmony.” With this statement, she gripped the linen in her teeth and yanked it down, revealing six contraptions which vaguely resembled advanced stargazing equipment. They rested on mounts of about a pony’s height. The mounts themselves were indented with slots for three Devices. Each actual apparatus was composed a large, brass, three-dimensional U. Two rings were built inside the U, one smaller and inside its brother. And finally, within the smaller ring, a single pole rose vertically to the center of ring, a clawed stand at its end.

“What you see before you are machines capable of generating the power of the Elements,” Aurora said proudly, ignoring Twilight’s hanging jaw. She hastily retrieved the chest Twilight had noticed earlier, grunting as she brought the weighted object onto the floor before Twilight. She opened its large hinges to reveal a space filled entirely by red-tinted sand. Well, not entirely. The sand was merely padding for the true objects of note: six perfectly cut jewels the colors of the rainbow.

“No, no, that’s not possible,” Twilight said flatly, refusing to accept that the Elements could so easily be replicated.

“When I first began working on the theory, I was under the same impression,” Aurora replied. “My initial research was intended to find surrogates for the Elements. I quickly abandoned the project as fruitless and moved into looking at IAM and Latency. But as I learned more and more through Latency, I came to the conclusion that surrogate Elements may not actually be impossible, and that they would be even purer forms. These gems are like the cores of a Device, holding spells that are derivative of what the Elements represent. A truth spell for Honesty, some of my own Latency magic painfully extracted for Magic, and so on and so forth. The cut of the gems is critical, as the design serves as the channels for the magic. These gems are placed in the claw chalice within those machines and my Devices do the rest.”

“Then why haven’t you turned them on?” Twilight asked, her curiosity overcoming her apprehension and gut feeling telling her she did not want to know the answer.

“Even when combined with those machines,” Aurora elaborated, “these gems are not the Elements. The combination requires one more thing to be functional. The brainwaves created by the Latency of each of the bearers, as I said before.”

“You can’t have them,” Twilight said flatly defiant. “You’ve lied to all of us. You’ve created monsters in your fanaticism! You want to continue that same experiment on the ponies of Ponyville! You are ready to go to war against Princess Celestia! What makes you think I would even think of giving you anything?! By Tartarus! There’s just something wrong with everything you’re doing. The world was built this way for a reason. Only Unicorns have magic for a reason! Ponies earn their Cutie Marks for a reason. The Elements of Harmony are tied to bearers for a reason! You’re trying to change fundamental principles that just shouldn’t be changed!”

“Sit down Twilight Sparkle,” Aurora said, her voice toneless and calm, but possessing some odd power in it that Twilight had never heard before. She felt inclined to sit. Aurora herself laid down on the floor. “You have good friends. Friends who have helped you in all your endeavors. Friends that have stood up for you when nopony else would.” Twilight nodded in affirmation. “I once had a friend like that. She funded my work when everypony else thought I was a madpony and she invested her precious time in learning and even helping me in my studies. After the Changeling incident, which I hid from her, she came to me sorely depressed. Her sister had been ignoring her for some time, but I had never seen her feeling so absolutely forsaken. I suggested she come see what I was working, perhaps to help her take her mind off of it.

“I showed her my work on Latency, how I had found I could Ascend ponies artificially. She asked me if she was Ascended yet, and I had to tell her no, she was not. She began to lament this, realizing that that must be why her sister outdid her in all things. I wanted to relieve her suffering, so I offered to use the machine you saw in the previous room on her. I offered to make her equal with her sister. She took to his idea readily, as anypony in her state would have. She insisted that I rearrange her Latency Ascension to fill every part of her body. She wished to be full like her sister. I saw no problem in this; in fact, it was going to make the process easier, not having to pinpoint a particular area to be enhanced.

“Little did I know that depression was not the only thing resting heavy within her. Jealousy and contempt festered inside, and when I released her Ascension, so too did I empower those emotions. I watched as one of my closest friends was turned into a monster that was banished to the moon for one thousand years while I was exiled to a desert.”

“You caused Nightmare Moon and the Changelings!” Twilight burst out again, standing as she did so. “And you think this will convince me to give over the one thing you want?! You really are crazy!”

“I was not finished!” Aurora said forcefully. “It was after Celestia banished us both that my eyes were opened. There is nothing wrong with my Devices nor my Latency research. If there were, I would have destroyed all of it and submitted to Celestia’s punishment in its fullest form the very day Luna transformed. But in that day, I was shown that the power of harmony ought never to rest in the hooves of any pony. It should be pure and unadulterated: allowed to act as it would without the influence of a soul. Celestia’s banishment of Luna was a blatantly selfish, aggressive, and power-driven use of the Elements she had been given the responsibility to wield. If her intent had been pure, Luna would have been freed as she was by you and yours. I will not have any pony corrupt those powers again and—”

“Okay, okay, I get your point,” Twilight said, still reeling with the sheer weight of all these revelations. “But I still have no reason at all to trust you. If you want me and my friends to help you finish your research, if you even want me to explain Latency to everypony, you’ll need to do some things for me.”

“That depends,” Aurora replied.

“First, you have to tell everypony about the Changelings on your ship,” Twilight said, unsurprised at Aurora’s responding furrowed brow. She was however encouraged that the allicorn did not deny the request immediately. She considered for a moment revealing that she knew all about Chrysalis, but a small sense of inhibition prevented it. She had a feeling that the only way Chrysalis would be able to help them and herself, would be by staying hidden. “I won’t make you say anything about how Changelings or Nightmare Moon—”

“Luna,” Aurora interrupted pointedly.

“Luna,” Twilight began again. “You don’t have to tell anypony about any of that, but you have to show that you are eligible to even be working with the Elements. Show us some honesty. Aside from that, I want you to lower the field surrounding Ponyville.”

This demand was met the way Twilight had imagined the first would be. Immediate rejection. “Absolutely not,” Aurora replied stalwartly. “I do not keep the field up to keep the ponies in, nor is it to keep all ponies out. The field is insurance against Celestia, nopony else. And after what I have told you, you should be able to see the absurdity in lowering the field.”

“I am the Princess’s favored pupil as well as the sixth Element of Harmony,” Twilight attempted to reassure Aurora. “My opinion holds some weight. I can convince her to not attack immediately.”

“When I was banished, my opinion also held weight with her,” Aurora answered. “That helped not at all. And if she has set her mind against me, nothing you say will cause anything different to happen. I will consider what you have said on the issue of the Changelings. Up until then, you may speak nothing of my Element research to anypony but your fellow bearers. And they will be forbidden from speaking of it as well. On the subject of Latency, I encourage you to spread the word. Countless ponies will benefit from it.”

“I’ll explain it to them, but I won’t support it,” Twilight said, standing firm. “I won’t encourage anypony to seek to have it done.”

“Already you are beginning to see my vision,” Aurora replied, her mood brought up considerably as she stood. “An Equestria of equality and freedom, both of body and mind.”

“I will tell the Princesses about Latency though,” Twilight warned.

“They already know and understand Latency,” Aurora waved a hoof. “It will come as no surprise to either of them. Now go. My designs continually evolve and require my attention and there are ponies awaiting your words as envoy.”

“You have good intentions Aurora Streak,” Twilight told her grudgingly as she left. “Not many ponies would have offered to try to help Princess Luna like that. But can you tell me with a straight face that none of this is motivated by revenge? That you’re still striving for the idealistic Equestria alone?”

“I cannot,” Aurora replied stoically. “They are tied together, for once the Equestrians see the truth, they will reject Celestia’s absolutism, and my revenge will be sated. If you are worried for Celestia personally, I can assure you I will not lay a hoof on her, nor do I have any desire to.”

“Well, maybe we can all come through this for the better,” Twilight replied, doubting heavily that ponies would lose faith in Princess Celestia just because of the things Aurora could do. “Maybe you and Luna can even see one another when it’s all over.”

“So Faust would have me hope,” Aurora replied, “if my hope was not something that had betrayed me time and again.”

Comments

[ProfCharles]

I have to say, Aurora is one of the best OC villains I have seen in a long time. There's just something twisted about her.

[Inky Jay]

1986902
A lot of the ideas she has came from me reading a lot of philosophy about perception and the senses along with a few of my own philosophical observations. That's a mighty big compliment and I'm honored you have given it to me.

[Heliostorm]

1975012

It's completely unfair to call Inky Jay a Gary Stu. He is an antagonist in this story, and antagonists NEED to be able to do most of what you listed in order to be a credible threat. Antagonists also are not expected to grow and improve throughout a story except to become more powerful and more dangerous. What character development did Emperor Palpatine get? Or Sauron? What kind of villains would they be if they were weaker and dumber than the heroes and couldn't make good decisions? You're holding a villain OC to protagonist OC standards, and that's a completely wrong comparison. Being super strong, super smart, and super competent is bad for a protagonist because it reduces the conflict, but it makes it stronger in a villain. The only real way an antagonist can become a Sue is if they're so strong the only way the heroes can win is a Deus Ex Machina.

I also don't get how you can accuse him of overshadowing Aurora. You made this wild accusation and did almost nothing to back it up. In exactly what way does Inky Jay overshadow Aurora? The actions of the Mane 6 have centered around him more, yes, but because he's more vulnerable and accessible. Aurora's still the boss, and Inky Jay's nothing without her.

[vren55]

1991385 Now I wouldn't go so far to call someone else's review a wild accusation, it is his opinion and he is entitled to it no matter how wrong it may be. Still a good analysis performed on it (god that Nietzsche is influencing how I think). Villains do have to get the jump on the hero first. And IMO the only reason Inky's so powerful was because Aurora predicted it first and equipped him in the first place

1975012 Not to say that your review is not useful, in fact it is very detailed (and the fact that English isn't your first language just impresses me) and does highlight a point of view a person will take when he or she looks at this story, so there are valid information. But you also have to make sure that some authors (i know Inky didn't take offense, but this is a hypothetical situation) WILL take offense to you calling a character a Sue and will take offense to any reviewer saying that their side-antagonist overshadows their intended antagonist. Such a direct accusation should be avoided even with evidence and reasoning to back it up.

Now what have I learnt about this? I SHOULD HAVE WRITTEN THIS GUIDE TO REVIEWING SOONER!!! NOW READ IT!!! It will teach you what to do.

[Verlax]

1991385

You have right, but only if we consider fact, that Inky Jay is a villain for sure. And it's not clear. Heck, I don't see him as a villain in earlier chapters, saving lifes, organizating all the stuff and such. Damm, I believe that in the end, it will be discovered that both Aurora and Inky Jay weren't antagonists.

Problem with it could be solved, if we could get early marking that he is villain. In that case, no problem with Gary Stu.

2006354

I don't think calling character a Gary Stu is such a resentment. There are a lot of Gary Stu's, there are even characters that are supposed to be them, to make fun in the stories. And it's quite often flaws of the stories, so I don't think that there are such a unique. And another reason why I used Gary Stu term, is that it's just easier, than turning Google Translator every 5 second to explain this stuff. Come on, I'm not the guy for your "fancy talkin'", I just had enough of turning dammit translator so many times.

Maybe I was a bit too harsh, but I made some points in my review to ( looking into google translator ) mitigate this. In that case I want to apologise, however I'm not resigning with calling Inky Jay ( OC, not Author... wait, what? ) Gary Stu.

[Kolwynia]

This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors

Marks of Harmony

Grammar score: 9/10

Pros: First, your OC alicorn Aurora is a great character, and the real standout of the story. Next, your characterizations of the canon characters, such as the Mane Six, are excellent. I particularly like the way you write Rainbow Dash. Finally, the mythology you create, from Aurora's Devices, to Latency and Ascendency, to IAM, is all well thought out. I really appreciate good world building. Your account of the creation of the changelings and Nightmare Moon interests me.

Cons: This may not be a "con" so much (as it may be intentional), but even though I like Aurora, her and Inky Jay's personalities sometimes grate on me. They just seem to have such contempt for everyone and it really comes out in their dialogue. (Perhaps "contempt" is not quite the word I'm looking for in Aurora's case. But there is an almost calculated uncaring there.) Example: “'I am not required to agree with you on anything,' Inky replied flatly." And he sure doesn't. He is an antagonist, so maybe this is what you're going for, but I wanted to smack him so many times... (Also, considering he's named after you, that is a really awkward thing for me to say.) Next (and final) con: sometimes you overuse adverbs, particularly in your dialogue. This is what I mean: "Rainbow Dash said gleefully" "Fluttershy added worriedly." "'Who’s the newbie?' she added critically" "'Okay, something’s happened,' she said suspiciously." "'This way,' the new mare said shortly" "'He’s alive, pony,' the unknown mare interrupted venomously." "Rainbow bellowed accusingly." "Twilight said calmly" "'Well duh,' Pinkie Pie said flatly." "Chrysalis snapped back sagely" "'Thanks Rarity,' Dash admitted grudgingly." "'Seriously?' she asked sarcastically." "Pinkie said excitedly" "'I promise not to wrestle you into submission,' Rainbow Dash said solemnly" All of these are from the first quarter or so of chapter 11. I totally understand why you do this: you don't want your dialogue to be boring. You want the reader to catch the emotion of the characters in their tone of voice. Here's what an author who actually makes a living at it has to say about it, and it's good advice.

"I believe the road to hell is paved with adverbs" -Stephen King

Notes Section: I had heard good things about your story, so I was already interested in reading it, but your "OC alicorn actually done right" does not disappoint. There are two things I particularly like about her role in the story. First, she represents something alien to Equestria. In a story that is not about humans showing up, how does a writer do that? In the show there were the changelings, but that's been done. So Aurora shows up with her magic dampening ship and weird technology and brings something cold and scientific to Equestria. And because of Twilight's intelligence and love of science, Aurora is such an excellent foil for her. And second, she brings a philosophical attack on Equestria. She undermines the very establishment of harmony in a way that may even cause Twilight to doubt her princess.

By the way, you can probably guess that I'm a pretty big fan of Celestia. She's my favorite princess. (For about a week and a half more.) Might she be considered a sort of secondary antagonist here? I worry about how her character will be handled in future chapters. The complicated Beyond-Good-And-Evil approach to your storytelling is a highlight.

Also, since I read Verlax's review I feel like I should put my two cents in about Inky Jay. I personally don't have any sort of problem with naming a character after your username, or self inserts in general. Inky Jay works as an antagonist, even if he is a bit annoying when he talks down to everyone. If he had been introduced as some kind of mythic hero who saves the day while canon characters stood by helpless... then I think he wouldn't go over so well. Also... when Stephen King wrote himself into the Dark Tower series, that was totally awesome! Seriously, when he "meets" Roland, a character he had been writing for thirty years, that scene is incredible. I don't know if you've read the series so I won't spoil it for you, but because the story is set in various parallel universes, including ours, the scene works. (Also, there are two lines in that scene that say more about inspiration in writing than an entire book could say about the subject.) And King isn't the only author to do this. Comics writer Grant Morrison wrote himself into a story once too, and people loved it. Anyway, the point is, in my opinion, Inky Jay works for the story.

[Wow, Stephen King came up a lot in this review, eh? But to be fair... Verlax started it.]

Enjoy your review! Thanks again for taking the time to review my story Celestia in Excelsis. Looking forward to where you take the story in its final act!

Edit: Hmm. Noticed that using those quote boxes in the review came out way uglier than I imagined, but last night I was too tired to fix it. I removed them and just used regular old quotation marks.

[Vigriff]

1986959 Aurora Streak sort of reminds me of Schwarzwald from Big O.

[Razzy]

No, you are the monsters, Twilight. Cutelings are not! *hugs a Cuteling*

Cya
Raziel-chan