• Member Since 19th Nov, 2012
  • offline last seen Aug 26th, 2023

BoganBrony


E
Source

In the blistering heat of the San Palomino Desert near the Macintosh Hills, a man slowly awakes to find that he is stranded and alone. Using what limited resources he has with him, he must find a way out of the desert and make his way back to civilization before the heat and dehydration take their toll. But what he finds once he successfully completes his dangerous journey and makes it to the nearest town will shake him to the core...

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 10 )

It starts up pretty slow, but hopefully the action will pick up now. I also have to say you do pretty good work with sentence structure with a good mix of simple and compound sentences. Can't wait to see where this goes.

2D

So little attention!

Well, I must say that I think you sir are going places! This
fiction could go so many ways... I want to see which ones it
decides to go.

Thorn

A good first story, if a little boring. I've seen plots like this many times before. Your writing is high quality, though, so I'll watch it and see where it goes.

Im impressed, please keep it up!

RagingCacti

Liking this so far.:ajsmug:

"But a woman who'll wait till the third time around
Head in the clouds, feet on the ground
She's the girl he's glad he's found
She's his Shipoopi"

Thought I'd finish it for you.

Thought I'd finish it for you.

lol thank you :twilightsmile:

Thanks for the feedback guys. Working on the 4th chapter now.
It'll still take a bit more time for the action to build up but rest assured I will be putting more in as the story progresses.

Hm, interesting story you got here so far. Good introduction, good pace and such. Although, there is one thing I noticed. During the conversation with Pip and Braeburn, you switched between describing Pip as female and male, since you used 'him' several times when it came to Pip. I actually had to doublecheck to make sure that Pip was supposed to be female, since it confused me in the beginning.

Except for that, good story. Keep up the good work.

Ps: Have a moustache. :moustache:

1775436

:twilightsheepish: Yeah originally I had Pip as a male but then changed my mind. Seems I missed out a few references. :derpyderp2:
Thanks, I'll sort it out shortly

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