Ponyville Brawl
“...Seriously?” Lyra said, as she rubbed her head with one of her robotic prosthetic hands.
Applejack stared, dumbfounded that clobbering Lyra with a banjo hadn't worked. “H–how?” she asked, as she backed away from where the crazed unicorn was regaining her alien, bipedal stance.
“Foal! With the power of my resonance generator, I'm able to set up a variety of self-sustaining spells for protection and healing!” The maddened mare threw her head back at that, and then laughed maniacally. “The great Applejack, alicorn of the earth, and the best you can do is hit me with a banjo?” she asked, and then sneered at the orange pony before her.
Applejack's eyes narrowed at that, and her horn began to light up with more of her magical energy. “Ah reckon Ah can hit ya with somethin' a bit harder, then,” she retorted, as the aura along her horn grew brighter. Soon it was as bright as the sun, forcing the alicorn to close her eyes as she concentrated, while Lyra shielded her face with one of the massive artificial hands she wore.
The other hand, however, was busy. Lyra stepped back as Applejack charged up a spell and strummed a free hand on one of the great harps that formed her harmonic array. It was a hurried play, and without the counterpart notes from the other harp the music took on a discordant, screeching tone.
To Lyra, however, it was a different kind of music to her ears. Grinning madly, she used her magic to draw the warped harmonic energy out of the air and into her being. Her body shook and her nerves fired in pain, yet she could only cackle madly as she brought her playing hand around and then aimed its palm to the alicorn facing her down. As soon as it was aligned, Lyra focused her mind, her magic, and the terrible energy from her device and sent a two-toned bolt of green energy arcing from her robotic fingers.
The bolt raced between the two ponies, and Applejack barely had time to sense the malignant force before it slammed into her chest. The pain disrupted her own spellcasting, and within an instant her energy was released into the air.
* * * *
Outside of the lab life in Ponyville continued on, ignorant of the showdown occurring in their midst. Ponies trotted to a fro, taking care of their daily business, albeit with more than the usual chatter as the incident at Lyra's abode was at the tip of everypony's tongue.
Their ignorance didn't last, however, as the building Lyra's lab was in exploded in a great shockwave of sound and light. Ponies screamed and ran for cover as chunks of wood and plaster rained down upon the town, and the more faint of heart screamed a second time when they saw the pillar of orange and minty green magic shooting up into the sky. Fortunately for their nerves the light show faded away quickly, though curiosity took over and drove many to run towards the site of the detonation.
* * * *
Applejack coughed as she slowly climbed out from under part of a wall that had fallen on her. “Lyra?” she croaked out, as she looked around the pile of debris that was once a decently-sized house in the middle of Ponyville. She could see nothing of the green unicorn, nor of the tank poor Bonbon had been sequestered in. “Lyra? Bonbon!” Applejack shouted, even as she lit up her horn and soon began to remove the largest chunks of debris and sent them to rest in a pile in the street.
Suddenly, the rubble beneath the alicorn shifted, and before she could think about it a metal hand broke through and then grabbed one of her legs. Applejack whinnied in surprise and instinctively tried to yank her appendage free. Thus she was distracted and unable to form a proper response as Lyra suddenly reared from the wreckage on her hind legs, and then screamed in rage as she formed the other robot hand into a fist and punched Applejack in the chest. The force of the impact tore the alicorn from her opponent's grip, and she flew backwards through the air until she slammed into a nearby building.
Maniacal laughter poured from Lyra as she slowly regained a bipedal stance, her robotic hands hanging loosely at her sides. “I! Am! INVINCIBLE!” she shouted, throwing her head back as she raised both hands to the skies.
“What is this? What's going on?” a new voice asked, and Lyra snapped her head down to see ponies crowding around the remains of her lab. Of particular note was the lavender unicorn who had spoken up, and Lyra couldn't help but grin disturbingly.
“I have achieved something which even you cannot comprehend, Twilight Sparkle!” Lyra announced, as she shifted her stance so that one hand hung at her side while the right was held towards Twilight, palm up. “I have tasted directly of the universal harmonics, soaked in their wrathful love and their tender hate, and come out far greater than even an alicorn!” she blared, and then pointed a threatening finger towards where Applejack was slowly pulling herself from the crater she had made in the house across the street. “And now, I shall bring about robotageddon, and the end of Equestria as you know it! In its place shall be the dream of all who would seek freedom, not only from your petty concepts of right and wrong, but also from the tyranny of our very bodies! No more shall we be restricted by the form we were born into, or stereotyped by the marks upon our flanks, but instead we shall transcend these mortal coils and become as gods!”
“Yer insane!” Applejack hoarsely shouted, as she regained her footing and warily walked to the edge of the debris pile. “What yer sayin' would destroy ponykind!”
Lyra laughed at that, the maniacal, hysterical tone eliciting a twinge of fear in all those who heard her. “Am I not destroying the old form of something when I improve upon it?” she asked, as she spread her forelegs apart and held her robot hands palms up. Energy hummed and started to dance on her fingers as she spoke, and a terrible light seemed to come from her eyes. “You fear it now, but when my machines are crawling upon the world, improving it beyond all measure, and ponies are striding amongst the stars in bodies made of steel, you will embrace it,” Lyra declared, and then grinned again. “You will embrace me. Now come see the future, while you still have pony eyes!” With that, she turned and pointed a palm towards the nearby crowd. It glowed with unearthly magics, and ponies screamed in terror as they were suddenly lifted up into the air and pulled forward.
“Oh no ya don't!” Applejack countered, and then fired a quick spell. Lyra had anticipated this, however, and her other hand was already up and pointed towards the alicorn so that the hurried spell slammed into the metal palm.
“You honestly think you can defeat me now?” Lyra asked, with another maniacal grin. “You who... are...” her voice trailed off, as she noted that the glow of Applejack's magic was still humming along her hand. “It's not supposed to do that,” the green unicorn muttered, just before a tangled bolt of orange, green, and yellow suddenly shot forth from the fingers on the same hand and into the sky.
“Uhh, Applejack,” Twilight chimed in, as she slowly moved to stand near her friend. “What kind of spell was that?”
Applejack frowned as she spared a quick glance to the lavender unicorn. “Uhm, a teleport spell?” she offered, sounding unsure. When both Twilight and Lyra gave her an odd look, she blushed. “Well, it was th' first thing that came ta mind!”
“Pitiful,” Lyra said, with a smirk. “Now, if you're done embarrassing yourself, I've got—”
She never finished that sentence, as a swirling vortex of purple energy suddenly appeared overhead, to the sound of a massive 'crack'. Gasps and screams of terror answered the apparition, though that was all the reaction anypony could have before a large, rectangular object with rubber wheels fell through the vortex and landed on top of Lyra with a great crash.
The vortex disappeared immediately after depositing the object, and suddenly Ponyville was thrown into silence, save for those ponies who had been in Lyra's magic grip for they had dropped to the ground and groaned in pain as a result. They garnered little attention, however, as everypony's attention was focused on the strange new object and its two inhabitants.
“See? I told you that'd work,” an eerily familiar aquamarine unicorn observed to her companion. “We just had to hit eighty-eight miles per hour!”
“Ah don't think it did work, actually,” the red stallion to her right replied, as he shared shocked looks with several ponies in the crowd. “Unless Applejack is a princess in our reality, too.”
“What?” the first pony asked, and then turned to gaze upon the orange alicorn. “Oh, come on!” she shouted, standing up from her odd sitting position to balance on her hind legs, while her forelegs were thrown forward in a gesture. “We hit the eighty-eight mark!”
“Going down,” the earth pony replied, as he started to climb out of the side of the hot-pink object. “After ya took us over a cliff.”
“Well how else was I supposed to get us away from those Foundation agents?” the unicorn asked, as she climbed out of the odd conveyance and then trotted with the stallion as they moved off towards the crowd of ponies standing nearby.
“Whoa whoa whoa,” Applejack suddenly interjected, as she moved forward to stand in front of the two new arrivals. “Jus'... what the flippin' haystacks is goin' on here?” she nearly shouted.
“Oh, right,” the green pony said, and then smiled and offered a foreleg up for a hoofshake. “Lyra Heartstrings, gentlemare adventurer!” A moment of incredulous silence passed, and Lyra begrudgingly lowered her hoof when it became clear the gesture wasn't going to be returned. “Uh, I'm guessing you're wondering why we crashed here in a '79 Cadillac convertible, right?”
“Ah'm more wonderin' why there's two of mah brother,” Applejack retorted, as she glanced to the side and indicated where Big Macintosh was standing amongst the other townsponies, and then looked to his duplicate standing before her. “Not ta mention how th' hay did you just crash into yerself?” she added, this question with a pointed glare at the unicorn in front of her.
“Wait, what?” Lyra asked, and then glanced to the rubble behind her. “Oh... oh man, this universe's Bonbon is gonna be so mad at me,” she added, with a grimace.
“Ah'd be more worried as ta why th' car is shaking,” the version of Big Mac at her side offered. Everypony who heard his word looked to the odd vehicle, and indeed watched in shock as it started to shake and vibrate. Then it blasted apart in a flash of light, yet instead of flying outwards every piece swirled around the center of the event in a vortex before they were slowly pulled in and attached to a growing figure that stood upright in the wreckage.
“FOALS!” the mad Lyra boomed, as her body became encased in metal and machinery, leaving only her head and mane clear. She stood taller now, easily supporting a bipedal stance through the various re-purposed and reforged components that had been magically welded together into a full robotic suit. “You tried to slay me, only to give me access to technology even more advanced than I could have hoped!”
“Advanced? Seriously?” the newcomer Lyra asked, with a confused expression. “That thing didn't even have an automatic transmission.”
“Silence!” her counterpart demanded. “I have become greater than all! I am the machine goddess, the bringer of change! I am Mecha-Lyra, and all shall bow before me and kiss my shiny metal—” she was cut off then, as an apple was shoved into her mouth via an orange magic aura.
“Ya talk too much,” Applejack said, and then lowered her head and snorted as she pawed at the ground. “Now, let's wrassel!” she yelled, and then charged forward, just barely avoiding running over the alternate Lyra and Big Mac. A moment later she slammed into Mecha-Lyra with tremendous force, which sent the two of them careening into and through another building.
“Okay, what's going on here?” the newcomer Lyra asked, as she turned to face towards the townsponies. “Why is this version of me all awesome and stuff?”
The Big Mac who came with her jabbed the elbow of one of his forelegs into her side at that, and then stepped forward. “Don't mind her, she's crazy,” he said in a matter-of-fact tone, as the sounds of mighty battle were heard from the next street over. “Could anypony explain just what's going on?”
“How 'bout you explain where y'all came from?” the Big Macintosh from the crowd asked, as he walked forward to join Twilight Sparkle at the head of the group.
“Oh, that's simple!” Lyra cheerfully replied, as if nothing were wrong. She paused briefly as her counterpart screamed incoherently in the distance, only to have the yell followed by the sound of a beam of magic energy being unleashed. “See, we're from an alternate universe. We came across a gate that goes to other realities in Whitetail Woods and we like to explore what they have to offer.”
“In a big machine that looks like a carriage that has no provisions for being pulled?” Twilight Sparkle asked, her face a study of confusion.
Lyra blushed, and then rubbed the back of her head with a foreleg. “Aheh, well, this last time we kinda got... waylaid a bit...” she sheepishly explained.
“Lost is more like it,” the alternate Big Mac chimed in. “Then we started getting' chased by some crazy fellers, then we had ta do some random dimension hops, and we was suppose'ta git back home this time,” he explained, and then sighed. “It didn't help when miss smarty flank here decided ta blow our cover in th' last universe,” he added, with a tired look to his compatriot.
“But, the humans!” Lyra protested, giving the other traveller a sad look. “They're just so adorable with their beady eyes and tiny noses, they look like foals! I had to give a few a hug!”
“In public,” the Macintosh next to her added.
“It was in the middle of Disneyland!” Lyra countered. “I thought they'd think it was part of the show!”
“'Cept Disney costumes don't have a full anatomy, if'n ya get mah drift,” alternate Mac deadpanned.
The Twilight Sparkle and Big Macintosh native to the reality blinked in stunned silence as they observed the interplay. “Alright, so, what are you two doing here now?” Twilight finally asked.
“Well, we were totally almost about to get way from these alien-hunting guys with a modified time-traveling spell,” Lyra replied, even as her companion rolled his eyes. “When this portal opens up in front of us. I steered the car away from it and, er, accidentally ran over a cliff.”
“Fortunately, th' portal thing followed us and took us here,” the alternate Mac finished. “Now, could ya explain why mah sister is an alicorn in this reality and why she's fightin' a slightly crazier version of mah fillyfriend?”
“What?” the resident Macintosh uttered, even as Twilight did a double-take. Then he glanced to the blushing green unicorn. “Ah don't see it,” he stated flatly to his counterpart.
“Figured ya wouldn't,” alternate Mac replied, evenly. “Took me a bit, mahself.”
Any further discussion was cut off then, as a washing machine crashed to the ground nearby. Startled, everypony in the group turned to look at it, and then silently watched as the machine suddenly sprouted legs and skittered off, leaving a trail of suds in its path.
“Ohhhhkaayy,” Lyra said. “That's a new one.”
“So, she went crazy with power, right?” alternate Macintosh asked, with a glance to the reality's resident ponies.
“Eeyup,” his counterpart replied.
“Figured,” the alternate stallion said with a smirk, and then aimed that smug expression at the unicorn beside him.
“Okay, fine, you were right,” Lyra said in a huff, as she glanced away. “It was a good thing we left the Necronomicon where we found it.”
“And?” alternate Mac asked in an expectant tone.
Lyra sighed. “And I promise that I won't get upset at you again if you bring up the fact that holding onto a world-altering artifact might drive me into a psychotic episode,” she added, with a half-glare directed at her coltfriend.
“Okay, Ah've just 'bout had 'nuff of this,” the resident Big Mac interjected, and then started to walk off towards where the sounds of battle were coming from. “Let's jus' try an' stop our Lyra from endin' life as we know it.”
Twilight Sparkle rolled her eyes, and then followed. “You'd think he'd be used to this by now, living in Ponyville,” she muttered.
“Eeyup,” alternate Macintosh chimed in, as he and Lyra quickly caught up with Twilight.
For her part, Sparkle looked perplexed. “What are you two doing?” she asked.
“Helping!” Lyra exclaimed. “It's the right thing to do after all! Especially since I've got a few tricks of my own that might help.”
* * * *
Applejack grunted as she threw up another shield spell, just seconds before the flock of flying automatic hoofmixers fell upon her. Animated by Mecha-Lyra's strange magic, the hoof-sized machines spun their beaters for lift and lashed out with their power cords the same way a scorpion would with its tail. The prongs at the end cackled with electricity, but fortunately the alicorn's shield held and Applejack powered through the diversion to run towards her opponent.
Mecha-Lyra reacted quickly, however, and slammed one of her robotic hands into the ground palm-first. Cackling energy flowed into the earth itself, and a shockwave raced through the dirt, creating a rooster tail of dust in the air behind it as it raced for its target.
Applejack saw it coming and leapt into the air and flapped her wings to avoid the attack. It was not to be, however, as the instant she passed over the oncoming shockwave, it halted and then shot a pillar of dirt straight up to slam into her belly. The wind was knocked out of her and Applejack tumbled through the air, though she quickly regained her wits and used her wings to steer her fall towards her foe. A last-second flip of her wings sent her body in a somersault, and her hind legs bucked hard into the pink metal chestpiece of Mecha-Lyra's robotic suit. The maddened unicorn was shoved backwards by the impact nearly a dozen yards, though she remained standing as her metal-clad hind legs dug deep furrows in the earth. “My turn!” she shouted, as she leapt forward, her right fist clenched and aimed for Applejack's head.
The punch connected, and Applejack spun through the air before she slammed into one of the many trees that lined Ponyville's streets. The great oak snapped in half and toppled over the battered alicorn, leaving her dazed for a brief moment. It was a moment that served Mecha-Lyra well, as she raised a hand and gestured towards her minion automata, which descended upon Applejack and started to hold her down with their power cords.
Well, Applejack thought, as she regained her wits. Two can play this game. With that, she called forth from the magic deep within her, and then channeled into the ground. Seconds later, the earth under Mecha-Lyra's feet shook, and then erupted as thick roots grew up and around the crazed unicorn, ensnaring her limbs to secure them against any movement.
A silence fell over the scene then, broken only by the buzzing of Mecha-Lyra's minions, as both combatants paused to assess their situations and test their bonds. Several moments passed like this before Mecha-Lyra spoke up. “So, we have reached an impasse,” she grunted out, as she strained against the roots.
“Only fer th' moment,” Applejack replied, and then closed her eyes and concentrated. Her horn lit up again, and this time her personal aura enveloped the flying hoofmixers to simultaneously crush them. Now free of their grip, the alicorn stood and then opened her eyes to stare down her foe.
“Clever girl,” Mecha-Lyra said, with clear admiration in her voice. Then a sneer spread across her muzzle. “But not clever enough,” she added, as her own horn glowed.
For a long moment, nothing happened, but soon a faint noise of rushing liquid was heard. Befuddled by this, Applejack looked down and noted that the roots near the ground were now dark with fluid. “Oh, oh!” she said, as she took a step back. “That's jus' disgustin'!”
“Huh?” Mecha-Lyra asked, as her face twisted in confusion. “What are you talking about?”
“Look, if'n yer scared, that's one thing,” Applejack said, ignoring the question. “But it's another ta wet yerself in public like that!”
The aquamarine face of her foe took on a deep crimson hue at that. “What!” she shouted. “I'm not relieving myself, you foal! I'm releasing the hydrocarbon fuel from the mechanical conveyance my doppelganger arrived in!”
“Uh-huh, sure,” Applejack sardonically replied, as she gave the unicorn a skeptical look.
“Okay, that does it!” Mecha-Lyra yelled, and then lit up her horn again. A speck of flame, the same color as her magic aura, popped into life just in front of her and then dropped to the soaked roots. The gasoline immediately caught fire, and it soon spread to the plant matter encapsulating the mad pony. Weakened and consumed by the flames, the roots broke apart as Mecha-Lyra flexed her robotic suit and her cellulose prison burst apart in a shower of burning fragments. “Time to make some applesauce!” she shouted, and then charged towards the alicorn in front of her, hands raised up and open.
Startled by the sudden fire and the reversal, Applejack barely managed to spread her wings in an attempt to take flight before the enhanced unicorn reached her. Both hands closed around her wings, and Applejack yelled in pain as they squeezed, holding the alicorn in place. Mecha-Lyra sneered as her limbs quickly moved to press towards Applejack's sides, bending her wings at an unnatural angle even as the unyielding robotic arms threatened to crush her ribs.
“Unhand her, fiend!” The voice that shouted was both familiar and unfamiliar to Mecha-Lyra at the same time, and she paused in her struggles with Applejack in order to glance off to the side. There she saw her alternate self, standing with two Big Macintoshes and a Twilight Sparkle, an aquamarine foreleg raised in the direction of the two combatants. Even as Mecha-Lyra watched, her doppelganger lowered the hoof and then chuckled. “See, it's funny because—”
“We get it,” came the interruption, simultaneously spoken from all five of the other ponies in the area; even Applejack and Mecha-Lyra took a moment to chastise the joke-killer.
“Humph,” Lyra said, and then glanced to the side with a scowl.
“Is there a reason for this intrusion?” Mecha-Lyra asked, even as she twisted Applejack in her grip and slammed the alicorn to the ground, pausing only to shift one hand from a wing to grasp the battered mare's horn. “I've got a battle to win and a world to remake in my image,” she added, as she kept pressure on Applejack's sensitive spots to keep her pinned and unable to act.
“That's where you're wrong... me...” Lyra replied, somewhat haltingly towards the end. “Because I'm going to stop this as, unlike you, I have chosen the path of good rather than evil.”
“Good, evil, both are illusions,” Mecha-Lyra replied, with a snort. “All that exists is survival and death. Morality is nothing more than an artificial construct of sapient beings to provide for some semblance of order.”
“Oh yeah?” Lyra asked, with a smug look on her face. “Then explain the survival advantage of the concept of mercy.”
Mecha-Lyra opened her mouth, but then slowly shut it after a moment of thought. “I...” she began, and then briefly fell silent again. “Strictly speaking, mercy isn't actually a survival characteristic. However,” she hastened to add, “there are some survival benefits that can come from absorbing the survivors of a fallen tribe of opponents.”
“Which can be easily outweighed by the disruptive elements, not to mention the loss of resources spent on healing wounded foes who may rise against you in the future,” Lyra countered. “Add to this other sapient concepts that have no true equivalent construct in non-sapient beings, such as 'revenge' and 'justice'”, she continued, as she began to pace off to the side. “If they were genuine survival mechanisms then there should be some version of them in other species that exhibit social structures and group cooperation. Yet we see no courts amongst the primitive horses that our ancestors evolved from, no mercy shown by the Timberwolves of the Everfree Forest to opposing packs when they clash. No animal goes out of its way to extract a form of revenge against a foe that has wounded it in the past; they simply find it more expedient to avoid that foe in the future.” Lyra stopped both speech and walking at this, and then turned to give her counterpart a hard look. “Thus, there is no survival mechanism at work, at least not in the sense that Naturalists mean.”
A moment of silence passed, broken only by the occasional pained yelp from Applejack. Finally, though, Mecha-Lyra grunted. “Oh bugger this,” she said, and then briefly took a hand off of her captive to fire a blast of magic towards her alternate self. The gray-green bolt slammed directly into the other unicorn and sent her flying backwards, through the glass window of Sofa, Quills, and Sons.
“How about this, you cracker barrel philosopher?” Mecha-Lyra half-asked, half-yelled at the smoking window her counterpart had blasted through. “I do what I want because I can!”
“Sounds good ta me,” Applejack said from below, prompting Mecha-Lyra to look down in time to see the folly of releasing even a part of the alicorn's anatomy. Although her horn was still encased in a great metal hand, her wing was now free, and she used what room she had to maneuver to shift back on her hooves while Mecha-Lyra attacked her counterpart. Now with her opponent startled, Applejack pushed up with all four legs and used her momentum to shove her head and neck into the unicorn's robotic hand.
Unbalanced by this, Mecha-Lyra waved her one free arm almost comically before she fell backwards and onto her metal posterior. Her grip on Applejack's horn loosened at that, and the alicorn quickly yanked her head free and then flapped her wings once, hard, to send her in a short, backwards hop. She landed several meters away, and then regarded Mecha-Lyra with cold eyes. “Ya really ain't got no consideration fer others, do ya?” she asked, tone as icy as her expression.
“You used a double-negative, there,” Mecha-Lyra sneered back, as she regained her footing.
“Oh shut up, you grammar Nazi,” came a familiar voice, and both combatants turned to see alternate Lyra climbing out of the shop's broken window, seemingly unharmed. “And you call that an attack? I've been hit harder in sparring.”
“Impossible!” Mecha-Lyra snapped, as she clenched a metal hand in anger. “That blast should have charred your flesh down to the bone!”
“Yeah, it kinda did,” Lyra replied, nonchalant, as she brought up a foreleg and idly inspected the hoof on it. “I heal fast, though; kind of a side-effect of what happened to me.”
Mecha-Lyra and Applejack both gave the alternate universe pony questioning looks, and then waited in silence for her to continue. The moment stretched out as she continued to focus on a hoof, however, and Applejack finally cleared her throat. “So, uh, what did happen to ya?”
“Oh, I got bitten by a human infected with lycanthropy,” alternate Lyra replied, with a grin. “It kind of hurt at the time, but now I can do this!” she added, and then closed her eyes. The instant she did so, her body began to shift and stretch in disturbing, sickening ways that made four out of the five other ponies grimace in disgust.
One, however, remained steadfast, and the reality's resident Big Mac turned his attention to his doppelganger. “Ain't ya feelin' ill at that?” he asked, incredulous.
“Naw,” the other stallion replied. “She's done this 'nuff times before,” he added, and then sighed and spoke further in a low tone. “A bit too much if'n ya ask me.”
Ignorant of the conversation, Applejack and Mecha-Lyra watched in morbid fascination as the hair over Lyra's body receded, and was replaced by smooth skin. Her tail disappeared, though her mane grew out to a longer proportion as if to compensate for it. She abruptly shifted to her hind legs, which were now stretched out and reshaped, as her hooves disappeared and were replaced by something softer and more dextrous. Finally, her muzzle and her horn both receded into her face, the horn disappearing completely as her eyes reshaped and became almost beady. Finally, her ears shifted and changed shape, becoming fixed, flat, disc-like collectors on the side, rather than top of her head.
Everypony looked on in silence, too shocked—or in one case, blasé—to comment. Finally, though, alternate Lyra opened her eyes and then laughed as she bunched her new hands into fists and rested them on her hips. “You should see the looks on your faces, they're priceless!”
“What in the blazes are you?” Mecha-Lyra asked, confused.
“And what're them things hangin' offa yer chest?” Applejack added, as she tilted her head to regard the odd, fleshy globes.
“Huh?” Lyra said, and then glanced down. “Oh, right,” she added, and then turned to 'her' Macintosh. “Hey, Macky! My clothes charm!”
“Eeyup,” alternate Mac replied, and then nosed his muzzle down until it dug into the collar around his neck. Both his counterpart and Twilight Sparkle were surprised to see a false cover flip open, revealing a small compartment carved within, but neither had time to comment as alternate Macintosh grasped something in his teeth, and then moved his head to fling it towards his fillyfriend-turned-human.
The group of ponies barely had time to catch the glint of gold before the object was snatched out of the air by Lyra with one of her oddly delicate hands. She closed her eyes again and a flash of light washed over her, strong enough to make even Applejack flinch away for a moment. When they looked back, the human-shaped Lyra was now wearing a martial arts gi, aquamarine in color with a white belt tied around her healthily-proportioned waist. Lyra opened her eyes, and then glanced down to her chest before she brought up both hands and tested the protrusions there. Unlike before they remained fairly steady, and she sighed in relief. “Okay, glad the bra subspell works,” she said, and then returned her attention to Mecha-Lyra. “Now, time to take care of you,” she added, as she fell into a ready stance.
Her counterpart scoffed. “Come now, you can't expect to beat me looking so fragile?” she asked, tauntingly. “I half expect I could breathe on you and break one of your limbs.”
“Well then,” human Lyra replied, with a grin. “Come get some.”
Mecha-Lyra's only response was to launch herself towards her foe with a mighty jump. As she moved through the air, she let out a battle cry even as she braised both fists above her head to smash her alternate self.
Lyra, however, simply shifted position, and spun on a foot as she jumped into the air, a single fist held up to meet her foe. “Shoryuken!" she shouted, as her fist glowed with a blue aura. Mecha-Lyra realized she had fallen into the trap a second too late to dodge, and thus was caught upside the muzzle by the furious, magic uppercut. Her momentum was suddenly reversed, and instead of landing on her doppelganger she went flying backwards to crash onto her back near where she had started her leap.
“Ow,” Mecha-Lyra groaned, as she slowly regained her feet. “What the hay was that?” she asked, with a glare to her alternate.
The flat-faced grin she got in return grated upon her mind. “Just a trick I learned from a guy in Maine,” Lyra replied, smugly. “And that's 'Maine' with an 'I' and an 'E'.”
“Whatever,” Mecha-Lyra said, and then promptly slammed her robot fists into the ground. A shockwave raced through the soil towards her counterpart, who dodged to the side as the blindingly fast wave reached out for her. The subsurface energy detonated just a split second later, and though she had rolled to the side, Lyra was still caught up in the blast effect and was sent tumbling through the air.
“Hah! Take that, monkey-girl!” Mecha-Lyra chortled. Her glee was quickly interrupted, however, by the sound of a pony running at speed. She barely glanced to the left in time to see an orange blur spin on its hooves just before a pair of immensely strong legs bucked her in the side. Yelping in pain, Mecha-Lyra flew through the air and, once again, slammed into another building.
“How's them apples?” Applejack snarked, as she turned around to face the direction her foe had gone. Then she noticed the building she'd bucked Mecha-Lyra into, and her face fell. “Ahhh, shoot,” she muttered, as evil laughter came from the hole in the side of the appliance store, followed by the sound of heavy objects shifting and the squeal of metal on metal.
“Smooth move, Ex-Lax,” alternate Lyra said, as she regained her feet.
“Shaddup an' help me think o' somethin',” Applejack retorted, even as the building they faced began to shake.
“I say we dust off and nuke the site from orbit,” Lyra replied. “It's the only way to be sure.”
“Stop quotin' human movies!” alternate Macintosh yelled from behind.
“Never!” Lyra replied, turning to hold a fist in defiance towards her significant other, index finger raised as it to make a point.
“Will you ponies shut up?” the voice of Mecha-Lyra asked from inside the building, though it sounded strangely muffled somehow. The reason for this became apparent as the structure finally crumbled to the ground, and a towering figure rose from the rubble. “I have never heard more annoying prattle in my entire life!” the crazed unicorn said in her now-enlarged body, complete with a helmet made from a re-purposed air conditioner housing.
“Hah!” Lyra replied, as she turned and pointed her finger accusingly at her counterpart. “If you know Bonbon at all in this universe, then that's a dirty, rotten lie!”
“Do not speak ill of my fillyfriend!” Mecha-Lyra snapped, as she raised a now well-proportioned robotic finger towards her alternate.
For her part, the human-shaped Lyra blinked, and then twisted her face in revulsion. “Oh, eeww! Ew ew ew!” she said, and did a quick jig of disgust. “It's bad enough having all those rumors about us at home, but now I find a reality where they're true?” she asked, and then brought up both hands to hold the sides of her head. “Dear Celestia, there's not enough mind bleach in Equestria to get that out of my head!”
* * * *
Meanwhile, in Canterlot, princess Celestia sighed as a small headache formed just below her horn and her ears felt like they were burning. Great, somepony is swearing by my name again, she thought, and then glared over to a box sitting on the mantle of her study. “This is all your fault, you know,” she accused the box, even as she jabbed a foreleg towards it. “If I hadn't let you start that silly little cult...”
Outside, the guards standing watch sighed as one when they heard the beginning of the familiar tirade. “You'd think that as an immortal, she'd get tired of complaining to a box of ashes every day,” one of the two nearly-identical pegasi muttered.
“Talk about holding a grudge,” the other said, by way of agreement as Celestia's voice took on a shrill, mocking tone as she recited some speech given to her in the past. “You think that's why Luna went full batstuffing insane a thousand years ago?”
“Probably,” the first guard said, and then fell silent as the rant continued on.
* * * *
Back in Ponyville, Twilight Sparkle and Big Macintosh stared up at the two-story-tall Mecha-Lyra, as the maddened unicorn at the heart of the machine cackled evilly and sent forth a small army of carnivorous waffle irons to attack Applejack and alternate Lyra. “This is bad, right?” Big Macintosh asked, as his sister repeatedly cast fireballs to incinerate the fanged appliances and human Lyra cringed and looked around for something.
“Yes, Macintosh,” Twilight replied, somewhat acidly. “This is what the Royal Academy of Mages would categorize as a Class Two clusterFLOP.”
Mac blinked, and then gave the purple unicorn a sidelong look. “An' what th' hay is a clusterflop?” he asked.
“FLOP means 'Force Lorded Over Ponies',” Twilight explained, as a waffle iron clamped over Lyra's clothes and attempted to chew through the fabric. Fortunately while they were fearsome, animated waffle irons were not known for their jaw strength. “It's a standardized reference to some evil being lording their power over hapless ponies in typical villain fashion. A clusterFLOP is where that force is expressed in more than five simultaneous instances,” the unicorn added, as Lyra finally regained her wits and ripped the waffle iron off of her. The pony in a human body then spun it over her head by its power cord and used it to batter aside its compatriots.
“Okay then. How bad is a class two?” Macintosh asked, as his sister took to the air as her mane and tail lit on fire in rage.
“Well, Discord getting loose again is a class one,” Twilight replied, as Applejack rammed straight into Mecha-Lyra's chest, which sent her toppling backwards to sit her metal rear upon some innocent house. “So that should tell you something.”
“Eeyup,” came a third voice, and both Twilight and Macintosh turned their heads to see the latter's alternate sitting on his haunches, idly watching the battle and munching on popcorn held in a white-and-red striped bucket.
“Where did you get that?” Twilight Sparkle asked.
“Pinkie Pie,” alternate Mac idly replied, and then took another hooffull to munch on it.
“But she isn't anywhere—” Twilight began, but then was interrupted as a familiar pink face erupted into her vision from the side.
“Hiya Twilight!” Pinkie Pie friendlily spouted, even as the purple unicorn yelped and skipped back a step in fright. “This is a great show, isn't it?” Pinkie asked, oblivious of Twilight's reaction.
“P-Pinkie,” Twilight stuttered, even as her pink friend sat on the ground next to alternate Macintosh and pulled a popcorn bucket of her own from seemingly out of nowhere. “I thought you were in Salt Lick City to meet with your sister?”
“Oh, I was,” Pinkie replied, as she watched the human-shaped Lyra swinging a waffle iron in each hand, screaming the whole time as she advanced on a refrigerator that had managed to swallow Applejack's rear legs when the alicorn wasn't looking. “But Inky got busy and I came back because it's kinda boring there.”
“It's a two day trip by train!” Twilight protested, as her eye twitched. Sadly, the twitch had nothing to do with Mecha-Lyra standing back up again as the fight now went unheeded.
“Oh, that's okay, I didn't take the train!” Pinkie replied, and then dunked her head into the popcorn bucket to feed from it directly.
Twilight let her eye twitch a few more times before she closed the lids of both ocular orbs and sighed. “You know what? Nevermind, I don't want to know,” she said, before returning her attention to the fight occurring in Ponyville.
“Good,” alternate Mac said, as he glanced over to the unicorn. “Best not ta think too much 'bout Pinkie. We tried tellin' one o' you th' truth 'bout her once...” he let his voice trailed off, and looked sheepish as he rubbed a foreleg hoof along the back of his head. “It kinda broke her fer a little bit.”
Once again, Twilight's eye twitched, though it was temporary as something exploded nearby, drawing everypony's attention. Applejack had blasted her way through the fridge that had held her and was now using her telekinesis to keep Mecha-Lyra from stomping on her and human Lyra, while the latter was using the dismembered refrigerator’s door as a shield while she used a length of pipe to bash aside any kitchen appliances that attempted to nab her.
“Uh,” the resident Macintosh uttered. “Mebbie we should do somethin' ta help?” he asked, as he glanced between his doppelganger and Twilight Sparkle.
“Naw,” alternate Mac replied. “We're jus' getting to th' climax,” he added, and then munched on some more popcorn.
* * * *
“Hya!” Lyra shouted, as she slammed her improvised weapon through a toaster as it bounced up to her. “Yeah, hail to the queen, baby!”
“Couldja try an' take this more seriously?” Applejack asked, as she grunted in pain. Her horn felt like it was going to shatter as Mecha-Lyra continued to fight against her hold and finish the downward step that would crush both the alicorn and her ally.
“This is as serious as I get,” Lyra replied, as she spun on a foot and slammed her makeshift shield into a blender that had bounced up in an attempt to snare her long hair. The offending appliance flew backwards and slammed into another fridge as it waddled forward; the larger device tipped to its back upon the ground and was immobilized while the blender shattered.
“Then couldja at least do somethin' ta help me?” Applejack retorted, even as she snapped out a wing to smash an incoming microwave oven.
“With what?” Lyra innocently asked, even as she crushed another aggressive appliance.
For a moment, Applejack merely held still, with the only outward sign of her continued functioning being the glow of her horn holding Mecha-Lyra at bay. Then with an incredulous expression, Applejack turned to Lyra, wrapped her tail around the reverse werepony, and then promptly used the strangely prehensile appendage to both yank Lyra closer and spin her about so she was facing her maddened counterpart from this reality. “Do Ah really need ta spell it out fer ya?”
Lyra blinked for a moment, as if suddenly seeing the mechanized giant for the first time. “Ooohhhh, right,” she said, and then frowned in concentration. “That's a toughie.”
Applejack's eye twitched, and she had to fight herself to keep from yelling at the eccentric being. Meanwhile, several thousand miles away in Zebrabwe geologists would record a series of small-scale earthquakes that, when later analyzed, had the same sinusoidal wave pattern of a mare screaming obscenities. “Yes, Ah'd say so,” the alicorn finally spoke, her voice oddly calm.
“Hmm,” Lyra hummed, as she cupped her chin with one hand, dropping the pipe and conveniently crushing several egg timers that were massing to make an attempt at her ankles. “Okay, I think I have an idea,” she said, as she snapped the fingers on her free hand. “But you'll need to distract her.”
“Ah'm already fightin' with her in a contest o' wills!” Applejack replied, and then grunted as Mecha-Lyra stopped trying to step on her and switched to trying to pound her foes with her fists. Instead of trying to stop them with her telekinesis, the alicorn instead threw up a shield, and then grimaced over at the human-form being next to her. “How th' hay am Ah s'posed ta do more?” she asked, as the thuds of repeated strikes against the shield overlaid her words.
Lyra shrugged. “I dunno, fly around, shoot fireballs at her, or play some terrible music, or something. If you need a suggestion, I've always hated Reggaton.”
“Ah don't even know what that is!” Applejack exclaimed.
“Why don't you both shut up!” Mecha-Lyra shouted, as she ceased her pounding. “And stop hiding behind that shield and fight me like a mare!”
“Says the pony in the giant mechanical suit powered by eldritch energies,” Lyra countered. Then she bent over and covered her mouth with a hand as and said “hypocite” between two fake coughs.
“Shut up!” Mecha-Lyra retorted, and then stomped a foot. The ground heaved at that as the shockwave was assisted by the demented unicorn's magic. Both Applejack and Lyra had to struggle to stay upright, and unfortunately the alicorn couldn't keep her concentration while doing so. The shield spell fell, and Mecha-Lyra quickly bent down and snatched Applejack up in her giant hand. “Hah!” she gloated. “Finally! Now, for the poor imitation,” she added, and then looked down for her doppelganger. However, she was nowhere to be seen, and Mecha-Lyra growled. “Where are you, you sad little monkey?”
“Actually, humans are refined apes,” Lyra's voice sounded from somewhere behind her metal-clad alternate. Mecha-Lyra spun about, but saw nothing as she swept her eyes across both ground and rooftops.
“What trickery is this?” Mecha-Lyra questioned, her voice low and threatening as she slowly turned around to look for her foe. The hand that held Applejack squeezed a bit, eliciting a yelp of pain from the alicorn and disrupting her attempt to teleport out of the unicorn's grasp. “Come out and face me!”
“The other thing about humans,” Lyra continued, and Mecha-Lyra felt an odd sensation of unease as the voice was still behind her, yet seemed closer somehow. “Is that they don't fight fair; too weak compared to other apex predators and even many prey species,” the human-form pony said, even as Mecha-Lyra spun about again. “So they use tools, weapons, and most importantly, their brains to find ways to neutralize their opponents' advantages.”
A chill ran up Mecha-Lyra's spine as her brain finally registered the odd effect of her foe's voice. “Get off of me!” she yelled, as she twisted her waist around as much as she could. The metal that gave her strength, however, also limited her flexibility, and she could only just turn enough to catch a glimpse of aquamarine in the small of her back.
“Make me, blubber butt!” Lyra replied, as she hoisted herself along one of the large metal plates that formed the outside of her counterpart's suit.
“It's not my fault Bonbon makes such good chocolates!” Mecha-Lyra retorted, as she reached back with her free hand. Alas, she realized that her form had a flaw in that she couldn't turn her head enough to see what she was doing, and so she had to resort to blindly groping for her opponent. “Now be a good little ape and stay still!”
“Fat chance, fatty,” Lyra countered, as she shifted sideways to avoid the questing arm. As she did, though, her foot suddenly encountered a smooth patch, and she nearly lost her hold on the robotic suit as she was bereft of a foothold for a moment. She moved her leg and soon regained a solid hold, and then glanced down to make sure she wasn't about to make another slip up. When she did, though, she saw what her foot had tripped on, and she grinned. “Looks like you got a bit too much junk in the trunk,” Lyra said, as she climbed down, just in time to avoid an ill-aimed swipe by her opponent's hand.
“How many times are you going to call attention to me having a few extra pounds?” Mecha-Lyra snarled. A sudden 'clunk' and the odd feeling of something on her body flapping open made her pause, and an odd sense of embarrassment washed over her. “What the—?”
“Mac!” Lyra shouted, as she reached into the trunk compartment of the car she and her coltfriend had rode in on. “I got a present for ya!” she added, as she took out a large case and then threw it towards where the four spectating ponies were waiting.
Surprised by this, the alternate Big Mac barely had time to get to his hooves before the case started its downward arc towards the ground, heading for a spot somewhere between the two groups. A purple aura suddenly enveloped the object, however, and levitated it before it could hit the ground and brought it close. Alternate Mac glanced to his side, and gave Twilight Sparkle a nod and smile. “Thanks,” he said, as the case was set down in front of him.
“Sure,” Twilight said, with a slight blush. “It seemed important, after all.”
“Eeyup,” the traveller said, as he went to work on the case's latches.
Meanwhile, Mecha-Lyra had resumed reaching for her counterpart. “What did you do?” she asked, as she groped behind herself again. “Why do I feel cold?”
“Wow,” Lyra commented, as she resumed her climb up towards the head of her foe. “You're really taking augmentation to a whole new level if you feel that.”
“That's the point, simian!” Mecha-Lyra growled. “I intend to bring about the rebirth of ponykind into the machine world!”
“Oh great, another fan of Singularity,” Lyra groaned, as she climbed up between the shoulder blades of Mecha-Lyra's suit. “You ever ask yourself what would happen to all the things that make organics unique and special if that occurred?”
“Like our limited lifespans and vulnerable bodies?” Mecha-Lyra snarled, as she fumed at the inability of her hand to reach where her doppelganger was perched. “No great loss to me!”
“We'd also lose our ties to the things we care about”, Lyra countered, as she steeled herself on her foe's back and held on. “How can there be love and friendship if everypony is just another self-absorbed Nietzsche wannabe only looking out for themselves?”
“Who cares!” Mecha-Lyra roared. “What's the point of those things when they keep us away from our true potential?” she asked, as she tried to simply smack her free hand against her back in an attempt to swat the human off of her back. “I would free us from such bonds of bourgeois sentimentality and bring about a golden age!”
“You're mad!” Lyra yelled, as she swung her body to avoid the slam of Mecha-Lyra's hand.
“Says the reverse werepony climbing up the backside of a magically-powered machine piloted by her counterpart,” Mecha-Lyra countered. “What was that you said about being a hypocrite?”
Lyra ignored that, as she glanced to the side and saw that her coltfriend was ready. She resumed climbing, and moved quickly to avoid the questing arm of her counterpart. “Now, Mac!” she shouted as she ascended.
“What?” Mecha-Lyra asked, and then held still as she turned her head to look towards the spectators. There she saw one of the Macintoshes in a braced stance some distance away from the other ponies, a large metal tube affixed to his side by a harness. A device of some sort was in his mouth and a cord ran from it to the tube, and he wore a pair of goggles.
The alternate Macintosh only waited a moment as he corrected his aim, and then bit down on the specialized trigger in his mouth. The recoilless rifle mounted on his side bucked as the propellent went off, sending a backblast to destroy the window of another shop behind him. The charge also sent an explosive shell towards the elbow of the arm that Mecha-Lyra held Applejack in, and a fraction of a second later the impacting warhead detonated to shatter the joint.
Mecha-Lyra yelled in surprise and a bit of pain as the magical feedback told her of the injury to the suit. It was short-lived, though, and the maddened unicorn turned her body and aimed one of her hands towards the weapon-carrying pony, intent on vaporizing him. As she moved, however, she suddenly realized her right hand wasn't responding, and she looked down to see that it was loose, limp, and its alicorn captive nowhere to be seen. “That isn't good,” she said.
“Ya got that right,” Applejack said, as she rose into the air in front of Mecha-Lyra, her wings flapping violently. Her eyes and horn glowed with energy, and her mane and tail had transformed into fiery versions of themselves once again. “Care ta surrender 'fore Ah git nasty with ya?”
Mecha-Lyra blinked, and then sneered. “Hah! You couldn't defeat me before, and you cannot defeat me now!” she countered with bombast. “I have the power of creation itself at my hooves—er, hands—well, hand!” she added, blushing a bit behind her protective helmet as she raised her one good arm. “But it's still enough to hold you off!”
“That's why I'm here,” a familiar voice said next to her head, and Mecha-Lyra glanced to the side to see the smiling human form of her counterpart perched on a shoulder, crouched and smiling. “Time for the bonus round!” she suddenly said, and then leaped forward and rained a series of blows and kicks upon Mecha-Lyra's helmet. The air conditioner housing and its Bakelite viewplate crumbled, and then shattered under the furious assault, while the rings and force of the impacts startled and jostled Mecha-Lyra's head enough for her to become dazed as the helmet finally burst apart.
“She's open!” Lyra called to Applejack as she took a step back along the metal shoulder of her foe. “Kick her in the the hydraulic fluid reservoir and the suit will crumple!”
Applejack frowned, the expression slightly intimidating given her power-up appearance. “Where in tarnation is that?” she asked.
“Best guess, between the legs where they join the main body,” Lyra called back.
A moment of silence followed. “You want me to kick her there?” Applejack finally yelled the question. “That's below th' belt!”
“Dammit, Applejack,” Lyra shot back. “Mare up and punch her in the—”
“Foals!” Mecha-Lyra snapped, as her senses started to return. “I'll—” she began, but was cut off as Lyra kicked her in the face.
“Now! As hard as you can!” Lyra shouted, as she knelt down to grasp her counterpart's head in her hands. “I'll keep her distracted!”
“And how do you intend to do that, ape?” Mecha-Lyra asked, as she shot a glare up at the other Lyra.
The human-form pony grinned. “You forget, I know where we're ticklish,” she said, and then reveled in the look of fear on her alternate's face before her hands slipped up and her fingers started scritching along the base of her horn. “Tickle tickle tickle!”
Mecha-Lyra couldn't help herself as she laughed and her body convulsed. “I'll—hahaha—kill you—haha—you bi—hahaha!”
Applejack could only watch the scene for an incredulous moment, though the feeling soon passed and she flew backwards to gain enough distance for her attack. Soon enough she was halfway out of Ponyville, and then abruptly shifted her wings to move forward again. She pounded her feathered limbs hard and fast, and soon she felt the unique texture of the sound barrier as it pushed back at her.
“You'll—haha—kill us both!” Mecha-Lyra shouted to her counterpart as the latter continued to mercilessly ravage the sensitive spot with her fingers.
“Meh, been there, done that, got the T-shirt,” Lyra said, just before Applejack impacted her target.
* * * *
On the ground, both Macintoshes sucked in air through clenched teeth, tucked their hind legs in, and shuddered as they saw the collision. “That ain't right,” one said.
“Eeyup,” the other agreed.
* * * *
For the second time that day, Applejack found herself coming out of a daze in the midst of a pile of rubble. She carefully stood and looked over the large chunks of metal and broken devices that was once Mecha-Lyra's pseudo-body. “Lyra?” she asked, and then blinked as she realized she would probably receive two acknowledgments to that single name.
Her expectation was dashed, however, as only a single groan came from nearby. Warily, the alicorn turned and trotted over to a pile of shifting rubble, and then used her telekinesis to lift it off of the struggling figure below. “Mah stars,” she muttered in surprise.
“I'm okay,” the human-shaped Lyra said, as she felt her body mending its broken bones. She winced as one snapped back into place, but then offered the mare above her a grin. “A little help here?” she asked, and then raised a single hand towards the alicorn.
Applejack blinked in surprise at the gesture. Her wits returned swiftly, though, and she grinned as she extended a foreleg towards the upraised limb. Lyra clasped the hoof with her hand, and then both females pulled on each other to help the biped rise on her two feet again. “Ah gotta say, ya kinda impressed me,” Applejack friendlily said.
Lyra shrugged, and then glanced to the side as she heard Twilight Sparkle and the two Macintoshes trotting over. “Yeah, well, I've kinda had practice,” replied, as dusted off her gi with her hands. “And you were pretty awesome yourself there, too.”
“Don't... congratulate yourselves... yet...” a voice sounded nearby, and both Lyra and Applejack spun about to see the resident Lyra standing up from the rubble nearby. Both of her robotic hands remained attached, though nothing else covered her body which looked rather worse for wear. “I still have access to the harmonics,” she said, as she raised both hands and energy weakly cackled along the fingers. “I can still—wait, what are you doing?” she asked, interrupting her own monologue as the human-shaped Lyra shifted her stance and started to move her arms.
Lyra ignored her counterpart as she drew both arms to her side and back, the fingers on her hands spread wide. Small beads of glowing energy began to gather between the manipulating limbs, and soon they coalesced into a furious blue ball that Lyra then shot forward by slamming her wrists together and then shoving her arms forward in one smooth, fluid motion. “HADOKEN!”
The mad Lyra barely managed to bring both of her hands up to ward against the blast as the raging blue sphere came at her. The energy was too much for her in this state, however, and both of the robotic limbs blasted apart under the strain. Energy not used to destroy the hands combined with Newton's Third Law of Motion to send the pony flying backwards, somersaulting head over hooves, before she hit the ground and plowed a small furrow in it.
“Whoa,” one Macintosh said.
“I'd buy that fer a dollar,” the other added, and then smirked as Lyra turned to give him a look of surprise. “Whut? Ya think yer th' only one—oof!” he exclaimed, as the human-form Lyra bounded over and plowed into him.
Alternate Macintosh went sprawling on his back, while Lyra landed on his barrel and belly and wrapped the pony in a hug. “Oh, Macky!” Lyra said, as she shifted her hands to cradle the stallion's head. “I can't believe you actually quoted a movie! And a violent one at that,” she added, with a leer.
“Well, Ah ain't exactly been ignorin' what we've been doin' th' last few years,” alternate Macintosh said, somewhat uncomfortably as he recognized the look on his fillyfriend's face. “And, uh, yer getting' a bit—”
He was cut off then, as Lyra pressed her lips to his and kissed him passionately. Mac tried to break it, but the struggle was brief, and he soon relaxed into it almost as if the protest was a formality.
Meanwhile, Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, and the Big Macintosh resident to the reality looked on with expressions of horror and disgust. “Oh, that's jus' wrong!” Applejack said.
“Eeyup,” Macintosh said, as he watched his double share saliva with a rather freakish-looking creature.
“Okay, that's enough of that,” Twilight said, and then lit up her horn. A purple flash covered the two tongue-wrestlers, and they were gone in an instant.
“What'd ya do ta them?” Applejack asked, as she looked over to her friend.
“Sent them to the basement of the library,” Twilight replied, with a sigh. “Seemed the best place to send them until they're... finished.” She said the last word in a tone of disgust, and then shuddered.
Applejack frowned. “Ain't Spike s'posed ta be helpin' ya straighten it out today?” she asked.
Twilight's eyes went wide at that. “Fffff—” she said, the single syllable the only thing to escape her mouth before she teleported away in a flash.
Both Apple siblings stood silently for a moment as their minds struggled to process what had happened. Finally, Macintosh turned to his sister. “This last part here didn't happen,” he said.
“Eeyup,” Applejack replied, and then turned to the side as she saw somepony approaching. Fortunately, it was only Pinkie Pie, who held an unconscious pony Lyra on her back. “She okay?” Applejack asked.
“Yup, just knocked out,” Pinkie replied. “That was so awesome, Applejack! It was like an episode of Mecha Battle Dragon Suit Celestia, only right here in Ponyville!”
“Uh, okay,” Applejack said, even she lit up her horn and started to levitate the unconscious unicorn from her friend's back. “Lemme jus' take Lyra from ya and take her over ta th' sheriff's office,” she added, as she laid the aquamarine pony on her own back.
“Okey dokey Loki!” Pinkie replied, but was prevented from any further speech as Twilight teleported back, this time with a disturbed little dragon standing beside her.
“Wh–what was that?” Spike asked, as he shakily looked around. “Twilight, why was Big Mac kissing some sort of monster and—oh my gosh!” he added, as his eyes landed on the resident Big Macintosh. “Another Mac! But wait, how can he be in two places at once?” Spike only pondered this for a half-second before his eyes widened. “Oh no, changelings! Augh!” he yelled and then turned to run off before anypony could explain or restrain him.
Twilight Sparkle sighed, and then teleported Spike back next to her. The dragon remained running, however, and seemed unaware of what was happening around him. “This is gonna take a while,” Twilight said, as she continued to teleport the dragon next to her periodically.
* * * *
“Well, here we are!” alternate Lyra said, waving a hoof towards an odd, tomb-like doorway set into the side of a hill in the middle of Whitetail Woods.
Applejack and Twilight Sparkle looked at the old passage made of roughly-hewn stone. “Yer sure?” the alicorn asked, as she tried to peer into the black depths that seemed to swallow all light more than a pony length in. “Looks kinda like an old apple cellar ta me.”
“And I'm not feeling any magic off of it at all,” Twilight added, with a frown.
“That's because it uses something that both is and isn't magic,” Lyra replied. The dubious look she got from the ponies resident to the reality made her grin sheepishly and rub the back of her head with a forehoof. “Well, it's true!”
“Eeyup,” alternate Macintosh said. On his back were several large cases of belongings that had been salvaged from the collapsed remains of Mecha-Lyra's suit, and the stallion shifted a bit to make sure they were properly attached to the carrying harness he wore. “Don't look like much, but it works.”
“Ah guess we'll take yer word fer it,” Applejack said, and then looked to Lyra. “So, now what?”
“Now, I just need to operate the tuning spell I learned from one of the Princess Lunas we've met in the past,” Lyra replied, and then turned to face the doorway. Her horn soon glowed, and a matching glow appeared around the edge of the entrance.
“Okay, Ah feel that,” Applejack said, as a sense of power washed over her.
“Oh, wow!” Twilight said. “That feels like... I don't even know what that feels like!” she added, her eyes wide in awe. “It's like a whole new kind of magic!”
“Yeah,” Lyra said, as the glow on her horn died out. She then turned back to the others and nodded. “Okay, we're set to go home then, Mac,” she said to her coltfriend.
“Ya got th' tunin' right this time?” he asked, with a raised eyebrow.
Lyra puffed out her chest and looked indignant. “Of course!” she replied. “I mean, last time we were being shot at by those jerks. This time I could concentrate and do it right!”
“Well, okay then,” Macintosh replied, and then turned to Applejack and Twilight. “Ah guess we ought ta be goin'. Ah hope y'all take care of yerselves.”
“An' you too,” Applejack replied, with a sad smile. “Ah know ya ain't exactly mah brother, but yer still close enough that Ah don't want ya gettin' hurt out there.”
“Don't worry,” Lyra said, as she walked over to the side of the large stallion and then patted his side with a foreleg. “With me around Mac's as good as safe!”
Both resident ponies had to stifle chuckles as they saw Macintosh roll his eyes, though a slight smirk on his muzzle let them know he wasn't entirely serious. “Well, that's good to hear,” Twilight Sparkle said, with a smile of her own. “As is knowing that you'll be safe in your home reality.”
“Thanks,” Lyra said, and then hesitated a minute. “Uhm, a quick question, though,” she said, and then waited for Twilight to nod. “What are you two going to do with the me from here?”
“Don' worry 'bout her,” Applejack answered. “We got th' last of th' prosthetical stuff out o' her body, an' without them messin' with her brain she's startin' ta stop bein' so nuts.”
“Musta damaged her then,” Macintosh said, and then smiled. “'Cuz Ah ain't met a Lyra yet that ain't insane.”
Three ponies chuckled at this, while Lyra lightly batted Macintosh with a hoof. “You're one to talk, Macky,” she said, with a grin of her own. “You keep following me around.”
“Eeyup,” Macintosh replied, with a wide grin. “Better than bein' in front of ya when things hit th' fan.”
Another round of chuckles came then, and even Lyra joined in this time. “Well, we'd better get going before the tuning wears off,” Lyra said, and then turned to give a friendly wave to Twilight and Applejack. “Take care!” she said, and then turned to trot through the doorway.
“An' make sure th' me from here ain't too scarred,” Macintosh said, as he turned to follow. He then paused and glanced back at Twilight, and then winked. “If'n ya git mah meaning,” he added, and then promptly walked into the door.
Both Twilight and Applejack stood silent for a moment before the latter turned to the former. “What's that s'poseda mean?” she asked.
“N–nothing,” Twilight said, though her blush said otherwise.
“Uh-huh,” Applejack replied, teasingly, as she grinned at the smaller pony.
“Anyway, let's get back to Ponyville,” Twilight added, and then turned to trot off.
Applejack chuckled at that, and then lit up her horn to grasp the unicorn in her magic. “C'mon, it'll take too long to walk,” she said, as she lifted Twilight onto her back. “Let's go flyin',” she said, and then spread her wings and took to the air. Twilight squeaked a bit in surprise, but then laughed as the sensation of flight overcame her trepidation.
* * * *
“I can't believe they forgot about me,” Bonbon muttered, as she crossed her flippers over her seapony chest.
“Oh, I'm sure they'll remember soon,” Fluttershy said, her words muffled by the glass and water between her and the transformed pony. “And then Applejack will turn you back and everything will be okay again.”
Bonbon sighed. “I hope so,” she replied.
“I know so,” Fluttershy said, and then turned away to continue cleaning her living room.
Within her tank, though, Bonbon frowned, and then started to swim back and forth in agitation. I'm going to get my revenge for this, she thought. Revenge but good! With lots of chocolate!
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This took way too long.
DEAR GOD WHY CAN'T I WRITE SOMETHING SHORTER THAN TEN-THOUSAND WORDS?
*Headdesk*
"wat?" Was my only reaction after reading the description.
May read this. Oh, and that one disliker must feel great now.
1650255
Join the club. Because of that particular obsession, my next chapter is more than a month behind schedule.
1650714
What particular obsession?
1650685
Yes. "wat" indeed.
And sometimes people just throw dislikes purely for the most superficial reasons.
1650729
Obsessing over making each chapter insanely long. I have been averaging 15,000 words a chapter for a while.
On the bright side, longer chapters = more to read.
1650733
I don't obsess over making them longer, I just obsess over trying to fit everything I want into a chapter and my word count balloons out and all I wanna do is finish it gorram it!
1650740
Aaarrrgghh why can't I hold all these good ideas? And fit them all in one chapter?
This is GLORIOUS! Muahahahaha!
Your magnificent antics rival my own... Soon our combined mania will cover the ponynet in mad Lyras, the world will cower! 
Very entertaining :D
1650754
Cower, and feel the warm fuzzies of poni!
Glad it amused you. Now that I'm finally done with it I can get back to my other stuffs.
Poor Lyra. All she ever wanted to do was implement the Pony Singularity.
1654723
Thus dooming Ponykind.
Words cannot describe the awesome coming from this. Mecha-Lyra versus Ali-jack. All the win, mate!
1654733
Dooming? I think you mean 'improving'.
1655539
Don't forget to give some win to Blue Print for writin' the Appletheosis story first.
But yes, Lyra vs. Mecha-Lyra vs. Aliapplecornjack was made for winning.
1656170
Shall I call you the Diadact now?
1656747 Mecha-Lyra is the Didact.
majhost.com/gallery/fatys/stuff/mother_of_god.png
1659384
A fantastic work of absurdest comedy, sir. I was laughing and smiling the whole way through. More than that though, the story made me want to read more about the adventures of Applejack the Alicorn and Lyra Heartstrings, GENTLEMARE ADVENTURER!
1671646 Oh God, we already have Mecha-Lyra as the Didact, did we really need the other Lyra to be Othar Tryggvassan!
1678933
Not to mention she does that in In Medias Res as well. 
Gotta give love to Girl Genius. 
Didn't you realize that's why I have her introduce herself that way?
1671646
A bit explaining my version of Lyra and Mac can be found here if you wish to see how they got started off being a duo of a grounded earth pony and a rascally unicorn. And thanks for the read and comment.
1679598 Didn't even think about it till now, but I guess it does make sense. Needs more Jagers though.
1680420
The world needs more Jägers. For they are awesome and full of win.
Indeed. Really wish Jyka had more screen time. Considering she's Da Boyz superior, it makes me wonder where she got off too.
I am ashamed of myself for waiting so long to read this. This was so incredibly awesome! So much win in one fic! Also, I salute you for including the best pairing ever, LyraMac.
1838483
Heh, thanks.
And if you liked LyraMac then you should consider my other story where I have the two get introduced to each other, so to speak.
So much win was had here. So much win.
i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/3588889600/hB721170B/
Now you're going to have me distracted trying to find the right frequency for the dimension that that particular Lyra resides in.
I blame you for this.
*executes twin facepalms*