• Published 20th Nov 2012
  • 18,557 Views, 1,132 Comments

Her Own Pony - Jorofrarie



All of Pinkie's clones are gone. All but one.

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Hope

Thanks for the support guys, you've all been great. Oh, and if G-Docs tries to correct 'a lot' to 'alot', turn it down...


The relative silence was perfect.

For once she wasn’t finding the lack of noise to be a burden. It was actually good. It gave her time to think, to recover, to ponder and puzzle. It was great for her to come to terms with her situation.

But it wasn’t too silent. The crackling of the hearth filled the space, and the sound of a drink being brewed and food being cooked in the kitchen nearby melded together to create a beautiful harmony. Not too loud, not too soft.

The hospitality of the pegasus, no, Ditzy, was amazing. She had taken her in without asking questions and rescued her from the relentless pursuers. She hadn’t asked why she was out in the rain, or why she was getting chased, she just went with it and took in a pony in need. To be honest, she didn’t think that she’d be able to answer even if Ditzy did ask.

Ditzy was already her favourite pony. Out of everyone else that she knew this new pegasus was the only one that had shown her any affection, the rest had just shunned her and her images.

She sighed and relaxed into the couch, allowing the warmth to better permeate her freezing bones. The rain outside was still going strong, a torrential downpour that washed away anything and everything. The wind had actually picked up, whistling through the streets and creating an eerie howling noise, the unlatched windows still banging on walls.

But that all felt like another world to the pink pony. She was inside now, away from the harsh wind and the bone-chilling rain. She was inside, being helped by a pony for no other reason than the goodness in her heart.

Why couldn’t the other be like that? Why did they have to chase her, and persecute her for something that she had had no hoof in? She still didn’t know why they were chasing her, or why they had make her others disappear. She only knew that they had made them go, and that she was lonelier for it.

Why had the other-hers gone away? She could faintly remember a time when it was only her and one other, and then they’d realised that with only two of them it wasn’t as fun. The two of her both discovered, together, that things were much more fun with more ponies.

Then why did they all have to go again if things were better? Why couldn’t that purple unicorn see that she’d been having the time of her life? It was obvious that things were better with more having fun.

And why didn’t the other-hers realise what was happening?

That was the biggest question on her mind. If they were systematically disappearing, why didn’t they try to do something to try and escape? Why did they just sit there as if nothing was happening? She may not have been able to actually know what they were thinking exactly, but that didn’t stop her from getting the tiniest glimpse into their feelings.

And the only thing that she’d felt was fun. Throughout the whole day it was just fun fun fun, nothing else. Even when they were sitting there, vanishing through the actions of the purple one, they were still having fun. Sure, it was a competitive fun, but it was still fun. They thought it was a game, they thought that they were having fun. They didn’t question it, they didn’t argue, they just accepted it.

Come to think of it, the only her that hadn’t been having fun the whole day was the one that she’d found crying, sad for some reason. Why was she different from the rest? Why was it that, when she should have been having fun, she was sad? Did she know something? Something that the other-hers should have known?

More to the point, why didn’t she know what emotions the other-her was feeling when she met her? Why did she have no idea what sadness was, or loss, or grief, or mourning, or depression…

Why why why why why why?

There were so many questions, so many things that she didn’t know, so much to be discovered, to figure out, to explain. It was confusing to say the least. Here she was, being chased and running for her life, and she didn’t even know the reasons for it!

She didn’t ask for this! She didn’t ask to be chased, or to be hunted, or attacked, or yelled at, or to be sad!

She just…

She just wanted…

Fun…

Her face fell forward, her smooth, straight mane falling over her head and hiding her eyes. Her eyes were closed, determined not to shed any more tears. She’d already given enough.

But she couldn’t stop thinking about the other-hers, so naïve, so trusting, so unaware…

…so gone.

She could see them in her mind. These happy balls of fun. They were so lively in her imagination, bouncing around the walls of her head, laughing and enjoying themselves, so carefree, not thinking of the future but instead living for the present. They weren’t sad, they weren’t worried, they weren’t stressed, they weren’t confused. They just did what they knew.

They had fun.

She wanted that back. She wanted the ignorance. She wanted the simple life, just her and her images, having fun without a care in the world.

But that dream was just that: a dream. That time in her life was already gone, replaced by anguish and despair. Why did it have to go? Why did the purple unicorn have a problem with the other-hers doing what they did best? They didn’t even know anything else!

Oh, but what was the use anymore…

She sighed heavily and leaned back in the couch, her eyes closed. She looked peaceful, and any pony that looked at her might have thought that she was sleeping, so quiet and relaxed.

But on the inside she was in turmoil. Her mind raced furiously trying to figure out something. She raged, she screamed, she puzzled.

And she didn’t come to any useful conclusion. She just didn’t know enough to figure out the one question that she wanted answered.

Why.

Why did these things happen.

Why was she chased.

Why did she have all of these feelings.

Why was she alone.

Why did the others want her gone.

Why was Ditzy showing sympathy when nopony else would.

And the answer? Nothing. She didn’t know. She just had to accept that these things were happening, and that she had no control over them whatsoever. Her actions were next to futile.

Why couldn’t her life have just stayed simple? Why did it have to be so very very complicated? What was wrong with just letting her go, forgetting about the whole mix up in the first place?

She just wanted somepony to understand…

The silence stretched on indefinitely. The crackling fire burned, the rain fell quietly, the wind howled, and life went on without her. She really had nothing to do but accept that she was being chased, and that nothing she could do would change that at all.

Her eyes snapped open. She needed something to do, no matter what it was, just to get her mind off what was happening. For a moment she stared at the fire, letting its dancing entrance her for a while, the deep red flickering over her eyes.

She tore her eyes away, scanning the room around her. There had to be some sort of activity that she could partake in. A board game? Didn’t look like there was one. Drawing materials? Nope, nothing there.

Books? Plenty.

The pink pony sat up and – with difficulty – removed herself from the heavenly couch, promising to return to it later. The bookshelf in the corner of the room beckoned to her. Ordinarily she might have found something better to do, but there really was nothing, and she did not want to risk going outside, not when those ponies were out there looking for her.

She searched the bookshelf for an interesting spine, a name that would jump out at her, a name that she knew.

Nothing. There wasn’t a single familiar name on anything. But why would there be? She couldn’t remember plenty of things. She hadn’t even known what those ponies were called, and they were supposed to be her friends!

Supposed to…

Shaking the thought out of her head, she redoubled her efforts to find anything interesting. Absolutely nothing caught her attention, but there had to be something! She had to have some memory of a book, some memory of anything! How would she not know any of the titles?! She couldn’t even bring up a name of a book that she had read once upon a time!

Why couldn’t she remember these things?

Why didn’t she have these memories?

Why would names slip out of her head?

Why was her life foggy, her recollections faded?

More why, piling up in her head, hundreds of questions that needed to be answered but couldn’t. It frustrated her, made her angry, made her furious.

And it made her sad, and insecure, and scared.

She slammed a hoof against the bookshelf, her head resting on the side of it. She practically slumped on it, barely holding herself up. Looking back up at the books, she tried her futile search again, her vision suddenly clouded by something wet.

“No,” she whispered, “no. There’s got to be something here.” Even to her ears it sounded weak and uncertain.

“No, “ she repeated, “No, no, no, no…”

It became a mantra to her, a phrase that she uttered over and over again as she turned the bookcase inside out, reading each spine over and over in the hope that it might spark some sort of memory in the deepest recesses of her mind.

And not a single memory emerged. Nothing answered her call, and the mantra was repeated again, and again, and again…

And again…

And again…

Finally she slumped to the ground, not even bothering to stand up properly. What did it matter where she sat anyway, she would still have the same thoughts regardless. And those thoughts were not nice, or comforting, or welcome in the least. Instead they were cruel and harsh and threatening. And all the while she kept trying to bring up memories.

And still none came.

With an exception.

A scene played through her head. It was like watching a projection, realistic and life-like as it was…

Another her, the memory-her, was hopping along, uncaring, unwanting, just happy to be having fun. And then she tripped on something and stumbled. What was it?

It was another her, but it was different. It was experiencing feelings that none of the others had. She was sad, and they were happy. But why? Why was this one sad? The memory-her was trying to talk to the sad pony. Couldn’t she see that the pony didn’t want to talk? See that the pony was sad, not looking for fun?

Why didn’t the memory-her understand what the other-her was feeling?

Why was she thinking differently to the memory-her, the way she had thought only a short while ago? What had changed in the interim? Lots of things. But what had changed in her thoughts? She could almost hear herself think.

And then she heard, and it scared her.

Fun! Fun! Fun! Find fun! Fun, nothing else! Fun’s the only thing that matters!

Unfun? Is that what she’s having?

No! Can’t you see that she’s sad? She wants to be left alone!

She’s unfun! I’ll talk to her! Maybe she’ll have some fun with me!

No! Just leave her alone! She doesn’t want fun at the moment!

Hmmm, that’s weird, but she sad that she wants to be left alone… Is that fun?

No… it’s not… it’s not fun… Why won’t you listen to me?!

Oh well! That must be her idea of fun!

Can’t you hear me! It’s not fun! It’s not fun! She’s not having fun!

Meh, I’ll ask her if she wants fun later! I’ve got fun to find!

Stop, please stop, you’re scaring me…

Fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun! Where’s fun? Fun? I want fun, is there fun here?

Stop asking for fun! Ask for something else, anything! Please!

Huh, a forest? That’s… different, but still fun! Now where’s the fun hiding? Fun? Where are you? Huh? That was weird…

What? What’s weird, what’s happening?

Climb the tree climb the tree. Search search…

There! Go! Run! Find fun in Ponyville! Where’s everypony else? Meh, maybe they’re having the fun I want! Which way… Blue and pink! Follow them!

Oh no, no, not this again. I don’t want it. I don’t want it!

Ooh, big building. I wonder if it has fun? Wow, that looks like a weird game! Wha-

What’s this?

No. Don’t.

Ooh, that looks like fun! And I wan-

I don’t want-

Huh? What’s that feeling? Feels weird… Oh, it went away kinda. That’s good-

That’s bad-

Wow, that feelings getting strong now, what is it? This isn’t fun right? I want fun, not this! This doesn’t feel right! Make it sto-

Stop, please stop!

I don’t want to feel it again…

Please…

Please…

Make it stop…

She could hear the memory still, quietly playing in her mind. The memory-her’s thoughts were in complete shambles, breaking apart at the seams. Any semblance of structure was quickly disappearing, and the mindless chant of fun had derailed, the thoughts and emotions changing, evolving.

In short, she was unrecognisable. The image of the bright and happy pony had vanished completely, replaced by a picture of a snivelling wreck, collapsed upon the ground.

And the fireplace crackled in the background, and the rain continued regardless.

The memory retreated, the haze of recollection fading away. But the picture of the distraught pony didn’t, it stayed and sat there, an ugly stain on a bright canvas of a room.

And then the pony felt a small pressure on her leg. It was just the slightest touch, but it was enough to distract her.

She lifted her head up from the floor, uncurling after her horrifying experience. Her hair was damp and matted, her mane tangled and messy, her eyes red and bloodshot.

The source of the pressure backed up slightly, recoiling at the sight of her.

The source being a small foal.

She was a light grey unicorn, a blonde mane just like Ditzy, and she was only very young from the look of her. She gave a hasty smile and tried to mask the shock she’d gotten from seeing another pony – a grown mare nonetheless – curled up on the floor crying.

The pink pony wiped her nose and cracked a smile, trying to pass off the incident like nothing. She didn’t want a filly getting involved in her situation.

“Hi,” she said softly, rising from the floor, “uhhh, what’s your name?”

The filly relaxed slightly, “My name’s Dinky!” She paused, “and what are you doing here?”

Dinky’s eyes narrowed, “Are you a robber?” She jumped into a ‘fighting’ pose, “’cause if you are…” she trailed off threateningly.

She just watched the filly, chuckling slightly, all worries gone. The sheer excitement and happiness that this one pony exuded was intoxicating. She was like a powerhouse of youthful energy.

She smiled softly. “No,” she said, “I’m not a robber.” She paused, wondering what to say. “I’m just… lost.”

The filly grinned. “Why didn’t you say so? I’ll go a-“

“Dinky! Where are you? Dinner’s ready!” a voice called through the kitchen doorway. Ditzy walked through a moment later and froze, an unsure look on her face.

“Ahh, Dinky,” she started, “I see that you’ve met our new guest.”

Dinky nodded enthusiastically. “I sure did! She’s cool and stuff! Oh oh! And she’s lost too! I was thinking that we could help her find her home!”

The pegasus smiled gently, “I’m sure that we will. In the meantime however, you’ve got some dinner to eat, and then I’m thinking it’ll be time for you to go to bed, hmmm?”

Dinky groaned, “But mum!”

“No buts, you go and start eating, I’ve got to talk to… Pinkie here for a second…”

Dinky hurried out of the room, grumbling under her breath. She shot one last glance at her before exiting, a look that said ‘this isn’t over yet!’

The pink pony smiled and sat down on the couch again, wiping the last of the tears from her eyes. Ditzy sat down on another couch and stared into the fireplace, the reflection visible on her wonky eyes.

Ditzy Doo sighed and smiled at her, her face lighting up. “I see that you’ve met my daughter, Dinky.”

The pink pony looked towards the kitchen. “Yeah,” she said, “I did. She’s very… fun.” She tried to hide the involuntary shudder as she said the word.

Ditzy nodded, “That’s one way of describing her.” She paused for a second and grew serious. “She’s been through a lot, that filly, and I’ve been through a lot with her…

“But she’s mine at the end of the day, and I love her, and nothing will change that…”

Ditzy looked at her. “You remind me a lot of Dinky. You look like you’ve been through a lot, and I can’t help but feel that you probably need my help in some way. Would I be wrong in saying that?”

She shook her head. “I don’t think so… I’m… lost, and I’m not sure what to do…”

Ditzy nodded. “Okay, I can understand that. What I want to know here is, why were you being chased? I want to know why a pony like you would be in an alley in the middle of a storm.”

She didn’t know what to say, she didn’t have the answer. For at least a minute she just sat there, trying to think of a reason. “I’m not sure why they’re after me…” she said eventually, “I just… I just don’t know where I went wrong…”

The pegasus gave a concerned look. “I don’t quite like the sound of that, sounds like some ponies are jumping to conclusions.” She leaned over a rested a hoof on the pink pony’s shoulder. “Just remember that if you need any help, I’ll be there, okay?”

She looked like she was going to say more, but a shout interrupted her.

“Mum!” said the voice, “I finished dinner! Can you read me a story before bed?”

The pegasus turned slightly. “Did you finish your lettuce?”

“...Yes?” the voice shouted in reply.

Ditzy shook her head in mock annoyance before turning to face her. “I’m sorry, I’ve got to read her a quick bedtime story or she won’t fall asleep.”

She was almost out of the room before she turned around. “Just… think about what I’ve said, okay?” She then turned to the corridor. “I’m coming, Dinky! Hang on a sec!”

The pink pony was left in the room, alone. But she didn’t feel alone at all. She’d just had the kindest offer put forward to her by a complete stranger, and she knew that if things got worse that she’d have a pony to lean on for support.

Her eyes teared up again, but not for the usual reason. She was happy and relieved. She felt like the end might just be in sight. She owed so much already to the motherly pegasus, and she had no way of ever repaying it. She’d saved her life already, and now she was doing more.

She sent a glance towards the doorway that Ditzy had walked out of and silently thanked her, before curling up on the couch and letting the warmth of the fireplace seep into her and rock her to sleep.

Thank you Ditzy, she thought, thank you for everything.

Maybe I’ll have a chance in this after all…