• Member Since 31st Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen Jul 16th, 2012

Gray Valentine


Lucas is your normal average teenager. He goes to school, hangs out with friends, and lives a decent life. One day on his way to school, something happens that will change his life forever. He wakes up in a strange new land, only to find he is different than he remembers. Where is he? What to do now? And, most importantly, Who sent him here?

~This is my first story, EVER. So if you find anything wrong with the story, please let me know in the comments and I'll attempt to fix my stories in the future. Character tags will be added as the characters are introduced to the story. Thank you everypony, and enjoy!~

Chapters (7)
Comments ( 33 )

T-trying to s-surpress the... Awesome... Filter... Need to go to sleep... Got bronie meeting in the morning... Gah! I'll do it when I get back.

The starting was a'ight. But the waking up bit was too fast... Menyeh... I will fix that tomorrow... Need sleep... 7:30 wake up.

Essan out...



Well done Sir Valentine. I expect to see more chapters soon. And if I don't, always remember, I know where you live...:pinkiecrazy:

116852 Thank you. I appreciate your feedback. I will keep this in mind next time :twilightsmile:
116924 and 116974 Thanks! Glad to see that somepony appreciates my work! And Mr. Chaosknight, no. Just.. no.

We all know where you live... we all know.

117170 :pinkiegasp: Was there some kind of "Find Gray's House Meeting" that I was unaware of?

Maybe... maybe not...
Maybe... maybe we just KNOW where you live, and always will...:pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy:

117170 well then in that case..... PARTY OVER HERE!!! :pinkiehappy:

well he is wrong pinkie is one of her friends

118045 Haha yes that is true, but the character in this story doesn't know anything about Equestria. He is not a brony like you or I.

118069 yet he is rather alright with talking horses? I suspected a tad more time in the field (Or more appropriately the forest, where he meets Fluttershy but because he is in a daze he doesn't realize that she is a talking horse then he frea- no, I'll keep to your side of the story when using the Filter.)


1. “Um, Applejack said I could find you here. I was wondering if you could help me.” I said to the pony.

If he is new to the place, he wouldn't get her name right on the first go, unless he is Link.

That is all.


~~~~~~~~~ Engaging Filter~~~~~~~~~~

"Wait a minute. What do you mea-", was all I could make out before everything went black. When I finally opened my eyes I saw a blue sky above me. I sat up and looked around, noticing I was in some kind of field. I put my hoof to my face... wait. Hoof? What the hell?

~~~~~~~~~Analyzing Input~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~ Initializing Changes ~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~ Initializing Changes ~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~Completing Changes~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~ Output ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Wait a minute! What do you mea-" was I could get out until I fell downwards. I looked upwards and saw the shrinking lights of heaven slowly turn into nothing. Then I couldn't feel anything. Everything went black.

I grunted. I had a splitting head ache, At least I'm alive again I thought to myself. I slowly opened my eyes, but shut them almost immediately after the sun cut into my vision. The grass on the back of my neck irritated me. Then I abruptly came to my senses, I got hit by a car, there was no grass around. Everything felt wrong. I couldn't feel my hands, I tried moving my fingers but nothing happened. I moved my hand up to my face. My sight was all foggy, my hand was replaced with a blurry (Insert color of fur here) stump. I forced my eyes to focus... What? I saw a hoof, I waved my hand, but the hoof moved. What the hell?

That might work.

Essan out...

Thank you for your input Essman. I must admit that does sound better. I will take this into account next time I write. I do admit I'm a beginner when it comes to writing, but with more input like yours, I'm sure i will improve:twilightsmile:

"Oh yeah. Pinkie. I remember now."

Best line in the story yet! :rainbowlaugh:

And...do I sense some Fluttershipping? I always like me some Fluttershipping. :yay::heart: More soon, please!

Haha glad you think so Yoshi :P And I'd rather not give spoilers at the moment, but I will tell you this. It's certainly possible :raritywink:

name your oc [P.K] Starstorm !

152876 My character already has a name. It's Lucas.

oh boy! This fic looks totally different from the others!


You should use the "P.O.V. change" thing so it can make the story a bit more excitement and what the character feelings are when a statement had happened.

158032 I never said it was completely orginal in every way. 158051 Thanks for the input!

D'AWWWWWWWWWWWWW dat is so cute( even thought I seen this before MANY times) :heart::heart:

182469 D'aw thanks. I'm glad that even though others have written similar stories, mine is getting the recognition i think it deserves :twilightsmile:


- Me after this annoucement

Bucking right you will! Otherwise I'll have Chase come down to your house and...well telling you would make me an accomplice, so I'll just say it's really bad.

Chase: Oh god there he goes again, threatening people with a fictional character... :facehoof:
Me: Shouldn't you be off fighting some guards as some crazed evil monster?
Chase: I resent that statement!...They're ROYAL guards, not just some rent-a-cop punks. :trixieshiftright:
Me: Get back in the story. :ajbemused:
Chase: :twilightsheepish:

In other words, WE DEMAND MOAR!

An accurate emulation of how the pacing of this story is:


A blue streak speeds by, shouting to the reader



But basically, this story's pacing is WAAAYYYYYY PAST COOL- i mean, wayy too fast. Take some time to explain the main character's surroundings, emotions and other various things to at least lengthen the chapter. You're covering way too much ground in each chapter with not enough words.

“Mmm. This is delicious. I must admit, I wasn't sure about the flowers, being a human and all.”

“I'm glad you enjoy it. Told you I was a great cook.”

How did she not notice the word 'human' in that sentence? Wouldn't it make a pony slightly confused to hear something like that?

“Magic? Does that mean I can use it too?” I asked, hoping that I could. It would be interesting.

“Hm. I'm not sure. You are a unicorn, but you weren't born one."


At this point in time, I have to say that you leave a lot of questions un-answered in this fic. It kind of chops up the already messed-up pacing. Maybe you should get a pre-reader to catch those kinds of questions. :/

But, I mean, it's not like your story's a bad one, oh no, in fact it's a fairly good one! It's better than most HiE stories that I read on this site...

386924 Glad your excited xD 387740 oh god.. please no! 388364 and they do know about Lucas. From Chapter 1: I sat down at the table and told her the whole story about how I got out of bed this morning go to school, how I get hit by a car, the mysterious voice, and how I woke up here in Ponyville. “Hm. Well I've never heard of something like this before. Maybe I should talk to the Princess about this.” She said, with a hoof to her chin.

388364 And I'll admit, i did rush a bit, but this was my first story. I am new to writing and I will make a lot of mistakes. But thanks for the advice

Hopefully my other story is better up until now :twilightsmile:

knighty better explained why the FK did Fluttershy's became Posey. Probably and April Fools Joke.

Random Q- too late at night, need sleeeeeeeee

393154 Was an April fools joke I'm guessing you missed. Knighty changed the site around so everything was G1 themed because heresy. :rainbowlaugh:

Ah! Yeah he didn't explain it very well so i was like huh?

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