The Great Equestrian Picture Book
written by Church
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.157 seconds
Total duration
1,049 users online
2,213,855 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
I'd like to thank all of the artists for letting me use their work! The links to their pages are under the pictures, and I suggest you visit them. No, seriously though, I can't draw or paint worth a... dang (kid's book)... so go visit them.
Yes, I realize I suck at rhyming. Go write your own picture book, yeah? Especially if you are art yourself.
How come the end counts as one word? There are clearly three right there.
I'll read it soon.
Just watched, and already.... story.
That's great!
1736393 It doesn't count bold letters as words, I found out. Weird...
1736398 Aw yeah! Thanks a bunch for the interest!
A great read and fine tail, The feature box this goes, but before that i would recommend getting some cover art my friend.
*Page Eighteen?
This compilation was rather heart-warming.
Thank you.
(It's too bad I'm too depressing to write anything comedic)
1736445 Well. Good eye, mate.
That was a test. You passed.
Confetti!
(No, but thank you...)
1736454
No problem, sir.
Now it's time to read.
The story was alright, but the artists deserve lots of the credit for the upvote.
I especially liked the pics of the Golden Oaks Library and Rarity asleep on the floor
.
Wow. Pretty interesting concept.
You. Are. A. Genius. If a picture paints a thousand words, there's, like, 37,000 words here! Wow.
1736482 I thank you for your honesty
Writing a picture book is actually very difficult and I don't know why. Trust me when I say finding the pictures took forever, and trying to write it all down was no cakewalk. But thank you for the read, I do appreciate it!
1736483 Thanks! More shall come from this. Maybe.
Right?
1736527 ha. Funny.
1736527 Haha, thank you
I'm glad people are enjoying it so far. I wasn't sure how the reception of such a thing would go over, but thank goodness it wasn't bad!
That was way too cute. I've sat here for ten minutes thinking of something appropriate to say. I've got nothing.
Pretty good. Picture book is new.
This was pretty dang awesome. It's actually pretty refreshing to read something like this. You deserve all the awesomeness that's going to come your way!
1736604 Gah! What happened?
1736608 Wow! Thanks!
You need to get some sleep!
1736630 Haha, I haven't seen one yet. So I tried, I suppose. What I have isn't perfect by any means, but it's a start.
1736643 It's a really good start. Liking this a lot.
1736642 Thank you so much for the kind words! I'm happy that people are liking this so far
Um...interesting. Not bad at all. But sometimes the rhyming doesn't rhyme and sometimes the pictures don't match.
1736708 Yes, I know it isn't perfect. I did try, I did. This was a lot harder than I originally anticipated.
Trust me when I say finding the appropriate pictures was incredibly difficult, and I'm no artist myself, so I was at a loss there.
But thank you for reading!
That's gotta be the fastest 37 chapters I've ever read.
Seriously, I think I finished this in not even ten minutes.
1736718 Achievement unlocked: quickest story read on fimfiction ever.
The story was good, I love the idea( i haven't seen anything like this on this page yet). So major thumbs up for presentation, and originality.
1736722
Nah, nah. It's,
Achievement Unlocked:
The Fastest. Possible. READ!
1736793 Gee, thanks! It means a lot to me, really.
1736818 Yes, I see. That's much better.
...This made me shed a tear
1736855 Oh, dear, it was supposed to be heartwarming.
Thanks so much for reading, and I hope those are happy tears
1736863 Thank you! Yes, strangely, I had difficulty with this one. That difficulty was more so in finding appropriate pictures... I went through a lot of drawfriends and google searches...
Thanks for everything!
1736868 Heh, glad you enjoyed it! Yes, I thought that we could use something like this. I mean, who are bronies anyway? Time for a self-reflection evaluation.
Adorable and enjoyable. Thank you for its creation, and the many artists whom helped with it.
Cool Story Bro!
1737033 Gee, thanks! I'm glad that you enjoyed it
1737052 Thanks so much! I'll be here all week! (and probably after that as well)
1737177 Is it... fluffeh?
1737200 Thank you
Good job sir! This is the cutest tale i've read on this site and I enjoyed every second of it!
1737271 Thanks a bunch! I'm glad you could enjoy it!
you wrote so less but it's impact and message was more, and by adding pictures to it, it just made it look...wow....! good job!
I found this cute and original and nice and slightly adorable but not quite D’aww
but enough to say “Hey that was time well spent.”
I do believe I am the only one who found it slightly creepy that Fluttershy is breaking into all her friends’ houses and watching them sleep. It reminds me of the Santa song where he knows when you’re sleeping and he knows when you’re awake. Creepiest song ever.
All in all very good. Happy writing and all that.
That's one way to start off my morning!
Okay, here I go.
When I saw that this story was intended to be written as a picture book, I was ecstatic. I absolutely love picture books. Reading the description (though it contained nothing of the actual content of the story) made me pumped. What could it possibly be about? It has a sizable amount of thumbs up and positive feedback—surely this is something worth my appreciation as well?
Sadly, it was not to be. I finished this story feeling crestfallen. That's probably my fault, though. I will admit that my expectations were unusually high, but I strongly feel that this story could have been so much more than it was. I probably wouldn't have sank all of this time pinpointing my issues with it if I didn't feel like it had the potential to be amazing. I made a chart and everything.
Anyway, if I may begin my griping, I felt there were several problems that persisted throughout the entirety of the story. When you say “This is pretty much a drawfriend with words,” you weren't kidding! There is virtually no connection between images and text other than very general association. And while it is an appealing collection of pictures, I found the variety in styles to be a bit jarring. The flow was being constantly broken, and the harmony between picture and text was practically nonexistent because of that. A picture book is deceptively complex. The picture adds substance to the text and the alternate is also true. It seemed there were instances where text and picture were in direct conflict with each other.
Another constant problem is that the story felt starved for characterization and descriptions were disappointingly bare bones. Assume I know nothing of these characters (ridiculous, I know). If I did not mentally fill in the gaps where one might expect some details describing the characters that Fluttershy is supposed to care about, they would have probably felt flatter than they were portrayed in the story. Now I'm not saying there should have been introductions written in. The story was following Fluttershy and that could have been easily used as an advantage. I would have loved it if the text or the accompanying picture reflected her perception of her friends/why their friendship was meaningful—that sort of thing.
Given how short the story was, dissecting it page by page was easy to do (albeit time consuming). And I could have readily wrote up what I liked and disliked about every single page, but that seems overly critical. So, I will only be making comments on the ones that stood out strangely/noticeably to me.
P = Praise, G = Gripe, Q = Question
[Page 4]
P) Meaningful reference made with “magical spark.” Chosen words mean so much more if they can be tied back personally to the character. The “spark” was important in the formation of the friendship between these six ponies.
G) “Conquer” is an awkward choice for a word. It's too aggressive. Fluttershy does not conquer. I would suggest the word “confront” or something similar because while she is reluctant to do so, she does confront fears/situations if the variables are right.
[Page 5]
P) The description “The breeze was gentle, and the air smelled sweet” is appealing to the senses. Touch and smell are covered nicely with this short little line. And before that “moonlit street” covers sight as well as implying a tranquil atmosphere. I was hopeful after reading those lines that there would be more present in the story...
G) And then the bizarre phrase of “our pegasus of butter” danced wildly before my eyes. I get what you were going for: yellow like butter, but it does not stop the phrasing from being awkward. I hear the word “butter” and the color is not the first thing to come to mind. Unless you are absolutely resolute on using the words “stutter/butter,” I would suggest choosing a word more quickly associated with color. Also, the use of “our” is kind of strange. Suddenly the audience is briefly brought into the story?
[Page 11]
P) “Fluttershy raced into the house. She accidentally disturbed a mouse.” I was quite ready to categorize this as a gripe because of the sheer laziness of the rhyme, but then I move on to the next line: “'Sorry,' she whispered as she tip-hoofed upstairs.” I still think the rhyme is lazy, but I am able to forgive it easily because it was tied back to Fluttershy. I found it to be quite in-tune with her personality.
[Page 12]
G) Real quick, “snoring loudly,” yet Fluttershy couldn't hear it until she saw Pinkie Pie?
[Page 13]
G) “Well, this wasn't what my dream said at all...” The dream did not say anything. (see [Page 31])
P) I did like the callback to the mouse.
G) “Good night, Pinkie Pie. I'll see you tomorrow.” Kind of weird to say considering morning arrives in the brief transition from Sugarcube Corner to Carousel Boutique. I don't think it took several hours to travel.
[Page 17]
Q) Why did Fluttershy peek into the windows of the Library/Sweet Apple Acres but fully enter Sugarcube Cube Corner/Carousel Boutique? Why were they unlocked?
[Page 18]
G) “Well, Rarity was home, and she looked quite sleepy.” So, she was awake? “Sleepy” is not a word usually used to describe a sleeping person. Also, I couldn't help but laugh at the choice of picture for this scene. She is incredibly disheveled and strewn across the floor. Looked like she was quite unconscious rather than sleeping.
[Page 19]
P) There is quite obviously a willful interaction between text and picture. Instead of listing off the missing two, the picture bridges the gap. The question of who is missing is answered without saying anything.
G) “As we continue to rhyme.” The sudden self-awareness ruins any immersion I had. Again, the audience is dragged into the story—for what reason?
[Page 20]
P) Picture of Applejack expresses a lot of characterization and personality. Nice choice.
[Page 21]
Q) “If she could find the relief to believe.” Quite easily the most bizarre word choice I've seen so far. Some clarification for me, please? I'm stumped.
[Page 26]
G) “'No time to lose, I'll be there in a flash!'” Seems rather like OOC dialogue for Fluttershy. It has a lot of confidence projected into it—much more in-character for someone like Rainbow Dash.
[Page 27]
G) “Dashie.” Does Fluttershy even use nicknames? I don't think she does. When I hear “Dashie,” I think Pinkie Pie, not Fluttershy. That is why I find it weird that the narrative uses nicknames frequently. I would have much preferred the narrative to be more associative with Fluttershy as the story follows her around.
[Page 28]
Q) If Fluttershy had searched everywhere, wouldn't she have found Rainbow Dash? All over the room, sure, but not everywhere.
G) Also, why did she just search the room? Rainbow Dash is hardly ever seen cooped up in her house. The sun has been up for a while, and she's very active/works. I pretty sure Fluttershy has known Rainbow Dash long enough to check the skies or something—not just give up after minimal searching.
[Page 29]
G) There is a distinct difference between “booing” and “boohooing.” The former makes this scene unintentionally hilarious.
G) Suddenly Rainbow Dash's voice. Well, something interesting almost happened. This story is severely lacking in any conflict, and it's usually the most important thing in a story.
[Page 30]
G) “Flutters,” “Dashie.” (see [Page 27])
[Page 31]
G) “So Fluttershy told Dash the whole tale. Of the dream that ballooned to a frightening scale.” I'm sorry, but no. How can you even justify the use of these words? How can you recap the dream as one that “ballooned to a frightening scale” when all I was given to read on [Page 3] was “Her dream said her friends had all left after a fight?” Add some substance to the dream at the point where it is the primary focus.
[Page 32]
G) There is an incredible amount of cheese in this scene. Dangerous levels of cheese. Also, seems a bit shippy with that picture. I am far more able to believe that when Rainbow Dash is told about “the dream that ballooned to a frightening scale,” she would use her boisterous mannerisms to dispel Fluttershy's distress. Rainbow Dash is the last accounted for friend. Fluttershy seeing that all her friends were still there would probably trust Rainbow Dash's reassurance. Well, that's how I would have handled that part.
[Page 33] [Page 34] [Page 35]
G) Oh boy. A major gripe here. I am sensing some obvious favoritism with Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash. And that's not necessarily a bad thing. People write stories focused on certain characters all the time. However, when someone tags their story with the Mane Six, I expect it to be about those six, not just focused on two. Twilight Sparkle, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, and Applejack were given so little characterization/presence in this story, I feel like the tag is unjustifiably used.
On [Page 32] I mentioned that the story felt shippy (not even the best kind: friendshipping!), and I think the fact that Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash are the only ones shown to have any sort of bond is part of the reason why. I'm bringing this up because I didn't think shipping was part of the reason this was made, seeing as the Mane Six tag is there.
Aaaaaaand that's enough for now, yeah? I've been up an outlandish amount of time putting this together, so let's wrap this up.
Because people find them interesting, I suppose. Stuff is practically guaranteed to happen in those. I would go as far to call this story bland. Any hint of tension is solved almost immediately after it is brought up. The books I remember from childhood usually had memorable things happen, so “the kid in me” would probably lazily flip through these pages to check out the pictures.
While I found the story to be severely lacking in several aspects, I am grateful it was written. The concept of FiM picture books have been introduced to many minds because of it, though it is rather disheartening to see people consider this an exceptionally made picture book story. Not bad, mind you, but it could have been so, so much more! I can appreciate your ambition, though.
1735954 If you say you're not very good with rhyming, why did you make a story told in rhyme? I'm asking out of genuine curiosity because I once believed picture books and rhyming were totally a thing. Having to analyze several stacks of picture books changed that, for sure!
What a wonderful suggestion! I might even take that up.
1737395 Thanks a bunch!
1737717 Thank you for reading!
1737748 I completely agree with this statement.
1737809 Thanks so much!
And yes, it is kind of creepy.
1737811 Heheh, I suppose so! Thanks for reading!
1738331 Can't please everybody with just an idea, you know?
Thank you for your very well thought out review! Allow me to sorta go through and pick it apart to some extent.
About the pictures. Yes, a few of them definitely didn't very well match what was going on. This is something that I hadn't foreseen as I was writing. It was very difficult to even find appropriate pictures for it, let alone good ones. If I could have, I would have done my own art. But I'm no artist, so I could not.
I agree with the "Assume I know nothing of these characters" thing. I was thinking "Well, if there were a picture book of them in real life, even that wouldn't have to do such a thing," but that isn't necessarily true.
Page 19: Oh, yes. That wasn't put there for any particular reason. I don't know why more people didn't bring that up? Ah well. No excuses. *chuckles to himself*
Page 32: Thought somebody might say that. While it was most certainly not intended to be shipping at all, I can see where everybody would feel that way. Dash was the last character she had found, and I wished to extend the scene to wrap things up a bit. Yes, it would have been nice to use all of the mane six in that scene. I did feel as though I had to end the story though, and so I ended it after the scene with Rainbow Dash. No favoritism involved, truly. But it makes it seem that way.
All in all, things just sort of happened and I let them happen.
I by no means think this was an exceptionally made picture book. But I did wish to introduce this idea to the community and see what the response was.
Why did I do this in rhyme? I felt as though I had to. I didn't exactly brush up on my "picture book making" before I went into this project, and I started rhyming from page one and said, "Well. This is going to happen." Sadly, I just sort of did it. But somebody who wants to put in the time and effort to make one of these certainly can, and I'm sure that it will do well.
Once again, thank you for the lengthy review! I appreciate you spending your time for this (and I think you should make us a picture book.)
Regards
- Church
1736449 Whoops, missed ya. Thanks a lot for reading!
I'm no comedian either...
Woohoo! Overflow of new Church stories!!!
I enjoyed this quick read
1739436 It's like more than you'd ever want!
1739467 Thank you very much!
1740974
I just have those golden moments sometimes.
Sweet jeebus, Church. I loved every second of this. The idea was brilliant, the execution was solid, and the poem flowed the entire way through.
This really should have been featured. It's such a novel idea.
My hat is off to you, sir. Extremely well done.
1738429 Sweet. Thanks for the feedback on my feedback. Great to know the post that broke me of my lurker status is decently constructed. Time for my followup, I guess.
Fair enough. It is actually fairly common for the author and the illustrator of a picture book to be entirely differently people. Even for professionally made picture books, text and pictures don't always coincide seamlessly. There is a whopping amount of 37 different artists used for this story—one for every page! Consistency of one or two artists would have been much preferred over the sheer variety of art styles. Out of curiosity, what was your process in collecting pictures for this?
A small (pff!) aside, there really is no point for the [Page 36] to even be there if all it says is "The End!" It would have made a better impact if it was just a page spread picture without words if you really want to have a closing page. The phrase "The End!" really doesn't need to be jammed in there. It is tacky when it used in a reading book, and certainly it is the same when it is used in a picture book. The story is marked "Complete," so I know it is over. And even if there wasn't that kind of indication, all "conflicts" were settled before I even made it to this page, so I could safely assume that the story was over. I mean, [Page 33-35] are all falling action, so naturally after that it would be the end. No need to signify it with "The End!"
I would have much preferred if the final page consisted of a comprehensive list of all the artists that were involved—just hyperlinks of their names without pictures cluttering the screen. And yes, providing a hyperlink underneath the picture they contributed on the story on the page they appear was a good call, but having to flip through 37 pages to check out the artist's page is a bit of a hassle.
If the shipping vibe was truly not the intent, I can accept your explanation. I would have probably dismissed the whole "shipping" thing as me just being silly if I hadn't checked out the source for the picture and seen that it was featured in groups called "Flutter-shipping" and "FlutterDashLove." That, and when I finished reading through this story for the third time or so, I could accurately summarize it with: Fluttershy has a bad dream and Rainbow Dash comforts her. Sounds perfectly in nature with a shipping fic prompt (friendshipping or otherwise). I could quite handily do a search and pull up several shipping stories that use that exact prompt (not with just these two, but between many characters as well). Rainbow Dash acted rather OOC to me—something more common in romantic shipping instead of friendshipping. The shipping point was a minor gripe, so I don't care to defend that point too much. I'll just chalk it up to me interpreting it critically. I did provide my compounded reasons, at least.
My biggest gripe is still that this is labeled as a Mane Six story when it clearly is not. The tag implies that all six characters (seven, if you lump Spike into the group) would be serving an equal part in the story. It's obvious to see that they clearly don't. Try this fun little exercise: remove all indication of Twilight Sparkle, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, and Applejack—does the story still work? Going back to my summary of the story: Fluttershy has a bad dream and Rainbow Dash comforts her, yes, the story is basically unchanged. The other four's role in this story was superficial and just felt like padding. If I was strictly a Twilight Sparkle/Pinkie Pie/Rarity/Applejack fan, would I be satisfied with their role in this story? Of course not. Now, if it was just a Fluttershy tag (and maybe a Rainbow Dash tag), this would be incredibly silly to bring up because focus is definitely on Fluttershy (and Rainbow Dash?). But this was supposed to be a story about the friendship of six ponies, not just two. If I am to believe what the text tells me to believe, all her friends were important to Fluttershy. That phrase "showing, not telling" applies to all kinds of literature. Doesn't matter if it's "just a picture book." Storytelling is storytelling, my friend.
My obvious distaste for lazily interjected rhyming aside, it's good to have a clear idea of where you want the story to go. I know I have my fair share of problems with that at times. I find a better question to ask myself when making a story is "Well, what do I want to express with this story? What is the idea I'm trying to portray?" Effective stories have a purpose—a theme and all that jazz. It shouldn't just be a collection of events loosely tied together but instead be interwoven into something sturdy. It's quite easy to poke holes in something that isn't strongly meshed together.
Of course! I wasn't under the impression that you were writing this for me. The response to this story has been overwhelmingly positive/gushes of praise (bleh). So, I would consider this popular, at the very least, no matter how many gripes I have against it. Honestly, this is probably the most criticism this story will ever see.
Oh, I would love to make one. At this point, consider it a possibility. Being well-received or having it "do well" doesn't really concern me, though. I consider one comment with a long, thought-out response to be worth more than any amount of thumbs. If I make one, I'd probably spend an outrageous amount of time to make it flow adequately and, of course, feedback is greatly appreciated.
1743219
I just realized, would your name happen to equal E/M?
1743232
It might...