• Published 18th Nov 2012
  • 3,379 Views, 220 Comments

Elements of Brotherhood - Fuster Cluck



Humanity investigates a possibly habitable planet. This curious planet.

  • ...
22
 220
 3,379

Chapter 3: Jingle bells, go to hell

Twilight sprinted over to the humans.

“This is princess Celestia and Luna, rulers of our country, please watch your language.”

“I’ll fucking try” Joked Dmitry.

Both the white and black alicorn began to the strange bipeds.

“What are you?” said the black one.

“I... I am a monument to all your sins” Dmitry answered in a sinister voice.

Celestia took a few steps back.

“Jesus’ left nut Dmitry, quit scaring them” said Artyom, stepping forward. “Sorry about that. We are human’s, fire team
Crimson, Russian Vympel Unit to be exact. I’m Artyom, this is Sasha and Dima, I believe you’ve already met Dmitry”

Celestia nodded. “Very well, guards, show these uh... humans to their quarters. There will be much to discuss”

The guard nodded and motioned for the humans to follow him.

“Was it just me, or was that black one kind of cute?” Artyom said, earning him a thunk on the back of the head from Dima.


Artyom finally got all of his equipment off. He looked around the room, it was like a normal five star hotel, except with a smaller bed and no TV. Artyom opened his bag and took out his Xbox 360 and collapsible TV. Surprisingly, the ponies had electricity along with the same shaped power outlets. He wired up everything and then pulled the collapsible TV up. The thin rod turned into a 50” 3D TV.

There was a knock on the door. “Come in” answered Artyom.

Luna poked her head between the crack in the doors. “You’re the leader of your squad, correct?”

“Yes ma’am”

“What’s that?” she asked as she sat down on the bed.
“It’s an xbox 360 console, our kind uses them for entertainment” He replied as he started up ‘Metro: Last Light’. Surprisingly, the xbox hadn’t red ringed yet (mine does when you look at it the wrong way.)

“Could I try my hoof at this?”

“By all means”

Artyom handed Luna the controller.


“COME AT ME YOU FUCKING DOUCHE CUNT, I’LL ANAL RAPE YOUR MOTHER!”

Artyom was amazed, it had been 30 seconds since Luna got the controller and was already charging head on into a pack of
mutants screaming obscenities. She was born a gamer.


“So as I was saying, they then blasted me with the elements of harmony, and here I am”

“We tried to go to the moon once, fucking yanks beat us, however. But we beat them here.”

“So everyone on your ship died, well that’s sad”

Luna stood up. “I have to raise the moon, you should probably head to bed”

“I’ve been asleep for 42 years, I can handle a day without sleep”

Luna sat back down and continued playing. Artyom’s eyelids started to get heavy.

'Perhaps I should get some sleep’ he thought.

“On second thought, I will get some sleep. You can continue playing as long as you like, it won’t bother me” he said as he crawled into bed and shut his eyes.


He awoke to something soft against his skin, but he couldn’t make out what it was. His vision cleared to reveal him spooning with Luna, she must have crawled in with him. He didn’t mind, it has been a long time since he cuddled with anything. He dug his face into her soft fur and began to dose off.


“Mornin, Faggot” Artyom’s eyes shot open as Dmitry flung him out of bed and onto the floor.

“It’s time to talk to whatever the fuck her name was” He said, looming over Artyom.

Artyom stood up and walked with Dmitry, they split up to do the same to Dima and Sasha.

Sasha handled being flung out of bed quite well, while Dmitry emerged from Dima’s room with a black eye. After a brief laugh, they started off to the throne room.


There was a table set up in the middle of the throne room, where the seven ponies they first encountered sat along with the three princesses. The squad all took their seats, Artyom being opposite from Celestia.

“So, Artyom” she said. “Let’s start out by talking about your kinds military”

“Well, my country alone has over five million active personnel along with two million reserve personnel. We are outfitted like the average soldier. We also have a stockpile of WMDs” answered Artyom.

“WMDs?”

“Weapons of Mass Destruction, mainly nuclear missiles.” Artyom looked over to Luna. “That game you played, that was set in the aftermath of a nuclear missile attack. However, the mutations caused by the radiation wouldn’t go to that extent, the landscape would look like that though”

Celestia turned to her sister, “And what does that mean.”

“It means if one of those detonated here it would destroy the entire city and instantly vaporise anypony in it” she answered.

Celestia raised an eyebrow. “And how do you know this”

Luna blushed. “I visited him last night, he showed me this thing called an xbox 360. It’s like an interactive play, where you can kill ponies and die without any real consequences. In this case, I played a game set in the aftermath of a nuclear detonation, the land was scarred, the air un-breathable, and the survivors forced underground.”

Celestia nodded. “I must try this some time. Well then, let’s talk about your government”


Three hours later

“Alright, I guess that sums everything up. I am going to send you to Ponyville, along with the elements of harmony. We will set you up with housing, if you co-operate, we will pay you a monthly salary in exchange for services.”

Artyom raised an eyebrow. “Services?”

“We are on the brink of war with Grypha, a country populated by gryphons. If you agree, we will send you on covert operations in the country, your equipment and skill make you perfect for the job, also, nopony could claim you’re Equestrian spies.” Celestia responded.

Artyom nodded, “Very well”

“I will call down an air carriage for your departure”


They had been in flight for two hours now. Eveyone and pony was getting restless.

“Ooh, how about a song!” Pinkie pie shouted.

Twilight nodded and began to sing. “Love is in bloo-“, she was interrupted.

“DASHING THROUGH THE SNOW
GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY
YOU’RE SO FUCKING SLOW
AND FAT, WHAT DO YOU WEIGH
HA-HA-HA
YOU CAN’T FUCKING SING
I’LL START A FUCKING FIGHT
GET OUT OF MY WAY YOU FUCKING HO
I’M DRIVING HERE TONIGHT
JINGLE BELLS, GO TO HELL
GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY
OH WHAT FUN IT IS TO RIDE
OVER BODIES EVERYDAY (HEY)
JINGLE BELLS, GO TO HELL
BITCH WHAT DID I SAY
RUN THAT ASS CUZ YOU CANT HIDE
FROM MY MOTHERFUCKING SLEIGH
HEY”

Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!