Rags To Riches
Two fillies once more roamed the shadow-filled hallways of the orphanage. Supportive words were offered up by her new sister - some seemed to be working, whereas others were completely forgotten or just didn’t have enough impact. Twilight’s heart stopped every time her mind wandered to the pony she was forsaking. Although the orphanage was the worst place for any foal to grow up, the only memories she had had been made here. Physical evidence of scrapes, bruises, and scars were seen on the crying filly easily, while other wounds were hidden by layers of emotions and trauma.
‘Life away from the orphanage...’
It was a thought that had never wandered into her mind prior. Not once did it ever cross her mind that someone would adopt a filly like her. Who would ever want a foal that couldn’t even defend herself, cried day and night, and hadn’t made a single friend in her life? No one.
They continued to walk together, silence growing between them. Words no longer worked, not that they had particularly well in the first place. Tears were reduced to a quiet sniffle, bloodshot eyes glimpsing the last looks and the silent goodbyes. Smiles and frowns alike shot her way. Most of the other foals had envy on their faces.
No one bothered them, not even the bullies they had run into earlier. Every abandoned foal followed a strict code, even the ones likely to defy the law until the end. No words were spoken, sent, or heard. They all had either hated or simply ignored the violet filly, but it was now her time. Imaginary salutes were waved to their sister, for this was the last time they would likely see her.
Aisles of foals lined the hallways, each one giving nods of approval or just staying still. They each took one last look, hoping desperately it would be them that left next. It was a ceremony sacred to and only for the orphans. None of the adults knew the reasons behind the line-up, but they did all know its meaning. Somepony was being adopted.
Nurse Bluecross had been right - Trixie’s parents, Twilight’s new ones, were waiting patiently at the front desk. Even at first glance, the two of them seemed to be exact opposites of each other in every way: mother and father, cold and welcoming, Moonlight and Starshine. Yet they were both quintessential nobility at heart: concerned about their family line first and their riches second. Nothing else mattered to them besides their flesh and blood walking silently with her new sibling.
They both had a royal aspect, passed down ancestrally, easily seen on their only daughter. The mare’s features were a studied blank, completely cold and silent. The stallion was warm and welcoming, with a gentle smile to brighten any gloomy mood. Moonlight’s dress spelled “RICH” with neon letters capable of being seen from the moon. Diamonds, pearls, sapphires, gold, any precious and expensive gem or mineral were gracefully and effortlessly sewn onto the fabric. Though only a simple pink bow tie and white vest accompanied the clean white suit the stallion wore, it was still clear from the cut and fabric quality that the suit was equally pricey.
The couple were opposites in almost every way possible. Moonlight was the high society diva, her face carefully smoothed and polished, whereas Starshine was laid back, his stress lines clearly seen. If anything could be said, they only had one thing in common: they cared for their daughter as best they knew how, giving her everything she could ever ask for but never what she needed.
Stares were shot as both fillies walked in silently, one still in tears, the other with a sympathetic look and shoulder to cry on. The looks and features from both parents told Trixie they were disappointed in her choice; one more than the other. They didn’t have to say or do much, but the royal daughter knew exactly what was going through their minds.
Her mother, Moonlight, mentally scolded her for choosing a pathetic cry baby while her kinder father attempted a supporting smile. In plain sight, it was one big mess: disgusted mother, trying father, spoiled daughter, and adopted sister.
Luckily for Trixie, it was her father who spoke first, “Nice to see you not too banged up, Trixie. Did you have fun with your new sister?”
Moonlight stared daggers at her husband and shot disapproving looks toward the crying filly. She was a proper lady, never showing her real emotions in public unless it was advantageous, and being a proper lady, she’d never undermine her husband openly. “I’ll wait for you in the carriage, dear,” whispered Moonlight. Her voice was stone cold, filled with disgust.
“What seems to be wrong with your new sister, Trixie?” asked Starshine as his gaze left his angry wife. He magicked away a clipboard of paperwork already filled out and smiled, somewhat glad to have another filly make his life more interesting.
“Twilight has been saying her goodbyes, sir,” answered the royal daughter properly.
He gave a sigh at being called sir - as ever - and turned to his new daughter, “Glad to make your acquaintance Twilight, I’m Starshine, your new father,” reassured the beaming unicorn. A closer inspection showed his violet daughter was malnourished and covered in carefully bandaged bruises. Twilight didn’t say it, but he knew exactly what went on inside the orphanage.
His wife would most likely be nagging him about it later but it was morality and a clean conscience he strove for. A tranquil cyan aura wrapped around the checkbook safely tucked inside his suit. He gave a gentle look towards his true daughter, one that told her to take the crying sibling to the carriage.
Starshine eyed the desk ponies, one chattering profusely to her inattentive friend. He was a wise investor with bits to burn, but charities were always his top priorities. The checkbook was magicked out, pen following, and a devious smile on his face. “How many zeros would you like me to write?” asked Starshine. He was already up to a fifth before the two mares noticed what he was talking about.
The orphanage would no doubt be seeing renovations soon, with improvement on the conditions of books, beds, and food. Twilight would have smiled delightfully knowing her forsaken home would be better than ever, but seeing it go still left a hole in her heart. Just by listening to the exchange her new parents had had, they weren’t exactly happy with her first impression on them.
They walked slowly out the front door, while Twilight stole one last glance at her temporary home. Cracked floors, a leaky roof, and peeling paint were the best traits the terrible building had to offer. Memories of the other foals still haunted her, in mind and body. A part of her never wanted to see the place ever again, even as another screamed for her to stay.
In just a second the hesitation and stare were gone as Trixie and Twilight continued their venture out to the luxurious white carriage waiting outside. Double side-doors were swung open, revealing the impatient mare waiting inside. A steel blue aura ripped away Twilight’s luggage and stuffed it into the compartment under the seats.
Moonlight’s glare was once again on her new daughter, and in the privacy of the carriage her disappointment was written clearly on her face. Her storming grey magenta eyes glittered like her expensive spider-silk dress. If Twilight had to guess, her new mother rarely smiled or showed any affection at all.
Trixie had warned her beforehand that their mother wasn’t exactly the best in the world, but at least she would try to try once in awhile, maybe - she wasn’t a monster after all. It still wasn’t comforting to know she had just lost the closest thing she had to a mother and gained a disciplinarian. An uncaring adoptive mother was the last thing the violet filly needed.
Moonlight had a shimmering misty blue mane striped like her daughter that was excellently curled and conditioned without a single stray hair in sight, complemented by her near-black oxford blue coat that might have been as dark as her heart for all Twilight could tell. The first impression Twilight got from meeting her mother’s eyes for the first time was glacial ice. Trixie’s birth mother was stern as well as fierce. Her better judgment told her to run back into the orphanage and forget all about being adopted. She didn’t like her new mother, but Twilight had to at least try first. If her sister could live this long with Moonlight, so could she.
Twilight had gotten the hint that she wasn’t going to be accepted into the family easily, but making an effort wouldn’t kill her. Her tears were gone, dried up by self control. She forced a smile onto her face and gave a timid, “Hello.” She got the silent treatment in return, which Twilight was half grateful for.
“Don’t worry, Twilight,” reassured the azure sister, “Mother will warm up to you in no time. She may not seem to care much about you now, but it’ll change, I promise.” Trixie gave a forced smile, or tried to, but it wasn’t enough to overcome the obvious truth.
“...M-mother?” asked Twilight gingerly. A cold stare that in return told her she had overstepped her bounds. Trixie sat closer, ready to defend her new sister should Moonlight lose her temper.
“Do not address me as your mother, nor shall you until I deem your worth more than a common house pet,” sneered Moonlight. She was cold and calculating, with every one of her words spoken true and blunt. “Understood?”
Twilight shrank back, feeling like she had just made the worst decision in her life so far. Instead of a loving mother she had ended up with Moonlight. She tried to hide her dismay, features drooping back into sadness as her sister grew angry.
“Mother, please. Twilight is my new sister, and right now she doesn’t need any of your harassment. Don’t make me tell Starshine,” blackmailed Trixie. Everyone in the family feared her father - all but the royal daughter. Her father’s word was law, be it wrong or right.
The threat was enough to make Moonlight back off of Twilight, but not before she gave a grim glare to her birth daughter. Trixie was no doubt going to be punished later, but right now her sister was in a worse state: rejected by her new mother and caught between the two of them having a glare-off. If Twilight had a disappearing spell she would have used it right there.
“Know your place, my daughter, I brought you into this world and I can also easily undo that regrettable deed,” hissed Moonlight. The distressed filly didn’t know whether her adoptive mother was joking or was really intending to do it.
“Go ahead Mom, give me your best shot. Without me, you’re nothing. No one to continue to bloodline - if I die, so do the Lulamoon,” threatened Trixie back. She and her mother were at a stalemate. If death threats were common in this family, Twilight didn’t know how long she would last. If life in the orphanage was barely livable, then living with her new mother would drive the adopted daughter to insanity.
“Trixie, please stop. Don’t fight anymore, she is your mom after all. I don’t want things to go sour between you and her just because of something like me,” pleaded Twilight. She forced her sadness away and attempted to smile to show she was fine.
Trixie tore her gaze away from her adversary, returning it to the other filly. She had been arguing with the vicious pony that was her mother and had completely forgotten about Twilight. “Sorry, Sis,” said Trixie, using the emphasis to annoy her mother even more.
Moonlight would have loved to strangle her daughter and wash her disrespectful mouth - something that she felt like she had wanted to do ever since the day her ungrateful daughter was brought into the world. “Talk back to me again and the orphan stays an orphan,” she sneered.
It was a double sided sword. Trixie on one hoof had somepony to support her now, but at the cost of protecting that somepony. Her mother had won, for now. If keeping her new sister was the price, then the azure filly was willing to shut her trap for once. Trixie’s cheeks brightened with anger and frustration, while Twilight sank lower and lower into her seat.
Nothing could have ruined Moonlight’s mood. For once she had gotten her obnoxious daughter to shut up and admit defeat. Unbeknownst to her, Starshine had listened to the whole exchange before he entered the expensive carriage. The unicorn still had a smile on his face, though whether it was faked or genuine only his birth daughter could tell.
Without tears clouding her eyes, Twilight saw her new father more clearly. Starshine had a coat that was a deep onyx turquoise, which contrasted sharply with his silvery-white mane and the white tuxedo he wore. Starshine had a laid back attitude, which was strange for a successful businesspony. His calm mood and gentle smile were enough to defuse some of the tension of the mother-daughter conflict. “I see you all have been getting along,” said Starshine cheerfully, with only a hint of knowing sarcasm. His wife rolled her eyes and huffed with annoyance.
“...Umm... Mr. Lulamoon, do I call you by your first name?” asked Twilight politely. She had already gotten in trouble with one parent, and didn’t want to upset another.
“Dad will do just fine,” answered Starshine. He shot a disapproving look towards his wife, which she just ignored. Moonlight was used to grave looks from her husband, and with a heart consisting mostly of ice, she couldn’t care less about it.
To Twilight, it meant the world to be able to call someone her father, even if he wasn’t technically her birth parent. “Alright... Dad,” answered the adopted daughter for the first time. It sounded strange, almost foreign to her, but with a warm feeling inside to know that she could call someone that.
Awkward quiet ensued as they began the long ride towards Lulamoon manor. The mother and daughter continued their glare war with each other while Twilight looked to the new view. The great city glowed with lights as ponies everywhere were busy walking home after a hard day’s work.
Twilight tried to quiet the grumbles her stomach issued forth. The fact that the coffee stores, fruit stands, pastry shops, and diners along the road all showcased their products in their windows didn’t help the violet filly’s hunger.
“What would you like to eat tonight, Twilight?” asked Starshine, breaking the silence as they passed the third muffin shop.
The hungry filly’s mouth watered. She could have anything she ever wanted: chocolate mousse, chocolate cake, chocolate chip cookies, chocolate sundae, chocolate pie, chocolate chocolate chocolate. If Twilight had one problem it was her addiction to the delectable treat. But she knew she had to mind her manners; wanting dessert before dinner would likely only further upset her adoptive mother.
“I’ll just have a salad, Dad,” answered Twilight. The word still almost felt wrong in her mouth.
“Really?” retorted Starshine. He had to admit, the little filly had self control. “Are you sure you don’t want anything else?” His daughter was hiding her hunger well, but not well enough to fool the businesspony. Lies were an everyday occurrence in his line of work, and Twilight wasn’t exactly a master.
“No, thank you. Umm, where will I sleep tonight?” asked Twilight back.
“The dungeon. No common house pet should be allowed within my house without being properly trained first,” muttered Moonlight. Her husband sighed, Trixie scowled, and Twilight’s eyes grew huge as she reflected that she would almost rather have the bullies than such a mother. At least with them it was just physical torture, but with Moonlight, it was much worse. She feared the cruel unicorn might actually lock her in a cage in a dark cave underneath the house. It was hard to tell, since Moonlight’s tone never changed. Twilight began to hyperventilate, eyes darting back and forth between Trixie, Moonlight, and Starshine.
“Twilight, calm down. She didn’t mean it. You can bunk with me tonight - no sister of mine is sleeping in the dungeon,” reassured Trixie. The words somewhat calmed the filly’s mind, though her hyperventilating continued.
“I don’t -haah- think she -haah- meant -haah- it either,” said Twilight bravely. She unfortunately let her mind wander again to what dark depths Trixie’s birth mother might put her in. “You -haah- were kidding, -haah- r-right?”
“Yes, she was,” interrupted Starshine. His normal smile was replaced by a thin frown as he gave Moonlight another look, warning her with his gaze to stop frightening the filly. The family sat again in uncomfortable silence after that, the carriage winding along the long road to the Lulamoon mansion. Trixie soon nodded off, leaned up against her new sibling as Twilight watched ever more shops and streets pass by outside the window. As they approached what was to be her new home, her eyes widened in disbelief.
When the Lulamoons said mansion, they meant castle and nothing less. It seemed to Twilight as if the structure had been built and specially designed for a princess. In fact, it was - in bright glowing silver letters, the Lunar Princess’s own signature was inscribed upon the front gate. The alicorn’s regalia and emblems were imprinted all over the black marble, enchanted by protection spells numbering in the thousands.
Cold shivers ran up violet filly’s spine, sending chills to every part of her body. The unholy sight that was the black castle spawned a hopelessness inside her quivering heart. Something told her to run away, as far as she could and as fast as she could. Twilight had to get away from the frightful home, and she had to do it now. She might have screamed if fear hadn’t gripped her mind and body, choking off any cry. She felt foreign, like she was treading on sacred ground and that she didn’t belong there, not at all.
As soon as the carriage stopped and the footponies opened the doors, Moonlight breezed out past the others, stalking up to the castle doors with somewhat evident displeasure. Starshine smiled down at the paralyzed filly reassuringly. “Trixie fell asleep, huh? Don’t worry; I’ll take her,” he said, lifting Trixie out with his magic and draping her across his back. “Come along, Twilight. Let’s get you two inside.”
It was already too late to turn around; Starshine had already opened the front door and walked inside. Twilight closed her eyes, fearful of the dangerous things inside giving her those strange feelings. She dared a peek, only to find it was as normal as any other household. The front living room was like any regular living room, it had a couch, sofas, and glass tables with magazines littered on them. The house was... homey.... but something nagged at her, to get away, while she still could.
Twilight’s eyes scanned her new home endlessly, searching for anything that could possibly give her these dreadful feelings. Nothing was out of place, everything fit into place, even the dust was in the right place.
“It’s... so....”
“Normal?” answered Starshine. He wasn’t surprised - most would think with his kind of money and governmental connections he could have a mini-pool in the living room and still have space for a home-theater.
“No... it’s just... different...” mumbled the scared filly.
‘She just needs some time, Starshine, anyone in her hooves would need it,’ mused the tired unicorn. “Why don’t I show you to the bathroom? That way you can get freshened up for dinner,” offered Starshine. “Still, I’m not going to relish all those stairs with this dead weight on my back.” He smiled at Twilight to show he was teasing.
“Hey! Who’s dead weight?” asked Trixie indignantly.
“Were you awake the whole time? Why didn’t you get up when we got to the house?” Starshine asked.
“Well, it’s just been so long since you’ve given me a pony-back ride, and... I kind of missed it,” Trixie admitted, grinning sheepishly.
Her father managed a chuckle before he lifted the lazy filly from his back. “Run along before your mother finds out, alright? Take Twilight with you, Trixie. Show her around and I’ll think of something to excuse you from dinner, if you like,” said Starshine. He knew Trixie disliked formal dinners with her mother, and considering how poorly Moonlight had gotten on with Twilight on the way home, it might be best if they didn’t subject the new addition to such stress. He’d just have the servants bring something up for them in a little bit.
“Thanks... er... Dad,” answered Twilight. She still felt like she shouldn’t be calling him that.
“Come on, Twilight,” said Trixie, snapping her back to the real world, “I can show you our library after we get cleaned up.”
The studious filly brightened up immediately at the reminder of a library and before long, she grabbed her sister by the tail again, dragging her upstairs and dashing through each room. It was horrible to go through the same thing twice, but Trixie’s face was already numb from being dragged earlier. Unfortunately, there were several hundred rooms still unchecked and sooner or later, Trixie would suffer from concussions or major head trauma. “Twi- we-west wi-wing, two-oh-eight,” stuttered Trixie.
She didn’t know how it was possible, but Twilight’s cracked horn was already fully healed. A fuchsia aura began to surround the violet filly as well her sister. Equations she didn’t know she knew tumbled over themselves inside her head as she ran towards a nearby wall.
‘Distance equals y-delta over x-delta, with y being wall thickness and x speed of acceleration... Arrival time two-point-three seconds... Speed: point five kilometers, probability and possibility of making perfect teleport, indefinite,’ calculated Twilight, eyes glazed over as she ran. Her speed increased, as did Trixie’s fear, hurtling towards the end of the hallway.
“TWILIGHT! THAT’S A WALL!” screeched the bouncing filly. Her eyes bulged, dilated with fear. She squeezed them shut and screamed at the top of her little lungs. Then, with a sickening lurch of vertigo, she felt everything turn upside down. Her mind, stomach, and lunch all tumbled around as her molecules scrambled and reformed one by one.
She tasted drywall, old bricks, and dust - lots and lots of dust. She nearly choked on the extremely dry and dusty air. Trixie never saw the teleport coming, especially not from her sister. They were gone and back in flash, from east to west, the rapid distortion of space and time an unexpected shock.
“Aha!” cheered Twilight as they flashed into existence again, triumphant. “Here we are.” She looked back to her scared sister, curled up in a ball and shivering. Trixie had a terrified look, spooked out of her mind. “...Trixie?”
She was lost in another world, scared out of reality and into her happy place. Her dilated eyes darted back and forth wildly, like she was going crazy. All she felt was fear. Fear of something, she wasn’t sure what - just a terrible, inexplicable fear. Vaguely, as if from a distance, she heard shouting and somepony’s panicked voice.
Icy water splashed over her trembling body, snapping Trixie out of her frozen state. No longer did her eyes wander, body twitch, or mind fog. She was back, and she shook her head to clear it, seeing her new sister on the verge of tears again.
“Twi-Twilight? Wh-what happened?” shivered the wet filly. Her teeth chattered as she looked up at her hyperventilating sister.
“I-I-I don’t know,” stuttered Twilight. “I teleported us through the wall and...and... I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you like... I just... wanted us to get here faster...”
Trixie’s jaw dropped, and she found herself actually afraid of her new sister. Her obvious fear only made the situation worse for herself and violet filly. “You... teleported us in? But... you’re only a foal... Why? Or better yet, how? How is that even possible? Who taught you?”
“I can’t remember Trixie... I’m sorry... It just came naturally... like I had known how to do it ever since I was born. I just... know how to do it. I don’t remember where or how I learned to, I just do it,” answered Twilight.
“But... what happened? What happened to me?”
Twilight bit her lower lip, drawing blood. Anxiety swelled and sweat dropped. “I... I think the sudden displacement... put you into... shock...” murmured the guilty filly. “I’m sorry.” The blank look on the distressed sister’s face told it all. She was fearful of Twilight, and it was being poorly hidden.
“But... the teleporting... how?”
“I told you Trixie... I don’t remember. I just can’t. No matter how hard I try to, the results are the same every time: a pounding headache along with screams of somepony I don’t even know. I don’t know. Please Trixie, can we just drop this?” pleaded Twilight.
“But-” Trixie started, her frazzled state leading her to push where she shouldn’t.
“I told you! I don’t remember! I-I-I can’t remember, and I don’t think I want to either!” shouted the angry filly.
At last it began to reach her still confused mind. Trixie stared at her unraveling sister with discomfort. It was exactly what the other filly didn’t need at the moment. Instead of the loving family Trixie had promised, they were each one by one causing her more anguish than ever before.
There was a quiet, dead silence for a moment, with not a peep from either foal. The only sounds were their racing heartbeats. Twilight still pouted and Trixie at last cleared her head enough to realize the grief she had caused her new sister.
“Twi-”
“I told you I can’t remember!”
“I know... and I’m sorry. I got so excited about getting a new sister that... I forgot you have feelings and memories that you might not want to share. I’ll wait until you can remember, okay? I won’t ask anymore. I’m sorry I didn’t see that before. I believe you, Twilight. We’re sisters now, and sisters don’t keep secrets from each other, right?”
Twilight might have been angry, but she was never one to hold grudges. “Thanks for understanding... Sis,” said the beaming filly.
~~~
“Did Twilight ever remember why she couldn’t remember?” interrupted Rarity. Dozens of fabulously knitted socks were scattered around the carriage. The white unicorn had already finished several pairs while her storyteller was still struggling with her first.
“Not on her own, no, but I’ll get to that later....Am I doing this right?” asked Trixie. The learning mare had managed to create a terrible monstrosity that insulted everything the elegant unicorn believed in.
“It’s a start... darling,” answered Rarity weakly. Every fiber of her being told her to burn the abomination before it ever saw the light of day again. “Let’s try again - this time, I’ll go through all the steps thrice.”
“Thanks,” said Trixie sheepishly. She looked down and saw that the badly knit stocking had holes in the pattern and the stitching was completely off. “It’s a good thing I’ve still got time to learn,” she sighed. She gently set down the ‘sock’ and started on a new one, following the fashionista’s instructions closely.
“Don’t be so hard on yourself - you’re learning, that’s what matters,” reassured Rarity. “Now where were we?”
“I believe I’m at the part where Twi and I had our first bath together.”
“How was it?”
“The most fun I’d had since the day I was born yet, but...”
“But?”
“Mom walked in.”
Author’s note: I’m tired, my editors are tired, like a lot. The short chapter should tell you enough. I adore how Moonlight turned out, little sketchy on Starshine. Maybe now we’ll see how Trixie got that ego of hers. Who knows? Well, I’m going to bed, DerpyMuffins signing off.
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This is awesome. oh! and I bet Regidar got here before me because I bothered to actually read this before I commented.
EDITUS MAXIMUS: WAIT... I'm still first!? WHOOOOOOOO!
I'm really liking this story, and I'm wondering when the alicorn parts will come in... Wait, this is in the alicorn twilight folder yes? H/O
YES! yes it is. This is truly a unique story, and in one of my favorite genres as well. Not only that but you have a great taste in names DerpyMuffins15. :P
The plot is set in motion, I can't wait to see what happens next!
YES
1709374 It is in the genetic folder of Alicorn Twilight, nothing implying that she will become an Alicorn, nor will she. Your take on the mother, might I ask?
1709482...? oohkay? not getting the part where you're saying she won't beco-oh! I guess I kinda can see where you're getting at.
): Was hoping for alicorn twilight though. Still a great story worthy of my favorites anyway.
The mother? Honestly, I currently hate her. If she shapes up later I might reconsider.
Are you asking about what my opinion on who twilight's real mother might be?
1709581
1709482
Well unless its some OC, or Cadence is about as old as I consider her to be in my personal crack canon, there's really only one possible candidate for the mother. After all, being stuck alone on the moon for a thousand years, probably in some kind of disembodied state, is a bit of a problem to circumvent when trying to have foals.
Also if I haven't said this before, I love this story and am eagerly following it.
That ending gave me chills. Wow.
1709709 I don't even consider Cadence an Alicorn. I say she's a Winged Unicorn. She's been shown to age normally, and she doesn't have any godly powers. Hell, she was even originally going to be a unicorn, but they changed it for some reason.
1710494
Except the existence of a separate sub-species of pony exactly identical to Alicorns in physical appearance is kinda silly, no offense intended. And nothing has said that Celestia and Luna suddenly popped into existence fully grown, given how Luna definitely underwent some kind of growth spurt after her appearance in the second episode, I'd say they were probably born naturally like any other pony. So the simplest explanation for Cadence is probably that she's just a young Alicorn (young being a relative term) who hasn't reached her full growth for whatever reason. Plus I think its funny for her to be marrying a guy a tenth of her age.
Wait... Alicorn Twilight, genetic, but she won't become an alicorn? I'm pretty sure the group/folder is supposed to reference stories where they will/are alicorn by birth/genetics rather than simply being a child of an alicorn.
Granted, advanced healing ability and her strange inherent memory/spell casting ability implies some sort of unique origin. Plus there's the whole surpressed memories, which could mean lots of different things. I doubt Twilight would be Celestia's daughter though, Luna/NMM is more probable though there will obviously be a need to get around the whole imprisionment thing.
1710785>>1710746>>1710494 Alright, I'll clear it up for the 3 of ya. Twilight's bloodline has Alicorn genetics, IE, the whole rapid regeneration, advanced smarts, profound magic ability. Twilight is part Alicorn, that's the most I can explain without revealing some plot. Also, enough with the Cadence talk. I can't have you 3 ruining my story.
Now I have to wonder just what kind of a she-demon Moonlight will be when she finds out the filly she now has as an adopted daughter is capable of teleportation simply on instinct and is suffering from what is likely self-induced amnesia as a defensive reaction to extreme trauma.
The question is... what kind of Trauma could POSSIBLY produce that much of an effect?
I am kinda looking forward to finding out that Twilight's mother is actually Luna. Celestia just pulled a Han Solo and froze Twilight in carbonite or something like that to keep Twily on hand for the eventual reunion.
Oh goody one of those mothers, the kind that never should be mothers to begin with. The bullies from the ophanage is probably going to be the least of her problems.
1711083 To answer your question. We know that one of the only things Twilight can remember is a fire. If I were to hazzard a guess, she saw a parent or someone die in a fire at her home. Her mind, being extremely young and fragle, was not able to handle it and suppressed the memory.
My second guess is that someone placed a spell to lock her memories.
"THAT IS A WALL!" How did you know!?
Huh, I almost forgot that this was being told on the train. Another great chapter, but what happens when Luna returns? I mean they are in her castle.
Sure hope nothing happens to starshine
This was a short chapter? Hate to see what you think a long one is
But yeah, this is going well so far
thouroughly enjoying it
Awesome chapter, and great story I can't wait till the next chapter.
I don't know if you can tell from there,
but I am smiling.
Im loving this just because i was an orphan myself...it sucked but thats how i found my little pony and it gave me hope
Okay, I made it back, and I'll leave a few thoughts again.
As before, I read the prologue, but I was pleased to find that I was able to read all of it this time!
The prose is tamed and more sensical, and I get a clear feel that something is happening.
My two main gripes are thus:
1) Lavender Unicorn Syndrome is still rampant. It isn't about the use of "lavender unicorn" directly, it's every time you use anything other than a name or a pronoun in a place that doesn't fit.
This one doesn't fit, because you already told us that she was a good student in the previous paragraph. This description doesn't give us more information or emphasize the narrative, so it's just fluff, honestly.
This one DOES work, because you've expanded our knowledge of the character without needing to use a lot of narrative. I hope you can see where the difference lies.
2) Show vs. Tell is your primary problem now. What that should tell you is that you're doing rather well, because this is one of the hardest points for a writer to learn. I still have my editor go through my stories and highlight when I start telling, because it's weak storytelling.
This is telling. Really, all the things that she DOES after this point are fair ways of showing us that she's a great student, so just out-and-out telling the audience these details isn't necessary.
Here's a good place for an example:
This is telling. For the sake of example, I'll rewrite this sentence.
Do you see the difference? In the first, you just told the audience that Twi was tired and annoyed. In the second example, the audience can make those inferences based on what they see the character DO. Actions, thoughts, dialogue, and expressions are the ways you should unfold your character's emotions and such. Some telling is unavoidable, of course, but that primarily comes in the backstory or in the form of exposition.
All in all, you've made some good strides with this. It's enough for me to rescind my thumbs-down. Keep working on it, and I wish you success!
1781675 Well, wall of text aside, thanks for the second review. Glad to hear that there aren't too many issues this time. Oh well, what can you do? Practice makes perfect as Twilight would say, and I do need lots of practice.
1785549
Instead of making the mistakes that new writers make, now you make the mistakes that good writers make. That doesn't make much sense, but it's true!
1787367 Any other quirks you got?
media.comicvine.com/uploads/5/52044/2060390-i_like_it.jpg
I'm disappointed that it took me this long to finally get to read this. the only things it's missing is more. for the love of the higher powers that be, MORE.
Is it a problem that I want to help Pinkamena turn Trixie's mother into Cupcakes?
1798995
Shes a rich snob, what more can you expect?