One uneventful night, nurse Coldheart discovers the truth about their most difficult case.
This is an experiment to see if I am able to write a readable story and perhaps try writing more. The first chapter is translated from Czech (it's still my story). The second one has been added after I've discovered that it needs at least 1000 words, so it may be somewhat weaker.
Currenty I lack native English prereaders, so if you see potential and are willing to make the time, I'd be happy for any help.
Chapters (2)
Nice story thus far. I'm keeping an eye on it.
Write away.
Bronydragon
I see potential in you, yes, but not in this story.
No offence, it's just that I don't think you can expand its plot.
However, very nice writing.
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Thank you. And yes, I meant potential of my writing in general. This story is marked complete for a reason.
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Then please send me a link to your next story, when you've got it out.
Bronydragon
Taky jsem Čech a vím jaký s*aní je to psát anglicky... jo... Eh, pokud je tenhle příběh pouze zkouška jestli dokážeš psát čitelný anglický příběh, tak moje odpověď je... ano. Aspoň si to teda myslím
, jinak ti dávám follow 
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Děkuji
Využití jazyka nejlépe dokážou posoudit ti, kteří ho neustále používají. Zase něco jiného je stránka děje, myšlenky a provedení.
Brzy risknu vydání další povídky. Pak můžeš porovnat, jestli to bude lepší nebo ne.
I find myself wanting to laugh, but at the same time unsure of myself.
You need to learn how to use commas and how to connect sentences together (Actually, I think you already had in your illuminati story), but otherwise I think that you're pretty good at English. And while there isn't really enough of a plot for me to 'like' it, I did enjoy it; and it was an interesting snapshot into ColdHeart's psyche (and indeed, those of
ScrewballHidden Screw and Lyra as well). It's just that it's all that this story is.5567654
Well, basically, this story was my actually first ever published piece. Not to mention it is translated from Czech to English, as opposed to written directly in English as my other sotry, and even then it was a written form of a short parody comic I was too lazy to even start drawing. I guess it being somewhat "bland" in the narrative department stems from that.
Anyway, thank you for the opinion.
Sadly, the only language I understand is English, of the American sort. but I really don't see any problems with this this introductory chapter of a story that has yet to be written. The barking mad one-shot character we call "Screwball," having a cutie mark of a baseball and a wood-screw, could use some attention of this sort. Did you know the classic Daffy Duck character once carried that very "cutie mark" in an old cartoon? His artist-animator kept altering him and his surroundings in a cartoon named, "Duck Amuck."
So Screwball's lineage has a noble and respectable history indeed.