• Published 18th Nov 2012
  • 1,995 Views, 31 Comments

Butterflies Seek Rainbows - FluttershyisMetal



Fluttershy goes through hardships to try and obtain her true dream: to be with Rainbow Dash.

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 31
 1,995

Fluttershy's Reality

Fluttershy's Reality

"The one and only!" Rainbow Dash emphasized her words with a few flips in the air, and finished it off with a pose. "So, why're ya still in that bush, Fluttershy?"

Fluttershy looked around and decided that it was safe enough for her to step out of her foliage fortress. Unfortunately, she forgot that her face was turning deep red from embarrassment.

"Y'okay, Fluttershy? You look like you've seen a ghost or somethin'." Rainbow said, raising one eyebrow higher than the other.

"Oh... yeah, I-I'm fine. I just have a cold, that's all." Fluttershy turned her head to the side and coughed a couple of times. "See?"

"Yeah... Whatever. Anyways, are you ready to see the most amazing trick ever?!" Rainbow asked with great enthusiasm.

"Oh... uhmm, trick?" Fluttershy asked tentatively, not really sure what to think.

"Of course! Why else would I ask you to meet me here?"

"O-oh, I see." She let her pink mane droop over one eye, and averted her gaze to the ground.

"Gee, Fluttershy, are you sure nothing's wrong? You've been acting weird ever since you got here!" Rainbow said, finally landing next to her companion. "I mean, it's like you don't want to see my new trick! And that's ridiculous. I mean, what pony in their right mind wouldn't wanna see a personal performance from someone as awesome as me?!"

"I'd like to see a personal performance..." Fluttershy whispered under her breath.

"Huh? What was that, Fluttershy?" Rainbow asked.

"Oh, I just said that I'd love to see your new trick! Heheh..." Fluttershy played off, rubbing the back of her head with her hoof, and blushing even more.

"Alright! Let's do this!" Rainbow took off into the air, and started to climb into the sky. Fluttershy watched her rainbow-maned friend prepare to do her brand new trick, but she wasn't really paying much attention to it.

She watched but she didn’t see. Fluttershy’s mind had other plans than just simply watching Rainbow Dash’s new trick. Her subconscious had made the decision to torment her, with various self-deprecating thoughts.

Of course she just wanted to show you a trick, you’re nothing to her.

What would a mare like her see in you anyways? You’re pitiful, and she’s amazing.

You really are worthless, no pony could ever fall in love with you, especially not a mare as perfect as Rainbow Dash.

What’s the point in trying? You’re much too frail for Rainbow Dash, she’d surely only date another athletic mare, and you’re as far away from that as it can get.

Fluttershy was fighting to keep the tears that were beginning to build up in her eyes from breaking free. She didn’t want to make Rainbow Dash feel bad, especially when she was so excited about her new creation.

A creation that Fluttershy was given the privilege of watching, but wasn’t. That stung her, a lot. If Rainbow Dash had known that she wasn’t paying any attention to what was surely an awe-inspiring feat of aerial performance, she’d never forgive her.

Fluttershy shook her head vigorously, her pink mane covering and uncovering her eyes as she did so. She was trying so hard to clear her mind, so that she could focus on that beautiful mare who was no longer in the air, but was in front of her.

“Uhh, Fluttershy?” Rainbow Dash inquired, turning her head slightly to the side. “Y’know that I’m done, right? I’m glad that you liked it s’much, but I don’t really think it’s necessary to continue head-banging after the trick is over. But I guess I do just have that effect on ponies.” She struck another ‘I’m awesome and I know it’ pose.

And Fluttershy knew it too. It was practically the only thing that she knew. She couldn’t get it out of her mind. The only thing that even competed with it in her mind was her telling herself that she had no hope. And the fact that she had just embarrassed herself in front of Rainbow didn’t help her very much.

Fluttershy’s cheeks turned a rosy red, and she took a small step back. She averted her eyes to the ground once again, allowing her flowing pink mane to drape over them like curtains.

“Y-yeah. I-I’m sorry, it’s just that...” She struggled to find words. She had no idea what to say, and she knew that she looked like a complete foal in front of her love. The tears that she had been fighting so hard to keep suppressed finally broke free, and they were accompanied by sobbing.

“Woah, Fluttershy, what’s wrong?” Rainbow asked, taking a step towards her broken friend.

Fluttershy responded by running. She didn’t really know where she was going—because she couldn’t think of anything but how much of a foal she was—but she ran.

She was partially blinded by her tears, she couldn’t see anything that wasn’t directly in front of her. But she kept running. And running. And running.

And then, as if things couldn’t get any worse, she ran into one of the many carts that populated the area near Sugarcube Corner.

She moaned, and brought a hoof to her throbbing head. She looked around her, and saw a multitude of ponies who were just there to buy some groceries for their families, because they weren’t meant to be alone, unlike herself.

They were laughing. Not with her, but at her. She was very familiar with that. It happened to her so much as she was growing up, it was so regular that she could predict her day the night before.

Wake up. Eat breakfast. Go to school. Get laughed at. Eat lunch. Go to recess. Mess up at recess and get laughed at. Try to fly home, but wings aren’t strong enough so she only gets a few feet away from where she had started. Get laughed at. Eat dinner. Go to sleep. Rinse, wash, and repeat.

But that was her younger days. It had been a while since something like that had happened to her. Quite a while, in fact. She was almost able to go entire weeks without having an experience like that.

But not then. Nope. They were in hysterics. Except for the ruined tomato-cart’s owner. He wasn’t very amused, and sure as hay not pleased.

He was somewhat short, but well-built. He was a tan earth pony with a tomato as a cutie mark. And on his face he wore a scowl that could put full-grown manticores in tears. Needless to say, it didn’t have a good effect on Fluttershy.

She was crying even harder now, and a tomato that was stuck on her cheek was starting to slide down her face, leaving a blood-red trail. The tomato fell off of her face, landing at the stallion’s hooves.

He looked down at it, and his scowl became even more fearsome. He picked it up in one hoof and stared at it some more.

“Do you have any idea what you just did?” He asked, not taking his eyes off of that ruined tomato.

“I-I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to! I c-couldn’t see it. I-I’ll pay you for the damages if—”

“You’ll pay, alright,” the stallion said, dropping the tomato and fixating his glare back onto the broken mare in front of him.

Fluttershy’s eyes dilated, and her mouth dropped open. The tears stopped momentarily, though drops still rested at the corners of her eyes. She tried to back away, but then realized that her leg was trapped under a wooden portion of the broken cart.

“You just cost me my entire livelihood. It’s only fair that I do the same, right?” the stallion said with a wicked grin.

He advanced a step. And then another. And another.

Until he was directly in front of her. His grin widened as he stood on his back legs and prepared for a strike.

The ponies in the crowd were no longer laughing, but watching in horror. It wasn’t very often that anypony had gotten so confrontational in public, but most were familiar with that stallion. He certainly didn’t have a clean track record, and had been in the sparsely-used Ponyville Jail twice for battery. He was insane.

Fluttershy was crying again, but with her eyes closed. She was gritting her teeth and preparing for the strike. She heard him laughing.

That horrible, deep, laughter. It wasn’t quite maniacal, but it wasn’t heartwarming either. It was somehow emotionless. It frightened her.

Then he started to come down onto the crying mare in front of him with his forehooves.

“GET THE BUCK AWAY FROM HER!” shouted a rash and brave voice.

Fluttershy opened her eyes to see Rainbow Dash crash into the stallion at full speed. A sickening crack was heard upon impact, but Rainbow kept flying, until they crashed into a store wall.

Rainbow gave him no rest; she immediately started pounding on him with quick but powerful strikes with her forehooves.

“DON’T. EVER. TRY. TO. HURT. ONE. OF. MY. FRIENDS!” Rainbow punctuated each word with a powerful strike. After she said ‘friends’ she landed one final blow; a buck to the stallion’s ribs.

She was still steaming. Hay, if it was possible, there would be steam coming out of her nose like a bull. But she didn’t go back at the stallion; she didn’t want to seriously injure him. He probably already had several broken ribs, a broken jaw, and a snapped forelimb. Even Rainbow Dash knew when enough was enough.

She motioned for one of the bystanders to go get help from one of the nearby hospitals. A lavender-coated pegasus, somepony Rainbow knew as Cloud Kicker, nodded and took off for the nearest hospital.

Then Rainbow Dash flew over to her friend, who was staring at her in awe. The first thing that Rainbow did was lift that piece of wood off of Fluttershy’s leg, restoring the circulation and allowing her to move once again.

“There ya go, ya should be able to move now. Are you hurt?” Rainbow asked as she helped her pink-maned friend up onto her hooves.

“N-no, I’m fine. Thank you, Rainbow. I don’t know what would’ve—”

“Don’t worry about it, Fluttershy. Of course I was going to save you, so you don’t have to worry about what could’ve happened. I am the Element of Loyalty, for Celestia’s sake.” Rainbow said, wearing a reassuring smile the entire time.

Her eyes had that spark in them again, the one that Fluttershy loved so much. They really were beautiful, just like their owner. She was perfect to Fluttershy.

Fluttershy then looked over to the broken stallion, feeling a little bit of sorrow for him. Rainbow followed Fluttershy’s eyes, and then let a small smirk appear on her face.

“Don’t worry about him, he’ll be fine. Just a few broken bones.” Rainbow Dash said, letting out a small chuckle at her friend.

Fluttershy sighed out of relief; she really didn’t want anypony to be hurt too badly, no matter who they were or what they were about to do to her.

“Well, I have to run now, I’m kinda late for my afternoon training. You’re sure that you’re fine, Fluttershy?” Fluttershy simply nodded. “Alright then, later!” Rainbow Dash said with a quick wink, and then she was gone, as fast as she had come.

“B-bye, Rainbow Dash...” Fluttershy said as she watched her friend fly off towards her training grounds. She then just let out a sigh, knowing that Rainbow couldn’t hear her.

I wish I could be like you, so brave. So... perfect.

Author's Note:

Heh, I guess you guys have waited long enough. I finally got my lazy ass motivated to write this up. So, here you are! Hope I didn't disappoint.

Comments ( 17 )

Then they kissed.

*fucked :moustache:

I love this story already. I am a great fan of the Flutterdash relationship. btw, good job at the censoring in your story! :fluttercry: :rainbowderp:

1658656 Haha, I hope you are enjoying it so far.

1658656

Agreed my good man.

1675833>>1666326>>1658624>>1636974>>1636678>>1636583 Alright, I am revoking the submission on this story so I can basically turn shit coal into a diamond. I am going to be re-working the entire thing, starting later today. I will re-upload it when I have the first three chapters done.

Ok, while I'm not a fan of shipfics, I'm going to say this isn't a bad story at all. It's better than most shipfics in the very least. Good job.

1904341 Thanks, that means a lot. I will get some chapters in eventually. Honestly, I think that this story is complete shit but I will finish it eventually.

Greetings, fellow writer! I'm OtterMatt, admin and co-founder of WRITE, and I'm taking on the task of reviewing your story for you.

First off:
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I need to apologize for the extensive delay there's been in getting this done. The holidays and new school year have played havoc with our reviewer base, and I've been scrambling for far too long to find someone available to do this review. I should have taken it upon myself LONG ago, and I'm sorry for your wait. Hopefully the review will give you enough food for thought to be worth it!

Okay, now then, let's get to the actual review! Expect a bit of wit and snark along the way. :raritywink: In honor of your name, I'll be doing this review while listening to August Burns Red. Hopefully that'll put me in the right mood.
Well, after a quick read-through, there's a few things that jump out and grab my attention.

- Dialogue:
First thing, I know that in writing it's generally frowned upon to use contractions, but those rules only apply to formal writing, and sometimes prose. Dialogue is a totally different animal, and you need to use everything and anything to make the dialogue sound and read naturally. As it stands, NOPONY uses a contraction—ever—and that just sounds really weird, because there's no reason for the characters to be so formal around each other.

- Plot/Pacing:
This is notable in that it's, well, sorta absent. I know that shipfics are short on plot development to start with; that's sorta their nature. The bigger problem is the pacing. Scenes crash into each other without any setup. Have a few examples:

The little bunny gave Fluttershy an annoyed look. Angel let out a sigh of resignation and nodded towards her. Fluttershy let out a squeal of joy and began to trot over to Twilight’s tree house. The pegasus began humming to herself on the trip to Twilight’s home.

“What are ya doin’ sugar cube?” Applejack asked Fluttershy with her deep southern accent.

dashie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw2775_small.jpg
Seriously, though, where did she come from? Did Flutters walk past her farm? Is that on her way? Was AJ stalking her?! O_O

With that, the two mares parted their ways and continued toward their destinations. Fluttershy let out a sigh of relief. Even though Applejack was one of her really good friends, Fluttershy got really nervous around her. She just shook off the feeling and trotted towards Twilight’s tree house with a brisker pace.

Fluttershy sat by Twilight’s door for a few minutes.

Owwww... I'm sorry, but that was some pretty severe whiplash there. Give me a moment...

Fluttershy began following her beloved friend. Tears began flowing from her eyes. Her mind was racing. She could not see where she was going and even if she could, her mind was too clouded for her to focus on anything aside from Rainbow Dash.

Rainbow Dash jumped at the sound of a loud crash behind her. She looked back to see several carts destroyed.

“Oh no, FLUTTERSHY!”

I hate to just reuse a meme, so I'll use a pony version instead.
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I've seen some left-field plot twists in my day, but wow. We go from knowing nothing about the scene around them, to SUDDENLY, CARTS! THOUSANDS OF THEM!
And then her wings were broked. I won't really go into how cliche that is, other than to mention that there's a reason broken wing fics are banned outright from EqD.
Not to say, how utterly cruel does it seem to take someone who can't fly to Cloudsdale for medical attention? How do they get down again? :twilightoops:

- Formatting:
Minor niggles here, but go through and nail down how many lines you'll be skipping between paragraphs, and if you're indenting or not on new paragraphs. These are small things that can really annoy a reader if it isn't consistent, and it doesn't really matter HOW you do it as long as you stick to a pattern. Spelling and grammar are pretty good, overall, clearly you and your editor have paid this story some heed. Two things need to be brought up, though:
1) Ellipsis. I know using a ton of them is a given when you're writing for Flutters, but they always, ALWAYS have three periods. Thou shalt not use two, excepting that thou then proceed directly to three. Four is right out. Also, resist the urge to overuse them. Remember, anytime you put one, you're indicating that the speaker is trailing off. Not cut off, not distracted or interrupted, but trailing off. Flutters does that, but it should be pretty uncommon in the middle of a sentence.
2) Dashes. You don't use any, and you really should, because they're awesome. Specifically, any stutter, interruption, or break in speaking is a place where a dash would work well. A short dash or hyphen makes a stutter look better, and when you break to change thoughts or because you were interrupted, an em dash is a requirement (Alt+0151 on your keypad, looks like this: —).

Final Verdict: 2/5 Pinkies :pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiesick::pinkiesick::pinkiesick:
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Closing thoughts:
As Derpy has said for me, there's the semblance of feels in this fic, but there's just not enough structure around it to get me immersed to the point where I can haz da feels. The pacing needs to be much less breakneck, more deliberate. Give us more scenery, and more doing by the characters. Let us feel like we're watching them do things instead of getting bulletpoints from the story.
As for the cliche, well, we have all seen this before, and read it before, and the feels are going to be muffled at best because of that, but don't let that stop you. Every fic has a place, even if it's only for practice. There's absolutely nothing wrong with writing cliche, as long as you're endeavoring to learn something from it. And heck, sometimes it's just fun!

- OtterMatt, WRITE Assignment Admin and Composer Laureate
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1959039 Thank you so much for the review! :pinkiehappy: Now time for the editing...oh boy. Also, sorry about the cliche, I was brand new in the fandom and had not read many stories when I wrote this. :derpytongue2:

1960018
5000+ years ago, Solomon told us that "There is nothing new under the sun," so don't worry about that. :raritywink:

Comment posted by FluttershyisMetal deleted Jan 25th, 2013

Wow, finally, the masterpiece lives on!
Yeh, I know that makes no sense but humor me.
Fluttershyismetal, I'm glad to see that the second chapter was just as good as the first!
One thing...

Wake up. Eat breakfast. Go to school. Get laughed at. Eat lunch. Go to recess. Mess up at recess and get laughed at. Try to fly home, but wings aren’t strong enough so she only gets a few feet away from where she had started. Get laughed at. Eat dinner. Go to sleep. Rinse, wash, and repeat.

She sleeps, then washes, then wakes up? :rainbowhuh:

2957036 Lol, it's an expression meaning that it happens every day. But thanks :pinkiesmile:

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