• Member Since 21st Jul, 2012
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Rytex


Hey, you know that really good author who has quality stories that everyone loves? I'm not that guy, he's over there. I'm that mediocre guy that's lucky to have as many followers as I do. Thanks!!!

Sequels2

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Now with an audio drama produced by truesailorcomet, as well as TVTropes page!

Princess Luna takes on a Night Apprentice, her counterpart to Princess Celestia's Faithful Student, Twilight Sparkle. Nova Shine, a wandering unicorn from Canterlot, is given the position for the first time in a thousand years. What neither of them know is that there exists a long and secret history between the positions of the Faithful Student, the Night Apprentice, and a mysterious shadow that seems to keep popping up in Nova's and Twilight's dreams. This shadow, whatever it is, and the dreams it appears in do not bode well, but the Princesses remain tight-lipped about these nightmares.

Nova and Twilight agree to investigate the nightmares themselves, and this mission occupies them for some time. But as they continue their search, their relationship starts to develop into something more than just fellow students. As if to make matters any more chaotic, Trixie Lulamoon arrives on Twilight's doorstep announcing that she, too, has been dealing with nightmare problems.

Finally, there's also the shadow itself. An ancient and dangerous enemy, it has lain dormant for the last thousand or so years. Why it chooses to reveal itself now is anyone's best guess, but unless Twilight and Nova can stop it, there's no telling what will happen to Equestria...


First featured under the old system on 25 November 2013, with occasional reappearances in the new system.

A rewrite of the first 16 chapters is in progress due to quality disparity, and for the audio drama.

Chapters (25)
Comments ( 186 )

This story is definitely one of the most interesting ones I've read so far I want to read more! Bring on the update! Seriously though, great work.

2741857

Thanks, mate. It's nice to know that I'm entertaining somepony, which was the entire point of me writing the story in the first place. I'm working on Chappie 16 as we speak, and it'll probably be out sooner than the last few were, but it's still gonna be a bit of a wait. I'm pushing 10k on all these chapters, and the way it's looking Chappie 17's gonna be pushing 20k for reason's you'll find out next chapter.

Well, thanks for the favorite, thanks for the comment.

Comment posted by Rytex deleted Jul 5th, 2013

I checked this story yesterday, shortly after posting the latest chapter, and there were 43 likes and 19 dislikes. Now, there are 47 likes and only 18 dislikes. I've changed somepony's mind. My first thought is:

"Thank-you for giving it another look. I know it's by no means great, but it's nice to know that I've been able to entertain someone past their first impression."

Keep up the great work!
I can't wait to read more, it's getting very interesting now! :pinkiehappy:

2952364

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JK. As a matter of fact, I didn't think the chapter was sad enough to make anyone shed any liquid pride. I said before, I'm not too good with emotional stuffs. I guess I have to reevalutate that opinion.

Origionally I dropped this because Hay OC then after picking it up again I realize it's not so bad.:twilightsmile: Meh I'll continue reading it.

2966725

I rewrote the first chapter since I got to about Chapter 5. It keeps the same general timeline, so to speak, but rather than go off on a needless spiel about annual reports, I introduced how different Nova was compared to other ponies. I'm going to great lengths to ensure he doesn't go Black-and-Red-Alicorn-Sue.

But he still :heart: :twilightsmile: so, you know, minus fifty points from Twaifus.

2966748I'm ok with mary sues, I just Dislike characters with Character Faults that you see commonly. I prefer the more subtle faults that are found amongst the characters, major character flaws could be argued as their strongest character points making them mary sues like rainbow dash if he ever had the strength to back up her brashness, would we really want to have her as our princess?:twilightoops:.

2966878

So, considering he does have a somewhat common major character flaw (issues with his family), and considering I am looking for all forms of criticism, both good and bad (because you really can't improve a story if all you're getting is "OMG luv it!"), what can I do to make it better? I'm trying to get a full-on editor (but the recommended group is down for renovations for now. They did send an invite saying that it's about to reopen though) to help me with the "show, don't tell" problems I have, as well as finding ways to expand those one-sentence-paragraphs, but what else is there?

2968237 What is the main flaw you can think of for your OC?

and what are his pluses, Excluding his charm which is too powerful to a fault, I mean Summer the main villain was created by his faults.:twilightsmile:

2970226

After taking a few days to explore my perception of him, and write some stuff down, here's what I have so far to respond with.

1) His main flaw, to start with, is his relationship with his parents, and how that affects his relationship with others. Even after part A gets fixed, part B still impacts him. Later on, if I make it as far as I have planned, well, I have quite a few things I plan on bringing out.
2) His charm. Well, I agree and disagree with it being too powerful to a fault. If it were too powerful, wouldn't he be friends with everypony? Or at least not have a "mutual annoyances" relationship with Rarity, one of his marefriend's best friends? As for yes, too powerful to the point of fault, he did kind of charm a mare and then unintentionally spurn her, turning her into the one trying to kill them, so, yeah.

2989960 Okay so relationship issues... Alright I think I get it now, as for socially awkward that is a pretty common fault. Any issues with different types of magic?

besides he can't be a sue unless he overpowers Twilight in both Intelligence and power(by over powering I mean dwarfs, and is socially perfect 'but that's a minor thing'.).

so he's fine by my book... For now, if he overpowered an archmage and was extremely young, then It would be signs of a mary sue OC.

2990314

Well, it's in his blood to be rather prodigious with magic. His whole family line is one magical prodigy after another, so that's part of it. Also, he was educated by a magical master in her own right. He was selected when he was still less-than-average, and he worked his way up. He only really started getting powerful when he and Twilight started to grow on each other, for reasons i'll go into much later.

Speaking of, he'll NEVER dwarf Twilight by intelligence. Not even close. I do have him becoming more powerful than her in magical ability (when he gets back from a couple of extra years of training in the past), but that won't last very long because, well, Twilicorn and... other things.

He's not socially awkward, per se. I mean, prior to him really forgiving his family, he liked to keep his issues to himself, so he perfected the art of Stepford Snarking. He still snarks and is very sarcastic now, after mending the relationship that caused it, but that's just because that's how he is. He gets along fine with most ponies, but he often makes those poor first impressions on ponies like Rarity or Steelshod that impact at least the outset of their relationship.

2990363 Snarking is okay, and a really relate able social quirk. as for him being more powerful temporarily with more Experience he better be. Anyway he is doing fine as is. I don't really see any problems with him.

I lost sleep just to read this chapter....WORTH IT!!!

Cant wait for next chapter....and this one was worth it!!!!!

3353936

I disagree. She's doing what's best for Equestria, and that involves tough choices and sometimes a negative approval rate.

3354032
I know, It's just my personal decision I haven't really liked Celestia since the start of the show, plus I think my views have been put Celestia in a negative light thanks to certain fics.

3354032 I agree with you on you statement about Celestia having to make the tough choices, but I personalty think that she could of handled the conversation with a little more tact.

It's interesting, seeing so many people leap to Nova's defense. Maybe it's because so many people dislike Celestia, they'd rather stick to the side of an OC. That or I may have actually designed a good character with relatable flaws. Eh, probably the former.

3354592

It was wording, Nova's personality, a bit of a test, Nova's personality, and Celestia's eye on the future. And Nova's personality. He's got some minor entitlement issues that surfaced at just the wrong time, and his own little issue with ponies controlling his destiny that's been around since Chapter 1. A recipe for disaster that Celestia inadvertently mixed.

3354745 I am not defending the way that Nova acted towards the princesses. I just think that the way that his parents were in his colthood would make him want to forge his own path in life and to find out that somepony is trying to for lack of a better term, force a path on him without telling him were the path was going to end up, would prompt the hostility that was shown by Nova.

This is how i know that i would act if someone was making plans for my life without consulting me

Crap I miss read you comment so none of the above was needed

Sorry about that

Comment posted by John Smith deleted Oct 16th, 2013

3378003

Well, I'm in the process of editing, so it may or may not end up happening that way. I'm doing what I can to take my story and make it as good as possible, with my goal being getting this thing on EqD. But let's face it, I'm still a long way from that.

3378009>>3354745
I agree with Nova here. Nobody likes being a pawn, especially when they find out the chess master was a trusted friend.

:Because, my little pony,โ€ said Celestia, kneeling down to meet him at eye level, โ€œbeing the Bearer of Laughter is more than simply being happy all of the time.โ€

Bullshit. I know Pinkie Pie.

Haha funny.

Kingdoms Hearts 2 reference. Nice!
I absolutely Love this Story!!

3441304

Ya caught me. I even threw in the Showdown at Hollow Bastion music for good measure, Nice to know my shout-outs are appreciated.

3442706
I love it when authors use references like that. it make the story exciting and fun. Keep up the Great and Powerful work! :twilightsheepish: ((yes I just did that)

3445878

Well, I referenced the music, I referenced a few moments from the games, and there are some more elements I'll be bringing up later. So, only naturally, I brought up the actual lines of dialogue. Love the series that much.

A feather fall enchantment on one of his pieces of Gear would work well enough.:twilightsmile:

Although it's not likely, maybe the princesses helped him while they were saving the townspeople, but that would be boring.... But would make slight sense considering it says Ray isn't skilled in performing magic...

3459284

I have in my head what I thought he would do, but I forgot to put it. Then I decided, "Well Imma let the readers think about it for themselves. That way they can make him as big a badass as they want."

3462322
I do have quite the imagination. I have over 4 ways he could have landed safely.

Ya no, now that I think about it, I feel sorry for summer blossom. She seemed like a great pony, well she always was until that incident and a huge misunderstanding.

If it makes you feel better Summer Blossom, I still think you're a great pony.... If you're not trying to threaten or kill anyone, I'd totally date you if I were a pony! :)

Frigoris, however, is mine. My first MLP fic (a cancelled first-person HiE featuring, keep brain-bleach handy, a black and red pegasus OC)

Well, at least you didn't go the extra mile and make him an alicorn.

Sequel.........YES! HUZZAH, A SEQUEL! Thanks Rytex!

earlier in your story celestia hinted that they both become alicorns is that going to happen? or are you just going to elevate twilight? or is it a secret?

3495768

No, but there was a lot of Sue-ness involved. Let's see, the obvious appearance, first person POV, in a romantic relationship with Princess Luna, fighting gods, etc. etc. After a while, I started realizing what I was up to, so I started to change Flare Dancer's character. He kinda developed into his own, but I wanted to change him into a normal pony, and then I was like "You know what would be cool? If he and the Doctor regenerate." And then I was like "Oh, wait, that's exactly what I'm trying to avoid. Screw this, I'm done with it."

Whereas Flare was the one who would say all the actual funny things, and generally be a Red Oni, Frigoris was Flare's Blue Oni. Cold, calculating, reserved, and more of a deadpan snarker

Completely amazing. I enjoyed this story from start to finish! It kept my interest the most out of the hundreds of fics I've read.

10 out of 10 for romance
10 out of 10 for adventure
10 out of 10 for grammar
10 out of 10 for overall story

Amazing job Rytex. I hope it makes it to Equestria Daily.

I know I'm going to feel stupid for asking this, but does this have any significance?:

{T} {A} {T} {S} {A} {T} {C}

Comment posted by Taliesin of the Forest deleted May 15th, 2014

3879530

Can you edit your comment to add Spoiler tags around the name? Let's not spoil it for people on the front page. Just use "[ spoiler ]" and "[/ spoiler ]" (no spaces between brackets, though).

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