One is a thief of the woods. The other a pirate. Will a chance meeting cause them to become friends, maybe more? Or will they become competent rivals? Only fate can tell.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 15th Oct, 2012
- offline last seen Mar 19th, 2018
AvalonAva
Hello, readers, I'm Avalon. Being a semi-successful FanFiction writer made me decided to bring my pony stories onto here, so that I can widen my audience. So read, and please, enjoy.
AvalonAva
Joined 15th Oct, 2012 ·
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I do believe that you didn't have this proofread beforehand.
For one, your grammer on this is terrible.
"The creature was a pegasus, and a mare. They had a brown coat with a long black mane and tail"
"The creature" refers to a single mare. "They" refers to two. Which is it?
That same paragraph, along with the others that are introducing characters, shove information into the reader's face in a rather uncouth way. Let the actions speak the details.
The first couple of paragraphs on the pirate side is formatted in a rather confusing manner, making the readers confused.
In my opinion, the "(DON'T BE THAT GUY AND ASK!)" sticks out terribly. It breaks the flow of the story
Plus, there are spelling errors.
This story seems promising. Just have it proofread beforehand, and I'm sure it would be pretty good!
1648274 At least someone cares to tell me what i lack in stories. I mean, with my main pony fic (on FanFiction) it nearly has a thousand views, and only one person bothered to comment on it. Thank you though. I forgot to proof-read it before posting it. I'll edit it and hopefully start on the second chapter of this story after i finish chapter 11 on my other. I'm just glad I got some criticism.
You're welcome!
Also, it is best to have several proofread. From my experience, the better stories have many people to read it beforehand to make sure that there are no mistakes.
This seems like a good start to a pirate story, the low of the whole thing was a bit quick for my taste, but other than that a pretty good chapter, can't wait to see more!