• Member Since 30th Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen 11 hours ago

LucidTech


Tired always.

Comments ( 16 )

Just to hold my position ill edit it later
Edit: Hmmm. I feel that there is a lot more potential as a story than just this one chapter, but It can stand on its own fairly easy. Good story man.

EDIT2: Also,

“She was furious, she started fighting with you.

Wouldn't that sound better as "She was so furious, that she started fighting you." ? The way it is phrased just seems... strange.

The romance and sad tags look nice together don't they?

It would be cool if this was continued.

…A bit odd, but all the same interesting.

only one chapter awwwww:raritycry:

Huh. That was random. :rainbowhuh:

Something seems extremly wrong with this story, even though i can't point my hoof at it... Maybe it's bacause the whole thing seems kind of ultra-rushed...

So random...:rainbowhuh: and only ONE chapter :rainbowderp:

uh. why only htis chapter for 1? and for 2. I don't see chrysallis going: hmm, I can't kick her ass fairly. I KNOW! i'll kill myself and make her the queen of my entire species! that'll show 'er!

1775732
It's because Vival is a lying jerk, and is mind-controlling Fluttershy into remembering things that didn't happen. He also probably did something horrible to Big Mac.:fluttercry:

I likey! Why don't you make morey?

I do like it, but it would be better as a series.

Interesting how you compressed what would probably be an 8k fic (at the least) to 1.5k words. It comes at the cost of a lot of exposition, though. And far too rushed for the romance to not just feel like it’s fleeting.

An evil grin. “She realized she couldn’t beat you fair and square, so she cheated. She cast a spell on you. From what I understand from the changelings I’ve talked to, it was a spell that used her life force as fuel and charged you with being the Changeling Queen. Then, you passed out.”

But... why?
Didn't Chrysalis try to stop Fluttershy?
This way she even paved Fluttershy's path.

Also, I don't get the tags.
"Sad", maybe. But why "Romance"?

Was it like 2216218 said?

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