• Published 15th Nov 2012
  • 3,449 Views, 79 Comments

Top Gear: The Pony Special - TheUziel

The Top Gear team invites Rainbow Dash to see which is better: Horsepower or Ponypower

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The Drift

The three men sat at a picnic table, slowly and silently eating their lunch of burgers and chips. Off in the distance, the Stig could be seen standing by the Murcielago, arms crossed and not moving. Rainbow Dash, though, was trying her best to get a reaction out of the tame racing driver.

“We’re getting trounced,” Hammond said between bites, breaking the silence. “A blue pony is beating us.”

The other two nodded their heads.


Jeremy dropped the fried potato piece he had just picked up, and grabbed a napkin.

“That in itself is an interesting story.” the tall man said. “During my conversation with the producers-”

“Conversation? I thought it was a yelling match.” James interjected

“-and they told me why they set up this contest. Apparently, their rulers took an interest in our quirky car programme.” Clarkson said.

“What, their Queen watches the show? I thought we were listed under trash telly.” said Hammond.

“Princesses, actually. Two of them. Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, rulers of Equestria.”

“Is their castle in Ponyville?” James asked sarcastically.

“Canterlot. But there is a Ponyville, which is where Miss Dash is from.”

James groaned at the puns, covering his face with his free hand.

“Anyways, they love the show, and got in touch. Our producers first thought it was a prank. I mean, really, talking ponies?”

“We got our second Stig from the Stig farm, and the third as a baby in the manger.” Hammond countered.

“But after Princess Celestia literally popped into the Top Gear offices did they finally believe it. They wanted to give our show the honors of announcing to the world their existence.”

“But that doesn’t explain how we’re being beaten by a pony.”

“The Princesses selected her as their champion, to see how well she could compare to a car driven by the Stig.”

“Well she’s doing a right good job of beating him.” James said.

“Which is why I think we should stop focusing on speed, and turn to our usual tactics in situations like this. We cheat.”

“What, like with the Australians and the Germans?” Hammond said, smiling. “Oh I’m liking this.”

“Welcome back. After a meeting of the minds, we are ready to continue with our competition.” Hammond said, smiling like a madman. “Our next event is to see how much drift smoke each contestant can make while doing donuts. They’ll have thirty seconds to create their smoke cloud.”

Clarkson and May are sitting down at a hastily set up card table, several laminated sheets placed in front of them.

“Over there, we have our panel of non-biased judges ready to give out a fair score for their performance. Now, since Rainbow Dash is currently in the lead with 2 points, the Stig will go first.”

“Drift smoke? What’s that?” Rainbow Dash asked Richard, flying next to him.

“Well, to put it simply, it’s the smoke that comes from the tires when they rotate fast enough, the friction between the wheel and the tarmac being hot enough to produce it.”

"Tire smoke? I can't do tire smoke, but if it's smoke you want, it's smoke you'll get." the pegasus mumbled, walking off camera.

Richard’s face grew somber, hearing her.

“I don’t like that.”

The Murcielago whipped to the right as soon as the air horn sounded, quickly sending smoke into the air, obscuring it. Soon, the only way you knew it was there was brief glimpses of it and the roar of the engine. When the air horn sounded off to mark the end of the thirty seconds, there was a cloud the size of a small house was the Stig’s accomplishment. While the air cleared, the two judges spoke with their heads huddled together. While they did that, the Stig drove the car off the track to the nearby garage to be looked over for the next challenge.

After a few seconds of deliberation, they both searched for the cards they wanted, and lifted them above their heads. Jeremy awarded the Stig nine points, where James gave seven.

“If that’s what they gave that strange human for such a small cloud, then they should be really impressed with what I’m about to do.” Rainbow Dash said, walking to the center of the recently made skid marks.

As Richard lifted the air horn into the air, Rainbow Dash crouched low to the ground, her wings unfurled and pointed at the sky. She narrowed her eyes, watching Hammond’s finger tense over the button.

A full minute of silence went by.

“Oh come on!” Rainbow Dash yelled, coming out of her starting position.

Hammond then pressed the button, signaling the start.

“Oh horseapples!”

She shot straight into the air, the eyes of the cast and crew following her until they couldn’t see the cyan pegasus in the sky.

“I think she just forfeited this challenge.” Richard said, looking to the clear sky looking for her as he made his way to the judges table.

“Do either of you see her?”

“I think I might need some binoculars to even try to find her.” Jeremy answered.

The seconds ticked by.

“Do you hear something?” James asked, looking to his two friends.

A whistling sound was approaching, louder and louder. Richard, James, and Jeremy looked at each other, and back to the sky, catching a blue spec approaching fast.

The next few seconds were complete chaos. The blue streak hit the tarmac at the same moment a rainbow-colored mushroom cloud erupted where it landed, it’s blast wave spreading out. Camera’s jerked about, ripped from the hands of the cameramen. They kept recording as they went into the air, catching glimpses of the effects of the explosion. The hosts and staff were knocked backwards, the table, scorecards and debris flying through the air away from the growing cloud.

The cameras cut out and went to static.

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