- Member Since 5th Sep, 2012
- offline last seen January 9th
Willow Arqueiro
I tend to be a bit willowy, and prone to hitting my opponents from afar.
Willow Arqueiro
Joined 5th Sep, 2012 ·
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- Willow Arqueiro · 1.1k words · 15 11 · 524 views
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I liked it
Judging by the title, things are about to get funky.
Hoboy.
You do this! And then you do that! And you do the other thing! Try to switch it up, because we're on the first paragraph and it's already repetitive and boring. Also, Berry Punch is two words, not one. A few punctuation errors, nothing huge. The huge thing is that you keep switching tenses, which is no bueno. Either do present or past, don't do both.
So...she only comes on to him once he's drunk, slurring, and stumbling? Creepy Lyra.
France exists in Equestria? News to me.
STOP switching the PoV! Pick one! I know the one you picked initially is a bitch to write, but randomly switching PoV's makes this a bitch to read.
What? Like an incredibly creepy Voltron, or something? Help a girl out, here.
PICK A POV, JESUS CHRIST
She doesn't have hands! If this is a humanized fic, use the human tag!
see above
You don't type the 'pant pant' thing. You show the panting through description.
The sex itself was incredibly mechanical and pretty boring.
~Midnight Dancer, the TWE's cranky mod dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/yay_red.png
Gotta say, man. Proofread. Like, at least once.
Dumb, Idiotic, horrendous, unpleasant, horrifying,terrible, awful, dire, frightful and dreadful!
gyazo.com/c3bebdf96eeeb540a2ae74120884b9db.png?1353011550
1621258
Sorry, I tend to rush and not double check myself on timed prompts.
1621449 You could always check before posting. Or have someone else check. Putting this up publicly as it is is inviting crit. Hopefully, you take the advice.
1621521
That's why I do post them, so people critique me. So I can get better at writing and make less mistakes.
I know I could always just look over it or have Lunar-tic look over it but that's not the point for me and prompts
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1621561 Oh, okay. Because your first reply seemed like you were making an excuse for the quality.
1621420 Why use Gay as a derogatory term? nothing is wrong with being gay AND there are so many other words you could just that are better in context besides gay.
1621583
Oh, sorry.
1621601
hmmm...help i dont know any words...
1621672 Dumb, Idiotic, horrendous, unpleasant, horrifying,terrible, awful, dire, frightful and dreadful.
That help?
1621258
Really? France existing in Equestria is news to you? We had both a french pastry chef, and Fluttershy asking for a dress in french style, with french names. She was also picked up by a German or Russian modeling pony agency, with an asian-ish assistant pony. Let's not forget Aloe and her sister, who are both speaking in Swedish accents.
You gotta notice these things.
1621688
Maybebaby
1621700 It wasn't specifically said that France was in Equestria. Maybe an analogue, but not France itself.
1621707
Still, it wouldn't be too strange. From what we've seen so far, all the places on the MLP earth are just pony versions of places on our earth.
Las Pegasus
Manehattan
Yanhoover
Fillydelphia and so on and so forth.
So it's not entirely impossible that a french place does exist in Equestria, so if you're gonna fault him on that, fault him for not making a pony version of the name.
1621727 ...that's what I did. France doesn't exist, but maybe Prance does.
1621730
Well you just said "It was news to you" it felt as though you were implying "That place doesn't exist, I've never heard of it."
You didn't say "Ponify the name" or anything along those lines.
1621737 We all watch the same show, do we not? I didn't think I really had to break it down into insultingly simple terms for the author to understand what I was saying. Also, he seems to have understood it just fine, so...I guess, sorry that you didn't?
1621752
It's not a matter of "Insultingly simple", it's a matter of being thorough. If you're going to point out the issue, point out the issue in detail.
Also,
Edit: There was a picture of a middle finger here.
1621766 Well, that was incredibly rude of you, considering that I've been polite this entire time. Obviously, I'm not the actual problem that you're having, so I'll just say that I hope whatever is actually bothering you so much that you bothered to take and upload a gigantic picture of your middle finger to post to an internet stranger eventually goes away, and that you feel better.
1621776
Not my finger, just A finger. Google is your friend.
Secondly, I took it as though you just insulted me.
Probably because you used the terms "Insultingly simple" and essentially said, "Sorry it wasn't simple enough for you."
Yeah, you basically called me stupid. So, that's my reply.
1621787 Well, I'm sorry you feel that way. I believe it would have been insultingly simple to say 'So author, France doesn't exist in Equestria! Maybe there's a pony name for a similar territory, but I haven't heard it yet.' Like I said, we all watch the same show, so I figured (apparently correctly) that he was already aware of the ponification of towns.
1621766 Well, that's a little bit uncalled for, seeing as you are debating about the location of a country in a non-existant world filled with magical talking horses. Hell, maybe if I bring up the issue of Equestrian electricity you'll give me a two-fingered salute. Please, by all means, continue to act irrationally. It's quite entertaining.
1621796
There are people on this site who don't understand that Discord ruled before Celestia and Luna. Really, there are a ton of fics on this site that mess up the basic canon of the show. That is reason I pointed it out, the author may be new to the show, bronydom, ponification of names etc. and may not understand it.
There's no reason to assume he/she is going to automatically know this. I don't make assumptions like that.
1621822 If they haven't done the research, they shouldn't be writing fics on it (unless there's an AU tag or whatever of course). If you're going to use a country name, either make sure it exists or make sure it's ponified to a believable extent. The author seems to have accepted this. I do not know why you're continuing to come at me, considering that I don't even know you and don't think I've even had interaction with you previously.
And anyway, this isn't about you-the review was mostly for the author.
So, I mean, like I said-hope you feel better soon? You're really taking this incredibly seriously.
1621843
A: I'm not coming at you.
B: I'm simply pointing out that there are inexperienced authors on this site. You can't expect everyone to auto-understand.
C: I'm not saying it's about me, I brought it up for future people you review, so you might be more in depth. You can be simple without being insultingly simplistic.
D: If I took this personally, there'd be a whole paragraph of flame. Believe me, I've said and done worse when I feel personally attacked. If you mean the finger, again, it came off as though you called me stupid. So I responded with said picture.
1621868 So you did take it personally! Thank you for clearing that up.
And yeah, I'm going to expect authors to have at least a basic understanding of the show before writing a fic about it. I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree there, since I've no intention of changing how I review
Have a great day! dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra.png
1621884
Yeah, sure, I took it personally. Whatever helps you sleep at night.
Well, that's all we can do I guess.
Nice day to you to.
1621903 You silly filly, it's okay! There's no shame in admitting weakness
Just remember that your friends will be there to help you through dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/yay_red.png
1621911
I don't have friends. They're just people I talk to about their life issues.
Though, I don't see a point in talking about it, so I think we're done here.
1621932 Awwwwwww that's too bad! I don't know what I would do without my friends
Okay! See you later! dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra_smile.png
1621932>>1621944
Me before your disgusting decision to make amends:
i.imgur.com/y3Yxr.gif
Me after:
i.imgur.com/h8eUL.gif
1622222 You still love me
1622222
You sir, are still my favorite Jimmy rustler on this site.
1622226 Only a lot.
1622233
25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m1jzj6jPOJ1rp8n54o1_500.jpg
1622238 muah dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Octavia.png
1622244
1622246>>1622248
I must leave.
MY PLANET NEEDS ME!
i.imgur.com/UmDOe.gif
The Thor reference is classical.
Random fitting quote:
"What are you doing with that thi- OH! WHOA!!"
Was conflict just resolved peacefully on the internet?
moustaches. You both deserve moustaches
untilmate
And the source for the picture loops back to this page. That's not a source...
"Found it on Google Images" is also not a source. Google uses sites to display the images, so you could find the source by simply following tthe link provided by Google.
1623387
Except I didn'tclick the link Google provided, I saved it on my phone, emailed it to myself and uploaded it.
I'm sorry but this reaction video might be overused:
And you also deserve 5 Mustaches for this story
We all know that Pinkie doesn't get enough.
Hmmm, something about the way this story was written, just made it hard for me to imagine it. Such as me not knowing if it was humanized when Lyra had hands for some reason.