What if Twilight wasn't able to save her friends from Discord's power. This is an alternate universe sad story about the Twilight's interaction with the Mane 6 after they have been influenced by Discord. I wrote this after listening to Aviator's song One Last Letter. The story starts just after the events in the garden maze and the Mane 6 have been Discorded and now exhibit the polar opposite of their element. It follows Twilight as she tries to figure out what she can do to save her friends and then save Equestria. Twilight soon realizes that her last resort to save her friends, the memory spell, doesn't work and that she is now alone in the fight against Discord.
Chapters (1)
Too fast really. This could have been spaced out into multiple chapters.
I rather agree that this a bit too condensed. Discord is a extremely fun character to write with, you can literally do anything. Think of alll the chaos he probably did that we didn't see in the episode. Also the ending seemed more then a little rushed. I'm sorry.
This story has a lot of potential, but I for one would like to see a lot more about what happens AFTER the Elements fail to stop Discord. What you currently have is just a slightly tweaked version of the original episode - we end up in exactly the same place, the only difference being that the Elements don't work. It would be a lot more interesting (for you AND your readers) if you explored the consequences of Discord's victory. This could easily be turned into a really interesting multi-chapter fic about Twilight having to come up with other ways to get her friends back, or finding another way to defeat Discord other than the Elements.
Having said that, there were lots of good qualities in this :) I especially liked what Discord did to Spike, and him using the puppets to toy with Twilight through the telescope. But it felt like you were holding back, when there is so much more potential here :)
Definitely keep writing, and I'd love to see what happens if you do decide to continue this!
I'd consider it more of a flash fiction than anything. It gives a story with the hint of a bigger story.
I wholeheartedly agree with the rest: You should write more.
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