"...You are now mare and colt!" cried Princess Celestia. She smiled down at her navy blue sister, who was kissing a handsome purple pegesus. "Always, we will be together... Always..." the stallion whispered as he nuzzled Princess Luna. "Always..." she replied softly.
They both returned home to the castle, Luna's dress slightly tore at one corner and her new husband's suit dirtied. They had both had a tad too much champagne. Luna looked over at her husband, who'd fallen asleep half on, half-off the pretty feather bed. She sighed and laid down herself. Soon, she fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.
Luna awoke to being embraced by her husband, Glowing Dusk. She lovingly nuzzled him and whispered, "Soon, the time..."
The following night, they were snuggling. Time passed in a flick. The night seemed to drag on evermore, yet it went past in a heartbeat. She whispered, "I must lower the moon." to Glowing, then did so.
After lowering the large, celestial rock, she returned to her husband. They cuddled a bit more and fell asleep in each other's hooves. All was well...
[Incompleted.]
This was copied and pasted from an iPad Notes. Thank you very much for reading my fan fiction!
That was cute Didn't expect the whole Rainbow Dash's brother thing. lol
This feels quite a bit rushed, but I like it so far.
There aren't that many errors with spelling, punctuation, and grammar here, so that's a plus. However, this story is incredibly rushed, giving pretty much no back-story into any of what happens. If you ever feel like writing in the future, I recommend making the story longer and building up to this point instead of starting with it.
Stories are built upon several basic sections: an introduction, rising actions, a climax, falling actions, and a resolution.
Your story seems like it is a resolution to some hidden set of events. You didn't really describe anything that happened leading up to Luna getting pregnant, so why should I care about it?
In order for this type of plot to be interesting, it can't just be brought up out of nowhere as a tiny one-shot. It needs to have back-story, preferably a fairly large heaping of it, to make sense and be worth reading.
Auf Wiedersehen!
1620239 Yeah, I will add a bonus chapter soon. As soon as it's written, anyway, LOL. Anyway, thanks for pounding me for it I needed the criticism to get better.