Through the Everfree
The fillies were bored and worried. And when you have that combination, you start doing things to entertain yourself. Each of the fillies had their own way to "busy" themselves; Rainbow Dash flew around the room lazily while Fluttershy hid under a blanket. Pinkie was making plans for a 'You saved Equestria' party, and Twilight was studying the Elements of Harmony book. Applejack was pacing with worry and trying to block out Rarity, who was having a fit.
"Why did they have to go!?" she cried. "The Everfree is so dangerous and dirty! Something horrible is going to happen! And then who will sing me to sleep?! We're DOOMED! DOOMED I say! Who cares if the sun stays up?! Then we won’t have to go to bed! WHY? I want my sister back!"
"SHUT UP!" Rainbow Dash yelled. "You're scaring Fluttershy."
The filly in question was now crying softly under her blanket.
"It's okay, Sugarcube," Applejack cooed gently, moving next to Fluttershy. "They'll be fine. You'll see."
"Yeah, Fluttershy," Rainbow Dash interjected. "Scootaloo is the fastest flyer EVER. Nothing in that forest is going to catch her."
"An' Applebloom's a strong fighter," Applejack added.
"Sweetie Belle is good with magic," Rarity admitted.
As the other fillies comforted her, Fluttershy grew calmer and stopped crying.
She was almost smiling, but then Twilight muttered, "That's bad," and Fluttershy's eyes grew wide.
"Of course it is!" Pinkie exclaimed, before anypony could say anything else. "How am I supposed to get balloons for the party if I'm stuck here? This...Is...Tragic!"
"Huh?" Twilight looked up. "No, no, it says here that Solar Flare can create yellow mist that can change shape into anything."
All the fillies gathered around Twilight, trying to see what she was reading. "So what does that mean, Sugarcube?" Applejack asked.
"It means that they can run into anything, and I mean ANYTHING. From evil creatures to temptations to natural disasters. It's going to be hard for them to get anywhere if Solar Flare is watching."
Fluttershy backed away and started whimpering again.
"I'm not worried!" Pinkie declared. "Pound is super strong and Pumpkin's smart. They'll be fine and get past any danger."
"I'm sure they will," Twilight agreed, but she sounded distant, like she was thinking about something.
There was a knock on the door then, and Applejack's older sister Smithy came in with Lil' Mac on her back.
"Applejack," Smithy huffed. "Glad ya stayed put. Apparently Applebloom went on an adventure and left me babysittin’ everypony."
* * *
After the cliff incident, everyone was on edge. Trying to release the tension, Scootaloo retold how she and Pound had saved everypony.
"And then, it was so awesome how Spike almost fell to his death but then Pound swooped in and caught him at the last second. Then I went and rescued Pumpkin from that cliff and everyone was saved."
"Yes, Scootaloo," Spike said, slightly annoyed. "We know; we were all there."
"Well yeah, but you weren't everywhere, so you don't know all the details," Scoot argued.
Spike rolled his eyes and was about to say something else when another rumble shook the ground and stopped the group in their tracks.
"Is that another earthquake?" Sweetie wondered.
"I don't know," Spike said slowly. He didn't like the sound of that rumble; it was more all around them than just in the ground. "We’d better keep going, though."
They kept walking, everyone tense and watching their backs. No one talked anymore. After a while without anything happening, the group started to relax just a little. Then they heard the sound again, but this time it was less a rumble, and more like an animal’s roar.
The six glanced at each other nervously, but continued onward without saying anything. The trees started to thin out a little, and sunlight peeked through the branches.
There was a lot of light up ahead, and Spike pointed it out nervously. "That's probably a clearing."
The group entered the clearing and, after their eyes had adjusted to the sudden light, they saw that the sun was beating down on a grassy clearing with flowers in it. In the middle of the clearing was a Cerberus, blocking the way to the other side. The thing looked just like a giant Rottweiler, except it had three snarling heads.
"That's...that's a Cerberus," Spike stuttered in shock.
The Cerberus seemed to sense the group at that moment. It turned and snarled at them before charging forward, spit flying from its teeth.
"Move!" Spike yelled, and the ponies ducked away from the oncoming Cerberus as quickly as they could. The massive dog skidded to a stop and looked around, trying to decide which of them to follow, then was met by a kick in the face from Apple Bloom. The one head was dazed, but the other two snarled at her and batted her aside.
"Guys," Sweetie Belle called, trying to get everyone's attention.
"Oh, no you don't!" Pound shouted, jumping on the Cerberus's back and kicking it.
The Cerberus started bucking and whirling around, trying to shake Pound off. Pound held on as long as he could with his powerful front legs, but he couldn’t last forever and was soon thrown to the ground.
"Guys!" Sweetie cried out louder.
"Now it's my turn!" Scootaloo cried before dive-bombing the beast. She flew circles around it, trying to make it dizzy. It almost worked, but the Cerberus got a lucky swing with its paw and knocked Scoot out of the sky.
Spike tried to use magic, he made the air around the Cerberus hot and the sudden temperature change stunned the giant dog for a moment, but the Cerberus just shook it off and seemed to become more irritated.
Spike looked at Apple Bloom, Pound and Scootaloo and, seeing that they were not terribly hurt but only scratched up, he suggested, "Let's charge it together."
The group nodded and they all started to run at the Cerberus before Sweetie Belle jumped in front of all of them and shouted, "Guys, stop, STOP!"
The charging ponies stopped and stared at Sweetie as she turned to the giant dog and started gently singing to it. The song seemed to calm the beast down and it let her approach. "That's a good boy," Sweetie cooed.
The Cerberus let her stroke him, and Sweetie said, "Are you tired? Did someone wake you up from a nap?"
The Cerberus whined in response.
"Why don't I sing you a lullaby, then." Sweetie Belle began gently singing to the three headed dog.
The Cerberus slowly closed its eyes and lay down.
The group moved through the clearing without any trouble, and Sweetie finally moved away from the dog when all three heads had started snoring gently.
Spike asked her, "How...why did you do that?"
"He didn't really seem angry, just annoyed," Sweetie explained. "I wanted to see if I could just get him to calm down by showing a little kindness."
* * *
"So...Spike," Pumpkin asked as the group headed deeper into the trees. "How did you use that magic back there?"
"Oh, um…" Spike rubbed the back of his neck. "That's dragon magic. I can basically make things hotter. Like with fire but through the air. Princess Luna taught me how to control it."
"Dude, that's awesome!" Scootaloo exclaimed. "Not only can you breathe fire, but you can manipulate it, too? That's like, double the awesome!"
Spike blushed slightly at the compliment. "It's not that big of a deal… I don't like to talk about it because ponies seem to blow it up into something huge. It's really simple, and not a big thing."
"And how ain't that a big thing?" Apple Bloom asked. "You can practically do magic."
"I'm sure other dragons can do it too. It's not some big special thing," Spike insisted. "I admit it's useful, but it’s nothing like unicorn magic. Look, can we just drop the topic please?"
The ponies wanted to continue questioning Spike on this newfound trivia, but the dragon seemed very stressed all of a sudden, so they didn't say anything more. The six friends moved through the darkening forest in silence, each of them lost in thought.
None of them noticed that the forest was almost getting too dark to see, or that there was a putrid odor in the air, steadily getting stronger. They didn't notice, that is, until they saw a glowing light up ahead.
"Guys," Spike said, "I see a light up ahead. Maybe we’re getting close to the castle, or another clearing."
"That's a nice theory, Spike," Pumpkin commented, "but, unless I'm mistaken, sunlight doesn't move."
The light was indeed moving. It was just two tiny specks of light, and they were now slowly circling the group. Then two more appeared, joining the ring. Then more and more until the little group was completely surrounded by lights. Then the smell became apparent; the putrid stench engulfed the band and left them all gagging in disgust.
"Is that...what Ah think it is?" Apple Bloom asked through her gagging, fear creeping into her voice.
A growl arose, and Apple Bloom’s suspicions were confirmed when out of the gloom stepped an animal made entirely out of plants.
"Timberwolves!" Sweetie Belle gasped and stumbled back.
The group was surrounded by a whole pack of timberwolves, snarling and barking at what looked to be their next meal.
Everyone backed up as far as they could and started quivering with terror. Everyone, that is, except Pound. The Pegasus bravely flew up to one of the Timberwolves, looked it squarely in the eyes...and bopped it on the nose before rolling over with laughter.
"Pound!" Spike called as the Timberwolf shook itself and stared at the laughing pony at its feet. "What are you doing? Get over here!"
"Oh guys," Pound said exasperated. "Don't you see?" Suddenly music started playing from somewhere and Pound started bouncing to the beat.
"When I was a little colt and the night would overtake," Pound sang.
"Is he...singing?" Spike asked, glancing at the wolves only a couple of yards away. They were just staring at the singing pony with as much confusion as his friends.
"The shadows and the monsters, they would always make me quake."
"Yes… yes he is," Pumpkin Cake reluctantly admitted.
"I'd hide with my dear sister from what we thought we saw. But Grandma Cake said that wasn't the way to deal with fears at all!"
"Then what is?" Scootaloo asked, only mildly interested in the answer.
"She said 'Twins! You got to stand up tall. Learn to face your fears! You'll see that they can't hurt you; just laugh and make them disappear.'" Then the Pegasus walked up to a couple of Timberwolves and laughed in their face.
The two Timberwolves looked at each other before turning and disappearing into the gloom.
You can expect that everyone was surprised. They all gasped as Pound continued his song and kept laughing at the Timberwolves. The rest of the gang soon joined in and one by one the beasts disappeared.
Pound ended the song with a rapid stream of words, "And tell that big dumb Timberwolf to take a hike and leave you alone and if he thinks he can scare you he's got another think coming so.....LAUGH!" Everyone was rolling on the ground by then, laughing will relief that that fright was over.
"How..." Spike asked through chuckles, "how did that even work?"
Pound had a dopey grin on his face and shook his head at Spike, "Oh you silly dragon, Timberwolves are attracted to fear. No fear equals no Timberwolves. And the best way to get rid of fear that I know of is to laugh." He paused for a moment. "That and baffle everyone with a random song. No one is scared when they're pleasantly confused or hear music."
"That's right! How could Ah forget such an important piece of info?" Apple Bloom said, slapping her forehead. She looked at the others’ confused faces and continued, "Not the song thing, the fact that Timberwolves can only smell two things through their own stench: Zap Apples, and fear."
"But, why did they just leave?" Sweetie asked. "Couldn't they see we were still there?"
Apple Bloom shrugged, "Ah guess if they don't smell the fear, they don't think we're prey. They're sorta dense like that."
"That makes sense," Scootaloo remarked. "I mean, prey would be afraid, and if we aren't afraid then we must not have a reason to be."
"When did you become so knowledgeable in animals?" Sweetie Belle asked her friend.
"Fluttershy, blame Fluttershy."
"Well," Spike took charge again. The remark about Fluttershy had reminded him of Twilight, and even with the five ponies with him, he was starting to miss her companionship. "We better get out of here and back home before anything else decides to attack us."
The others did not complain, and they were soon on their way again.
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Two known, 4 left unknown. Keep it up.
seriously Cerberus
shouldent he be oh i dont know GARDING TARTARIS!
1943966 he is A cerberus implying there is more then one
1939238 image fail
1617184>>1617339 Since this is a different take on the first episode you don't really need to include Shining Armor since he wasn't shoehorned in till the season 2 finale. And I know that's gonna cause some controversy, and I do like Shining Armor and Cadence, but I will forever feel they were shoehorned in and never given a proper buildup to their intros.
Spike is the only dragon in Cantorlot.
?
Huh, mistake in first line of the summary?
Let's read.
1944117 I don't think thats a mistake I think that's actually how he spells it. If you look Cantorlot is in here more than Canterlot
Thanks very much for getting this next chapter up so quickly. Great job, of course, on the exchanges, emotional content, action and future chapter set-up in all the right places. Here's another two ideas if you are interested:
1. For the "Laughter" test, Solar Flare can create illusions reflecting the worst fears of all six of her enemies and then summon a small army of real monsters of your choosing to attack said enemies while they are distracted by the individually tailored illusions (thus, the bearer of the Element of Laughter not only helps the others overcome the illusions by reminding them to laugh at the right moments, but also subdues the monsters with the aid of perfectly timed heckling and dance-style dodging [i.e. goading the monsters into getting mad enough to accidentally subdue each other]).
and 2. At the appropriate point, after Solar Flare grabs Spike and the Elements, she can surround the five ponies helping him in a massive circular wall of fire that they need to use teamwork to escape before they can find Spike and come to his aid.
Of course, if you don't like the ideas, I'll completely understand and profusely apologize for wasting your time. At any rate, I'll definitely be looking forward to more, but am quite willing to be patient.
Nice work, music soothes the savage beast.
MOAR
Nice change with the Cerberus. However, I felt that there was no build-up involving Sweetie Belle, as if she was just doing absolutely nothing up to the point she yelled. To be honest, the whole action scene itself seems a little flat and not very descriptive. Despite what a few have told you, it is actually better to take things at a slower pace than releasing chapter after chapter at a blazing speed.
C&Cs:
1) “It's going to be hard form them."
> ‘Form’ should be ‘for’.
2) It turned at snarled at them before charging.
> I think ‘at’ should be ‘and’. Also, it seems a little bland. How about this: It turned around, lowered its heads at them, and snarled before he charged.
3) It snareled at her and batted her aside.
> ‘Snareled’ should be ‘snarled’.
I knew Sweetie was going to be either kindness or generosity
I think it would be interesting if the fillies decided to follow anyway, and ended up becoming the Elements of Harmony just like in cannon. Then the plot would focus on the adults taking care of the fillies while they saved the world and stuff. It would give you an excuse to bring the fillies on all of the shows adventures, unless you have some other plan on including them in all of the show's adventures.
Oh dear...
Changing the monster from a manticore to a Cerberus doesn't make things different if you still play the fight mostly the same.
Canon fight goes: Rarity kicks monster, AJ gets on its back, then thrown off. Dash tries to make it dizzy, gets smacked down. Everyone charges, only for Fluttershy to jump in and show Kindness.
Your fight goes: Bloom kicks monster, Pound gets on its back and thrown off. Scootaloo tries to make it dizzy, gets smacked down. Spike tries a spell (which I'll add, you never hinted him having). Everyone charges only for Sweetie to jump in and show Kindness.
You added one bit to show Spike can do magic, which I'll grant isn't a bad way to show his talent. Adding a sentence or two to a fight doesn't make it different from the canon though.
Also, I'm with Masterdoom up there. In the show it's pretty heavily implied that there's only one Cerberus. And he's supposed to guard Tartarus which is probably quite far from Ponyville (and consequently, far from the Everfree.)
And the details... there's no action if you don't have any details in the story. Put some description in! Make us feel the impact when Applebloom kicks the dog in the face (and remember he has three of them!). What does Spike's spell that heats the air look like? How does he even cast the spell? Does he wave his hands or use his fire breath to channel the magic?
We can't see it if you don't tell us what it looks like. And at this point in your story, good descriptions are important.
Finally, Alternate Universe stories like this work best in broad strokes. The same basic set up (return of an ancient evil, Elements of Harmony needed to stop it), but different characters with different talents and personalities from the canon to save the day. Part of the excitement should be seeing how these new characters embody their elements in ways that differentiate from the canon.
That's all I've got to say really, and as always I hate to be harsh. This age swapping idea had a lot of potential, which caught my interest. But here... you're just not making anything really new.
1967210 I am adding up on my list of things I'm not good at and action scenes are on there now.
I REALLY need practice and I'm sorry that I didn't do it right. I just....sort of.....
Why can't I do this story right??!!
1969206
Hey, keep cool.
The first thing you should do is take your time with each chapter. Don't be in a rush to get it out. When you think you're done writing, read it over. Then send it to someone else to read and edit it. Then read it over again.
The more times you read it before posting, the more ways you'll find to improve it. It might mean putting out the chapters at a slower pace, but improved quality is worth it. That'll be a good place to start.
If it's getting on your nerves, here's some advice: Go back and find whatever chapters that may be causing the somewhat large writer's block (Assuming that's what's keeping this story from going any further) and delete or revise them.
When all else fails, blame Fluttershy.
FLUTTERSHY-
Never mind. Let's go blame Rainbow Dash.