The Book of Friendship

by BillyColt

Chapter 20

Chapter 20

Just what the fuck were you thinking? What, you thought it’d be fun if you ran off from the unit to beat up some snivelling little dirt? What made you think that piece of shit was even worth your time? Do you think you’re a tough guy, private? Do you think you’re enough of a hotshot to disobey orders? You were supposed to stay in my ranks, and what do you do?

You are not in this to have fun. You’re here to do what I say and kill dirt ponies, and you can’t even do that. Just what kind of miserable failure are you? How the fuck did you even live this long?

You’re a fucking waste as a soldier, you know that, private? Until you shape up, you know what you’re gonna be doing? You’re gonna do tornado duty!

Eagle couldn’t think of anything but General Storm’s words. He stood at the edge of the clouds, lethargically listening to the words coming from his new superior.

“Well, well,” said his captain, a cold steel blue stallion, “looks like you got yourself a new assignment, didn’t ya?” The captain watched Eagle. He had a scar running over his left eye that made him look like he was leering at something. “Not much to say, then?” he asked. “Embarrassed? You’d always made fun of Captain Tempest and his ponies, didn’t you? One notch above the non-fliers. Like we were flushing all the shit down the toilet?” He laughed. “Not so funny anymore, is it?”

Eagle took a nervous breath.

“Well, that’s okay. All of us have. Hell, I couldn’t get through the day if I couldn’t laugh at myself. So, what’s your name, private?”

“Eagle… sir,” he said, choking down his pride.

“Anything in particular got you saddled with our lot?”

“I, uh,” said Eagle, “I disobeyed orders. Went after a little chickenshit civvie.”

“Well, ain’t that a shame?” asked Tempest. “I’ll be honest with you: tornado duty isn’t nice, and it isn’t exciting. It’s a dangerous and menial job we do, but we do it, because it’s our job.”

“Understood, sir.”

“And you know something else, Private Eagle?”

Eagle flicked his ear.

“You’re probably feeling pretty damn low right now, aren’t you? Don’t like being on the level of the tornado cannon fodder. And you’re probably a little scared, too, aren’t ya?”

Eagle nodded.

“Well, being in here takes a lot of guts,” said Tempest. “You’re doing a job that’s very dangerous and offers you no rewards, except maybe a way out if you’re lucky. But you’re going to do that, aren’t you?”

“I don’t really have a choice, do I?”

“I suppose not,” said the captain. “You’re in some deep shit. We all are. But we can make it work, and we can survive. Just keep your head up and keep flying. Can you do that?”

“Yes, sir.”

___________

Eagle stood on the darkened clouds, in line with the other pegasi on tornado duty. All around on the Stormcloud, the pegasi were preparing for the attack. The last time this had happened, Eagle was excited. Now, however, he had a sinking pit in his stomach, not helped by the pegasus in front of him blathering:

“I know that those of you on tornado duty feel like you’re the butt of a big joke. This is not true. Your task is just as important as everypony else’s, and they’re all valuable.”

Shut up, Sky, I don’t care, he thought. The other soldiers next to him fidgeted or just stared down at the clouds. One pony next to him mumbled something disparaging. Eagle stifled a chuckle – they didn’t buy Brother Sky’s spiel any more than he did.

Crashes and bangs filled the air. Rows of pegasus soldiers stomped on the clouds, crashing lightning down onto the town below. Fainter bangs came from below.

Suddenly, the surface of the cloud was broken as cannonballs burst through. The ponies scrambled in panic, trying to avoid them.

“Hold your positions!” barked the general. A cannonball popped up in front of her and she batted it down with her hoof. She surveyed her soldiers with a look of disgust. Eagle knew that if there was one thing General Storm hated, it was a coward.

The soldiers tried to hold their positions, but they still fidgeted.

“I can’t hear any thunder!” called the general. “I want you to drown out their pussy cannonballs with the storm!”

The crashes of lightning and thunder resumed. The general approached the line of hapless tornado ponies. She sneered at the captain.

“Well,” she said, “I trust you can keep this line of pansies working? Or is that too much to ask from you?”

Tempest’s expression did not flinch. “We can do our job, sir. I think I’ve demonstrated that.”

“You’d better,” said Storm. She turned and went to another group of soldiers that were preparing to descend. Captain Tempest, meanwhile, turned to the ponies under his command.

“Alright, boys!” called Captain Tempest. “Time for us to get ready! Remember your jobs and look out for each other!”

___________

Brother White sat in the main room. It was dark, illuminated only by candles. Nopony had come save for Tap and Barrel. It was just the five of them in the mission house, there to wait out the storm.

The sounds of thunder and cannons roared outside, blending together in an indistinguishable cacophony. White sighed and stood up, walking into the kitchen.

Tap, Barrel, and Clip were seated around the table, while Scroll stood at the stove wearing a poofy chef’s hat. He hummed to himself as he slaved over a pot of boiling potato something.

“So,” said White, “how is everything?”

“Kinda boring,” said Barrel.

“Um...” said White, unsure of how to take that.

“Our house is gonna get destroyed again,” said Tap. “I know it is.”

“Well, it doesn’t have to be boring,” said White, “we can entertain ourselves!”

“Can we play games?” asked Clip.

“We sure can!” said Scroll. “The Book of Friendship has all kinds of things you can do in a rainstorm.” He turned around, beaming. “Like cooking!”

“And we can play games and sing songs!” suggested White.

There was a particularly loud crash outside, which caused Clip to jump onto the table and Barrel to let out a gasp. Everypony in the room was still for a while before they decided they were still safe. Barrel took a few breaths.

“When I was little,” said Barrel, “some other foals would sit on the roof and dump water on me.” He laughed at himself. “I’d think it was rain and start panicking.”

“Rain’s nothing to panic about,” said White. “Well... not in Equestria, anyway.”

“Do you ever worry about anything in Equestria?” asked Tap.

“Well, yeah,” said White, “I mean, sometimes we worry about being late, or upsetting someone, or losing, or getting hit by a wagon... just not rain. Unless there’s a lot of it. But we try to have a healthy amount of rain. It’s just a necessary part of life. We’ve got songs about it.”

“Lots of songs,” said Scroll.

“Oh, here we go...” muttered Tap.

There was a deafening crash of thunder from outside, making all the ponies look up at the ceiling in worry. White took a deep breath and began to sing.

“We will not mind the rain
Although the wind may blow
For rain, it washes clean the earth
And makes the good things grow.”

___________

Eagle and the pegasi on tornado duty stood in a wide circle on the Stormcloud. Most of the other soldiers present had descended beneath the clouds, though there were still a few lightning-strikers sending bolts down to the earth ponies.

The earth ponies, however, were still firing their cannons into the sky. An iron ball shot through the cloud, tearing off the head of the pony in front of Eagle.

“Fuck!” Eagle cried out in fright.

“Hold your positions!” called Tempest. “Get ready to fly!”

Eagle and the other pegasi spread their wings.

“Now!” called the captain. The pegasi took off flying. They all stayed on the same level, flying in a circle, slowly at first, but gradually picking up speed. Soon enough the whirring of the wind was able to drown out the roar of thunder and cannonfire.

“Now move in!” the captain ordered. The pegasi tightened their circle, moving in and compacting the swirling air.

“Now, move down!”

The soldiers began to spread vertically, descending beneath the clouds. The whirling air formed a violently churning funnel, touching down to the ground. The tornado was now in place, and the pegasus soldiers just needed to keep it going as long as they could. At first it was simple – they just needed to keep flying. However...

“Incoming!” called one of the soldiers.

Eagle’s eyes widened as he looked below. The buildings were splintering against the force of the winds, but now the tornado was carrying the debris up to them.

___________

“Alright, soup’s on!” said Scroll as he set plates of potatoes in front of each of the ponies at the table.

“It doesn’t look like soup...” said Clip.

“It’s an expression,” said Tap.

“Ohh...” said Clip.

“Thought I’d try something with sea salt,” said Scroll. “That just makes it sound more exotic – ‘sea salt.’”

“What, you boil the sea water?” asked Barrel. “We do that sometimes if we run out of salt rations.”

“Yeah, I–” Scroll stopped.

“You what?” asked White.

“White, how do I get sea salt?” he asked.

“Huh?”

“How do I get sea salt?” Scroll asked, punctuating the last words with a shake of his plate.

“By...” White said, not understanding what Scroll was getting at, “boiling sea water?”

Tap sighed. “Can I have my potatoes now, or are you going to tell us how you peeled them?”

“Nononononono,” said Scroll. “I mean, I can boil the water to get the salt, so I can...” he walked off. “One moment! I need pipes!”

“I want my potatoes...”

Barrel watched Scroll as he left the kitchen. “Pipes? What’s he need those for?”

“Science, I think,” said White.

There was a sound of clanking and shuffling from the adjacent room. White and Tap decided they wanted to see what he was up to – Tap also wanted her potatoes – and followed him into the main room. They found that Scroll had thrown open the supply cupboard and was examining several lengths of tube.

“Did I miss something?” asked Tap.

“I got an incredible idea,” said Scroll. He turned to the other two. “Okay, so I can boil water to get the salt. Sooo, why not boil the water... to get the water? Like, I boil it, then condense the steam so that we have fresh water?”

White’s face lit up. “That’s a great idea, Scroll!”

“Huh,” said Tap. “So, what, you get all the steam into a tube, and...”

“Yeah!” said Scroll. “We just boil the water on a stove, and then we put the steam through a tube and and then when it cools down we have water!”

“Aaaaand how much water will you get with that?” asked Tap.

“Well...” Scroll’s smile twitched a little. “We just need a big bucket and some time. And maybe another stove.”

___________

Eagle very quickly realized why tornado duty was an awful job. In addition to being nearly brainless, menial work, there was the risk that even doing the job right could have fatal results. He dipped under a beam flying his way, weaving in and out between the debris.

As houses shattered against the wind, the beams, doors, bedframes, tables, chairs, utensils, and nick-knacks contained therein became obstacles for the pegasi to dodge. Eagle narrowly managed to avoid being impaled on a wooden beam.

The other ponies around him attempted to do the same, with various levels of success. One soldier nimbly ran across a broken rooftop. Another had an anvil smash his face in.

Eagle’s face was stiff in fear. When he first went down to fight he had been excited. Now he was locked in a circle of death. He looked up and saw Captain Tempest. Tempest didn’t display any signs of fear, and rather than avoiding the flying hazards, he was heading right for them.

Eagle had no idea what he was up to at first. He’s got to be an idiot, he thought, maybe that’s why he’s stuck here. But he saw that the captain was bucking the rubble off to the sides of the vortex. Eagle had to think for a moment before he realized what the captain was doing: he was getting the debris ejected from the tornado so that it wouldn’t hurt the pegasi inside.

Something stirred in that brain of his, and Eagle decided that he’d try to do it, too. Unfortunately, when he looked in front of him he found a wardrobe hurling towards him. The wardrobe’s doors flapped open and Eagle was swallowed up before he had a chance to blink.

___________

The missionaries had conspired to do improvisation to pass the time. Clip and the guests were unfamiliar with the activity, so the Brothers had to demonstrate.

The premise: Brother White is the tenant in an apartment. Brother Scroll is the landlord, and he is knocking on the door.

“Hey,” said Brother Scroll, “the rent’s overdue.”

“Eheheheheh...” Brother White chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. “Yeah, I’m sorry, I’m just a little behind on the payment...”

“And how much more behind are you gonna get?” Scroll asked.

“Well, it’s just gonna be a while, but I’ll pay, I swear...”

“Swearing isn’t good enough!” said Scroll. “The rent is due. You either give me the money or you get out! Well...” he paused, “maybe if you can devise some other method of payment I could reconsider...”

Clip, Barrel, and Tap watched, with varying expressions. Clip was nervously chewing on his hooves, anxiously awaiting to see what would happen next. Will White be able to pay the rent? he wondered.

Barrel grimaced and shifted nervously in his seat. I’m not sure what I’m watching, and I don’t think I like it...

Tap’s face, however, was plastered with an eager grin. Go ooooooonn...

There was a loud crash as a cannonball smashed through the room, interrupting the Brothers’ terrible roleplay. All five ponies jumped at the crash.

White looked at the cannonball and the crater it made in the floor. “Well,” he said, “we’ll have to fix that.” He stuck his hoof under the hole, feeling the rain as it fell. “On the other hoof, this also means natural lighting...” he muttered, “That’s one way of looking at it.”

Tap rolled her eyes.

The ground shook, causing the five ponies to stumble. There was an unsettling creaking sound from ceiling, now that the cannonball had knocked a hole in it.

“I say we fix it,” said Scroll.

“Yeah...” muttered White.

___________

Eagle was cramped inside a flying wardrobe, tumbling over and over. Eagle cussed, trying to right himself even as he kept hitting his head on the walls. After fumbling in the dark, he finally managed to feel for the doors. He forced them open, pushing against the wind. He muttered to himself, reading to fly back out, when he heard a dull thunk. He looked to the right and found a metal disc embedded in the edge of the door. He looked up and saw more discs flying through the air as the pegasi tried to dodge them.

Eagle stayed sitting in the wardrobe, hesitant to emerge. He watched in disgust as one disc slashed the neck of a soldier, who struggled to put his hooves to his neck in a vain attempt to stop the gushing of blood. He saw another disc sever the foreleg of another soldier. The dead hung eerily in the air, pulled only by the wind.

“Private!” he heard a voice call. “This is no time to play hide-and-seek!”

Eagle looked up and saw Captain Tempest. “Sorry, sir!” he responded.

“We need to keep flying!” Captain Tempest swung an iron-shoed hoof, knocking away one of the discs. “If we don’t keep flying then the tornado’ll stop!”

Eagle opened his mouth to object, but another disc came and severed Tempest’s wing at the joint.

“Argh!” cried the captain as he fell to join Eagle in the wardrobe. “Fuck...” he looked at the stub. “Well, there the fuck I go.”

“Shit...” said Eagle. “Oh, shit shit shit.”

“Don’t stand there blubbering, get out there and fly!”

Eagle was too startled to argue and bolted back out into the tornado. There were less pegasi – some had been killed or maimed by the discs and rubble, while others had bailed. Eagle struggled to keep the wind going fast enough to sustain the tornado. His fright made him quicker at avoiding the deadly obstacles.

However, he saw that the wardrobe was drifting uncomfortably away. He realized that if it kept going, it’d soon be thrown from the tornado with the captain still inside. He wasn’t going to let that happen. Eagle flew back to the closet, pushing it back into the tornado, much to the consternation of its occupant.

“Hey! What are you doing?” the captain demanded to know. “You need to keep the tornado going!”

Eagle didn’t say anything – for some reason, he just didn’t want the captain to get killed. However, there was a piercing pain as a disc slashed his side. He instinctively grabbed onto the wardrobe pulled his wings to his side, trying to stem the flow of blood. He clenched his eyes shut, holding on for dear life as his blood dampened his wing.

Oh, fuck, he thought, I’m in a tornado, and I’m gonna die... He felt a hoof on his.
“Can you still hold on?” asked the captain.

Eagle paused. “Yes, sir,” he said.

“Then take my hoof. That’s an order.”

Eagle gripped the Captain’s hoof. Before he could wonder what the captain was going to do, he found himself falling through the air. Captain Tempest had jumped from the tornado, beating his one good wing.

“What are you doing?!” Eagle cried.

“Getting us out of here!”

Miraculously, the captain managed to beat his one wing enough to break through the wall of the tornado. However, he couldn’t properly fly with only one wing, and they began to fall. Tempest, however, spread his wing and it managed to catch the air, allowing them to slowly fall, spinning in the air like a leaf.

They fell down into an alley with a thud. Eagle sprawled on the ground, but Tempest got to his feet and pulled a pistol out of his holster. The alley was littered with garbage and rubble, ranging from broken wagons to chunks of destroyed buildings. The captain remained vigilant and alert.

“Get your gun out,” said the captain. “Can you walk?”

Eagle scrambled to his feet. All he could think was how miserable it was to be in this filthy dirt pony town with a gaping wound at his side. He followed the captain’s lead and took out his own gun, just a simple pistol that they gave to the ponies on tornado duty. He looked up at the tornado, which was beginning to sputter away. He looked back at the wound on his side – it was still bleeding, but it didn’t seem to be as deep as he had first thought.

“I think so, sir,” said the private.

“Well, we have to get moving. We’re not out yet. There’s still a battle going on.”

They headed down the alleyway, their guns drawn. Captain Tempest was fully alert, as though completely unfazed at the loss of a wing. Eagle’s will was not quite as strong, but he had to wonder what would happen to the captain if they survived this. Would he be welcome back on the cloud?

“Over here!” shouted a voice. “Two of them!”

Eagle and Tempest turned and found an earth pony soldier standing in a doorway readying his gun. Tempest immediately reacted and fired two shots into the soldier’s heart, killing him.

There was a sound of shouting from inside.

“They found us,” said Tempest, preparing his gun. Eagle did the same. Eagle found that his initial fear was subsiding into a different feeling – excitement.

The sounds of hoofsteps signalled the arrival of more troops. Both of the pegasi backed up behind some scattered debris – Tempest behind a broken fruit stand, Eagle behind a piece of roof – keeping their guns trained on the doorway. One soldier came into the doorway, and both ponies opened fire, killing him almost instantly. The next soldier was more intelligent. He waited behind the door and only stuck his head out to shoot at Eagle. Eagle ducked behind his cover as the bullet lodged itself in the wood, while Tempest returned fire. The soldier ducked out of the way as another replaced him and opened fire.

Tempest didn’t move from his spot. He stood firm, shooting when he saw an earth pony soldier stick his head out of the doorway. Eagle stuck his head out from cover and fired, miraculously hitting one of the enemy soldiers in the jaw. The soldier let out a scream of pain and dropped the gun before disappearing behind the door. The other soldier replaced him, opening fire on Eagle. The bullet grazed his shoulder and he dropped back behind his cover again. Tempest followed up with one more shot and hit the enemy soldier between the eyes.

Eagle and Tempest sat there behind the cover, waiting. The earth pony soldiers, however, seemed to have been neutralized, and the only sounds of battle were far away from them. Cautiously, Eagle reloaded his revolver and stepped out from behind his cover. He slowly approached the doorway before peering inside. There were the dead bodies of the soldiers, along with one who was still alive. The wounded soldier was lying on the floor, clutching at his muzzle and whimpering. Eagle smiled.

“Yeah, you like that, didn’t you?” he asked. “See how you like this!” He kicked at the soldier’s stomach, making him cringe and try to crawl away. “Come on, you little bitch!” He kicked again.

Eagle stood there, watching the wounded soldier squirm. “Oh, fuck this...” he grumbled. He bent down to pick up his gun, before firing a shot into the soldier’s head, killing him. He stood there, looking at the dead bodies. He heard the cannons and thunder in the distance and looked around. No more soldiers. Then he noticed that Tempest wasn’t with him.

He ran back outside and saw that Captain Tempest was still there. He was standing, but he was slowly walking over to the wall, his legs shaking. Eagle slowly approached him before he saw that Tempest’s chest had three bulletholes and was caked in blood. The captain leaned against the wall, sighed, and slowly slumped to the floor.

“Woah, woah!” said Eagle, running up to him.

“Least it wasn’t tornado duty that killed me,” said the captain. “Well, guess it helped. Lost my wing. A soldier isn’t much good if he’s missing a wing, now, is he?”

“Dude, that was badass.”

Captain Tempest looked back up at Eagle.

“Not like the big wind toilet, huh? Not laughing anymore?”

“It’s a lot less funny now.”

“That’s what they all say. You know what my greatest ambition was?” The captain smiled. “To get a blowjob from the general.”

Eagle laughed. “Same here.”

“Well, get out of here and maybe you’ll get it.”

“But...”

“Yeah, I’m kinda dead,” said the captain, laying his head down. Eagle stood there, unsure of what to do. “That’s an order.”

Eagle ran off, leaving his captain in the mud. Captain Tempest looked up at the the sky and thought to himself how surprisingly nice the rain felt.

___________

Once the storm had subsided and the pegasus army had left, Tap and Barrel left in a hurry to find that their tavern had, once again, been destroyed.

“The sign’s alright, though,” said Barrel, shuffling through a few planks until he found one that had Tap’s written on it in big letters.

White and Scroll surveyed the wreckage. Yet again, homes were left in shambles, ponies were dead, and the missionaries couldn’t do anything about it.

“This is awful...” said White.

“I think that tornado really did a number on the town,” said Scroll.

“Yeah...” murmured White. “The tornadoes...” His mind went back to the disc launcher that he had so haughtily dumped off of the edge of the dock.

“I’m just suggesting that maybe if you two butt-munchers really want to help, then here’s something you can do. So the next time the wingers come here, and they send down a tornado, then use this. Who knows, maybe you two useless fucking fags could save a few of our lives.”

He saw the general making his rounds through the town. He watched, and he realized that he must have looked like he was staring, because Quake stopped and glared at him.

“Well?” asked General Quake. “What the fuck do you want?”

“I-uh...” White stammered. “It’s nothing. I just need to go...”

“White?” asked Scroll. “Are you okay?”

“I-I...” White said. “I don’t know... I need to think about something.” He took a breath. “I’m gonna go back to the mission house and take care of Clip. You stay here and see if Tap and Barrel need any help.”

Scroll watched in confusion as White slowly trudged back up the road to the mission house. Scroll, dutiful friend that he aspired to be, followed.

“White, wait, if there’s something you nee–”

“Scroll, I don’t need anything!” White snapped. Scroll stopped dead in his tracks. “I... I’m sorry, I need to be alone.” He turned and galloped back to the mission house as quickly as he could, leaving Scroll alone and bewildered.

Comments

[Several Alpacas]

yummy chappy

[Fley_The_Dragon]

Is something good going to happen with Eagle I hope? We need more friendship in here.

[Chatoyance]

Wow, dark. And kinda dead. A whole lotta killin.

[Cloudhammer]

Really curious to see who finds Tempest first

[Happy Thoughts]

MOAR!!! Why do we have to wait for the next chapter? This story is too good!!! Could you shorten the waiting time a bit?
MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR!!!

[poisonousgolem]

awsome.....

[littlerobotbird]

Well, got through another 5 chapters... finally.
Still a tad draggy... I dunno. Think I'm waiting for a major plotline to crop up so that this stops just being "The Misadventures of Scroll and White: Now with 20% more Gay Jokes" (well... that's harsher than I really mean to be, but gawddamn is there a lot of those gags sometimes).
Not bad though. Just want a substantial story arc.
~Lammy

[PeachClover]

Error found in chapter 20: "steam through a tub" (supposed to be tube).