• Member Since 27th Jul, 2011
  • offline last seen June 20th

MetalGearSamus


No bio here. Just a box.


T

In an isolated region near the southeastern coast of post-apocalyptic Equestria, a single Changeling has awoken. Unprepared and unaided except for an unknown voice in his head, he must survive the Wasteland’s horrors and find love in a land filled with hate.

This fanfiction is based on the fanfiction "Fallout Equestria," by Kkat, which can be found on Equestria Daily.

Chapters (12)
Comments ( 115 )

this is a first, never seen a changeling as the protagonist in a FoE story so im definitely watching this

Interesting... :moustache:

Obligatory "because we needed another one" comment here.

fluttershy.pl/moon/src/1359726938363.jpeg

Definitely an interesting premise. I will be following this one.

I'm gona watch this just to see if you can make your main character a hero or not. Or were you planing to write a story from a villians point of veiw?

Very orginal, I wanted to write something like this. I look forward to more.

Changeling in the wasteland..... Freaking love it. Just sayin.
But anyways, onto more "professional" praises. The writing is nice and fluid and I really enjoy the mystery element given to it from not only the fact that he's the only changeling he knows but the voice that talks to him as well.
I can't wait to see how it develops further, especially with the pip buck being able to ferret out a changeling's intentions when they are under the guise of another pony.
Keep up the great work! :heart: :pinkiecrazy:

Hmm another fallout equestria with changeling as main hero huh
but i need to say that one is quite well written. At least something what resemble real fallout world fell not like rest of fics what is totally based on bethecrap failout and throw everything in without good introduction first.

Awesome! Damn, I like it! It's would be better if you pointed out in description, what it's taking place after FoE. Cuz it's really good detail.
PipBuck works through Changeling's disguise or something? Sorry, It's bullshit. I belive it's needs special magic\ sceaners\ dna test to detect changeling.
You are not first with idea of changeling protagonist in FoE. Main character like that allows you to use so many possible plot twists. And right now I damn like how you dealt with it. :twilightsmile:

2229150 :rainbowderp:
Uh, it's not taking place after FO:E. The sky's still completely covered. I made very sure to point that out.

2232084
No? So, what the **** is NC then? Damn. :facehoof: Okay, then write how many times after 'End of the world' is it?. I hope it's in the similar time as FoE or little before. Also, I hope, you will make story as friendly to cannon as possible. :twilightsmile:

for some reason i like fallout stories with changlings in it

>Prologue
The first line and a half is excellent, but the sudden transition into "And then the ponies and zebras died" is a little too sudden.

For example.
>Every nation that falls is a people destroyed, and at the end of the war between Ponies and Zebras the people of Equestria were nearly annihilated.

Right after 'destroyed' threw me off a little. I would maybe expand on this a little, instead of jumping straight to "And all of Equestria died", maybe expand on how BOTH civilizations were destroyed.

Another jarring bit, you jump from that with the bridge of 'Not all people were so lucky"

I would use the basis of 'nations' you have established before to bridge these two paragraphs.

For example, speak of how both the pony nation and Zebra nation were destroyed and trudged through hundreds of years of death and decay.

Then, to bridge, say "But they were the lucky ones" (except less cheesy).

This is a much more jarring thing to the reader after the horror you just spelt out for the ponies and zebras, and bridges along nicely to an explanation of what happened to the Changeling Nation/Empire.

Overall, good, but it wouldn't hurt to meat it up a bit. Fallout Equestria fics are criticized for dragging out their prose, but don't be afraid to expand a bit, especially when building upon a nuclear holocaust.

But like I said, so far so good. Nothing bad. And believe me, I've read bad.

>Chapter 1
Prose is a bit iffy, but this is normal for beginning chapters. If you go on and find your prose improving drastically, think of returning here and seeing if you can touch up on any weak areas.

>Chapter 1
Prose is a bit iffy, but this is normal for beginning chapters. If you go on and find your prose improving drastically, think of returning here and seeing if you can touch up on any weak areas.

>Queens ramblings

I quite like this idea. The text dump of it, I'm not so sure. I would almost say just break up the whole thing and have it playing in the background of his head as he wanders into the new world below.


>and we know their habits and moods; and by the end of a week we have ensnared their lover!

The words of the Queen swept into my mind. Unfortunately, I knew, they were a bit of an exaggeration, especially now that I was alone and starving.


Like this was great, though I'm not sure what I think of a changeling drone doubting their queen's words. I guess you want to stray from making the MC a bit of an uninteresting mindless pawn, but to be honest... I was almost HOPING there would be some of this in the writing. Would definitely help stray him from a regular main character.

Good job continuously reinforcing how he's driven by instinct (contradicting my point a little above, heh). Helps paint him more of a weak animal scavenger, which was awesome to read.

Well done overall. Can't really say what I would want you to do/build off of from this chapter as I need to read the other two before such a thing is possible.

That's good chapter, dude! Changeling's life a intresting. :pinkiehappy:

It's not a very good idea to have a prologue this short with nothing else. Should have been a part of the first chapter.

Well. I'ma follow this, even if it was a shock to me. I mean...I'm writing a FO:E fic of my own, and...well. Same name...heh. Quite a shock :twilightsheepish: I mean...doesn't bug me, just surpised. I bet this will be good :3 The fic, I mean. Changelings are fun~ :pinkiehappy:

I agree with 2229150 about the Pipbuck. I see the Changelings as akin to the Android you meet in Fallout 3. Your Pipboy doesn't tell you he's an Android, you have to figure out who he is on your own.

I'm liking this. It would use a but more proof-reading but it's good. Nice original premise and all. My only qualms are with the "NC's" seeing as this is pre-littlepip and NCR-type groups are becoming a cliche in FO:E sidefics now. It's alright though.

This is one of the most interesting side-stories I've seen in a while, and very well-written too. I enjoyed these first few chapters a hell of a lot, and I'm really looking forward to where it goes from here. :pinkiehappy:

...I'm also feeling rather anxious, as you haven't seemed to have updated in over two months. This fic is still being written, right? I'd be really disappointed if it wasn't...

2687234
Yes, it is still being written. I've just been very busy with school and a little stuck with writer's block, but don't worry. I expect to get the next part out by the end of this month at the latest. After that things should speed up a bit.

So lets begin reading this story. There are to few changelings in the wasteland, so always nice to meet a new one.

As Half-a-Yolk said, this is way way to short. A good prologue are minimum 500 words long, just enough to actually say something but not beginning to drag out. Another important thing is to hook your reader, to throw something out to us that are different from all the other stories. To show us what makes your story special. Sure you have a changeling, and say that, but the way that you say it make it sound like a fact. That your main character just is there instead of making it personal and us the readers curios.

I would say re do it all. Sit down and think over what there makes your piece of the wasteland into yours and not others, and then write this again.

Very, very good. :twilightsmile:
I was beginning to think the story was discontinued, and I'm glad I was proven wrong. :pinkiehappy:
Keep rocking on. :heart:

Kindly,
~Sinrar

I think making those inside heads dialogue smaller size + italic would be better than just italic

Oh this is looking good

2905794 Why? Just italics looks fine to me.

I'm disappointed that this story isn't nearly as popular as it should be, because it's great! Nice chapter, and keep up the good work! :pinkiehappy:

Awesome! I like this changeling! Also I like your version of Hive life. Rare females, that can become new queens. Oh, yes. :pinkiehappy:

Well Garlic got what he deserved and I like the ghoul, the mute. Good chapter again, :yay:

Allies assemble! Looks like our channeling friend has found some ponies who don't instinctively hate him. This is going to be interesting, I see that the plot's moving along nicely...

Great chapter! Keep it up!

Is [protagonist]/Rolling Stone a thing that's actually happening? Really interested in that, and I'd rather know that it's at least going to be ambiguous from here on out...

Awesome! Changeling, mute, ghoul... Now we need crasy alicorn, and hellhound who grew up in a herd of sheep. :pinkiecrazy: That would be party. :pinkiehappy:

I hope he finds a way to get out of the collar again and good chapter again :yay:

I maintain that this is the single most underrated FO:E fic out there. It's almost depressing how little attention this story gets.
Another great chapter! Looking forward to the next! :pinkiehappy:

Equestira

*Equestria

new law or something be we

*but
Definitely needs some proofreading/betaing, but it's pretty good so far.

I could only disguise as ponies who were alive.

Erm, what about Tumbleweed, then? He's still alive after being abandoned out in the wastes with multiple broken bones? Or can he only continue using a dead pony's shape if he changed into them right as they died?

Don’t disuse as him!

*disguise

I disguised as Boysenberry.

Amusingly, my inner grammar nazi is torn. If we weren't talking about a changeling, I would think you had accidentally a word, but the shapeshifting abilities make the sentance work as written even though it feels a little awkward.

I had almost leap on

*leaped

Mindlessness has once face.”

*one

irrelivent

*irrelevant

expression giving a huating edge

*haunting

might be a good thibg to look into

*thing

I don't have editors

You might want to fix that. This is a good fic, and having someone to catch your spelling mistakes can only make it better.

Good luck, little monster. :raritywink:

3399548
Thanks so much for the compliment. I do wish it got more views, but I'm just really glad that those who do read it like it so much. And I'm looking forward to the next chapter too. I've been wanting to write its scenes for a long time.


3416432
Heh, thanks for all the help. You wouldn't be interested in being a pre-reader/editor, by chance? :twilightblush: It probably wouldn't take up much more of your time than reading it normally would. PM if you are interested, but otherwise thanks, and I hope you enjoy the rest of this story when it comes.

Just found this wandering around, and this. . . this is awesome.

Off the "read later" and onto "favorites" with this one :raritystarry:

Wonder what their opinion of Changelings is

Oi pony eating :fluttershbad:

"You follow me out and either help me fight them or distract them so I can take them from behind."

Yeah, take them from behind! :trollestia:

Ah, the ever-shifting loyalties of Wastelanders. You don't get to see that very often, so this was a fun chapter. Even though Tumbleweed is one of the "bad guys", he had a lot more reason to hate Worker than vice-versa, and yet he teamed up with him anyway. Nice to see these characters not just being one-note generic slavers.

Oh yeah, right: We finally have a name for our protagonist! "Worker"!
...The guy isn't very creative, is he?

The speed of this update was pretty awesome. I don't expect you to write this quickly for future chapters, but it was a very nice and unexpected treat to get the email saying this had updated. Keep up the good work!

Good chapter bla bla! :ajsmug: Pony eating are awesome! :pinkiehappy: Nicely written shit! :rainbowkiss: Moar! :rainbowwild:

I like what you're doing so far here. The learning style of our friend here is very nice, love the whole hereditary memory thing he's got going. At least I think that's what it is, could just be old memories though, since I have a feeling he was around during wartime.

Either way, great start, I look forward to seeing what happens with "Tumble".

Interesting! I look forward to see where this is going.
As Camo said, the learning experience is a very nice take on how a changeling would be after so long in slumber, and a very nice take on how he comes to find himself in the wasteland too.
Definitely going to give this a proper read (not that I was skimming this chapter, I just mean read the rest of it.)
Sorry I don't have a lot to say!

Wait wait wait... New Canterlot? I mean, unless you mean this is post-pip with the New Canterlot Republic... but then you also mention Red Eye as if he's still around.
Doesn't make any sense to me. I mean, I know that the sky is all cloud covered and you said that to Regolit, but yeah, that's a (semi) big matter of confusion that personally, I think you should've tried to avoid.
New Canterlot is a canon group spawned from the end of the original, so you understand the issue here, yeah?

Oh fucking brutal killing with the fangs, I like it! Mind you, this is coming from someone who happily writes about a manticore eating ponies in defence of her master, so I don't know if its a good thing to listen to me.

The fact that our protagonist was supposedly red on the PipBuck confuses me, but hey, the pony could've been lying. Still, such are things.
Definitely a good read so far!

Pretty brutal raider scene. You love getting downright harsh, don't you?
Seeing Bulbs is pretty cool. Interesting backstory on Chard by the way.
The thief is someone we'll see again, I'm sure. Perhaps our protagonist will find him in the short future and tackle him or something, give back the silencer?
Oh, and interesting goings on with the whole NC and SR situations.
I wonder if sleeping undisgused will cause any issues...

Good chapter, really enjoying this. May or may not continue onto the next chapter right now. I'll decide in a sec. Also, sorry there's not a huge amount of discussion from me on lots of things, I simply don't have a lot to say.
You're doing good though.

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