The Cutie Mark Crusaders are all grown up but Scootaloo still doesn't have a cutie mark and still can't fly. For the time being she is living with Sweetie Belle and bringing home the bits by competing in the Equestrian Freestyle Motocross Tour. Things get complicated when Sweetie Belle reveals her romantic interests in Scootaloo. On top of this, Scootaloo is becoming more obsessed with the sensation of falling. As the pair searches for the answers behind Scoot's borderline-suicidal tendencies, they begin to uncover secrets that threaten the well-being of all of Equestria!
Chapters (5)
Oh lord. This.
Yesh.
I like...I like allot!
I'm totally tracking this!
This is really good!
Scootaloo is best pony, especially when she's in a sad story . . .
Well, I can not say that this is quite good. You swear enough in this to kill a Mormon, and Rainbow seems out of character in her speaking terms. Plus you have many grammar and punctuation issues throughout the story.
1605472
Sorry if the swearing detracts from the story. I'll admit it might be a bit uncalled for (maybe).
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1605732
I lol'ed thoroughly
Concept as you describe it: great. It brought me here, didn't it?
Execution... I don't know. Your control over your own prose is weak, and you've got some problems with punctuation and mechanics.
So... I think you have a good story in here, but there's a lot of marble to be chipped away still.
1606059
This is going to be an uphill battle against the English Language... I appreciate the honesty.
A few spelling mistakes here and there, not too many grammatical ones. The cussing did distract from the story—the F bomb can easily be replaced. And I feel like I stepped into the middle of a story towards the end. The beginning was great, but towards the end it deteriorated. Still, have a fave and a thumb, I'm looking forward to more.
Get an editor, fast. The idea for a story is interesting but you need to correct your grammar and spelling first. As for the f-bomb...That's up to you but personally I don't think it adds anything to the story.
I'm not really into the whole scootalooxsweetie but I'm interested a lot in the rest.
Poor Scootaloo, unable to fly.
Um, you should try to clarify further whether Scootaloo actually likes Sweetie Belle or just feels bad for her. Preferably before you go much further down the road. I've seen a handful of stories with romance intros like this and it just feels like people slam their intended romance in without first addressing whether both ponies really do like each other or not. Asking whether it's okay to like someone isn't quite the same as saying you like them, but feel like you're not supposed to. The encounter with Rainbow Dash does help, but it's not enough yet. Also, if you want Scootaloo to be *thick*, as in oblivious to certain things in life, you should use that more often so it becomes believable as opposed to a quick excuse for a character not seeing what right in front of them.
1606649
Given the description of her wings, I think the psychiatrist (or whatever the unicorn was) is right. It's a psychological issue of some kind.
I agree that's unfortunate.
Oh... My... God...
This is so... Fantastic.
Wonderful job with this! I just simply don't know the right words to tell you how much I am enthralled with this magnificent piece!!
Well, shipping, particularly involving the fillies and colts of the show, isn't my favorite aspect of the fandom. But amazingly original concept─As far as I know─and them not being foals makes this worth a look. I will be back with a proper review tomorrow. Right now real life is beckoning; homework is sadly a trump card that pastel ponies cannot beat.
1606739
The next chapter helps clarify, but I think you are right in saying that there needs to be more development before that happens. The pacing is fast and it does kind of mash them together I think, but I felt like this needed to happen before I could move on to the main story.
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Really good. I can't wait for more, great job.
Devils used to be Gods,
Angels that fell from the top.
There's no diversity,
because we're burning in the melting pot.
I KNEW this was an Immortal Technique reference! +1
awesome. dash feels a little out of character but everything else is good. also, apparently equestria has fmx.
1607494
It is from the song "Dance with the Devil" by Immortal Technique. I highly recommend it although it is very vulgar.
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Needs a good but of editing, but I like it. You might want to clean up the Scoot's dialogue a little before you release the next chapter. I can understand that you want to convey that she's a little flustered at the situation between her and Sweetie, but it seems a little thrown together.
Ey yo. Imma make a deal wich u, k? K. Here's how's its gonna go done, aight? You gunna make note chapters, and I, am going to read them. K? K.
1610756
Could you define a note chapter for me?
This is simply amazing... Thes storyline is awesome a scoot is totally on cue in the eyes of what she will be like as an adult (Twi's age) please write a second chapter so I can keep the story going.
Great story, but the swearing is kinda unnecessary. Still awaiting for future updates, though! Keep up the good work!
1612259
Life is kinda busy at the moment. I'm thinking within a week I will have the next chapter out.
1610967 Oops, i ment "Mo'"
words fail me
KEEP IT COMING!!!!!!!!
Absolutely FANTASTIC!!!!! I felt like I was in the stadium, watching with growing attentiveness, as first Sterling, then Scoots performed, ending with one HELLUVA cliffhanger!
1626029
that is good to hear
Great work! These chapters are coming out quick too, which is awesome.
Awesome chapter! Can't wait for the next one!
This chapter was so epic I had to,
Face. Melt.
Its ALIVE! Welcome back by the way.
Mmmkay. I'm curious.
Think I'll be a tracking this gem of a story.
~Skeeter The Lurker
Get update notification...
oh my this is a beautiful story and I'll read more when there are updates.
2972932
I'm glad yall still care !!!
I almost sang along as I read this. Keep it up, man.
Shit... That cliffhanger... You evil bastard.
~Skeeter The Lurker
Hah... Sweetie certainly took aim at Rarity, yeah?
~Skeeter The Lurker
Hmmm.
Nice song choice. It's quite fitting.
~Skeeter The Lurker
2987239
Wow, now you really are everywhere!
One of the first fics I've ever, ever read on this site, back when I first became a brony, has returned...
..it's been a long eight months...
2988299
I am glad you approve thus far