• Member Since 14th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen Sunday


"Art forms that appeal to modern leftish intellectuals tend to focus on sordidness, defeat and despair, or else they take an orgiastic tone, throwing off rational control ..."


After conquering yet another ancient evil, Twilight returns to her library. There, she encounters the ghost of King Sombra, who delivers a terrible warning about the dangers of helping emopones.

A touching, heartfelt tragedy, except it was written by Fiddlebottoms, so it is not.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 39 )

Good thing the store's open late. For some reason, I just realized how much I need a Friendship Express

Spike for the win.

Nope, sorry Twilight. There is no escape. History is going to repeat itself now, and you're just going to have to live with it.


I'm going to go back to crying now.

Thanks. A bunch of personal stuff has been going on this week, so I didn't have editing time for this one.
Also, you're the best critic on repetitions, so was Sombra's too much? I wanted to give him a verbal tic (like "once more"), but couldn't decide on one. Right now, he just gets a new phrase every couple paragraphs and runs it into the ground.

Sombra gets a 1% royalty on all sales of the Friendship Express. Please purchase one, he needs to buy the rest of his metal shirt.



I love you, Fiddlebottoms.

Ok, now that' I've read this story, allow me to revise my previous statement.

I'm IN love with you, Fiddlebottoms.

Even when you're writing comedic parodies, you still have that touch of a madman's jester. I applaud you, Champagne of Shame.

Oh so that's what happened to treetrunks. this is now my combined MLP adventure time head-cannon.

When I started writing this, the first thing I thought of was "Zero," (specifically, the part about "I'm in love with my sadness. Bullshit fakers, enchanted kingdoms") for the Crystal Ponies. But the story is mostly about Sombra, and I think the melodramatic martyrdom of "Bullet with Butterfly Wings" fits him better.
Plus, "Despite all my rage, I'm still just a rat in a cage," is just so ... :rainbowkiss:


I'm IN love with you, Fiddlebottoms.

No gay stuff, though. Well, unless you want to.

Crystal Ponies ... Crystal Dimension. Made sense to me.
I'd have to side with the Crystal Ponies on Tree Trunks, though. Episodes with her are like seeing your grandmother in a strip club.

But Tonight Tonight... so melodic. :rainbowkiss:
XYU has dat unbridled rage.
1979 is pretty decent too. The whole album... gold.

And maybe some gay stuff. But only a little.

“Oooh, Spike,” she called upstairs, “there’s a visitor requesting the savior of the Crystal Empire!”

:rainbowlaugh: that was funny.

This story kind of reminds me of Tom The Rock...



I like this story a whole lot. Have a dollar.

I don't have a dollar, go find one.

Sorry Twilight, your plan won't work because Spike is underage so he can't buy the beer.

Some spiteful part of her brain smiled at the idea that, even though he was immortalized in stain glass, he still slept less than inch from the floor.

I believe the term you're looking for is "stained glass". "Stain glass" isn't a valid phrase that I'm aware of.

Don't these bozos have a princess now?

Man I really need a Friendship Express...

The mopey, personality-less, and thoroughly disappointing Crystal Ponies deserve to be made fun of, them and their tiny ewes. Have a fave and upvote.



That alliteration always attacks my funny bones.

heh heh heh

made me laugh, so thumbs up.

Haha. The ending made me laugh a lot. Go, Spike! Go save the Crystal Empire again!

Well.... Except that there was no friendship express back then (new invention, ya know?), seems about right. :rainbowlaugh:

Wait... There is other solution too.
Look like crystal ponies and woe with those who returned. I.e just send them back with nothing. :twilightsmile:
Oh... That would be bad thing to do, right? And bad things are done by Sombra and the like. :twilightoops:

Astoundingly funny.

A wobbly start, but once the story finds it's stride, it's gold.

This is why we love you Fiddle.

Spike is best Crystal Savior:moustache: And Gods, I freaking died of laughter from reading this, love hearing of the Nightmare Realm (King Sombra's door) as I call it, it even caused the king to desecnd into darkness, very, very impressive a 15/10:pinkiehappy: Gods you are so good at writing bro:twilightsmile:



If you want booze, help me sort these books. I'll pay you, and then you can go get booze. Otherwise, shut up and GTFO.

You, good sir, are brilliant.

Ten times the writer I am, that's for sure.

Wait, so does that mean that Twilight basically gave Spike away to a life of servitude in the crystal empire?

Funny but a little over the top in ridiculousness.

This story is so funny, to the point this is my favorite commedy yet.

Entering her bedroom, she found Spike already sprawled out in his doggy bed. Some spiteful part of her brain smiled at the idea that, even though he was immortalized in stained glass, he still slept less than inch from the floor.

Second paragraph and my enjoyment's already gone.

[Many minutes—I let my mind wander on a few sentences, got bored and opened another tab to watch an Other Space episode, read a stupid Yahoo article—later]: a short few paragraphs later, I was glad to see the above jab was just part of the humor. Sombra's doomed adventure with the Crystal Empire was a funny-ass way of trivializing Spike's over-hyped accomplishment there. It's an appropriate parody, even if it would have been more appropriate to instead venerate the accomplishments of his three siblings on the same day. You were quick to come full circle and shut my appreciation back down when it ended with Twilight deciding to be an absolutely horrible pony by waking up the most loyal and supportive person she will ever have in her worthless life and sending him out to suffer an eternal curse, rather than slamming the fucking door in that stupid crystal pony's face...which would not only have given me a reason to like this fic, but would also have been a better punchline.

Have a downvote and a fave on the account I use to fave Seattle's Angels features that I don't like quite as much. After reading your final blog post, I can safely say that I don't share the sentiments of anyone who was disappointed by your departure from ponydom. Good riddance.

1649374 No it wasn't. That's the part that ruined the whole thing.

Author Interviewer

This is fucking brilliant.

7240165 It was until Twilight's decision at the end.

yeah, spikes not old enough to buy beer

Love this take on the Crystal Ponies, and also the unique twist on Sombra.

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