• Member Since 26th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen June 23rd

Rabukurafuto


Sequels1

T

Princess Celestia has invited Twilight and her friends to spend Hearth's Warming Eve with her and Luna at Canterlot. But when Twilight is arrested for a crime she didn't commit, Luna is convinced that it has something to do with why she became Nightmare Moon so long ago. Twilight and Luna must clear Twilight's name and confront the secret behind Nightmare Moon before she takes over again, embarking on a journey through a frozen forest into the deepest reaches of their own fears. A romantic horror story for the holidays!

Chapters (4)
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Comments ( 86 )

Ooh, fun! :pinkiehappy:

Quite interesting start, my friend. I think the characters were written nicely and the plot has me intrigued. I very much look forward to seeing what happens next, especially considering the ending. :raritywink:

Good work! :twilightsmile:

1599390
Thank you for reading. I was really hoping the characters sounded in-character. I'm glad the plot has your attention. Hopefully things will work out for everypony.

Writing this made me realize that having all six Ponies plus Spike can be quite challenging, and I respect any writer who does it well much more now. I also realized that I do like pairing Ponies up; I felt very warm writing Celestia being close to Twilight and Celestia embracing Luna. I have some scenes in mind for Luna and Twilight too. I hope everyone likes them!

Ohh i sense great potential here i will be keeping a eye on this fic
/tracking
/watching

1602387

Thank you very much, RaZz0r! I hope it lives up to your expectations!

Spacecowboy
Story Approver

Romance Horror? You have my interest, I shall have to read this sometime soon.

1602454

Thank you. I really thought about that before adding "romantic" to the description since I wasn't sure if I wanted any romance. Having done this much though I decided it could work. I hope it turns out well!

Spacecowboy
Story Approver

1602469
I typically gravitate more towards the Romance genres, especially when Twilight is partnered up with either/both of the Princesses. The horror part is what intrigues me though, those two genres aren't typically associated with each other, and you're also using what drove Luna into Nightmare Moon as a plot device on top of it. I hope I enjoy it as well, the only thing that might turn me away is if you start having gore/death, which from first glance doesn't seem to be the case. When I do read this, most likely tomorrow, I'll gladly leave you some feedback and such. This definitely seems original enough to be a hit though. Again, all first glance speculations here. : )

I like how you have started this story! I can't wait to see how this plays out.

1602503

Thank you very much. I'm excited too for making more.

1602485

I see. Thank you for the thoughts. I think it will be something of a violent story, but gory it probably won't be. I doubt I will be killing any canon characters off here either. I'm glad you like the Nightmare Moon origin as a plot device. Maybe if I find other romantic horror stories it can justify starting a group for those genres together.

I look forward to your feedback!

I like how this story is looking I bet it was that sneaky Aroura and she used her illusion spell to trick her into thinking that she wasn't there then got Twilight arrested because she is still jealous of her becoming the student, and I bet it has something to do nightmare corrupting her, either that or she is just a jealous b****h:twilightsmile: my theory.

that was awesome!
though i hope that celestia listens to twilight, it would be kinda out of character for to condemn her student right of the bat.
and for the record: i think Aurora did it!

I want to know the next chapter!!:pinkiehappy:

1604352

I hopefully will release more this week. I feel so good about it!

1604138

Thank you for the interest in my story!

Believe me, none of Twilight's friends are going to take this outrage lying down, especially not Celestia. But will there be enough evidence to free Twilight immediately? It certainly does seem like Aurora was actually behind it, but can anypony prove it?

1603575

Aurora Mist does have an insidious talent that can cause a lot of damage if used a certain way, plus she was supposed to be watching the diary in the first place. She will give her side of the story in the next chapter, so be patient and wait to see if her story adds up.

1606563
well, it's either someone as proficient as twi with teleporting, or it's someone who can replicate that in some way. illusions for example...and who happens to be talented in illusions?:twilightsheepish: but i guess she deserves the benefit of the doubt...

1606573

That is very true. But we will learn more about what those illusions can and can't do soon :trixieshiftright:

1606563 It could have been Aroura or what will happen is it wasn't really and everypony will blame her, then the real culprit will get away.:trollestia:

Just something I noticed: Alicorn =/= horn

1627836

"Alicorn" means "unicorn horn". I never use it to mean a winged unicorn. It confused me very much when I first encountered fans using "alicorn" to describe Celestia and Luna.

1682154

Yes, I will try to release another chapter soon. Thank you for the concern :twilightsmile:

"Mount me!" <- i loled at that XD

well its confusing as fuck when you use alicorn instead of horn lol

lol mount me im sorry that was immature lol mount tehe

Interesting... THOSE...

CONSPIRATORS!

:flutterrage:

th00.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/i/2011/267/9/d/celestial_by_acidic_fire-d4aukhx.png

YOU HURT BEST PONIES, AURORA! YOU HEAP'A HORSE APPLES!

NOT liking Aurora.

Very nice, I love where this is heading. I think know who actually took the book, and I also wonder if that actually was Luna at the end........or maybe they're both illusions in only Twilight's mind.

Would not it be more simple if Celestia made an announcment in front of everyone when Twilight was called guilty, she would mention that she was planing to let Twilight Sparkle read this diary anyway, that Twilight and her friends are national heroes more than once, and that isolating Twilight from other element bearers would compromise safely of country and put hundreds ponies into dangers, and therforce ask to change punishment into more fitting like life under guard observation ( like some guards stationing around library ), it would be also less of punishment and more of security protocol, since as element of magic and Celestia student, she would be targeted sooner or later.

But no, instead send her to dungeon for a lifetime for trying to steal some old book, ignore all heroic deeds and all lives she saved with she was not even rewarded.

Come on, bying a hero is worthless risk of life in the end.

1700034
Yeah, I couldn't think of a more dignified yet urgent way to say that.
1700321
I suppose it is. Certainly as confusing to me when this fandom started using "Alicorn" for "Winged Unicorn".
1700343
It is rather funny spoken aloud.
1700429
Just how deep does this conspiracy run? The answer will be quite surprising!
1700677
Thank you. Don't worry, that's the real Luna at the end. It would be interesting if it turned out Twilight did steal the book but seriously thought that she didn't.
1701133
That aspect of their lives comes up so rarely that it's easy to forget about. It's like only a few know about the role they play in rescuing Equestria since hardly anyone seems to recognize them or acknowledge them. But I understand now that I should have said something about the Element of Magic and what they would do if it was needed again.

1701291
Hehe, I find it totaly weird, it would make sense that mane 6 involvement into rescuing Equestria so many times would be kept as secret for they own safely ( importand ponies what can use powerful artifacts are often target for villans ), but considering how Celestia often send mane 6 to do dirty work, without escord, without good equipment, ill informed, and not even assisting tham, sending tham into suicude missions, what diference it would make to keep they heroic deeds open, it should would not get any more dangerfull, or meaby it would improve situation since guards and other ponies would more likely assist tham in they missions,

At this rate, Celestia may be accused of keeping all the fame to herself, since if no one know that mane 6 did all the work when Celestia just watching and did not gave a hoof ( except sending letters to Twilight in episode with Discord, but I m sure she could do much more ), everypony may think that she defeated Nightmare Moon, turned her into Luna, gave Luna another chance, defeated and turned Discord into stone, probably only Shinning Armor and Cadence are known as the ones who saved Crystal empire and Equestria from changeling invasion.

So yea, screw Equestria if that is the way they threat they heroes, Celestia would get out Twilight out of the prison with easy and without any risk of compromising her own justice system by just teling everypony that mane 6 are heroes and Twilight just stolen somethink what was ment to be present for her anyway, she is the one who make everythink so complicated for herself.

1701327
Celestia wasn't actually going to let Twilight keep the diary but to allow her to read through it while at the castle. If it didn't come across that way then I might need to rewrite that reveal.

Life in prison for stealing a book? What kind of bucked up justice system does Equestria have?

1701579
A potentially very dangerous book and national treasure (although I forgot to empathize the national treasure part in the story).

Now I see why the story has HMM tag and what was the purpose of stealing. I like the way where you go.
But! Life sentence for stealing book? ...seriously? :facehoof:

1701591
It's full of very powerful spells that could be extremely dangerous. That's why it was under lock and key in the first place.

great chapter!
at first glance it seems unusually harsh to condemn someone to a life-time prison sentence for stealing a book, but considering the nature of said book as well as it's significance; it's certainly more believable. a crown jewel is basically a nice looking rock really, what difference is there in a book as long as it hold some kind of value.

illusions are basically magical hypnosis as you said, doesn't that mean that a skilled illusionist can simply distort "details" on a real living pony when the whole picture isn't present; like making someone believe that they're seeing a different color or picture than in reality, it should certainly be easier than changing personal traits (like the face etc.), which could really be hidden by some garment.
the whole court session seemed a little extreme as well, considering what magic can actually do. there has to be all kinds of spells that could solve this.

the relentless tries of both of equestria's beloved princesses to prove twilight's innocence as well as her "achievements" coming to light wouldn't have held her there for long anyway. the only real threat against her is probably the conspiracy against her, as well as maybe the social tag of having an "unresolved" national level crime hanging above her head.

one last thing; "winged unicorn", certainly; it's not wrong, but that's like writing conversations with single quotation marks instead of double, it's just out of the norm (and an irritating detail for many to boot), and while i normally berate the so called "norm"; things such as this seems really unnecessary, why not just call "winged unicorns" alicorns and avoid the needless discussion that comes with it?
the same thing with calling an unicorn horn an "alicorn", it's not wrong, but it's still being unnecessarily rebellious in my opinion. besides, according to definition sites; alicorn has become a term that describes a winged unicorn as well, despite what it started out as. there is even an explanation towards why winged unicorns can be called alicorns; it's Latin translation: ala=wing, cornu=horn.
wanted to get that off my chest.:twilightsheepish:

1704432
I thought "Winged Unicorn" was used in the first episode.
Yes, this won't be holding up for long with both Celestia and Luna out to prove something went wrong there.
That illusion information was going to come up during the trial, but I decided to save it for a bit later. I am glad that occurred to you.
Thank you so much for understanding how the attempted theft of a single book would be considered so dire.
I hope you like the next chapter!

Seriously? Life in prison for stealing a book? Sorry but no matter what you say I'm not buying it. Unless you want to explain how Equestria's penal code worked there, or at least get into a lot more detail in the trail. But I feel that that is just not important enough to the plot, or you would have written about it.

All this makes me wonder why not simply write a more credible sentence, perhaps 50 years, instead of going for something so overboard that would call the attention of several (as I notice from the comments above) of your readers. I'm guessing you tried to make the situation look more dire? Believe me, the idea of spending 50 years in a dungeon is worst than it sounds to a common person. Dire enough for many to try to escape, or appeal several times during their imprisonment.

Sorry, this Is your story and this detail is too small to truly diminish it, but it really made me wonder 'why write that?' and had to get this out of my system.:derpytongue2:

1705452
It's a very valuable and potentially dangerous book with some very power spells in it. That's why it was locked up in the first place (although I should have made it clear that the guards that apprehended Twilight were there to guard it too).

1705481 I read all the comments where you tried to explain why, still not buying it, sorry. Not matter how powerful the weapon, not the same stealing it than using it.

But yeah all those little details, national treasure, guards, etc. should go there in the story.

1705554
That she appeared to be stealing it implied a bad intent, either selling it or using a dangerous spell for herself.

1705564 I really don't want to get into legal stuff here, cause I'm no expert, so I'll just say that assumptions can't be used in a trial, and you can't add potential crimes when sentencing someone, or every single person that robes a potential lethal weapon (a knife for example) would have to be sentenced for murder.

But lets just say that Equestria has an different penal system and things like that happen.:derpyderp2:

Good luck with the story that is what really matters.:twilightsmile:

I am really liking this, but one thing bugs me- the courtroom scene. Kangaroo court, much? I understand why it happened like that—the plot must go on and you don't want to be bogged down writing a courtroom drama. But still, it left a very nasty taste in my mouth.

For starters, where are the character witnesses? Twilight Sparkle is an honorable, law abiding citzen who has saved Equestria on several occasions (making her a national hero), and several ponies, including all three princess's (although Celestia's and Cadance's statments could be accused of bias) and the elements of harmony, including Applejack (who has literaly wielded the magical representation of Honesty in defense of Equestria TWICE, making her character witness the most trustworthy), could have pointed this out, stregnthening Twilights own witness statment.

In addition, the method of theft is nothing like Twilight Sparkle at all. First of all, she would have spent a lot of time planning the theft, possibly over several days, doing little else, which is suspiscious activity in of itself (espically since she is supposed to be planning the Hearth's Warming Eve celebration). Seconldy, she wouldn't have just run up and grabbed the key, since Twilight often forgets that their are non-magical solutions to problems. She would have attempted to cast several spells before even thinking of grabbing the key.

Now, based on these character statements, why did the guard who arrested Twilight do so? He knows that she is an upstanding citizen, and her brother is (probably) his superior officer. Yet his first impluse was to arrest and detain Twilight. This implies that someone had specificly told him that Twilight had commited the crime. Who? Well, the only witness is Aurora, who must have rushed to the nearest guard when she was assulted. But she only saw a purple flank with a cutie mark that looked like Twilights. Which doesnt actualy mean much—Photo Finish, despite being blue, has the same cutie mark. So she saw a purple pony with a starburst cutie mark, and her mind immediatly accused her childhood friend Twilght Sparkle.

Which leads us to questioning the character of Aurora. I mean, what sort of person accuses her friend of assault and theft? It would have been a simple task to interview one of Aurora's and Twilights former classmates, Moondancer, for example. Moondancer could have then (probably) informed the court that when they were fillies Aurora wanted to be Celestia's student, but was passed over in favour of Twilight-who despite being a soicaly awkward filly, noticed the grief on Aurora's face. Now this isn't enough evidence to impilicate Aurora at all, but it does throw her witness statement into question—did she accuse Twilight because it was Twilight, or because she wanted it to be Twilight?

So on one hand (hoof?) we have the multiple times saviour of Equestria, who's character has been vouched for by mulitple individuals of note, including all three Princesses. On the other we have a mare who may or may not be nursing a childhood grudge.

On to the question of Illusions. It is stated that Illusions can not interact with the world. Fair enough. However, Applejack has already proven that touching an Illusion does not dispel it, and it could be possible for a skilled Illusionist to hide themselves underneath an Illusion. Add a cloak to hide any discrepancies and you have a near perfect disguise.

Speaking of cloaks, correct me if I am wrong, but both Arorora and Twilight cliamed the thief was wearing a cloak, but when Twilight was caught she only had the saddlebags. Where did the cloak go?

Now for the other piece of evidence—the hoofprints. Now I have no idea how accurate Equestian analysts are at identifying hoofprints, but among humans there is a high percentage of error, making them questionable evidence at best, and better off supporting the primary evidence. Now, could these not be faked by magic? In addition, what about changlings? The can change their bodies—including thier size (Chrysalisis a lot bigger than Cadance). It is not out of the question to be able to mimic hoofprints as well. In addition, the changlings have sufficent motivation to carry this out. If Twilight is arrested, then it cripples the EoH, Equestria's greatest defense. It also emotionally cripples Celestia, making her less able to rule effectivly. Finaly, it is a personal attack upon Twilight's brother and sister-in-law, Shining Armor and Princess Cadance, who were instumental in defeating the changling invasion. Such an assult upon the greatest heroes of Canterlot is something that is compleatly in character for Chrysalis, who also has the motivation to do so.

Speaking of motivation, what could Twilight's possible motivation be? To read Star Swirl's diary? But Twilight is smart enought to know that Celestia would let her read it eventually, heck she said as much to Twilights face. In addition, Celestia gave Twilight an order—don't read it. From past experiance, we know that Twilight highly values Celestias commands, to the point of casting dangerous, semi-illegal spells just so that she could write her weekly report to Celestia. Why should Twilight act differently now? So Twilight has no possible known reason to want to steal it, since she is not a kleptomaniac and she was going to have the opportuity to read it anyway. People like Twilight don't commit crimes for the hell of it.

All of this combined means that it is impossible to correctly accuse Twilight of being guilty or innocent until more evidence is aquired. Twilight would have to be detained until more evidence is gathered, and the case would carry on.


Uh, sorry about that :twilightblush: because I really like this story, but that court case just bugged me so much.

1704849
i certainly hope so, it has looked quite well most of the time so far.

1706675
Thank you for that. All I can address without spoiling everything is that the guards found a discarded cloak in the courtyard a distance from where Twilight walked to, and that Aurora was never friends with Twilight—they just knew each other.

Oh, wow. Really liking how this is developing. Good stuff! :twilightsmile:

Poor Twilight though. You just know this kind of stuff is so hard on her. Hopefully things will get better for her eventually. Gad to see at least Luna came for her in the end. :fluttershysad:

Speaking of which, the "mount me" line made me laugh. Not that I'd mind if this did go a TwiLuna route.... :derpytongue2:

Definitely looking forward to the next chapter! :D

1712559
Thank you so much. I was waiting to see what you would think of this.
I just like to send heroines through hard trials, although this chapter in particular was something of a tribute to the end of Cheerilee's Garden, although that was far, far worse for Twilight. Luna certainly wasn't there to save Twilight.
I suppose "Mount me!" is only appropriate now. Expect a lot more romance now.
I feel so excited that new chapters should be quite common for the next month :trollestia:

1700034
Me too :rainbowlaugh:

Also, very interesting story, can't wait for more. :twilightsmile:

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