Nightmares

by unoservix

Chapter 19: Chasing Love

Nightmares
———

Chapter 19: Chasing Love

———

A dark sense of foreboding hung over the musty cave as Celestia gathered up the Elements of Harmony. Twilight Sparkle tightened her hold on Trixie, her heart beating like a drum.

"By willingly calling up the Nightmare's power," Celestia explained, "you have weakened the power of the suppression spell and opened a door for the Nightmare's return. I understand your desire for power to help Twilight, but it has come with great cost." She gazed thoughtfully over the tiara of the Element of Magic. "But all is not lost. I originally asked you to come here so we could try one more spell to destroy the Nightmare—and that spell is still an option."

"And Trixie would be okay?" Applejack asked.

Celestia frowned. "Assuming all goes as planned." She turned towards Luna. "The only option we have left is the dream walker spell."

Luna blinked in disbelief. "The dream walker spell? Are you certain?"

"Unfortunately so." She turned back towards the seven confused ponies and an equally confused baby dragon. "Trixie will have to delve into the darkest depths of her mind, root out whatever feelings continue to nourish the Nightmare, and destroy them. Without its lifeblood, the Nightmare will wither and die. But do not think this will be easy. In journeying into yourself, you will have to confront your own deepest fears and darkest secrets—not just for yourself, but for someone else as well. Because someone else has to go with you, to anchor you and pull you out if you should get lost in a world you do not understand."

Trixie went white. "You mean I have to let someone else traipse around inside my own mind and learn all my little secrets?"

Celestia arched an eyebrow. "The other alternative is to use the Elements of Harmony."

Silence descended over them all as Trixie looked over at what was left of Nightmare Inferno. "P-Point taken."

"Don't take this lightly, Trixie," Celestia warned, her face stern. "You will have to face your darkest fears, your deepest anxieties. Your mind is uncertain, shifting ground, under the Nightmare's command and known as well to her as to you. You will have to search yourself thoroughly and hunt down every trace of the feelings that fuel this Nightmare. If you don't, the Nightmare will return, stronger than ever, more immune than ever to our defenses, and the only way to destroy it will be to destroy you. Do you understand?"

Trixie nodded silently.

"But sister, who will go with her?" Luna spoke up.

Celestia looked towards Twilight, who squeaked in surprise. "M-Me?"

The princess looked back at Trixie, eyebrow raised. "Would you let anyone else 'traipse around inside your mind and learn all your little secrets,' Trixie?"

The blue unicorn looked uncertainly towards Twilight, and then back towards the pile of dust that was Inferno. "No..."

"Then it is decided." She nodded to the cavern entrance. "You must rest for now. We will begin the spell tonight."

———

As usual, Twilight Sparkle lost the battle to get some sleep. When this thing was all over, she told herself, she would have to take a thirty-hour nap. By now she was afraid she was going to hit a wall.

And so Twilight blearily found her way to a balcony off the hallway that overlooked the city. There was quite a bit of damage to clean up from Inferno's master plan, and the sea of unearthed skeletons littering the streets was only the beginning. Twilight tiredly watched the city sweep up the bones beneath her.

"Twilight?"

She turned at the sound of her name—and brightened up at the sight of a familiar pink hide and rosy mane. "Princess Cadence!" She threw her forelegs around her old foal-sitter. "I'm glad you're safe! Things were pretty crazy there this morning!"

"Oh, yes," laughed Cadence, "a lovely date with Shining Armor, beheading the hordes of the undead and all." She grinned. "But I hear you have been up to things too, little Twilight."

"T-Things?"

"A little birdie told me that somepony has a marefriend now."

Twilight blushed. "Oh, y-yeah, that..."

Cadence arched an eyebrow. "That's not the sickeningly sweet gushing and giggling I was told to expect."

"I'm sorry..."

"Don't be." Cadence laid a comforting wing over Twilight's shoulders. "Because I also heard that your new beloved has a bit of an affliction, of the snarling hate-fueled demonic spirit sort." She smiled. "You sure know how to pick 'em, Twilight."

Twilight's ears went flat. "I know."

"But more importantly," Cadence went on, her smile fading, "I've also been told that you and your significant other are about to try the dream walker spell." She pulled Twilight close and gave her a reassuring smile. "And that's why I'm here, actually. The dream walker spell is always a pretty creepy experience."

"I-I know." Twilight sighed and leaned against the railing. "I kept wishing for a way to get into Trixie's mind and figure out how she really feels about me, and now I finally have my chance and I'm...I don't know, scared of what I might find out."

Cadence looked down thoughtfully at the purple unicorn for a moment. "Auntie Celestia told me about that," she said quietly. "Guess we shouldn't be surprised that you'd treat a romantic relationship as cause for panic and terror."

Twilight frowned. "Gee, thanks."

"Aw, don't feel bad, Twilight," giggled Cadence, and she pulled Twilight closer for a hug. "Everypony does silly things when they're in love. Even me."

"Even you?"

"Especially me. And your brother, for that matter. You should've seen how my first date with him went."

Twilight perked up. "You know, he has promised to relentlessly tease me about all this, so if you've got some ammunition I can stockpile for a counterattack—"

"You'll have to wheedle that story out of me some other time," Cadence interrupted, and her smile faded. "Right now we need to talk about you. The spell depends on it."

"Oh..."

Cadence straightened up. "The dream walker spell will let the two of you enter Trixie's mind, but that doesn't mean either of you will necessarily be able to make sense of what you see. Trixie's mind is the Nightmare's turf too, and it can do whatever it wants with the symbols and thoughts it finds in there."

"But the princess said we'd have to confront her issues..."

"And you will, but don't take everything you see in there at face value. There will be thoughts and symbols and meanings in there that only Trixie could understand, if anyone can, just as it is in every mind." She pulled Twilight close and smiled reassuringly. "And never, ever forget that you love her. Because you might see things in there that you may not like."

Twilight cringed. "Like what...?"

"I have no idea, Twilight. You and Trixie will have to find out for yourselves."

Silence reigned for a moment and Twilight pawed the floor nervously. "Now I'm even more scared about this."

Cadence frowned. "It's pretty much the most uncomfortable way to hash out your relationship problems, yes. But," she smiled, "as long as you both remember that you love each other, I know it will all work out for the best."

Twilight closed her eyes. "Even if she has no reason to stay?" She shook her head. "Even if she leaves and...leaves me alone?"

"Oh, Twilight," Cadence pulled her closer for a hug, "I can't tell you what she's going to do. But if she does leave, you have to remember your friends."

Twilight twitched. "I'm not in love with them."

"No, you're not—but they'll be there for you anyways." Cadence pulled Twilight up to look at her with a grin. "Besides, if Trixie doesn't leave, then you two are going to be inseparable. The dream walker spell has a way of bringing some ponies closer together than they've ever been before."

Twilight looked down sadly. "But not all?"

Cadence's grin fell. "No, not all."

Twilight sniffled back a tear. "Well, if this will bring Trixie's magic back, then she can be back to herself. And she can hit the road and perform again and be herself and be happy again. And that's what I want for her. For her to be happy." She smiled through the tears. "And that's the most important thing, right?"

Cadence's smile was so sad, Twilight almost lost heart right there, before the pink princess pulled her close for another hug. "That's one way to look at it."

———

Princess Luna was most unaccustomed to spending so long a time awake, but if it was for Equestria's good—and the good of her friends—then it was worth it. There would be plenty of time to sleep later.

Instead, while Cadence had Twilight out distracted elsewhere in the castle, Luna sat down next to an awkward Trixie inside their room. Hopefully this conversation would not be too difficult, but then again, the last time Luna had really interacted with Trixie, it had been to beat her Nightmare alter-ego into submission. So hopefully there would be no lingering ill will.

"You're not going to threaten me with death or dismemberment if I ever do anything to upset Twilight, are you?" Trixie asked skeptically.

Luna smirked back. "I trust Twilight's friends have already done so."

"S-Something like that..."

"No, I am here to make sure you know exactly what is entailed by the dream walker spell. It is a serious matter." She paused for a moment to choose her words. "I know better than anyone else what it means to bear a Nightmare within you. And when you enter into your own mind with Twilight Sparkle, you must remember this, and cling to it at all costs. Just as your body has not been your own under the Nightmare's influence, so too is it with your mind."

Trixie blinked. "W-What do you mean...?"

"You may believe that you fully understand the landscape of your thoughts," Luna said gravely, "but there are things that you hide from yourself. Lies that you tell yourself. Things you avoid thinking about. Thoughts that you push into the darkest recesses of your mind." She held up a hoof as Trixie began to sputter with outrage. "Everypony does this. And you must remember that while you may hide things in the shadows, the shadows are the Nightmare's power to command—and all that you hide within them is hers as well."

Trixie frowned. "So what does that mean?"

"It means, Trixie Lulamoon, that you and Twilight must be wary as you enter into your mind, because not even you will know with certainty what you see. The symbols and thoughts that appear before your eyes may seem to be your own, but the Nightmare is as cunning as it is malevolent. Be on your guard."

"A-Alright..."

"And one more thing," Luna said, as she rose back to her feet. "I do not pretend to know what feelings lie in your heart for Twilight Sparkle, and I do not pretend to know why you chose to walk the edge of oblivion to save her this morning. And if your heart leads you away from her, then you cannot be faulted for following it. But," she frowned, "I pray that you remember that she does love you, very much."

Trixie cast her gaze towards the floor. "I know," she said.

Luna studied the blue unicorn's unreadable face for a moment. "Then I will leave you to rest," she said, "and we will send for you when the spell is ready."

———

The shadows grew long at this time of day, as the sun sank towards the horizon. Princess Celestia watched from a gilded balcony as Canterlot's citizens swept up the bones and cleaned up the wreckage left by the latest existential threat to the peace and happiness of Equestria. At least they were resilient. They had put up with everything from Changelings invasions to Pinkie Pie.

And now they too remembered Emperor Blackwing. She reached out with a tendril of magic to feel the barrier—stronger than ever, coursing with the power of the moon along with the sun, dimming Blackwing's malevolent presence to the point of near imperceptibility. At least he would never again be a threat.

The door quietly opened, and Celestia closed her eyes and steeled herself.

"I see much has transpired in the thousand years I was gone," Princess Luna said softly, and the door clicked shut behind her. Celestia said nothing as her sister stopped at her side. "Dragon emperors and rebellious advisors..." She cast a glance down towards the streets, and the ponies down below clearing away the bones. "Although I must wonder why you chose to build the capital city of our country atop a volcano, filled with the dead, and stopped up by a brutal creature of unrelenting malice and fearsome power."

Celestia smiled wryly. "Not one of my better ideas, was it?"

"I'm sorry?"

The solar princess looked back down towards her kingdom. "After your exile, Blackwing and his dragons noticed Equestria's weakness and invaded. I was so crippled by our battles, and so heartbroken by what had happened, that it was all I could do to save Equestria from them. The first option I thought of was to trap him inside the volcano, and turn his own power against him. After the deed was done, I realized that I would need to maintain the seal over him forever—so I built Canterlot over the mountain to make sure I could always keep him locked up." She smiled sadly as she turned her gaze towards the setting sun. "I'm afraid my reign over Equestria in your absence has been ramshackle at best."

Luna pursed her lips. "I see." She glanced up at her sister and shuffled her hooves. "Speaking of which, sister, I have to ask—"

"Why didn't I tell you about this?"

"...yes."

A long silence descended over them as Celestia chose her words. "The truth is," she said, and she turned to face her sister with sadness in her eyes, "the truth is, I'm not used to you being back yet." Luna's eyebrows rose. "The past thousand years, I've tried to rule wisely, and protect Equestria from all the threats in this world. But I had to do it alone, and I had to learn how to rule as I went. And all this before you," she nodded towards the vast expanse of Equestria under the golden sun, "is a patchwork kingdom, built by a young and immature princess struggling to find her way. Equestria rests on as treacherous a foundation as this very city. Beautiful, prosperous, happy, and peaceful—and with evil and darkness sealed underneath, waiting for its moment to return. And..." Celestia looked back towards the sun uncomfortably. "I did not want you to return from your exile and have to dive headlong into my mistakes, and struggle to shoulder my burdens."

The silence returned for a long moment—before Luna laid a wing over Celestia and pulled her close. "They are our burdens, sister."

"Luna..."

"I understand if you still hesitate to entrust me with such crucial matters as this. The memories of our conflict are fresh in my mind as well. But," she pressed herself closer to Celestia, "you are no longer alone."

Celestia closed her eyes and brushed away a tear. "I'm certainly not."

Down below, someone started hauling off a wagon piled high with bones. Celestia and Luna's smiles faded.

"As for this 'Firemane...'" Luna began, and Celestia shook her head.

"Another mistake."

"Oh?"

The solar princess nodded down below towards the heaps of bones. "He was as I said he was, an advisor in my court, skilled in magic and knowledgeable in everything. And he longed to unravel the secret to immortality. I forbade it, but he persisted. He said immortality should not be reserved for a chosen few."

Luna frowned. "Is it not?"

"There is a reason why Discord went insane, Luna."

"...what does Discord have to do with Firemane?"

Celestia shrugged sadly. "I had much time to reflect on these questions during your exile. You remember, Luna, that Discord was not always a mad and cruel king. But something in him changed, and set us all on this path."

"I thought he simply became drunk with power," Luna said. "That chaos and the cruelty that comes with it was simply his nature."

Celestia shook her head. "Chaos was his to command—but when he turned, chaos was no longer at his command. He was at chaos' command." She cast a sad glance towards the castle, where the petrified draconequus was kept, somewhere in the deepest vaults. "When he realized he was immortal, he went mad. Not just from the realization that he would outlive every friend he would ever have. What drove him mad was the very fact that he would never die—and so he would never have to choose anything."

Luna blinked in surprise. "What...?"

"He could rule the world for a thousand years, and then hide from it for a thousand more, and do whatever he liked. He would never have to choose, because he would never die, and at some point in eternity he would find the chance to do everything. That is something no mortal can ever do." Celestia glanced somberly at the castle. "Twilight Sparkle can devote herself to her studies because, somewhere in the deepest depths of her mind and heart and soul, she knows that someday she will die. That not everything, after all, is possible in one lifetime—and yet one lifetime is all she gets. And that gives her the power to choose her life's direction. She must choose, and by choosing, some things must be forsaken. And only by letting go some possibilities can she pursue others. The mortal's curse is the mortal's blessing." Celestia closed her eyes. "Discord can't do that. And so he went mad, and became what he became."

Luna stared thoughtfully at her sister's solemn face.

"We do not have to worry about that," Celestia went on, "because we, as it happens, are always tied to the sun and moon—and so we will always be able to make choices, because it will never be an option for us to cast off our eternal duties. But for Discord, that is not an option. That is why the master of chaos became mastered by chaos. And that is why I forbade Firemane from seeking immortality. For his good as much as anything else." She shook her head bitterly. "Nothing good comes from immortality."

Silence descended again for a moment. "You are far more reflective than I recall, sister," Luna said at last.

Celestia smiled. "Well, now that you've returned, you can take over the philosophizing." She looked up towards the sun one more time. "It's almost nightfall. Once you raise the moon, we will go back inside and set to work on Twilight and Trixie."

The lunar princess frowned thoughtfully. "Speaking of which," she said, "I must wonder why you have not asked me to accompany Twilight and Trixie on this journey. It is indeed Trixie's demon to slay, and it is Twilight Sparkle's place to go with her—but I can help them."

"It is one thing to explore someone's dreams," Celestia replied. "It is quite another to explore a waking, conscious mind—one that can alter everything you see, that has secrets it wants to keep, and especially one that holds such a malicious creature."

Luna looked sadly back at the castle. "And so Twilight Sparkle and Trixie must face that test alone and unarmed?"

In spite of it all, Celestia smiled. "They won't be alone, and they certainly won't be unarmed."

———

Under the fading light of the sky as Celestia brought down the sun and Luna raised the moon in its place, Twilight Sparkle and Trixie made their way down the marbled halls and through the double-doors into the sweeping throne room of Canterlot Castle. Twilight gulped at the sight of her friends, Spike, Shining Armor, and Princess Cadence waiting expectantly around the throne—where Luna and Celestia sat, horns glowing.

"Are you ready?" Celestia asked; the two unicorns reluctantly nodded. "No one here can help you once the spell begins. And you must only return you to the waking world when the Nightmare is purged." She motioned to the floor in front of them and conjured a couple of pillows. "Shall we begin?"

Twilight took a deep breath as she and Trixie laid down in front of the princesses and closed their eyes.

One last Nightmare and it'll all be over...

———

Author's Note:

In the interests of full and self-deprecating disclosure, Celestia's ruminations on immortality here don't really come from me. I got that from Martin Heidegger.

You may now proceed to mock me for being so toweringly pretentious and insane as to reference Martin Heidegger in a My Little Pony fanfic.

Comments

[RTStephens]

Only as insane as the rest of us for reading My Little Pony fanfiction!

Mind spelunking. Can't see anything wrong with this scenario.

It's time to see just where Trixie's heart lies. The naked truth shall be revealed!

Looking forward to it!

[anAngryHamster]

I really enjoyed the snippet of Discord's backstory. Exploring the emotional effects of immortality is always cool!

[ZeroSpawn]

this chapter is utterly fantastic

[Voidwalker]

Immortality sure is more of a curse than it is a blessing, but I think one could deal with it, if being attached to this world. Like Celestia to the sun and Luna to the moon. Maybe even a bit more. Of course it is awful to see everypony around you grew old and die, over and over and over again. A weak mind probably could shatter under that repetition. And even a strong enough mind would try to shield itself against that pain by trying to detach. As an immortal life would be, this has to be a never-ending battle. Fighting ones urge to back away from this world. Enduring the pain of loss, over and over again, for those moments of pure bliss and those memories of shared laughter. I suppose, only a strong mind would be able to do that - which means, in return, that immortality isn't something everybody could bear without going insane.

... I could revel in discussions such as this one all of my days...