Resonance

by Masterweaver

Banishment

"Crystal Note!' Somber Tunes' heart pounded, every breath slicing against the blade that ran the length of his body. "Gallic Waltz!" His hooves beat across the landscape, terror in his eyes as he desperately maneuvered around the myriad constructions of madness.

Somehow, he knew he would be too late.

He knew he would fail.

But he did not stop running.

***

Eventually his chase came to a stop when he found the small tunnel. He panted, kneeling down and crawling through the dirt. "Crystal Note, Gallic Waltz.... I hath failed. Quickly, we must go and--"

His hoof landed in something liquid and clingy.

With slow horror, he raised his eyes. Discord was leaning against an all too familiar crystal statue, whose face was frozen between anger and fear.

The beast himself was casually nibbling on some form of pastry. When he noticed Somber Tunes, he gave a friendly wave. "You know you have great taste. Your wife is a work of art, even I can appreciate that. Well maintained voice, stunning looks, tried to rip me to shreds after I turned your kiddo into goo."

The gray unicorn's eyes shot down to the pool he stood in. He hopped out as rapidly as he could.

"Oh come on, don't be so squeamish! You're a mercenary in a realm of chaos, I think you've seen far worse." Discord tapped the statue with his knuckles. "Now here's the thing. They're both still alive, technically. So, since I'm feeling gracious, I'll give you a chance to consider an offer. How about I turn you into one of my puppets--string, whirly joints, you'd look good in a skirt--and I'll give them their old bodies back?"

Somber Tunes did not even hesitate. "I would do anything for my family. Make me thine, monster."

Discord smiled.

A moment of stillness passed through the underground chamber.

"...Well?!"

The beast snorted. "Hey, I said I'd give you a chance to consider it. I never said I'd actually do it. See, this is what I mean about patterns--"

"AAAAARRRARARAAAAAARARAAAAAAAGAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!"

With a furious growl, the mercenary pinned Discord against the wall with his new horn. His hooves beat down, again and again and again, in blind and hopeless rage hoping to inflict some form of injury. Discord twisted and writhed, dodging every strike as they imprinted into the wall and trying to pull his red scales free of the blood-stained blade. Eventually he simply swung his tail, flinging Somber Tunes across the cave and into the puddle that was his daughter.

"Temper, temper bladeboy. Who knows, you might actually annoy me. Erase," he added, and his tail suddenly was never wounded. "Now, listen--"

"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!"

Discord teleported out of the way, but Somber Tunes used his own magic to appear right above the beast and force him to the ground, slicing at his neck with his horn. With a hiss, the lord of chaos swung his lion's paw, knocking the unicorn to the ceiling and binding him with vines of licorice. "Must you throw this tantrum in front of your daughter? You're setting a bad example, I should call social services!"

"MAY THOU BURN FOREVER IN THE DEEPEST DEPTHS OF TARTARUS! THINE SKULL MOUNTED ON THE WALL FOR ALL TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO MONSTROSITIES! THINE BODY SHATTERED AND SCATTERED BY THE WINDS OF THE NORTH!"

The lord of chaos peered into the unicorn's face.

"...my my my. How interesting."

After a moment, Discord began to giggle. "Oh yes, this is glorious! Ha! I've won, and you don't give up! Wow, I wonder what I could do with you." He tapped his talons, listing off possibilities. "Let's see, I could make you my right hand cat... turn you into a little filly, and put you in the care of a pony brainwashed to keep you safe, that could be fun. Or maybe just leave you hanging there. Are you cozy up there?"

"I SPIT ON THY CORPSE!"

"I'll take that as a maybe. Hmm, decisions, decisions." The lord of chaos shrugged. "See here's the thing, that hatred is just kick flank. I can't walk away and let something so great go to waste, but it's also a bit annoying to be constantly attacked and--"

Suddenly his face broke out into a fanged grin. "That's it! Mother end of all things, why didn't I think of this before? Hold on, let me get a map." Discord produced a suitcase and opened it, throwing an assortment of items over his shoulder. "Underwear, chainsaw, pineapple, lady's underwear, the complete Discworld Compendium--I love that series--thermonuclear hairdryer... Aha! Map of Equestria and its surrounding lands!"

"CEASE THINE INFERNAL NONSENSE! KILL ME AND BE DONE WITH IT!"

"Ah ah ah, art can't be rushed. Now... no, I made the seapony's ocean into a desert.... noooooo I don't think I'd want you in the Everfree... Oh no, definitely not Candy Mountain. I'm saving that for Charlie." He tapped his chin thoughtfully. "Where should I put such a bastion of hate.... Oh hey, the frozen north! I hear the bone-chilling ice and skin-shredding wind is wonderful this time of eon! Plus I made you immortal, so you'll be able to feel all of it!"

Discord snapped the parchment shut and turned it into a cane, plopping a tweed hat onto his head. "Well now, bladeboy, are you ready for your vacation package? You and your wife here will get a no expenses paid journey to the ancestral lands of all ponykind, seeing such wonderful sights as glaciers and snowdrifts in your limited field of vision! Congratulations on being the lucky winner, I am so jealous."

"HOW DARE THOU?! COWARD! CAN THOU NOT BRING THINESELF TO SPILL THE BLOOD OF THY FOES?!"

"Well, actually I can. You're just not a foe. More of a.... well, cliche as it sounds, insect." The lord of chaos shrugged. "One of these days I'm going to have to restructure language so I can be properly unpredictable with it. Maybe thorsday. Thorsday sounds good. Oh well. HASTA LA VISTA!"

With a snap of his fingers, unicorn and statue were gone.

"AhaHAHAHahahaAHAHAAAAHAHAHEEHAHAHAHOHOHOHAHAHABWAHAHAHAMAMWAHARDYHAHAHAAAAAHAHOOHUHAHAHAHAHAHAHHEHHOHOHAHAHNYEEHEEHEHEHEHEHARAHAHAHAMWAHAHAHEEHAAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAKAMAYHAMAYHOOHOOHOOHAHABLAHAHAHAZAHAZEEKYBOOGYDOOGHAHAHABWAHAHAHAHAhehehHAHAHAHAHANWAHAHAHATHATHATHAHAHAHRAHAHAHAYEEEEEEHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHOOOOOOOHAHAHAHAHAHAHAYEAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHEEHAHAHA bored now." Discord shrugged, slinking out of the hole.

A few minutes after he left, the puddle of goo burbled.

Comments

[SaintAbsol]

Hehe; I'm liking this, Reid.

[Chaotic Discord]

Discord is best troll. :3
Can't wait for more!

[DarthSonic66]

Must say, you write a good Discord.