Sincerely, Your Former Roommate

by Fiddlebottoms

LITTLE SIS

Please keep the volume down during the early evening hours. I understand that the bathroom door sometimes sticks because of residual cat vomit, but that is no reason to slam it open and shut.

Your music choices, while certainly interesting in both their choice of rhythm and selection of lyrics, are not conducive to sleeping. Remember, my room is right beside the bathroom.

BIG SIS

---

We would gladly change bedrooms with you. The eastward window in our room causes your sun to keep Us awake most mornings, and We certainly wouldn't mind a shorter walk to the bathroom and kitchen.

LITTLE SIS

---

I understand that you work nights. This makes it difficult for you to get out to the grocery store on a regular basis. Any shopping you need taken care of during the day, I will happily do if you leave me a list and some bits.

In the interim, please do not eat the meals I cook for myself. I am on a strict diet, and those meals are specially prepared to have the proper calories and nutrition.

BIG SIS

---

[EDITOR'S NOTE: The following note was written on a piece of paper taped beside the previous post-it. It had a smiling fruit basket on the header and convenient lines.]

Thank you for taping a blank piece of paper to the fridge beside your note. We never would have been able to find such an object on Our own. It was truly a wonder that We found a pen in order to make this reply. In future, please take care to note all Our needs as We are so riddled with Our own incompetence it is a wonder We are capable of RUNNING HALF OF AN ENTIRE KINGDOM.

Given how such menial tasks as overseeing three simultaneous trials, conducting negotiations with the Griffon Kingdom, and maintaining the moon and stars during the peak season has left Us with little free time, We thought you might understand if We took one of the five salads in the refrigerator.

Unfortunately, We seem to have almost completely filled out this piece of paper with Our gratitude. We still have room enough for one item though, so how about …

One Bit’s Worth of Lightening Up About Your Freaking Salads

LITTLE SIS

PS: You don’t have to worry about any more of your meals being taken. The dressing was terrible, and there were way too many carrots.

---

I am sorry if the meals I plan for myself aren’t suited to your palette. I am sorry if you are offended by my efforts to help out. I am sorry for trying to be a good big sister. I am sorry for every time I have ever said a nice thing about you to my friends. I am sorry for taking your ice cream out of the freezer this morning and leaving it out on the counter.

Oh, no, wait, I'm not sorry for the last one.

Your Very Sorry (About Some Things),

BIG SIS

---

Wow, Big Sister. Your maturity astounds Us. Truly, the day has found a worthy mistress in you. So has this carton of ice cream you've despoiled. We hope you enjoyed cleaning it off the floor of your room.

While we're on the subject of you leaving things out, don't think we haven't noticed you subtly extending daylight hours. Mom said we were supposed to share the skies of Equestria, not that you were supposed to monopolize it.

LITTLE SIS

---

It's called Spring. It happens every twelve months, in case you haven't noticed.

A thousand years ago, we had to evict one of our roommates for being disrespectful. I'm sure you've felt the blow to your pocket book since then, as I have. Unfortunately, our advertisements for another immortal demigod willing to split the rent three ways have so far been ignored.

We don't need to go down that road again.

Hoping you calm down,

BIG SIS

---

We're not going down any road, sister. It was you who chose to despoil Our frozen treats.

While We're at it, there is a space between yesterday and a thousand years ago. It is called, "most of time." Simply saying things are old doesn't make you look any smarter.

Sincerely,

LITTLE SIS

---

Sorry, I meant to say, "exactly 3,865 days, 12 hours, and 15 minutes ago as of the writing of this letter."

Living with you is turning into a real nightmare.

Your Occasionally Non-Literal Sister,

CELESTIA

---

WHAT IS THIS NONSENSE!?

Daylight Saving's Time? As soon as We start getting Our time back after all the show-hogging you did during the Summer, you think you can just rearrange the clocks to slight Us?

Sincerely,

LITTLE SIS

---

The Earth Ponies requested it. Maybe if you added some more stars, like I suggested a thousand years exactly 76,854 days and two hours ago, they'd be able to conduct their morning business without fear of tripping over their own hooves in the dark. Then I wouldn't have to go through the bureaucratic mess of a time change every six months.

Sincerely,

BIG SIS

---

Some of Us are capable of appreciating the subtlety of the stars dancing in their place without flooding everything out with a big, honking spotlight. We're very sorry if our delicate approach doesn't amuse you.

Sincerely,

LITTLE SIS

---

Do you know what this is?

This is unacceptable. That is what it is.

I am not mother and should not have to clean up after you.

Next time I find your things in my sky during the day, I will assume they are my property and take them from you.

Sincerely,

CELESTIA

---

I’m pretty sure that is a moon.

So is this,

XOXO,

LUNA

---

Princess Luna,

And you accuse me of being immature?

Is that supposed to be a picture of your rump? Where are the wings or horns? Have you ever looked in a mirror?

Sincerely,

PRINCESS CELESTIA

---

Of course it is a drawing of Our posterior. If it was supposed to be of yours, it would look like so,

Notice the enormous size and girth of your buttocks. How is that diet working for you? Notice anything different about your salads of late?

XOXOXO,

PRINCESS LUNA

---

Princess Luna,

LEAVE MY SALADS OUT OF THIS! I KNOW WHERE AND WHEN YOU SLEEP!

I'll ask you one more time to be polite and respectful, then I will not hesitate to get the landlord involved. Also, quit drawing moons on the fridge. You're acting like a child. You were named after our Great Aunt, not some juvenile fool.

Sincerely,

PRINCESS CELESTIA

---

Princess Celestia,

Maybe you are right. We grow so tired of this name.

From now on, you may call us,

NIGHTMARE MOON!

If you enjoyed this little drawing, We can't wait until you see what We did to your beloved crown.

Forever Yours,

NIGHTMARE MOON

---

Dear Roomy,

Guess what has four legs, two wings, one smart mouth and is about to be evicted to a celestial body?

See ya in a thousand years.

Sincerely Wishing You Well,

The One and Only, PRINCESS CELESTIA OF EQUESTRIA

PS: Just for you, this time when I say "a thousand years," I literally mean a thousands years.

Comments

[WrathOfGod519]

Bit harsh....

[Gaia]

This sounds like me and my sis if we were demigods...

Thus I am thoroughly amused!

[kajisora]

....
yep, roomies.

[Inferno demon Dash]

So this is what the Gods of Equestria do when they are angry? They just imprision their family in stone or the moon? Damn, I would hate to be a God And wow....all this because of salad, even immortals get ticked it seems

[Super Trampoline]