A breed of warrior ponies whose existence had faded over time and vanished beyond legends lives deep in the underworlds of Equestria. Bloody and ferocious fights, life threatening treachery, and unimaginable deaths are common place in every pony's life in the dark and dangerous world. Wars are fought between multiple houses of ponies for wealth and power whilst the entire surface world is unknown to them. One particular pony questions the lifestyle and finds that he disapproves of the laws of the land. He goes off to find answers and freedom beyond the light and security of the underground cities into the dark unknown and beyond.
Chapters (21)
Author’s Note:
This is Blue’s boyfriend. Blue had me read a few of her stories asking for advice on some reactions and it has been difficult for me to reply due to my lack of knowledge on MLP characters. This is a start on me getting to know the world better for me to help her write her stories. The entire story itself is written. I plan on posting 1-2 chapters a week. If time allows, I plan on making a picture for each chapter to help identify the individual works. Thank you for looking and I hope you enjoy.
Also, the site starts at Ch1 and continues on. The comments I'll be making about the stories will be in order of the chapters of the story itself. So, one chapter behind basically. Ex - the site's chapter 1 will be the story's prologue.
- edit: added info about the prologue -
In the prologue, we meet Crimson, the main character of the story. We see what his life is like on a normal basis and how he starts to open his eyes to the life around him.
well, blue´s boyfriend, I arrived here after seeing Blues recomendation in "honor among thieves" and I am pleased that I did.
this looks promising, will await for the next one.
Author's Note - Chapter 1: The Cause
In Chapter 1, we’ll be shifting gears to see what's going on at the surface. Though there is a lot going on suddenly in Equestria, no pony would know how much of an effect it would have elsewhere.
Thank you for reading. Chapter 2 coming soon.
- edit: fixed a couple of errors, edited the author's note to include chapters -
Is this like a Dark Elf Triology/ MLP crossover?
1605614
Thank you for reading. I'm glad you enjoyed it. The story itself is finished. I'm just releasing it in sections. I hope you (and everyone else) enjoys what I've written.
1609251
Thank you for reading. After talking about story concepts, I decided there was a lot of heavenly pony stories already and I decided to look downward into the ground. Though there are some minor aspects that may relate to Drow/Dark Elf world and may be inspired by the world, it isn't based off of that world nor is it a crossover (otherwise I'd make a remark about it). They're not blinded by the sun, ruled by women clerics and worship a spider god, ect.
Regardness, I hope you enjoy the rest of the story and I thank you again for reading.
Author's Note - Chapter 2: The Effect
In Chapter 2, we discover the effects of the six's battle with Discord when he tried to crush Rainbow Dash with the earthquake.
Thanks for reading. Ch3 should be up in a few days.
- edit: modified author's note to include chapter. -
Author's Note - Chapter 3: The Crater
In this chapter, Twilight notices something very unusual after a powerful tremor erupts. What they find during their investigation only leads to more questions.
Thanks for reading. Chapter 4 will be posted at the end of the week (probably Friday).
- edit: added chapter number to author's note -
this chapter feels strange...
like, you used the "she said, he said, she answered" too much...
will await for the next one ^^
1653092
Thank you for the comment. I’ll admit that I do have a lot of dialog from time to time and I’m not the greatest at breaking up the monogamy of the “he said she said” scenarios. I’ll see what I can do about making it easier and more entertaining to read.
Thanks for reading.
1655156 you are welcome
Author's Note - Chapter 4: The Stranger
Ponyville is under attack! The six try to stop this attack only for Twilight Sparkle to question everything.
Chapter 5 should be posted 11/26 or so.
I hope I did better on the 'he said, she said' issue. Thanks for reading.
Edit: 12:12p pst, 12/3/12
Added the chapter number to the author's note.
Edit: 1:35p pst, 11/26/12
A small section was accidently deleted from the original story when editing from word to the story editor.
1673087 You really did ^^
also this chapter is long as the first ones, good work
i liek dis story.
Keep up the good work, author :D
1673458
Thanks for the tip on looking into the he-said issue. As for the chapter length, they vary from short to long depending on how things go. When I wrote the story, I didn't have a page limit in mind or anything of the sort. Blue and I did a brief brainstorm on ideas and I just started writing.
Thanks for the feedback :)
1675643
Thank you for reading. I'm glad you're enjoying it. More to come.
1684242 you are welcome ^^
Author's Note - Chapter 5: The Interrogation
Twilight questions more and more on what happened and finally goes to seek answers.
This section includes parts of Ponyville that were never really shown or discussed in the show - mainly the jailhouse. In addition, we see how Crimson is vs. how he was and the shell he's engulfed in.
Chapter 6 should be posted on 11/30 or so. Thanks for reading.
Edit: 12:12p pst, 12/3/12
Added the chapter number to the author's note.
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Will await for the next chapter!
this is getting awesome...
also, ALL HAIL THE MIGHTY THESKY
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Hah, I had some fun writing that. Cheesy, I know. But for someone who doesn't know something as simple as the sky, sun, clouds, ect... I was cackling while writing that part.
Author's Note - Chapter 6: The Trial
In this chapter, Crimson faces the courtroom for his charges. But with Crimson not knowing the rules of the courtroom, the chances of him making it through the trial are slim to none.
This chapter was very interesting and rather difficult to write. A lot of dialog. I hope I made things interesting to read. Also, there are a couple of things that were never discussed in the show - the laws of the courthouse. I also decided to make a very interesting judge for the trial. I could have made a new pony for the judge, but I felt that who I chose kind of fits the role (as far as I know). Why? Because this pony takes their job very seriously. And with towns and such, wouldn't citizens have dual professions (like a police office and a shop keeper)? That's my theory and I'm sticking with it.
In addition, this chapter required a lot of general research. I don't know the laws and rules of the courtroom so I had to look into a lot of etiquette and such. There will probably be a lot of errors and politically incorrect issues in this chapter. Regardless, for someone who hasn't even seen any court shows, I think I did alright.
The next chapter, Chapter 7, will be posted... Let's see... 12/3 or so. Enjoy!
Edit: 12:12p pst, 12/3/12
Added the chapter number to the author's note.
Author's Note - Ch 7: The Subservient
In this chapter, Twilight Sparkle's friends wonder what the hoof Twilight was thinking. Afterwards, Twilight shows Crimson around and she gets a strange feeling about the red pony.
Thank you for reading. Next chapter will be posted around 12/7.
yaaay new chapter xD
Author's Note - Chapter 8: The Lunacy
In this chapter, Crimson and Pinkie Pie spend some time together. With Crimson's serious personality and Pinkie Pie being Pinkie Pie, what could possibly happen?
This was an interesting chapter to write. Though I did basically copy a section in the show and put it in, it's a new scenario so I felt it fit. Needless to say, there were a number of times I was cackling to myself as I was writing.
Thank you for reading. Chapter 9 should be posted around 12/10.
Author's Note - Chapter 9: The Punisher
In this chapter, Twilight and Applejack discovers what Crimson's culture does when they do something wrong.
Thanks for reading. Leave a comment or like the story. The more encouragement I get, the more likely I'll write more after this story. Chapter 10 will be up around 12/14.
Story Edit 12/12/12 - Fixed a few typos in the story.
yay nuw chaptah
this one was fun ^^
also, Crimson heard about Twilight being the princess student and now is all like "forgive your humble servant"
Author's Note - Chapter 10: The Pristine
In this chapter, Twilight takes Crimson to officially meet Rarity. Problem is, Crimson is dirty from working in the fields and the explosion from kitchen.
Thank you for reading. Your comments and likes/favs mean a lot. Next chapter will be posted around 12/17. Enjoy
YESH new chapter
Author's Note - Chapter 11: The Daspah
The following day, Crimson and Rarity have some alone time and she shows him what she does on her days off.
A possible rerun of a previous joke? Maybe. But I still thought it was funny.
Next chapter will be posted at about Dec 21st. Enjoy!
BUT AUTHOR! WHAT IF THE WORLD ENDS!? D:
THEN I WONT GET TO READ THE NEW CHAPTER!! D: D: D:
1816670
If you're worried and stressed, just go to the Daspah :P
Author's Note - Chapter 12: The Inferno
In this chapter, the prideful Crimson meets the shy Fluttershy. Things get awkward until a family of helpless bunnies come into grave danger.
I see you survived the apocalypse. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Chapter 13 will be posted around 12/24 - Christmas Eve. Thanks again
1834934 (BlueHibiscus)
...
Conflicting message there. Other than that, this story is great, but I strongly suggest that you get an editor to help you typing out the story. Keep up the good work!
On a side note, I wish there was a T-Shirt that said "I survived the Mayan Apocalypse!" That might get a few lulz.
HAPPY DOOMSDAY :D
1836361
Thank you for the comment. I'm glad you're enjoying the story. As for the mixed message, I'm still trying to fix the "he said, she said" scenarios in the story. Since the story was finished a number of months ago, I do a lot of general editing and rewriting to get around the 'he said she said' issue brought up to me earlier. With that being said, some times I break something that I didn't notice at the time (such as the mixed message part). ... Unless you've noticed this a lot in previous chapters, then it'll be an issue I'll definitely address.
I very much appreciate the feedback. Thanks again.
Author's Note - Chapter 13: The Mare
In this chapter, Fluttershy, Twilight, and Crimson see the judge who carried out Crimson's release the day after he sustained the burned from the forest. Under suspicion, the judge gets suspicious of Crimson's time in Ponyville.
Happy holidays everyone. Chapter 14 will be posted on 12/28. Thanks for reading.
Author's Note - Chapter 14: The Unland
Fluttershy and Twilight want to introduce the stranger to Rainbow Dash, but she stays in the cloud city of Cloudsdale. Crimson has at the very least earned the trust and respect of five out of six friends. With Rainbow Dash being as stubborn and cautious, how will he earn Rainbow Dash's trust and respect, especially with an unexpected visitor?
I actually had to re-write a bit of this chapter as I had placeholders set since a lot of the geography wasn't really set in stone from the creators and designers of the FIM world. Considering my very general knowledge of the lands themselves, I hope I did alright.
Leave a comment or like the story. I'm very interested in your feedback. And the next story will be written based around your feedback (whether or not I will write another story). Thank you for reading. The next chapter will be posted on Dec 30'th.
But I thought all those other places were just cities inside of Equestria...? Do I have my equestrian geography wrong?
1868076
Thank you for reading. I'm not a geographical expert in the MLP world, but I gathered that those places were cities (like Ponyville and Canterlot). I could be wrong... But since there is no static 'world map' I can't say for certain.
mmm... but they're all spin-offs of our cities, so that should help you.... and from what I gathered by watching the episodes, they're cities... I'm not saying this to be mean, it's more like constructive criticism…
Author's Note - Chapter 15: The Gathering
Twilight was asked to document Crimson's livelihood and civilization from Princess Celestia. Wanting to hear of Crimson's stories, Rainbow Dash gets the rest of the friends to meet at the library so they can hear the tales of his life.
This is a shorter chapter and the last chapter of the year. Happy new year everyone! See you all in 2013. Next chapter will be posted 1/4/2013. Thank you for reading. I look forward to reading your comments.
Author's Note - Chapter 16: The Heartbroken
With the sudden and urgent summon to Canterlot, the seven ponies use the "steel monster" to ride to the castle. Their arrival was nothing what they expected.
This chapter was rather tough to write. There were a number of times where I'd be writing, then delete for a rewrite because something didn't end up how I wanted it to or I couldn't get the thought clearly on 'paper.' Regardless, I hope I did alright for what the chapter is about.
Thank you for reading. Chapter 17 will be posted on Jan 7th. Enjoy :)
Author's Note - Chapter 17: The Dark
Things only get worse as the six venture towards the throne room. Just when they have hope, it gets taken from them.
Thank you for reading. The last chapter will be posted on Jan 11th.
OMG! I'm sorry, I thought I published this chapter! :( Well, look on the bright side. Two chapters in one day.
Author's Note - Chapter 18: The Lesson
What happened when the shield collapsed? Visions of light upon death. Is this true for Twilight Sparkle?
Thank you for reading. I'm going to post an epilogue for you all (the one thing I haven't written in the story). Umm, should be posted... Jan 14th or so. Again, sorry about the previous chapter not being published/posted. :/
Why is it incomplete? This chapter would make a good ending and opening to a sequel. Also, I have two requests for the future. One is please have him base his operations in Ponyville, he could start by exploring the Everfree Forest, I'd like to see him interact more with the Mane 6. The second request is more of a question. Are you gonna plan any romance for the future cause that would be cool.
Preferably one of the Mane 6, but I'm open to other ponies as well.
1960407
Hi, thank you for the comment.
This story was tagged "incomplete" because I was going to post an epilogue (which will be posted shortly). As for a sequel, I already have an idea on what I’ll do. Whether or not it’ll be written depends on the input I get from readers and whether or not it’ll be read.
Thanks again. Please show others this story if you would. The more input, comments, likes (and dislikes), faves, ect I get, the more likely I’ll write the sequel.
Author's Note - Epilogue: The Letter
What happened after the castle was destroyed? Whats going on with the girls? What about Crimson?
Thank you everyone for reading. This story is officially done. I MAY re-read and re-write a few chapters to fix bugs and make the chapters more enjoyable to read.
Please leave your comments, likes, and favs. A sequel is in pre-production and it is on the readers for whether or not it'll be written.
Thank you all again for reading. :)
.... Sequel ......now...
1961250 my, so professional and polite. Just noticed this story in the Recentaly Updated collem and I am now glad I clicked on it. I will read later but you have earned an instant fave.
1961424>>1961250 I must agree. I haven't even read it yet and I already want a sequel.