• Member Since 11th Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen Mar 13th, 2015

xscout159xx


I love ponies herpdaderp

E

A storm ended up bringing Derpy to the library for an unexpected stop.
Twilight and her soon become fast friends and maybe even more..

Chapters (1)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 22 )

It is a very well done and heart warming story. Keep up the good. :coolphoto:

1592820
look, I don't care if there errors, a few of my tumblr followers wanted to see this, so I posted it.
I'n not going through the hassle of asking someone to edit it.
Besides not like I'm ever going to be posting an other fan fic here.
if any of you want, you can gladly edit it and send it to me, but that's if you wanna.

1593127
There
I have no idea how groups work so I just posted a comment in an editor group thing.

1603006
Sorry, I was reading come of the comments on my other fics and I realized how bad of a writer I am aaaaand seeing people do that to your works isnt fun.

1603018
I can edit for you!

1606005
Whoa, really?
That would be flippin' awesome!

1616305
well if you want, go right ahead!:pinkiehappy:

A very sweet and heart warming story, i was like :pinkiehappy: all the way though i can't wait to read your next story, keep up the good work!

love this story,,, would honestly wanna see raritys face when she get to know about sweetie bell and apple bloom :pinkiehappy:

1681405
Actually, I wrote a fiction about them, that took place before this one, but never had it edited and never posted it.

Dat ending. Holy shit. Didn't see that coming. But why was everyone only shocked about Twilight and Derpy but not anyone else.

Oh and for the record I hate Flutterdash and AppleBelle (That's what I call it :P)

1691589
Who's to say they're open about it :P
Honestly I dunno, this is an old sucky fic I never even had editied

It's okay. Editing aside, I think it could have used a lot more explanation into how Twilight becomes interested in Derpy in the first place, but that's my view.
:derpytongue2::twilightblush:

Pipsqueak's not a filly, silly! He's a colt!

Ok, I'm going to give you my honest opinion on this.

On first read it feels like a draft piece, good ideas down and a generic plan to a where you want your story to go. for me the potential of this story seriously outweighed what was actually there in substance.

Points to Consider:

1) A bit more back story to how Derpy and Twilight both realised they liked the other would be helpful.

2) I understand how you "Feel" Editing is a hassle, but look at it from another point of view - when we read this , we can see what can be achieved, so although you see editing and checking grammar is too much work, take a moment and think - If someone else wrote like this, would I be happy to struggle through it? - I know what that's like, both my fics on here need work, I edited them multiple times before Posting, and they STILL are wrong grammarwise, so believe me I understand. Don't just stop and say it's too much hassle though.

3) Personally I feel you got Rarity rather Out of Character for her, I cannot believe that any of the mane 6 would turn on each other like how you've depicted - Personal preference.

On the whole I feel this was a decent attempt but could have been done better if given time.

Pinkie Smile rating: :pinkiesmile::pinkiesmile: / 5

I like this story, ignoring the problems that everyone said, I believe that this story could have been spread out to about 3-5 chapters of equal length!
You moved just a tad... ok a bit too fast in this story, its a good story and i'd love to see more of it and hope to see it redone!
now the ending almost broke my mind... Rarity!?!?! im sure you could go into more detail about it, or maybe it was a misunderstanding I don't know..
but that ending.... the Pinkie/Vinyl about made my mind explode, I was not prepared for that, and that's a good thing :pinkiehappy:
not many people ship Vinyl with anyone other than Octavia, well not that i have seen lol
even with all the problems this has I believe that it deserves a thumbs up!

I agree this story could've been spread out into chapters and there were a lot of grammar and sentence errors,.

:ajbemused:one thing I don't like is how. Many ponies started treating twilight badly. That's not fair on her and how did they all know twi and derpy were a thing to begin with? They only had one date and that was at twi's house

Still I enjoyed this. Derpy's laying that way on purpose and her response when twi asked her to stopped seemed very out of character, but it was still sweet and twi's scenes with dinky were too cute:rainbowkiss:

I really enjoyed this Fic. Twipy I'd a pairing I never thought could work, but now I'm starting to think different:twilightsmile:

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!