Cynewulf
Joined 5th Dec, 2011 ·
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This is incredibly disturbing. Not so much the story, but for the fact that I can actually envision Twilight being like this.
Giving her Fifty Shades might break the relationship.
...I am never gonna look at hobbits the same way again.
Hilarious though. Nicely done.
...it's like she dirty talks the same way she dances... In theory, it is by definition, dirty talk. But...
This is hilarious.
You've written what I wanted to write, and you've done it with far more humour than I; congratulations. I'll be sure to tell anyone I come across about it.
Wat.
Twilight is one crazy talking horse...
Great fanfiction! 
Fuck. I died.
But seriously, why can I imagine Twilight actually doing this? Well...she probably does sex the same way she does dancing.
Love it!
Seems about right.
I was having a right shit day, (short version: My boss is a complete moron), but this cheered me right up, mad funny, and..a lot how I'd think actual sex w/ Twilight would go
I like it! Twilight would so act like that!
You deserve a like, a fave and a
. Well done!
i.imgur.com/7vKpE.jpg
Yep. Seems pretty damn close.
1592019 Hobbits? IF you ever write anything grandiose, and someone tells you that it's purple prose... then you'll start having problems. Life ruiner. :3
1592357 Adorkable Twi is best Twi, for serious.
1592350 (I'm glad I could make you chuckle! Sorry friend.)
And then Rainbow Dash thought about all of her life choices.
1592034>>1592030 Wat is a perfectly acceptable response. :3 Do you have any idea how hard it is to write bizarre mildly literary dirty talk? I wondered around Wikiquote and my book of Donne at college looking. It was the weirdest moment in my life.
1592021 Say thankya, sai. I see that story of yours now--think I'll wander by and have a read. I'm glad you liked it, honestly I didn't think it was funny enough! But it's a first attempt at both humor and clop, so. *shrug* This story actually started out as a joke between me and my editor that just escalated and continued.
PErsonally, I still think the connection between the Freytag triangley thing and legs is great....because like....they both....end in climax....
oh never mind.
i.chzbgr.com/completestore/12/6/27/kzIqwMYwuUqWRYaeuv0ICA2.jpg
Oh look; another porn story with a huge read count. Ican't decide if I consider that repulsive or just sad.
Why should any of us even bother any more when aparrently the only stories that get any real attention involve fucking? This site is slowly becoming a porn site and I didn't sign on to see this happen,
1592962 Did you even read the fic? It was more funny than anything, and not really all that explicit compared to some other stuff.
Edit: This had me giggling so much. Insta fav from me!
1592931 That was the point where I said. "**** it I don't even care anymore silliness"
1592962 Let me stop you there, friend. Though yes, I usually shre some of the emotion and sentiment behind this comment...
First off, this story hasn't gotten that much attention. It's gotten (sadly, honestly) more attention than some of my serious works have gotten--that's true. But it's not like I plopped a clopfic and got a hundred watchers over night.
For that matter, I'm not sure it's really a very defendable position you have there with "this site is slowly becoming a porn site". I uncheck the little mature box because outside of a handful of stories like "Salvation" or cheap jokefics like my own, I have little desire to read clop for the most part. You can do the same friend. It's perfectly valid to dislike and hate clop--usually I feel similarly. But this kind of comment is probably more at home elsewhere on clop not written rather obviously as a joke. Tons of writers who have never had a sex scene ever get attention. I'd never written anything like this on here until now, and I had an EQD feature (by luck) and fics that were well received if not amazingly popular.
(499 is not a huge read count.)
1592962
Well, aren't you just a little ray of sunshine
Look, I remember you. I remember how you've left the site before—deleted your stories then uploaded them again. You're lucky you didn't get banned for that, friendo. So, if you're so disappointed with this site, then why don't you just leave and actually stay away this time?
I worked with Cyne on this, and I can assure you that he had no intentions of gaining popularity over this. In fact, he stated to me that he hoped the story didn't get popular because it was nothing but mindless fun for the sake of mindless fun.
tl;dr: Fuck off
This is so fucking good :D
1593134
I am not your 'friendo'. Nor am I your buddy, pal. dude, or whatever slang term they're using this week.
My hope in coming here was finding somewhere safe from the encroachment of your 'rule 34' . I may just decide to take my pleasure in watching the place slowly circle the drain instead - it beats spending a week writing something just to watch it swiftly lose appeal because the next story is 'Fluttershy Sucks all the Dicks'.
TL;DR: No.
okok, I need a moemnt to thing... what other Ystory could Twilight like...
sadpanda.us/images/1246702-HYR5DAN.png
bwah, well, nvm
1593285
Personally, I think stories like "Luna Eats an Oreo" are far more likely to end up in the featured box and steal away attention than your typical clopfic—not to mention, are far lazier than your typical clopfic, but that's just a guess on my part.
And I will go on ahead and apologize a bit. Your first comment came off as an attack against Cynewulf (and maybe it was) and I'm the kind of guy who likes to jump into conversations he has no part in because I have a nasty habit of trying to defend my friends.
1593327
Exactly. That's exactly how I feel; latey a good percentage of the stories that are considered 'topbar' material are flat-out porn. It seems to me that the 'sex' tag is practically a read magnet - I could post the contents of my dishwasher's instruction manual, tag it 'sex' and have fifty reads by the time I finish making a pot of coffee. It's not the author I'm annoyed with, so much as the fact that that one particular tag seems to drag in the most readers now.
1593380
Well it's not just the tag. Groups also play a large role in this too, I believe. This fic is currently in the "Shipping" and "TwiDash" groups (though, surprisingly, not the "Clopfics" group), two groups with quite a few members (correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe that the "Shipping" group has over 1,000 members alone). Being in those two groups would give it quite a few views just from curious onlookers.
Personally, I think it's more than the "sex" tag in play here, but I could be totally and completely wrong there. I don't pounce on things tagged "sex" so I don't know the mentality of those who do
1593326 I seriously considered working Jane Austen into this. MISS DASH. I have altered your ponies. Pray I do not alter them further.
1593380 Though I think you might want to learn a bit more tact, I'll concede some ground there. For a lot of people, the Sex tag will draw them into horrifically awful writing.
I'm not sure it drags in the most readers now on it's own, though. I think the Romance tag in general draws in the lion's portion of attention. Honestly, complaints about it are probably in order, for people see a pairing they like and will upvote/like it even if it's bad. My first foray into it was rather...awful, to be honest, but it got a ton of views because it was TwiDash. I think to some extent, the Sex tag rides on the success of the Romance one.
1593401
Sorry - tact and I generally aren't on speaking terms.
1593401
TwiDash=Instant feature box on this site.
Wait, this isn't what happens every time Twilight has sex? I am going to have to rethink a lot of stories I have read wrong.
1594386 It is when it's Twilight's night to pick what they do. :P
1594425
She's so adorkable, I figure it slips in just about every night.
1594529 No one can see you imagine your significant as fem!Mr. Darcy and Twilight takes advantage of this. :3
That got me laughing REALLY hard.
I know I do.
1594764 You are literally the best person who could have commented on this, with that name. :D
1594845
I am to please.
1594852 Cunning Linguist: I am to please
this just gets better and better I'm watching you now.
Excellent. :3
I would love a girl who talks about literature during sex!
1595724 ...
The sad part is that I have used Donne and Herrick in the process of wooing, because I knew my ladyfriend would enjoy it. Not exactly pillow talk, but it's close enough.
Heheheheh the word wooing. :3
Whelp, never thought me being adventurous and reading a clop fic would pay off. That was pretty damned funny and clever, nice job! For some reason the thought of ponies fucking is becoming less and less awkward to me as time goes on. Thank you internet for desensitizing me to... everything. Guess that isn't bad thing, I suppose. Honestly, I think people give these type of fics too much flak. I mean, all they need to do is shut off the mature content filter if they don't wanna see em, right? Seems like it's the kind of thing people dislike because they're either self-conscious about it or dislike because other people dislike it. Gotta love our big ole anti-kinky collective consciousness.
Anyways, enough of my pointless ranting. Liked :D.
1595797 To be honest, I'm not totally desensitized to it myself!
It was a very surreal experience. Like giving birth to an incredibly bizarre alien baby thing. That's a horrible analogy.
I still find it very bizarre, but anything in fiction can be presented in such a way as to lull readers into acceptance.
1595828
Well, I'd say it's definitely more like ET than Alien, then. It may seem a bit weird at first, possibly even scary (fucker scared the shit out of me when it leaped out of that trash can), but deep down it's pretty much just innocent and quirky. It won't kill ya with its freaky double-mouth or anything.
1595857 You are a man/woman/pony after my own heart, taking the joke and driving it forward to the precipice of silliness. :D I am so proud, no joke.
Double mouths.
Yes, I need to remember this. :3
1595828
So... if writing clop is like having a chest burster, what type of fic is having an alien squid-baby by c-section?
Oh. Wait. Gluefics. Nvm!
1596171 Perhaps we shall see if I ever write actual clop.
This was... interesting to say the least. While I don't necessarily approve of the subject, I must admit it was extremely funny! I was grinning through most of it and actually laughed out loud at one of the best and most clever lines of literature I've read: "All you really need to know is that I’m a cunning linguist and that it was awesome." I still can't get over how clever that was. I'd high-five you if I could.
There were so many fantastic literary references: The Lord of The Rings, The Great Gatsby, Pride and Prejudice, H. P. Lovecraft... the sheer volume of win is difficult to contain. Have an internet. And keep writing.
1596577 Heh heh. I'm not sure how much I approve of the tale and I wrote it. :P
There'll be only one story on this account of mine with this tag, I'll say that much. I just wanted the joke. :P
The Great Ponysby should be a book.
I didn't find this fic as hillarious as promised.
But still....
Cunning linguist
1596623 Sorry! It is my first real attempt at comedy, and it is not exactly a strong foray.
But yes.
Cunning linguist is the best joke ever I have no idea why I find that so hilarious
1596628 Oh don't get me wrong, it was good! I was simply promised the funniest thing ever and that was the only laugh out loud funny line within it to me.
This was...amusing. Have a fave and a like, sir. That is the preferred currency around here, is it not?
1597377 Unless you've Venetian florins! I'll take it with a smile. :3
1597379
Alas, I do not. I gave up my Florins for Great British Pounds and a trip to frontier. No wait, hold on, that's Assassin's Creed.
I do beg your pardon, I seem to have confused games with reality momentarily. This does not occur often, I swear it. :3