• Published 13th Nov 2012
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Darkness in the North - Commissar Rarity



Twilight and Trixie team up to fight druids

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Many Meetings


The time was exactly 7:05 am (Canterlot Plains time) when Pinkie snapped awake. She sprang from her large, quite comfy bed, covers hurtling into the air. A pioneering rat who had chewed his way in through the pipes in the bathroom had quite a fright. The pink explosion of activity was immortalised in a trash painting and later the play “The Devil Rather Enjoys Wearing Pink” which led to a ban of the colour pink in rat society.

Oblivious of the societal upheaval being born nearby, Pinkie hopped over to her bathroom mirror and began to run her hairbrush through her mane. Within a few minutes, the energetic mare had straightened her entire mane. There was a sound not unlike a balloon rapidly deflating as her mane underwent a sudden transformation. It could now only be described as “poofy”, like a floating cloud of cavity-bearing cotton candy.

“You know what time it is, Mirror-Me!” Alas, Mirror-Me did not know. She only parroted Pinkie’s words soundlessly. “That’s right!” Pinkie crowed, eyes shut in rapt happiness. “It’s time for Twilight time! ‘Twitime’! OOH that’s catchy! I’ll have to tell her that one!” Content that her mane was at maximum levels of poofiness, Pinkie bounded off, not even a farewell to faithful old Mirror-Me who was always there for her.

It was by good fortune that Pinkie had been placed directly across the hall from her KSMBFFFRN (Kinda Sorta Maybe Best Friend Forever For Right Now) Twilight Sparkle. Still basking in ecstasy, Pinkie began to rapidly rap on the door to Twilight’s room, first to the tune of “What a Friend I Have in Luna” then to “The Fiendish Dance of the Paddyknocker Foal”, then an oddly captivating medley of the two.

“Good morning-worning!” Pinkie squeaked as the door opened.

“Uh, who are you?”

Pinkie cracked open one eye. Dark purple, check. Horn, nope. Wings? Yep. “You’re not Twilight,” Pinkie said, an accusatory tone in her voice.

“Yeah, I’m not,” the pegasus grimaced. “And if this Twilight has friends as irritating as you, I don’t want to be.”

With that, the pegasus slammed the door on the pink pony. Pinkie stood there, frazzled, bedazzled and most of all utterly befuzzled. Where had Twilight gone? Had aliens snatched up all the unicorns in Equestria? That would be terrible!

“Goodness gracious lacious!” Pinkie shrieked at that thought.

“Is something wrong, Pinkie? It’s entirely too early for problems.” Rarity had come up behind Pinkie sometime while the mare was rapt in imagining the alien invasion of Canterlot. As Pinkie turned to face her, she noticed that not a hair was out of place on the fashionable unicorn’s mane. Had the aliens returned her? Or maybe… maybe she was an alien!

“You’re not an alien, are you?” Pinkie asked.

“Not since the last time I checked, dear. What’s going on?”

“I went to knock on the door and somepony I’ve never seen before answered and Twilight wasn’t there and I think that aliens kidnapped her! Also I thought you might’ve been an alien too but everypony knows aliens can’t tell a lie and you said you weren’t so you’re obviously not.” Pinkie gasped, out of breath.

“Aliens.”

“What else could it be?” Pinkie’s voice was rising to glass-shattering highness.

Rarity mimed twisting a dial to the left. “Volume, dear, volume. I’m sure there is a reasonable explanation for this that doesn’t involve aliens.” She sighed. “Look, Applejack was going to accompany me to a trade show. Something about ‘sampling the enemy’s pears and wares’. If anypony knows where Twilight went, it will be her.”

“Okey dokey lokey,” Pinkie said, doubt in every syllable.


The trip down to Applejack’s room was a quick one. The six friends had all called ahead at the same time, and thus had been placed in a small block of the hotel. Once they were outside the room, Rarity knocked in a very proper manner befitting a lady. They stood there in silence, waiting. After a time, she knocked again. They waited once more. There was a distinct lack of door-answering.

“She doesn’t seem to be here,” Rarity said, using all of her deductive powers.

“I coulda told you that,” Spike’s voice drifted up the hall.

The two mares swiveled around to see the baby dragon slowly stumble down the hall, claws catching in the thick blue carpet. When he had gotten close to them, he stopped and propped himself up against the wall. On his head sat a bowler cap at a crooked yet stylish manner, and around his neck he wore a checked scarf. A too-big watch that appeared to have been made of solid gold dangled from his wrist.

“Spike! Where on earth have you been?” Rarity demanded of him.

“Around,” he replied evasively, eyes darting around. “Twi, AJ, and Dash left during the after-speech party celebratory thingum.”

“Oh. But where did they go, Spikey?” Rarity batted her long eyelashes. The dragon bit his lower lip and squinted.

“Secret mission from the Princess.” As soon as those words left his lips he stood ramrod straight, eyes widening. “I mean, that’s the exact opposite of what they did! There was no secret mission, especially ones from the Princess.”

“Secret mission? And they didn’t invite us?” There was more than a little indignation in Pinkie’s voice.

“Well I for one am certain they had good reason to exclude us.” Rarity closed her eyes as she usually did in moments of didacticism. “Besides, secret missions do horrible things to the constitution,” she added, fluffing her mane.

“Yeah, well... I want a secret mission of my own,” Pinkie groused.

Rarity made a half-hearted attempt to avoid rolling her eyes. “Why not see the princess and try to take one off her hooves? I’m sure she has scads of them lying about.”

“Okey dokey lokey!” Pinkie bounded off. This time Rarity did not attempt to avoid rolling her eyes. Her sarcasm was lost on the bubbly mare.

“Ohhhh Spikeeeeey wikeeeeey. Would you be a dear and come with me to a show?”



Tea time at Celestia’s. The regal alicorn lounged in her solar, basking in the warm light. Her luminous mane flowed despite there being no breeze. Dr Trotson sat nearby, swishing his tea around to dissolve a bit of sugar stuck to the side of his cup.

“I’ve always wanted to try cockatrice egg omelet,” he commented idly.

“It’ll give you kidney stones.”

“Heh.”

The door to the solar opened, and a gold-armoured guard entered. “A ‘Pinkie Pie’ to see you, Princess.”

Celestia shrugged, a mean feat mid-sip. “Three’s company. May well let her in.”

The guard nodded and backed out. The princess and the doctor sat in silence together for a few moments. The door creaked open, and a bright pink pony entered, flanked by the guard. “Pinkie Pie to see the Princess,” the guard announced.

“Good morning, Pinkie. Tea?” Celestia floated the tea past Pinkie’s nose.

“Not unless the flavour is secret mission!”

“Oh. You know about Twilight. You girls share everything.”

“Everything?” asked Trotson.

“Hush, you.”

“I want a secret mission too, or I’ll tell everypony about Twilight and her secret mission and the aliens!”

“Oh dear, anything but the aliens,” Trotson intoned flatly. “Tell the world of the secret mission, but not the aliens, please.”

“You must give into her demands,” Celestia begged. “Aliens are our deepest, darkest, most secrety secret.”

“I just happen to have a mission of the gravest importance,” the doctor said. “You must speak of it to nopony.”

“I’m readier than ready!” Pinkie snapped off a smart salute.

“Somepony has been stealing supplies from the Royal Kitchen. You must find out who. This could upset the balance of power if left unchecked.”

“You can rest easy knowing Pinkie Pie is on the job!”

“I feel better already,” Celestia said. “Go! Save the pantries of Equestria from desolation!”

Pinkie bolted out the door at top speed, hurrying to the kitchen.

The two leaders sipped their tea.

“What kind of foal do you think your niece and her husband will have?”

“A centaur, I hope.”


“–the Gr-r-reat and Powerful Tr-r-rixie!”

“What.” Twilight’s voice was flat and disbelieving.

“Well ain’t this like findin’ a pineapple at th’ bottom of th’ apple barrel.”

Maybe it was a flash of magical cognizance. Maybe it was utter disbelief at seeing a minor character from a short chapter of her life in such an unlikely place. Whatever the reason, Twilight found herself uttering Trixie’s name loud enough for the stage magician to hear. Not even a heartbeat had passed before the mare dramatically put a hoof to her head.

“Trixie has a sudden migraine! She needs to be alone. Except you three – the purple unicorn and friends! I sense through the aether – yes, you know of the healing arts of, ah, healing! Come and aid Trixie!”

The unicorn ducked back inside her wagon, and Rainbow shook her head. “We’d better see what con she’s up to this time.”

Twilight nodded, and started for the gypsy wagon.


As the trio entered the wagon, Trixie was seated on a stool facing a trick mirror, running a hairbrush through her mane. Applejack reflected that such a thing would be difficult, doubly so with a headache. She also noted that the wagon seemed to be larger on the inside than on the out, which was troubling and more than a little disorienting.

“It’s about time you showed up,” Trixie said, much of her arrogance gone. “I am surprised that you three of all ponies would be my contacts here.”

You’re the agent?” all three exclaimed in perfect unison.

“Is that really such a difficult concept to grasp?” the magician asked. Now she was beginning to sound like the Trixie they had tangled with before.

“More surprising than anything,” the other unicorn replied. “Were you an agent that day in Ponyville?”

“That came after,” Trixie placed her brush down on a nearby table, and swiveled to face them. “Things have changed for me since then. No longer do I merely put on a show and get bits showered on me by my fans. Now I put on a show and get bits showered on me by my fans and I save Equestria from danger. It’s rather fun.”

“Did all this happen on account of that l’il ursa minor problem? I mean, not that either one was little.”

“Contrary to your belief, not all life in Equestria revolves around your little village. Besides, can I help it if my tale-weaving abilities are that good?”

“I don’t mean to rain on any parade ya might be havin’, but it ain’t that hard to bollix Snips an’ Snails. They’re a couple apples short of a Granny Smith award-winnin’ pie, if’n ya catch my meanin’.”

“This isn’t getting us anywhere,” Twilight interrupted. “We need to get working on stopping the druids from finishing whatever plans they may have.”

“As much as I am loath to admit it, your friend is correct. Their plans are in motion, and the wheels are spinning even faster now. When I arrived here months ago, they were little more than a garden club. Now they’re more dangerous than a pack of griffins in the frenzy. Soon they’ll be finishing their dastardly designs.”

“All this talk of druids reminds me of that one Daring-Do book.” Rainbow flushed. “Oh, I said that out loud, didn’t I”

“So all of them? Twilight asked.

“No, just the one with the evil cult.”

“So all of them.”

“Anyway,” Trixie said, ignoring the other conversation, “I’ve attempted to perform an augury and I’ve tried scrying to see what they’re up to. The scrying failed; I think they have some wards.”

“You followed the proper formulae?”

“The ones written by Starswirl and perfected by Bluebonnet.”

“You used genuine gizzard stones from a basilisk’s stomach?”

“What kind of sorceress would I be if I didn’t?”

Dash rolled her eyes. “Eggheads.”

Trixie glowered at the pegasus and then returned her gaze to Twilight. “I have a lead on a druid who might be sympathetic to our cause. His name’s Augur. He’s an oracle who sells his talents for bits.”

“A fortune teller.” Twilight’s face was doubtful.

“If you must be garish, yes. All my other leads have come up dry. He’s the last one I have left.”

“Then let’s go see him,” Twilight said.