• Published 6th Jan 2012
  • 6,120 Views, 88 Comments

ATC's Scrapbox - AdmiralTigerclaw



collection of random ideas and plot ponies

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Crusader Engineering Systems

What if the Cutie Mark Crusaders decided to one-up Equestrian Innovations' ORBITAL FRIENDSHIP CANNON in their never-ending quest for cuties marks...


And succeded? (In the oneupemanship, not the cutie marks...)

**Because of character-matching colors, this scrap is best read in DARK screen mode. Switch now, your eyes will thank you.**

**Also, grab the video link below so you can start the music on cue with the picture... Best effect that way.
SOUNDTRACK LINK


"Some days ya' just gotter' do what ya gotter do-"

"SHHH!!! It's starting!"

"Scootaloo, it's yer line!"

"What? OH! Right..."

"Welcome investors. Scootaloo here with Crusader Engineering Systems."

"As the market for pony-based materials continues to grow, so too does the many fields of the pony industry. Most notably, the field of pony science. Recent developments from Equestria Innovations such as the Portal to Equestria and the ever popular ponyboard have had investors reaching frequently for their checkbooks."

"However, we’ve come to realize that while it is a highly stimulating and often rewarding intellectual endeavor, science alone is unable to produce the fiscal earnings needed to maintain a stable work environment-“

"In other words, science doesn't pay the bills..."

"It don't get you yer cutie mark either-"

"Quiet! Both of you!"

“Recently, you may have noticed that many Investors have made similar observations. Despite a constant influx of new and innovative ideas, the return on investment funding has been stuck in the red. And with investors scrutinizing their bottom lines more than ever due to the recent downturn in the economy, scientists have found that they just can’t come up with the kinds of products needed to meet the ever-changing demands of investors.”

“But engineers on thah otha’ hoof…”

“Recently you might have heard about the launch of Equestrian Innovations' new Orbital Friendship Cannon. A device vaunted for the catchphrase 'when you absolutely positively have to love and tolerate the [CENSORED] out of something.' "

"I'm so telling Dash she said that-"

"Quiet Sweetie Belle!"

“This marvel of engineering has been considered one of the greatest feats of science and technology of the modern age. But as Captain Shining Armor, commander of the Equestrian Royal Guard, once mentioned: Any weapon that’s predictable is about as useful as a swarm of parasprites during applebuck season... And being a satellite, the orbital friendship cannon is about as predictable as they come. Which makes it an investment liability…”

"And that makes it a problem..."

"Crusader took care of that..."


Developed in a joint venture with Dash Aerospace and General PieNamics...

Constructed in secret at Luna Shipyards...

420 megatons of advanced alloys.

700,000 kilometers of integrated digital networking systems.

56 mid-range twin heavy railgun turrets.

768 heavy long-range missile launchers.

56 short-range medium particle beam turrets.

64 heavy anti-ship torpedo launchers.

And 1, 26-kilogram payload antay-deuterium artillery grav-cannon.


“THIS is the Celestia...”

“Three thousand seven hundred meters of warmth and sunshine-spitting super-dreadnaught the likes of which would make Nightmare Moon crawl back to bed with a teddy bear.”

“This is the ULTIMATE Friend-making tool, for when loving and tolerating just doesn’t cut it anymore...”

“This is for when you have to show somepony the light.”

“All one point thray gigatons of it...”

“And you don’t even have to take our word for it... Just look!”

“Whoa... Rarity would LOVE to get her hooves on that thing-”

“SHHHH!!!”

“Originally this vessel was going to be powered by Love, but after recent events on Hearts and Hooves Day, we decided to use something a little... less volatile.”

“...and gross.”

“Instead we went with a General PieNamics Antimatter Party Power Plant-“

“-Which if ‘ahm readin’ this paper right, means that tha’ matter in the core gets so excited from the party music that it flips over ta’ antimatter-“

“Apple Bloom, that’s a trade secret! You can’t tell them that!”

“Quiet Sweetie Belle, like they’ll figya’ it out-“

“ERHEM! I bet everypony’s wondering just how much this vessel costs. Well, put those calculators away, they don’t have enough zeroes to convey how many bits that got spent building this thing.”

“All you need to know is that you’ll need the backing of a few wealthier countries... or Prince Blueblood.”

“Good Luck with tha' one...”

“Scootaloo, Crusader Engineering, we’re done here.”

...

“So, anything?”

“Nadda...”

“Ah horseapples! I thought fa’ SURE we’d get our cutie marks this time. We did get a star dread-not all built fer reals...”

"So much for THAT idea..."

"What about the Celestia?"

"Deorbit it into the moon ah' guess..."

“Would somepony turn the camera off?”