(Image is Mechanical Knight by Guangjian Huang.)
What do you do when you're the last of your species? What do you do when your entire homeworld has been completely obliterated from the star charts? What happens when your deactivated, cold husk breaks into the atmosphere of a new world after erring for hundreds of years? This is how a being of technological wonder finds itself roaming Equestria with a teeny tiny black creature and a deposed king in tow, discovering both ancient secrets of this world and, perhaps, getting a few souvenirs from the sky. Will it find its new purpose?
Chapters (3)
1616028 His personality isn't meant to be shown directly on the first chapter. All in due time. I'm glad you already like it though.
Interesting... by all means, proceed.
So. I was hoping, when I saw the cover art, to see a TSFH-inspired masterpiece. It looks like, judging from your Sol Invictus reference, that you were inspired by that kind of (good) music, but it definitely wasn't ANYTHING like a masterpiece. Excuse me while I wash my eyes -- and my occitipal lobe -- with fluoroantimonic to remove any significant trace of this ... aberrance.
Now, on to my rationale for so intensely disliking this piece:
First of all, this story isn't long. It's actually quite short. Chapters are about average-length, and there's only two so far. Granted, you just started it, but still. It's not long by any means.
And then there were grammar errors.
And most importantly, the scientific errata. It's actually quite difficult for me to explain them all here unless you want me to write a dissertation-length (that was a joke) list. But I can just give you a basic rundown:
- The orbital reentry part was very bad. Just absolutetly horribly WRONG.
- His mechanics seem ... off.
- You don't seem to have a very good grasp of physics, mechanical engineering, environmental science, and numerous other fields.
So, yeah. From a scientific standpoint, I have no reason to like this. Nor really from a literary standpoint.
But I'll give you props for listening to good music.
--
IX: Researcher, student, founder of SCI, and your friendly neighborhood science-y
coolpony.1638187 Is there "Complete" on the bottom of the story description? There are always grammar errors. What the f*** is this "reference" you are speaking of? I took the name from a god of the sun, most likely, the roman one. You really don't need to put that initial thing at the bottom of your comment.
1638187 I just thought, seeing as you know more about atmospheric re-entry, care to share the information so I can correct that portion?
1638201
I was referring mainly to the fact that your chapters were ~3.5K words long.
To your second point, I would ask you to get a pre-reader or an editor. There were simply far too many errata for these to be the grammar errors that ubiquitously and invariably escape QC checking.
Oh, the reference was to a piece of music known in circles that your traffic and mannerisms would indicate you knew about. I apologize for my misunderstanding; I understood that it was the later Roman Empire's official sun god, but it seemed far more likely that you chose not to use the "generally" (airquotes) accepted name of Solaris for the aforementioned reason.
As for my appendation, I tried to attach a bit of credibility (subliminally, of course) to my commentary, so you wouldn't just brush it off (like you're doing now). I'd honestly like this to improve, but its current state is atrocious compared to its potential.
Also, I like having a signature. There seems to be no societal stigma(ta) against that, at least here.
--
IX: Nine.
1638241 No. I'm being serious. I DO want to know more about the atmospheric re-entry to replace that portion with a more appropriate setting. Also, MY circles of music?
This isn't an insult, and this isn't a dare, but what are you referring to there?
1638257
Yeah; I wrote that comment without refreshing my page. Thus, it seems that I was implying you "brushed me off", but your later comment eschews that satisfactorily.
My main issue was with the shock-wave part of your story. Assuming Earth-normal-ish gravity and LEO velocity (which might be too conservative, but I'll assume he wasn't traveling FAST before that)
This seems to support your stand, but the math can indicate that the shock-wave will be far less in magnitude. That was my primary issue. Now, I retract my earlier claims.
NONONONO! I meant that I'd thought you'd know about TSFH. Apparently I was wrong.
1638278 I took that pic because it resembled more closely the bot I was using. Also, I'll PM you a secret about the IRM.
1638284
Wow, guess what they say about guesswork and educated induction is true: Assuming does make an ass out of both of us.
1638293 I'm too bizarre to understand myself. YOU KNOW HOW THAT MAKES ME FEEL?! IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE CAPSLOCKING FOR NO REASON!
1638295
Lol. THEN I SHALL, AS WELL!
HOPEFULLY WE CAN CARRY ON ENOUGH OF A CONVERSATION TO GET THIS FEATURED. OOPS, SHOULD'NT HAVE SAID THAT SO LOUD!
1638301 WHAT?!
I CAN'T
HEAR YOU!
1638307
HAH. I WIN:
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i294.photobucket.com/albums/mm84/keithzworld/Humour/cat-scream.jpg
static.fjcdn.com/pictures/I+Can+t+Hear+You.+Found+one+of+these+put+Photoshop_9ba911_4176265.jpg
--
1638315
Maybe you can still feel?
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1638346 Image doesn't work.
1638368 What?
1638356>>1638368
i.chzbgr.com/completestore/2011/3/2/9e7625bf-20a4-49ee-9890-47d089f8aa94.jpg
1638377 I dunno. Lack of keys, maybe?
1638387
THAT's what you THINK!
I came to the comments hoping for a bit of talk about the story so as to peak my interest into reading it sooner. I was horribly misinformed. OH well! Looks like this is going at somewhere around 300.
1638403 I don't get it.
1638406 Well I plan on reading all of your stories at some point. The problem is that I have 1136 other stories I plan on reading. I went to the comments hoping to see something that would inspire me to read it sooner. I only saw the conversation you were having and it did not pique my curiosity. Therefor, becasue the premise is interesting but I couldn't see anything promising in the comments, your story goes around 300 in the "I will read at some point" list.
1638406
Updated.
1638423
You want a promising comment? Here. Robotic menace comes to Equestria via an interesting de-orbit protocol, then proceeds to wreak bloody havoc with interesting characters. If that sounded off-putting, try this: Heroic robot comes to Equestria, accidentally kills things and breaks stuff, and hilarity ensues. It's good. Read it.
1638432 The atmosphere thing?
1638442
Scroll up.
In short: Assuming slightly-higher-than-LEO velocity (or near enough as does not make significant matter, which is pretty good for a piece of space debris so long as it's not traveling fast. Otherwise, my comment is invalid.) and near-Earth-normal gravity, there wouldn't be enough force in an asteriod the size of a person (if it is the size of a person) to cause half-continent-spanning shock-waves and earthquakes. The "field of glass" is also a tad suspect, but I guess it could work. Aside from that, everything is minor enough not to care significantly about. But I shall be monitoring this closely in order to prevent that from ever changing.
1638456 That was it. It was also a figure of speech. I know quite well that such a small object could not cause so much damage, but if there is enough heat employed, sand can turn to glass, which is why I tried to imply that there was sand underneath the ground.
1638472
Mm. Well, I assumed you'd know that, but I just wanted to PROVE it... y'know... whatever. Anyways, caught the implication. FULGURITES! Good job!
1638432 well then. That is a bit more useful. Looks like I am raising the story instead to abut 120 or so.
1638629>>1638602
Lol.
1638423 Well then... I generally try to keep my 'read later' list down to sixty. Seems you have no such inhibitions.
Not particularly a bad thing, but pretty crazy in my own personal opinion. (Colored by my own personal bias... And in no way affecting reality...)
i.chzbgr.com/completestore/2009/3/28/128827396491261306.jpg
@author: So... We meet again. y'know, 'the psychopath' sounds increadibly pretentious. And as I'm going to be reading this story (I haven't yet.) and likely commenting further on it, I think I'll call you path so I have a way to reference you that doesn't make me want to ragequit.
1638743 I tried to keep it under fifty but then.
fc06.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2012/063/4/1/we_are_experiencing_technical_derpyculties_by_inkwell_pony-d4rndk4.jpg
1638743 Look at my profile page and then look at the pic under my picture. The colorful stallion with the Tophat is called "The Psychopath' based on his true name being "Psycho". It's a play with words, and it comes from him the name I currently bare. There are two main stories with him in them, but the second is currently being written.
1638730 Thar. Fixed the spelling errors I found.
1638935 I still see one.
1639032 Like?
1639036 Thar
... I'm so alone
1639041
MOAR
1639275NOT
BIG
ENOUGH!
1639284OH YEAH
1639275 Your comment broke the reply button. Anyways:
1.bp.blogspot.com/_74NrYsVnHxE/TEAOLeFRWCI/AAAAAAAAAH0/VBBGjrRGb8A/s400/10559399_91d27740a7.jpg
MOAR
1639275 Please stop. You're breaking the comment section.
1639338 oh i'm so sorry i didn't mean to
1639344 I must now force you to endure pun-ishment. It will be most egg-celent.
1639350 IT BURNSplease stop
1639368 Why should eye? This will be Punt-tastic!*kicks a dog* I know you'll make the meow-st of your situation.