Ch. 4.3- Adorable Xenos (fear them)
Twilight the Ambassador (part 3)
________________________________________
"Our first days with the ponies were quite vexing. Half of me wanted to smite them for being filthy xenos, while the other half wanted to hug them like a child's toy. Confound the creatures, they drive me to madness." - Attributed to Inquisitor Creighton
"The Astartes have a reputation -a well founded one, that is- of being merciless killers, of having no remorse, no restraint, no heart or soul. That is certainly true, but there's more to them than that. Longinus is a perfect example of a Marine who is the perfect soldier, but who still cared for others. That is why I consider him to be my friend. Because he still has a conscience."- Fluttershy
1345 hours
Fluttershy's cottage
Idly waiting around on a xeno planet was certainly a new thing for the soldiers of the Imperium. It filled them with a strange mixture of fearful apprehension and outright boredom. Even the emotionless Magos had to reguile himself with analyzing environmental data it was gathering. The Inquisitor managed to hide his impatience well, the tapping of his fingers on his leg the only tell of his inner turmoil.
Everyone else seemed fine just patrolling the perimeter or setting up makeshift defenses (it was a commissar’s idea, giving the troops something to do). But Longinus just rested on top of the hill, keeping his eye on the road for the unicorn or the Pegasus. He kept an air of calm stoicism as the hours passed by, his brothers standing by for further orders.
Creighton was regretting having just brought Longinus' squad. I should've taken Captain Numitor, or the Imperial Fists, He thought ruefully. They wouldn't backtalk me so openly. They wouldn't backtalk at all! They know and understand their role on this mission.
Mendel was a relatively new Inquisitor, but he knew it was a bad example for the soldiers for a Marine (especially a mere sergeant) to openly disrespect him, to question his authority in that manner. It made him look weak and incompetent to the others, and gave them ideas on who should lead.
There was a reason why he was leading this mission. All the High Lords of Terra, each representing a massive faction in the Imperium, wanted to be the first group to bring back the Emperor, and bring glory to their Adeptus. The infighting was at such a point for awhile, that it looked like there would be actual killing between them. It was only through the wise council of the Custodes (and the direct intervention of Constantin Valdor himself) that a compromise was made: Each faction would send a representative or squad on the Emperor's Wrath, and share in the glory of the ultimate triumph for Humanity. Because the Inquisition had control or connections with the Ecclesiarchy, Arbites and the Telepathica, Creighton was representing almost half the Imperium.
Any disrespect to him was disrespect to everything the Imperium stood for.
Longinus understood that, but would've said, if asked, that Mendel was overreacting. This wasn't supposed to be about which faction was the greatest, or who followed His Will the most. It was, simply put, the resurrection and restoration of the Emperor. It didn't really matter who reclaimed Him, so much as that He was coming back. After ten thousand years in a state of near death, the Emperor would live again.
Even if it was because of the aid of xenos.
The team had been waiting for about three hours when the Inquisitor's patience finally wore out. "This is it." He sneered. "I'm calling in the other squads. This has taken far too long."
"Calm yourself, Inquisitor." Longinus soothed. "The xeno still has a few more hours. She'll come back before then."
"No!" Mendel protested. "You said two hours would be enough, and it’s been three. The day we're expected to trust xenos is the day the Mechanicus stops obsessing over technology."
"Don't bring me into this." Kriel interrupted. "I'm just here to observe."
"Inquisitor," The Astartes pressed, "We don't need to hunt down Fluttershy or Twilight."
"And why the hell not?"
"Because they're already here." The Marine nodded his head, and Mendel turned around. Sure enough, two pegasai and a purple unicorn were coming down the dirt road.
Twilight and Rainbow Dash paused with Fluttershy when they came upon the top of the hill. Below them, a large group of humans, giants and metal... things had made camp all around Fluttershy's house, turning what was once a peaceful stretch of nature into a pseudo-fortress.
"Whoa." Dash gasped. "Those are a lot of... really big humans."
Twilight's eyes were wide as she looked upon the whole encampment, feeling a little ball of anxiety and fear settle down in her belly. "Fluttershy," Twilight murmured, "Are you sure these guys are friendly?"
"I don't know about all of them," The Pegasus answered, "But Longinus seemed nice enough to me. And he was the only one who spoke that I could understand."
"Which one is Longinus?" Dash asked nervously.
"He's the tall one, talking with the loud one in the pointy hat." Fluttershy explained, pointing to the duo on the hill.
The Space Marine had also been pointing at the ponies, leading to a moment of awkward symmetry. Fluttershy, for her part, smiled and waved, and encouraged her friends to do the same. Longinus and Creighton hesitantly waved back, the whole scene having a feeling of surreality.
Under the watchful eye of the rest of the away team, the two humans and three ponies came together on the top of the hill. Mendel repeated his speech from earlier, this time using the Ultramarine as a translator. "Greetings, Twilight Sparkle. I am Inquisitor Mendel Creighton, and this is Sergeant Longinus of the Ultramarines. We represent the Holy and All-Powerful Imperium of Man, who serves He who rules from Terra. Fear not, for we come in peace."
Again, Twilight was surprised that these huge creatures, these humans knew her name. How, though? Was it possible that the Princesses already contacted them? If so, was this some kind of test on their part? The unicorn's mind raced with all kinds of possibilities, but she still had the presence of mind to bottle that up in the back of her head.
"Well," She said, "Since you already know about me and Equestria, I might as well introduce my friends. This here is Rainbow Dash, I take it you've already met Fluttershy, and on behalf of everypony in Ponyville and Equestria, I welcome you to our world."
She extended a hoof, expecting the Inquisitor to shake it like Shepard had done. It was with a bit of concern that she noticed Mendel was hesitating. You could see it in his eyes that he wanted to touch her as much as drink a bottle of acid. But regardless, he put away his feelings on the subject, and shook the hoof.
The Inquisitor spoke, and Longinus translated, "If having a translator is a problem, I can have Magos Kriel bring over a Lexicon Skull. It’s quicker that way." Longinus shot Mendel a glare, but said nothing. Using the Mechanicus to cut him out as a middleman was to be expected, and thus didn't deserve any serious acknowledgement.
"Oh, it's no problem." Twilight said. "In fact," She said thoughtfully, "I think I have a spell that should solve our little problem." With that ambiguous statement, she closed her eyes, and focused her magic. Her horn began to glow in a purple aura, and sparks were coming off the tip. From the looks of the humans, this was very frightening and alarming.
"Twilight?" Rainbow said worriedly, noticing that all the humans were now looking at them.
"Just a minute, Dash," Twilight answered, "This requires a lot of focus." Her horn glowed brighter, and the pegasai could see the humans were all reaching their weapons. Swords, axes, various sharp objects, and strange elongated machines were all being aimed at them.
"Twilight," Fluttershy spoke up, her fear much more evident, "I really think you should stop."
"One second, Fluttershy!" The unicorn snapped, "I'm almost done!"
At this point, Twilight's horn was as bright as a signal flare, and all the Imperials were dead certain that she was trying to do some kind of sorcery, maybe summon a daemon of some kind. Even Creighton and Longinus were drawing out their massive chainswords.
"Twilight!" Dash shouted, "Please stop! They're not happy at all!"
"Almost there, annnd..."
Poof!
There was a bright flash, and a magic wave that enveloped everyone on Fluttershy's property. Twilight opened her eyes, and saw that they were surrounded by swords and guns, RD standing defiantly in front of her, and Fluttershy cowering behind her. She was somewhat perplexed at the reaction, but with an air of calm that surprised them all, she asked, "Can you hear me now?"
To the Inquisitor's surprise, he found that he could. "What did you do to us, xenos?" He demanded.
"I simply casted a 'universal understanding" spell, so you could talk to us. We're still speaking the same languages, but now we can understand each other's meaning." Twilight noticed that all the humans still looked pissed off. "What did you think I was doing?" She asked.
"Something you would've regretted." Longinus told her. "Don't ever do something like that again without giving us a warning. We may have sworn an oath to not harm you, but that doesn't mean we won't act when we think we're being threatened."
"Oh, um, I'm sorry." Twilight apologized, properly embarrassed. Her pegasai friends sighed with relief, thankful that Twilight's absent-mindedness didn't end up killing them.
"Come," Creighton said to her, "Let us have our palaver in a more private setting." He began walking in the direction of the forest, and Twilight followed. With that, all the other soldiers went back to their duties, leaving Fluttershy, Longinus and Rainbow Dash by themselves.
"Sorry about that." Dash apologized to the giant, "Twilight can be a bit... Careless at times. She really didn't want to scare you guys, and probably didn't even realize what she was doing."
"And I want to thank you for not hurting us." Fluttershy added, no longer huddled in the fetal position. "We really do appreciate it."
"Don't thank us," Longinus told them sternly, "We had given an oath to the Emperor Himself to not harm you xenos. Under normal circumstances, the moment her horn started glowing would've been the moment she died."
He reholstered his bolter gun over his shoulder. "In truth," He continued, "This situation is quite unusual for us. My legion has worked with non-humans only a handful of times, and I personally have never even spoken to an alien until today."
"How would you deal with them before?" Rainbow asked.
"We killed them." Longinus said plainly, simply stating a self-evident fact, like how the Warp is dangerous, or you shouldn't give a chainsword to a village idiot. The flying equines gasped, genuinely shocked on how blatant and nonchalant that statement had been.
"Y-You killed someone?" Fluttershy stuttered, cowering again. "B-But why?"
"Why what?"
"Why did you kill them? What did they do to you?"
Why did he kill xenos? That was an interesting question for the Space Marine, one he hadn't thought of before. It was difficult, not because of any moral reason, but because he could think of dozens of legitimate answers. After a moment's thought, he gave them two answers: “Because they threaten my people, and because it’s what I'm made for."
"What do you mean?" Dash questioned, her tone serious. "Haven't you tried reasoning with them?"
"The enemies of man cannot be reasoned with." The Ultramarine informed them. "We have the Eldar who use us as mere shields, the Dark Eldar and their tortuous ways, the Tau who seek to enslave us, the Orks who fight anything that moves, the all-consuming Tyranids, the ancient evils of the Necrons, and our greatest enemy- Chaos- seeks to corrupt and destroy everything good in our galaxy. In short, you’re the only xenos I've met that are even worth bothering to talk to."
The multicolored mare widened her eyes from the surprise. An entire galaxy full of monsters, all out to get you? She was a brave pony, but Dash realized that this place where these humans were from was a very dangerous. She also realized that they were very different from Shepard and his friends, who didn't even mention these foes. Were they from the same place? If not, then where?
"What's more," Longinus continued, "I am an Astartes, a Space Marine. My brothers and I are the greatest warriors in the galaxy. We live war, we breathe war, we are war. Our very purpose of existing is to fight the alien, the heretic, the mutant, and to protect humanity. To do anything else is dereliction of duty."
"So, if your purpose in life is to kill," Dash questioned, a touch of worry in her voice, "Are you here to kill us, then?"
Longinus scowled at the perceived idiocy in that question. "If we were here for that reason, you and everyone you know would already be dead. If my people came here to conquer, it would only take a day, even with your xeno gods."
"Well," Fluttershy finally spoke, "If you're not here to conquer or kill, why are you here?"
________________________________________
"What brings you to our world?" Twilight asked the Inquisitor, as they approached the forest. They were of sufficient distance that no one from either group would be able to hear them.
Under the shade of a tree, Mendel summoned a floating servitude skull, which the Magos had brought on standby. With a snap of his fingers, the skull activated a holo projector, creating an image of a human, clad in golden armor, an actual halo encircling his head.
"This," The Inquisitor answered, "Is why we came. That is our master, the Emperor of Mankind. He has summoned us to this world to retrieve Him, and to bring our Imperium back into glory."
Twilight was at a loss. She had never heard of this "Emperor" fellow, and the Princess had never told her about Him. When she said as much, the human said, "You don't know Him, but your Princesses do. He told us that they made Him a new body, to resurrect Him from His deathly state. In fact, the Emperor mentioned them in quite a positive view, and said that you were their representative."
Twilight couldn't hide her surprise. Celestia and Luna had been talking with an alien god, making him a new body, even mentioning her, and possibly her friends? And all this time, the Princesses never told Twilight, her prized student, whom she entrusted with the highest levels of magical knowledge and wisdom? It was almost a slap in the face.
Inwardly, Mendel was smiling. Judging from the expressive face of the xeno, this was clearly a surprise to her. Even better, she had made the rookie mistake of showing her emotions plainly. Whoever this unicorn was, she was certainly no diplomat.
Pressing his advantage, he continued on, "You should be grateful that the Emperor holds your kind in such esteem. Had it not been for His wise counsel, we would've dealt with you the same as with any other xenos. But I digress."
"My point being, send word to your leaders that we patiently await His release. But know that our patience is not eternal, and it would bode well for you to make haste."
And on that note, he walked off, back to his people, leaving Twilight deeply concerned and vexed.
________________________________________
"Well," Faber sighed, finally getting into his evening rations, "This has been an interesting day."
It was around 1800 hours, based on the local star's position in the sky. Although, as the guardsman thought, since the sun and moon were manipulated by alien deities, who knew if it actually was that time of day, and not some trickery on their part? He merely shook his head, and returned his attention to dinner.
The day had indeed been weird. After the unicorn and Inquisitor finished up their little chat, "Twilight" had returned to pick up her friends. Faber had eavesdropped on the pegasai's conversation with the Astartes, and was somewhat intrigued with how it finished up. After he revealed his purpose to the ponies, he tried to keep them from fear, saying that, as the equine xenos were not warriors, and were somehow acceptable to the Emperor, he and his kin had no reason to harm or threaten them. It struck Faber as strange that the space marine would make an effort to come off as less intimidating, when the whole idea of the Astartes was to create fear in the hearts of their enemies.
Afterwards, Twilight, RD and Fluttershy (who seemed rather friendly with the marine) headed back to the town, to send a report to the Princesses. This left the Imperials to secure and sanctify their makeshift base, and to take down enough of the forest to allow the entire task force to come down. The xenos didn't actually say that they could, but what right did they have to say "No" to them?
Cadius Faber sat outside the circle of his troops, keeping watch with his bionic eye, when a loud whooshing sound came into the air. "Look out below!" A voice cried out, and the guardsman managed to duck just in time to avoid a grayish-blonde blur crashing into him, instead plowing into the log next to him. Before he or any of his comrades could draw their weapons, a Pegasus mare with a bubbles cutie mark and a bag of mail chirped, "Sorry about that. I just don't know what went wrong."
The gray pony got up and shook off some dust. It must've loosened one of its eyes in the process, because they began to move around in different directions. To the humans, it was an odd combination of adorable and disturbing. One of the eyes met with the sergeant, and she turned to fully face him.
"Hi," She peeped, her voice making her sound a little on the slow side, "My name is Derpy Hooves. What's yours?"
"Um... I'm Sgt. Cadius Faber, 12th Cadian Regiment." Faber recited, clearly uncomfortable with talking to her. The other soldiers stood around him, watching the scene unfold.
"Well, Mr. Faber, have you seen a yellow Pegasus around here? I have some mail for her." She stuck her head into the large purse she carried, and came out with a letter in her mouth. The light from the sun was right behind her, casting a halo around the pony. In that moment, the humans all thought the same thing: Huh, what a cute little xeno.
Shaking the heretical thoughts from his head, Faber told her, "I believe she already left with Rainbow and Twilight. They were heading into town, and if you hurry you might catch them." He hoped that the subtle hint would get the little xeno to go away, but it went completely over Derpy's head.
"Aw, nuts." She pouted, sitting down on the log, actually cracking it. "This is the fifth time this week I've missed a delivery. One more time and I'll lose my job." She lowered her head, and her eyes became shiny and tearful. The guardsmen shifted awkwardly, torn between staying cautious and feeling sorry for her.
"Well, uh, Derpy," Faber continued, unsure of what to say, "I'm sure you'll be fine. They only left an hour ago. You can catch them before they get back, so-"
"You don't like me, do you?" That question was filled with such sadness and finality, as if Derpy had been through it a hundred times before. "Everypony thinks I'm stupid or ugly, only having me around to make themselves look better. I hardly have any friends, and now the first space people come to town and you all... all..."
Derpy started crying. Faber and the troopers felt very uncomfortable, nonplussed by how the conversation went south so fast. He felt compelled to console the pony, but was unsure on how to do so, or even if he should. Cadius would reflect later on how the situation was a lot like finding a crying drunk girl at a party and wanting to help her, but not wanting to have to listen to all her emotional baggage that was certain to follow. He sorely wished that a Confessor was there, so that he would have an excuse to not get involved.
But, as fate or the Emperor's Will would have it, he did just the opposite.
"No no," He said, taking a tentative step forward, "We don't...uh, hate you. I'm sure you're a very nice xeno." His troops gave him odd looks, but he merely shrugged.
"R-Really?" Derpy gasped, her eyes now bright and shiny. "You don't mind my eyes?" They started to move on their own accord again, which just added another level or surrealness.
"Um, no?"
"You don't hate my mane?"
"...No?"
"Or the fact that I'm clumsy and almost crashed into you?"
"Not really?"
"So," She asked finally, "Are you saying you like me?"
"Uhh... I guess, but-"
"YAAAYYY!" The Pegasus cheered. She jumped into the air, and wrapped the soldier in a big bear hug.
"Gah!" Cadius shouted, "Get off me, you flying hippo!" The troops began to raise their weapons, but Faber shooed them away.
"Oh, sorry." She let go, and rummaged through her bag again. Cadius only had a moment to think on why this conversation was becoming so bloody bizarre when the gray mare brought out a brown pastry. "Would you like a muffin?"
"...Why would I want a muffin?" Faber asked.
"I always give one of my new friends a muffin. You can't eat one and not be happy. It’s a rule!" Derpy held out the muffin, like it was the Holy Grail.
Still skeptical, Cadius countered, "How do I know that it isn't poisoned?"
She gasped, shocked at such a statement. "Poison a muffin?! Never!" Faber merely held his gaze. After thinking for a moment, Derpy took a bite out of it. "See? It’s safe."
"Now you just took a bite out of it!" Faber was getting to the end of his rope with this nonsense. The xeno turned it around, and countered, "Not this end."
Forcing as much calm and patience as he could muster into his voice, the sergeant said, "If I take the muffin, will you go back to town?"
"Yep." She chirped.
Sighing, the disgruntled guardsman took the muffin, and ate it. For what it was worth, it was rather tasty, and he didn't die. With that, Derpy flew off. "Bye, Mr. Faber."
When she finally crested the hill, the sergeant sighed loudly. The others sighed and laughed. "By the Throne," One soldier swore, "If all the xenos are this frustrating, we may as well commit to the Emperor's Mercy now."
Ignoring the minor blasphemy, Faber grunted, "I've fought every kind of enemy to mankind, from Chaos to Tyranids to Necrons. But there was nothing in our training that would've prepared us for this."
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What have we learned today, class?
, but Imperials honor their word.
(On a side note, I think her best voice wasn't from the show, but from the "Save Derpy" video. I almost cried for that, and I didn't even cry during the Titanic
)
1) References are Magic (from South Park in the last chapter, to the Failure song reference here).
2) Twilight is clueless at times
3) Derpy is almost as random as Pinkie, but is still cute
Okay, we are almost caught up with the other site. There is one more chapter to upload, and I'm currently working on two chapters as we speak. More to follow. McKnight out.
Im loving this, quite a lot really.
Tis good they stayed their arms...Or me boyz wod 'ave chopped 'em to bits.
Ah Derpy can't help but love her.
hurry up!!!
Nice; the Imperium should give out more muffins and maybe everyone would stop fighting
Few things I noticed, though:
too much I
Do
I'll stop nitpicking now and get back to enjoying the story
PLACEHOLDER!
I love the chapter's name right off the bat
1702341
Fixed.
1702548
It took me forever to come up with a decent name for this chapter. After awhile, I just said screw it, and went with this. Its also a big part of Imperial philosophy: The more attractive or adorable a xeno is, the more dangerous it clearly is (see Eldar).
1702190
Even battle-hardened Imperials are not immune to her sheer cuteness.
1702732
It's made funnier with the fact that I believe that same line of thought with most other things myself. MLP being one of the few exceptions
Muffins...
Sounds like a trap to me...
1702899 Nobody expects evil chaos muffins!
Nice.
to be honest
i havent played 40k or even heard about it till now, but from reading this story, im might just put some money into buying a copy just so i can get a basic understanding of their universe. other then that, well done my good sir
i will be back for more
cheerio.
1703311
Little bit of advice: 40k is a very eclectic franchise. 40k itself is a board game from the UK, a rather pricey one too, so I'm told. If you are already into DnD, it should be easier to get into.
However, it has recently been branching out into literature and gaming. The two games out that I know of are 40k: Dawn of War(PC) and Spacemarine (Xbox). Most of its material actually comes from the Black Library, the publishing group for all the 40k lore, from Astartes to Eldar to Guardsmen. My personal recommendation would be for the Ciaphas Cain series. It has a nice balance of grimdarkness and comedy, it's rather popular.
(Incidentally, I've yet to see someone do a crossover involving MLP and Ciaphas Cain. Someone should look into that).
I love this
So much.
Author-man-dude. I almopst died of my hardest nerdgasm here. Garrus-bro being a brony, covvies and halo-humans in peace (i just finished to raid halo wiki and i kinda like the universe now) and nice Emperor (for now, i didn't really like his "Soon..." line, maybe im just too paranoid of all that 40K universe) ordering WH40k people to stop being murdering hating assholes.
Also i feel like that southern halo dude is going to get some tasty AJ, if you know what i mean.
And Garrus is just plain adorable.
Carry on, good sir.
1703414 I've had ideas
Holy shit!
This is awesome!
EAT THE MUFFIN, love the muffin. Moar to read... moaaar....neeeed moaaar.
congratulations, you have met our secret god. you unlocked a new unit: The Muffin Avatar
if you harm on hair on her head, i will rip a hole in the space-time continuum and rape every one of your holes with a cactus.
1703414 As far as I know, there's a story called Blueblood: HERO OF EQUESTRIA where Blueblood is a reluctant hero of the Changeling Invasion.
Derpy is always cute
Wait, you're telling me Faber not only fought against, but SURVIVED encounters with the Necrons, Tyranids, AND the Chaos. How in the Warp is this guardsman still alive? Most imperials dont survive an Ork attack let alone a chaos incursion.
Wait, you're telling me Faber not only fought against, but SURVIVED encounters with the Necrons, Tyranids, AND the Chaos. How in the Warp is this guardsman still alive? Most imperials dont survive an Ork attack let alone a chaos incursion.
5558167
Probably because there was a mix-up in the Munitorum and he got Astartes-Pattern Ceramite Balls. Rather than the standard guardsman's BAWLS OF STEEL.
WHAT IS THIS HERESY
8880710
It's Derpy; she is completely outside the ability of any of the Codeces to anticipate or forbid.
The thing about the WH40k universe is that it is filled with monsters (the humans included) who are all of the others' existential enemies. This governed over by Chaos Gods that make Discord look like a harmless jester. So, yeah, paranoid xenophobia is pretty much a survival requirement. The only thing that stopped the Imperium from glassing Equestria on first sight was the fact that The Emperor told them not to and what he says goes.
5558167
He read Avoiding Stupid Deaths in the 41st Millennium