• Member Since 2nd Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen Aug 19th, 2019

RainRose99


T
Source

Rainbow has always had problems because of the way she looked. After the royal wedding things start to change for her, but will she be able to learn to trust him or will her past stand in her way? Find out in this exciting, plot twisting tale. Some Ratings for future chapters.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 19 )

Ugh... This is a great fic, but the formatting, grammar and punctuation really needs some work! Hire an editor, fix what needs fixin' and you'll be sailing smoothly.

Mmmm...
Not bad. Needs a bit of work. But I will track just in case. :scootangel:

Looks good! A little editing wouldn't hurt, but the story is great non-the-less. :-)

Oh dear... :facehoof: Don't say you didn't ask for this...
I guess I'll show what I found wrong with this story:
1.

She gave a loud groan as she sat up. Letting the silk sheets slowly slide off her cyan body.

DO NOT make that a new sentence, it is better with a comma instead

She gave a loud groan as she sat up, letting the silk sheets slowly slide off her cyan body.

2.

Exhaling she opened her eyes and looked down at the bustling city below her.

Make it like one of these two

Exhaling as she opened her eyes and looked down at the bustling city below her.

Or

Exhaling, she opened her eyes and looked down at the bustling city below her.

3.

Rainbow Dash started to look below some ponies were out heading over to open their businesses for the day,

Eeenope. Run on sentence

Rainbow Dash started to look below. Some ponies were out heading over to open their businesses for the day,

4.

while a lot of others

Change it to

while others

5.

from a couple days previous

Its okay, but it would sound better if it was

from a couple days ago

6.

That day had been an all time low for her.

This is not a editing problem, but more of "What...?" problem.
What?
7.

She had crashed so many times luckily she couldn't hurt herself thanks to Celestia. The princess had given her a special room for her to practice in.

:facehoof: Don't know what to say... ADD A COMMA AND A DIFFERENT PERIOD LOCATION!

She had crashed so many times luckily she couldn't hurt herself. Thanks to Celestia, the princess had given her a special room for her to practice in.

8.

Even though she had a great practice space she couldn't get it right.

Ehh, not that much wrong with it

Even though she had a great practice space, she still couldn't get it right.

Or

Even though she had a great practice space, she couldn't get it right.

9.

Then she had to get all dressed up and girly (she was more than happy with that but she would never admit it to any pony) ruining her image.

Just.... No... You got the RD impression correctly, (Except for the () part ) but the sentence is out of place...

Then she had to get all dressed up all girly (she was more than happy with that but she would never admit it to any pony) ruining her image.

10.

her was A humongous

Random capitalized A? :facehoof:
11.

But no matter how hard she tried it kept happening again the worst part was every every stallion couldn't just leave it at i don't feel the same.

Hurr Durr You didn't capitalize the I and at the

I don't feel the same.

It should be

]But no matter how hard she tried it kept happening again the worst part was every every stallion couldn't just leave it at "I don't feel the same."

12. Double space

year before

13.

He always had to go public with it destroying her life for a good year before everyone forgot or didn't care.

No, you forgot a comma

He always had to go public with it, destroying her life for a good year before everyone forgot or didn't care.

14. Once again double space

and had

15.

" Its great you don't have to deal with other ponies being in the skies so, I can go at great speeds and the towels are amazing. I could deal without the prissy ponies though."

Comma =/= Not the right place

" Its great you don't have to deal with other ponies being in the skies, so I can go at great speeds and the towels are amazing. I could deal without the prissy ponies though."

16. Spike is a noun. Not a common noun to be exact...

spike

=/=

Spike

17.

Just then Rarity, Fluttershy, and Applejack walk through the door.

Walk = No
Walked = Yes
18. I'm no pro Southern Accent but I think mite in this sentence is wrong

" Ah'm a mite sorry to, I had to bake some apple goods for the party later today."

19.

" So Rainbow Dash did you and that stallion Soarin is it have an invigorating night last night?" Rarity said with a devilish smile and a wink. A huge blush spread across Rainbows face.

:facehoof: I know its wrong, but I don't know what to say... Run-on, no idea, Confusing :applejackconfused: FIX IT!
20.

plus he

:facehoof: Again...
21. Might sound better if its like..

“ Good morning what can I get you mares?”

To

“ Good morning, what can I get for you mares?”

22.

Rainbow ordered an orange juice and a chocolate iced with rainbow sprinkles, Rarity got a black coffee and a simple glazed, Twilight got a coffee (after being convinced by Rarity) and her special jelly filled she used to get as a filly, AppleJack got an apple juice with and apple cinnamon filled, Pinkie Pie had a decaf (who knows what she would do with caffeine in her) and a regular iced with extra icing and extra sprinkles, and Fluttershy had an apple juice and a plain glazed

What did they order? The drinks are fine but the food... What?
23.

Everyone was psyched up for tonight Celestia was throwing a party in the ballroom to get every ponies spirits up after the attack so tonight she be fun, right?

Into

Everyone was psyched up for tonight Celestia was throwing a party in the ballroom to get every ponies spirits up after the attack so tonight she be fun. Right?

My my.. :applejackconfused: this needs a lot of work. For the creativity (The type of story, like AppleXFlutter RainbowXRar, A sad, happy, dark, etc.) It is awesome, but without proper grammar and spelling it turns into a jumbled mess...

I'm no pro but I can say one thing, Its original but needs work.
Now, don't think this wont get you a like. I personally enjoyed the story line so far. Please continue.

On a side note... HA Deep "Dead" Pool! I BEAT YOU!
(If you were there you would understand the Dead part)

GRAMMAR!!!!! :pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp:

Other than that I must say I enjoyed reading it!

nice read I will deffinately watch for this story

Wow bronies must also be grammer nazi's lol jk great fic can't wait for more:pinkiehappy:

1679173
yeah, its like youtube all over again

1679561 I'm actually a Grammar Nazis as well :pinkiecrazy:

WALL OF TEXT

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

Please, write more. :pinkiesad2: I want to know what's going to happen next.

more plzzzzzzzzz:pinkiehappy:

While this is good, the formatting and grammar errors destroyed any flow it would have had, so I ended up just skimming it and feeling like you rushed it and half-assed any proofreading (if there even was any).

:trollestia: trolling trollestia

Please update!

1677349 wow... just wow, you my good sir are a rambling asshole, but eh what do i care it isn't my story but you went to the point of pointing out double spacing between a few words? I didn't even notice these mistakes when i read it. What did you do? Go to the story as if you were this person's teacher and went ah yes this is wrong, this is wrong, omg this is right but i must make it look wrong. I know er mer gerd yer gering drn to his rever what rrr u dowang.
Now i'm bored please grammar nazi me hitler.

2648443 *Cough* 27 *Cough* Weeks *Cough* Ago. *Cough*

But anyways, I'm an EDITOR. I'm not a story writer, in fat, I suck at writing stories. But editing is something I'm good at. So, I should do this.

Just because I'm a Brony doesn't mean I don't care about Grammar.

EDIT: Just read the last part of your thing. No, I don't grammar check comments.

I like the storyline a lot, but the grammar and all the ideas and event's unfolding way too fast turned me away. Maybe draw it out a bit more... focus on the five senses, the deeper levels of writing, and relax a bit more. It seemed like you were trying to rush to the end, but the story has enough potential that you could just slow down and enjoy writing it.

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